"The Chase"
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Strongly disagree with these two statements, depends on the guy, but honestly - if I am interested in a girl and I believe we are right for each other - and she also does, I don't want to muck around and play games, that leads to people getting hurt from experience.
I'm with you Amber.
Things are just a lot easier if we are honest with each other.
As for flirting... I think it tends to hurt people, from my experience anyway. I don't think flirting is a great way to get to know each other, tbh I think just hanging out and getting to know each other is more effective, you'll soon know if you are potential date material. Ultimately I think honesty is the best way to do it... I've got no idea why we have this societal urge to hide who we are interested in or want to get to know more, it's just stupid imo.
I'm also with this. Mind you, I don't think dating someone you just click with is necessarily bad.
I'm with you Amber.
Things are just a lot easier if we are honest with each other. As for flirting... I think it tends to hurt people, from my experience anyway. I don't think flirting is a great way to get to know each other, tbh I think just hanging out and getting to know each other is more effective, you'll soon know if you are potential date material. Ultimately I think honesty is the best way to do it... I've got no idea why we have this societal urge to hide who we are interested in or want to get to know more, it's just stupid imo.
I'm also with this. Mind you, I don't think dating someone you just click with is necessarily bad.
J
You're right. There's nothing wrong with dating someone you meet casually, it's just something I promised my late husband that I would not do. When you have a son, especially a teenage son, it's important to be very careful about the people you allow into your life. But, then again, we should probably do that anyway, huh?
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Strongly disagree with these two statements, depends on the guy, but honestly - if I am interested in a girl and I believe we are right for each other - and she also does, I don't want to muck around and play games, that leads to people getting hurt from experience.
I'm with you Amber. Things are just a lot easier if we are honest with each other.
As for flirting... I think it tends to hurt people, from my experience anyway. I don't think flirting is a great way to get to know each other, tbh I think just hanging out and getting to know each other is more effective, you'll soon know if you are potential date material. Ultimately I think honesty is the best way to do it... I've got no idea why we have this societal urge to hide who we are interested in or want to get to know more, it's just stupid imo.
I'm also with this. Mind you, I don't think dating someone you just click with is necessarily bad.
I'm with you Amber.
Things are just a lot easier if we are honest with each other. As for flirting... I think it tends to hurt people, from my experience anyway. I don't think flirting is a great way to get to know each other, tbh I think just hanging out and getting to know each other is more effective, you'll soon know if you are potential date material. Ultimately I think honesty is the best way to do it... I've got no idea why we have this societal urge to hide who we are interested in or want to get to know more, it's just stupid imo.
I'm also with this. Mind you, I don't think dating someone you just click with is necessarily bad.
Thats how some guys hold weird crushes for years and wind up old and alone. One day these guys snap and spill their guts to the girl who is completely oblivious to him, its not pretty.
N
Strongly disagree with these two statements, depends on the guy, but honestly - if I am interested in a girl and I believe we are right for each other - and she also does, I don't want to muck around and play games, that leads to people getting hurt from experience.
I'm with you Amber. Things are just a lot easier if we are honest with each other.
As for flirting... I think it tends to hurt people, from my experience anyway. I don't think flirting is a great way to get to know each other, tbh I think just hanging out and getting to know each other is more effective, you'll soon know if you are potential date material. Ultimately I think honesty is the best way to do it... I've got no idea why we have this societal urge to hide who we are interested in or want to get to know more, it's just stupid imo.
I'm also with this. Mind you, I don't think dating someone you just click with is necessarily bad.
I'm with you Amber.
Things are just a lot easier if we are honest with each other. As for flirting... I think it tends to hurt people, from my experience anyway. I don't think flirting is a great way to get to know each other, tbh I think just hanging out and getting to know each other is more effective, you'll soon know if you are potential date material. Ultimately I think honesty is the best way to do it... I've got no idea why we have this societal urge to hide who we are interested in or want to get to know more, it's just stupid imo.
I'm also with this. Mind you, I don't think dating someone you just click with is necessarily bad.
