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I am trying to understand this, I think you are saying that you are a male, and a female abused you sexually, Is that right? How old were you when this happened? How old was the person or persons who did this to you? and was it a one time thing or it happened multiple times? Were you to young and too small to prevent this from happening? If so it was rape. Did you report it? If not why not? You stated that every woman has hurt you your whole life , what did you mean by that? Are you saying that more than one woman has abused you? You do have rights you know, and it seems that it is past time that you stood up for those rights. Have you been thru rape counseling, if not why not? Do you think just because you are male that it gives a woman right to abuse you? It does not, is it still happening? How long of a period of time are we talking about?
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Hey there and think you for your comment no I was not raped nor sexually abused. I have been exposed to alot of sexual things as a young kid however this is not this case of what I am talking about. When I was in high school I was with a girl now this is 6 yrs ago she was a little to fast I was not that kind of guy and I always tried to talk to her to take things slow that I'm not ready for tht kind of relationship. I was definitely cheated on was so hurt but I kept tryna fix things eventually she gave me oral I didnt want the oral but I was so lost and weak I didnt know how to speak up my mother spent most of her time beating me and so therefore I could never speak up and always was quiet. 6 yes later another situation happened but it was worse I personally dont want to talk about it. I know I must take full responsibility and I know I dont have a excuse I just wish I was stronger I felt as if I didnt have any control
If I understand, you're saying you gave in to temptation, you were not forced against your will or sexually abused by this woman (which you state later in the thread). Giving in to temptation does Not make you a victim. You still made a choice.
And no one will feel sympathy for you saying "I did not want it, yet I allowed it, I am a victim" because that is pure contradiction.
Also saying "I am a victim" then saying "I am taking responsibility" are contradictions. It can't be both.
You also state you knew this woman was promiscuous, yet put yourself in a situation to be alone with her. You even knew the risks and verbally said you didn't want to, but chose to stay. And even as she began making advances, you stayed. Those are all choices you made. When it began happening you stayed, even though at any point you had the freedom to leave. Those are Your choices.
You say you need closure. Closure for what? How would seeing God face to face bring closure? Perhaps thats the wrong word?
You want to move on in your life but you're still not taking responsibility for the choices you've already made. You say you want to make good decisions but right before our eyes you're doing the opposite.
I'm sure you'll call me mean and say I'm bashing you. But trying to convince someone the choices they made does not make them a victim isn't about bashing anyone. It's about trying to get someone to take responsibilty for their actions, not to be hurtful, but because that is such a vitally important part of a person's character. And it will affect them the rest of their life. Whether you want to claim you're a victim, again, to what i say is up to you. But if you say you want to change and make better decisions consider the first step is to take ownership of All the choices you've made, and recognize someone encouraging that is not bashing, but helping.
And no one will feel sympathy for you saying "I did not want it, yet I allowed it, I am a victim" because that is pure contradiction.
Also saying "I am a victim" then saying "I am taking responsibility" are contradictions. It can't be both.
You also state you knew this woman was promiscuous, yet put yourself in a situation to be alone with her. You even knew the risks and verbally said you didn't want to, but chose to stay. And even as she began making advances, you stayed. Those are all choices you made. When it began happening you stayed, even though at any point you had the freedom to leave. Those are Your choices.
You say you need closure. Closure for what? How would seeing God face to face bring closure? Perhaps thats the wrong word?
You want to move on in your life but you're still not taking responsibility for the choices you've already made. You say you want to make good decisions but right before our eyes you're doing the opposite.
I'm sure you'll call me mean and say I'm bashing you. But trying to convince someone the choices they made does not make them a victim isn't about bashing anyone. It's about trying to get someone to take responsibilty for their actions, not to be hurtful, but because that is such a vitally important part of a person's character. And it will affect them the rest of their life. Whether you want to claim you're a victim, again, to what i say is up to you. But if you say you want to change and make better decisions consider the first step is to take ownership of All the choices you've made, and recognize someone encouraging that is not bashing, but helping.