I really like what you said here ... i totally agree...
When I think of *the chase*...I think of, someone giving off the idea of pursueing you, but then when you have gotten to the point of letting your guard down a bit to give it a chance, nothing happens.
I am pretty concervative in a lot of ways. (and in some ways not too I guess...) One of the ways I am conservative, is that I am cautious with my heart. Also, I am not one that is going to parade guys in and out of my childrens life.
I think that once you get past a certain age then you start getting into a demographic of people where they have either been married before and no longer are due to death of a spouse or an unfortunate divorce. I do believe that the majority of the time these folks will be a bit guarded due to the circumstances that led them up to the place in life where they are now. Realizing that before you start pursueing someone is very wise. Patience is key.
If you are interested in me, and you have shown a level of interest....great. I think you would be able to tell if I enjoy talking to you, and want to continue shareing time to the point where you could ask me out or not.
If your not going to take the time and patience to pursue, and want give up so easily....then maybe it would be in both of our best interests to have you give up on *the chase*.
I am pretty concervative in a lot of ways. (and in some ways not too I guess...) One of the ways I am conservative, is that I am cautious with my heart. Also, I am not one that is going to parade guys in and out of my childrens life.
I think that once you get past a certain age then you start getting into a demographic of people where they have either been married before and no longer are due to death of a spouse or an unfortunate divorce. I do believe that the majority of the time these folks will be a bit guarded due to the circumstances that led them up to the place in life where they are now. Realizing that before you start pursueing someone is very wise. Patience is key.
If you are interested in me, and you have shown a level of interest....great. I think you would be able to tell if I enjoy talking to you, and want to continue shareing time to the point where you could ask me out or not.
If your not going to take the time and patience to pursue, and want give up so easily....then maybe it would be in both of our best interests to have you give up on *the chase*.
When I think of *the chase*...I think of, someone giving off the idea of pursueing you, but then when you have gotten to the point of letting your guard down a bit to give it a chance, nothing happens.
If your not going to take the time and patience to pursue, and want give up so easily....then maybe it would be in both of our best interests to have you give up on *the chase*.
If your not going to take the time and patience to pursue, and want give up so easily....then maybe it would be in both of our best interests to have you give up on *the chase*.
When I think of the chase, I think of something long, drawn out and elaborate, Like a courtship. It is to level one's wishes intentions and affections in a reasonable and persuasive manner.
Dating is like a job interview or a way to fill a position. To a date you might as well bring your Health record and tax information.
Courting is like a dance and 'The Chase' is the role of the lead.
The Chase, as it has been described to me in this thread, is some counterfeit form of flattery with no real intention or gain. To compare flirting with chasing is to compare Kool-Aid with Chateau de Chenonceau's finest vintage.
What Jullianna said, "Peeling back the layers that make up a person is an amazing process...discovering what makes them tick. It's one of the benefits of being friends with someone first. We miss out on so much when we choose or discount someone based upon what meets the eye."
...Is the essence of the chase.
She did not say to carve straight into the person but, to peel, in the delicate sense. And oh how exquisite the joy in the process. We people are such fragile beings, so valuable and mysterious. We must let things be uncovered in their own time, like the blossoming of a flower, who's noticeable absence of haste creates the mystery of things to come. The anticipation, the longing yet somehow bridled, swirls like the eye of a storm. It compels us to move, with reckless abandon to be in the mere presence of the very thing that captivates and inspires us, if only to show our appreciation and our Gratitude for such moments.
"Strange.... because I think that NOT chasing a woman that you are interested in is mucking about.
Thats how some guys hold weird crushes for years and wind up old and alone. One day these guys snap and spill their guts to the girl who is completely oblivious to him, its not pretty."
Hmm sorry, I guess I'm referring to what you said earlier about a game of the woman running away from the guy and playing hard to get. Like if I think a girl likes me - and I'm interested in her - I don't want to be playing some game where we dance around each other and pretend we don't like each other. I just want to be honest about it. I guess the reasoning behind this is because if someone pretends they aren't interested, I will believe they aren't, I don't pick up on signals too well unless I'm Not interested in them, lol... and some people will also lead you on while being completely uninterested.
You guys might have different experiences, I don't really know.
"She did not say to carve straight into the person but, to peel, in the delicate sense. And oh how exquisite the joy in the process. We people are such fragile beings, so valuable and mysterious. We must let things be uncovered in their own time, like the blossoming of a flower, who's noticeable absence of haste creates the mystery of things to come. The anticipation, the longing yet somehow bridled, swirls like the eye of a storm. It compels us to move, with reckless abandon to be in the mere presence of the very thing that captivates and inspires us, if only to show our appreciation and our Gratitude for such moments."
Hmmm... we might be a bit different in this manner, I love getting to know people, love it heaps. But personally if I am interested in someone, I want to know who they are as soon as possible, to know whether we are compatible or not. The further a relationship goes before you work out you are incompatible the harder it will be for you both. I guess once I've decided I know the person well enough, and I want to marry this person, it would be different.
"The Chase, as it has been described to me in this thread, is some counterfeit form of flattery with no real intention or gain. To compare flirting with chasing is to compare Kool-Aid with Chateau de Chenonceau's finest vintage."
Hmm, I think I get what your saying a bit more here. Might be a personal thing but I hate the idea of getting to know someone through chasing them/courting them etc. - essentially falling in love with each other - I guess personally I'd like to think if I was courting someone I'd know I would already want to marry them, (or think it is highly likely I do) as opposed to just getting to know them better.
I think this is because, well personally I know that I am only interested in marrying so few particular types of people and often you can't tell if someone is this type of person... you sort of need to get to know people to work out whether you want to marry them and if there is anything you couldn't deal with in marriage. And when two people fall in love, get to know each other really well and discover that they can't marry each other, it is extremely painful. I guess we live in a messed up world and things will always be this way a bit, but for myself I think I'd rather just get to know them better without a chase, be open and honest about everything and try to avoid falling in love too much with each other until things get serious.
Can't really explain what I'm trying to say too well, and my judgment might be clouded by previous experience, as we all are I think, hopefully you can understand what I'm trying to say though.
Thats how some guys hold weird crushes for years and wind up old and alone. One day these guys snap and spill their guts to the girl who is completely oblivious to him, its not pretty."
Hmm sorry, I guess I'm referring to what you said earlier about a game of the woman running away from the guy and playing hard to get. Like if I think a girl likes me - and I'm interested in her - I don't want to be playing some game where we dance around each other and pretend we don't like each other. I just want to be honest about it. I guess the reasoning behind this is because if someone pretends they aren't interested, I will believe they aren't, I don't pick up on signals too well unless I'm Not interested in them, lol... and some people will also lead you on while being completely uninterested.
You guys might have different experiences, I don't really know.
"She did not say to carve straight into the person but, to peel, in the delicate sense. And oh how exquisite the joy in the process. We people are such fragile beings, so valuable and mysterious. We must let things be uncovered in their own time, like the blossoming of a flower, who's noticeable absence of haste creates the mystery of things to come. The anticipation, the longing yet somehow bridled, swirls like the eye of a storm. It compels us to move, with reckless abandon to be in the mere presence of the very thing that captivates and inspires us, if only to show our appreciation and our Gratitude for such moments."
Hmmm... we might be a bit different in this manner, I love getting to know people, love it heaps.
But personally if I am interested in someone, I want to know who they are as soon as possible, to know whether we are compatible or not. The further a relationship goes before you work out you are incompatible the harder it will be for you both. I guess once I've decided I know the person well enough, and I want to marry this person, it would be different. "The Chase, as it has been described to me in this thread, is some counterfeit form of flattery with no real intention or gain. To compare flirting with chasing is to compare Kool-Aid with Chateau de Chenonceau's finest vintage."
Hmm, I think I get what your saying a bit more here. Might be a personal thing but I hate the idea of getting to know someone through chasing them/courting them etc. - essentially falling in love with each other - I guess personally I'd like to think if I was courting someone I'd know I would already want to marry them, (or think it is highly likely I do) as opposed to just getting to know them better.