u weren't there plus the story is deeper then wat I wrote. at the end of the day I did not want the oral I was not only not able to speak up and say no I was weak in general. I wont go back and forth anymore if that doesnt make me a victim then I dont care. I didnt want it nor like it and I never wanted to experience it again. Accepting responsibility for not speaking up is what I'm taking responsibility for but I am still a victim of many people who did not speak up when needed you would know that if you were in a similar situation because in these situations u feel u have no choice or control specialy if you were raised with a mother who beat you alot. As someone who is on a Christian site for you not to feel sympathy for me is a devil mindset a true Christian would see the sympathy. Further more I was in hs inexperienced in relationship and was still learning which is why i took some responsibility but i had no idea something like this would happen and choices are not always so simple and you would no that if you a living on this planet. If you know anything about my life I have been in church since Young even in hs. however the further you read the bible the more you realize god does not work in the way we think. The bible is nothing but a text message it's very hard to take those words and be saved with them. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with anyone will no text and calls will no bring closure or happiness but face to face interaction will make you closer then ever and that's why I said that would bring me closure to know that the man up there does hear me and see me will bring comfort I dnt understand why tht would be difficult to understand. You just like the other guy have no idea what your saying you sound smart but just end up coming out silly and confuse yourself. I already took ownership I already mentioned it already regardless how I got into the situation I didnt want the oral but was to quiet and didnt know how to speak up and say no I was in ten grade. If you cant understand any of this and none of this makes any sense to you then I have nothing more to say about the topic .
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Uh well...welcome to Christian Chat.
You won't find anyone on this site (or very few) that will tell you that oral sex is not sex. To address what you are in great pain about, I'm pretty sure I'm a virgin but not according to Jesus command of lusting in one's heart.
I did go through a period where I was living on the edge and I was invited home to a female's house after a party...I sincerely asked another person there to go with me because I knew he'd spoil the mood. He did, and I just couldn't do it. I pretty much thank the Lord for that. I was over a few more times with my guard in place and realized she just wanted to have sex and was not interested in a relationship at all. I cried about it...the offers were brazen and the dreams were excruciating for a while. I lost my mind, but it seems that the Lord protected me.
There are many times were if he had allowed "circumstances to be" that I would not be a virgin today (to my knowledge). I've messed with some things that have caused me to lose memory at a few points, and since I have had blackouts, I can't say for 100% certain that nothing has ever occurred. That caused me a LOT of pain and doubt for well over a year...either way, I agonized about something in a way that was counterproductive and eventually passed.
It seems unlikely and the people involved say no but something was at work in those situations...perhaps it was something sinister to sow deep doubt in a very weak moment, idk. Losing something that I had fought tooth and nail for my whole life to one memory lapse. Could it be? Surely not...but what if? and then I had to realize that while it does matter, it also doesn't matter. I am not pure in my thought life before the Lord regardless and that IS what matters.
Anyway, I'm a week away or so from being 29. I haven't had any physical contact that I'm aware of in any sexual context...and I am interpreting this quite strictly and while I'd prefer a virgin marriage...I am open to many things. I don't really want to be a step-parent, but someone that's heart is for the Lord? Then it doesn't matter to me who she is. That's my only criteria, oh and also that I am in favor of her. Physical attraction is currently one of my criteria, but my standards are hard to define. No, it's not stereotypical beauty, it's just a "woman".
I haven't ever banked too much on the virginity thing, because what you just related in your posts...stuff happens. You didn't want it, but you did set it up that way by a 6 year relationship...did you not have any warning signs? Did the Holy Spirit not give you a hint or convict you at any point? If so, then you disobeyed and reaped what you sowed. Try to think back...six years is a long time.
It sucks when that happens. Truly it does...but you know, there are lessons even in that. I don't like the phrase "own your stuff" regarding sin...but yeah, accepting that you were responsible and how. If you can't see how, pray and ask the Lord to open your eyes to how.
I'll admit that between 14-17 I was open to most anything and it seems you just had the circumstances that opened the door to it.
Regardless, take hope in what Jesus said about lusting in your heart as well as what forgiveness is.
Oh and that the Lord could bless you beyond what you imagine or where your thoughts (despondency?) are taking you.
I'm not a virgin according to what Jesus said...or at least I may still be but I have committed adultery in my heart. Since this is the intro forums I won't get into specifics (but can in PM if you'd like) just having a state of arousal and noticing a woman isn't lust...lust is a conscious act on some level. Even if you are swept up in it, you have to stoke the fire in some fashion eventually and that IS a choice.
I think the Lord gives us choices within our own sexuality and however small they may be, we are accountable to them.
Don't focus on the sin, focus on forgiveness and moving forward. I feel you on the face to face text messaging thing. Personally I feel like it's more real than that, but that there will be a difference when we see him face to face and are glorified. I've gone overlong already, so I won't speak to that, but things change as you age. I've been wrapped up in this for nearly all my conscious memory and he does indeed meet you where you are...you just have to ask, seek, knock...but different seasons present different searches if that makes sense.
You won't find anyone on this site (or very few) that will tell you that oral sex is not sex. To address what you are in great pain about, I'm pretty sure I'm a virgin but not according to Jesus command of lusting in one's heart.
I did go through a period where I was living on the edge and I was invited home to a female's house after a party...I sincerely asked another person there to go with me because I knew he'd spoil the mood. He did, and I just couldn't do it. I pretty much thank the Lord for that. I was over a few more times with my guard in place and realized she just wanted to have sex and was not interested in a relationship at all. I cried about it...the offers were brazen and the dreams were excruciating for a while. I lost my mind, but it seems that the Lord protected me.
There are many times were if he had allowed "circumstances to be" that I would not be a virgin today (to my knowledge). I've messed with some things that have caused me to lose memory at a few points, and since I have had blackouts, I can't say for 100% certain that nothing has ever occurred. That caused me a LOT of pain and doubt for well over a year...either way, I agonized about something in a way that was counterproductive and eventually passed.
It seems unlikely and the people involved say no but something was at work in those situations...perhaps it was something sinister to sow deep doubt in a very weak moment, idk. Losing something that I had fought tooth and nail for my whole life to one memory lapse. Could it be? Surely not...but what if? and then I had to realize that while it does matter, it also doesn't matter. I am not pure in my thought life before the Lord regardless and that IS what matters.
Anyway, I'm a week away or so from being 29. I haven't had any physical contact that I'm aware of in any sexual context...and I am interpreting this quite strictly and while I'd prefer a virgin marriage...I am open to many things. I don't really want to be a step-parent, but someone that's heart is for the Lord? Then it doesn't matter to me who she is. That's my only criteria, oh and also that I am in favor of her. Physical attraction is currently one of my criteria, but my standards are hard to define. No, it's not stereotypical beauty, it's just a "woman".
I haven't ever banked too much on the virginity thing, because what you just related in your posts...stuff happens. You didn't want it, but you did set it up that way by a 6 year relationship...did you not have any warning signs? Did the Holy Spirit not give you a hint or convict you at any point? If so, then you disobeyed and reaped what you sowed. Try to think back...six years is a long time.
It sucks when that happens. Truly it does...but you know, there are lessons even in that. I don't like the phrase "own your stuff" regarding sin...but yeah, accepting that you were responsible and how. If you can't see how, pray and ask the Lord to open your eyes to how.
I'll admit that between 14-17 I was open to most anything and it seems you just had the circumstances that opened the door to it.
Regardless, take hope in what Jesus said about lusting in your heart as well as what forgiveness is.
Oh and that the Lord could bless you beyond what you imagine or where your thoughts (despondency?) are taking you.
I'm not a virgin according to what Jesus said...or at least I may still be but I have committed adultery in my heart. Since this is the intro forums I won't get into specifics (but can in PM if you'd like) just having a state of arousal and noticing a woman isn't lust...lust is a conscious act on some level. Even if you are swept up in it, you have to stoke the fire in some fashion eventually and that IS a choice.
I think the Lord gives us choices within our own sexuality and however small they may be, we are accountable to them.
Don't focus on the sin, focus on forgiveness and moving forward. I feel you on the face to face text messaging thing. Personally I feel like it's more real than that, but that there will be a difference when we see him face to face and are glorified. I've gone overlong already, so I won't speak to that, but things change as you age. I've been wrapped up in this for nearly all my conscious memory and he does indeed meet you where you are...you just have to ask, seek, knock...but different seasons present different searches if that makes sense.
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Theres no reason why this cant be on introduction forum I Introduced myself and I was here to find someone in my life period all this other stuff did not expect that to happen had nothing to do with me that was the community that responded to my post it may have went out of hand which was not my attention but the comments that people left caused it to go in a 360. This topic is not ment for family thread I was just introducing myself as a regular person looking for someone in my life and that was all. You also miss interpret something I said I wouldnt mind if she had did oral. because I had got oral even tho it was not something I wanted I have to still be fair about it so if the person I did meet gave oral I once or twice I wouldnt of cared. Also. Again what your saying doesnt make sense do people who have been raped or sexual abused in there life not have sex. Please think before you make a comment that doesnt make any sense
I Introduced myself and I was here to find someone in my life period all this other stuff did not expect that to happen had nothing to do with me that was the community that responded to my post it may have went out of hand which was not my attention but the comments that people left caused it to go in a 360. This topic is not ment for family thread I was just introducing myself as a regular person looking for someone in my life and that was all.
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