I think this is because, well personally I know that I am only interested in marrying so few particular types of people and often you can't tell if someone is this type of person... you sort of need to get to know people to work out whether you want to marry them and if there is anything you couldn't deal with in marriage. And when two people fall in love, get to know each other really well and discover that they can't marry each other, it is extremely painful. I guess we live in a messed up world and things will always be this way a bit, but for myself I think I'd rather just get to know them better without a chase, be open and honest about everything and try to avoid falling in love too much with each other until things get serious.
Can't really explain what I'm trying to say too well, and my judgment might be clouded by previous experience, as we all are I think, hopefully you can understand what I'm trying to say though.
Well, I guess we are all wired differently, I find that being able to fall in love is the hardest part. I have the patience to stomach anyone but to be truly moved by someone, is really rare.
In the sense you have described I would be willing to toss most semantic compatibility issues out the window to be able to love for the rest of my life.
And don't get me wrong I understand having qualifications and types but, I think we are just different.
In the sense you have described I would be willing to toss most semantic compatibility issues out the window to be able to love for the rest of my life.
And don't get me wrong I understand having qualifications and types but, I think we are just different.
R
Amen to that. I flirt with many girls, sometimes on purpose, sometimes just because thats the type of relationship i have with them.
When chasing a girl however i make sure they know my intentions so there is no mix up and if i truly want to be with a girl then it is yes or no, none of this half way stuff that so many people consider the basis of a relationship.
This does not mean im gonig to get engaged to a girl the second i want to be with her, but rahter instead of attempting to chase with the intentions of seeing where it will go the chase is meant to be for i want to marry you.
P.S. The chase is still there when dating, its just more difficult to show.
When chasing a girl however i make sure they know my intentions so there is no mix up and if i truly want to be with a girl then it is yes or no, none of this half way stuff that so many people consider the basis of a relationship.
This does not mean im gonig to get engaged to a girl the second i want to be with her, but rahter instead of attempting to chase with the intentions of seeing where it will go the chase is meant to be for i want to marry you.
P.S. The chase is still there when dating, its just more difficult to show.
R
Here are my thoughts on it:
I personally do not like "the chase". I think it is because I am shy and I have a (perhaps irrational) fear that if I let on that I am interested in a girl and she is not interested in return, then she will never speak to me again. I've seen again and again that this is not the case with others, but I have a very hard time allowing myself to show signs of interest unless I'm sure she is interested back.
Next, I do not like what many girls say about the whole chase thing. I understand the desire to be pursued; it makes sense. However, when a girl sends the signal that says she might not be interested, I back off. I don't want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
I think it would be so much easier if both parties could just be like "hey, I'm interested" "me too" or "sorry, I'm not" and be done with it. But there are these silly expectations that everything go just perfectly and that he (and therefore, me) say the right thing and that he perfectly understand her inconsistent signals.
Girls make no sense to me.
That is all
I personally do not like "the chase". I think it is because I am shy and I have a (perhaps irrational) fear that if I let on that I am interested in a girl and she is not interested in return, then she will never speak to me again. I've seen again and again that this is not the case with others, but I have a very hard time allowing myself to show signs of interest unless I'm sure she is interested back.
Next, I do not like what many girls say about the whole chase thing. I understand the desire to be pursued; it makes sense. However, when a girl sends the signal that says she might not be interested, I back off. I don't want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
I think it would be so much easier if both parties could just be like "hey, I'm interested" "me too" or "sorry, I'm not" and be done with it. But there are these silly expectations that everything go just perfectly and that he (and therefore, me) say the right thing and that he perfectly understand her inconsistent signals.
Girls make no sense to me.
That is all
Okay, so just to kind of get back to the original intention of this thread...if a guy stops the chase (and again, I'm NOT referring to mind games, just pursuing someone), can we just assume he's no longer interested? And what about the "I've been busy" excuses? I feel like it doesn't take that much time to return a call or an email, so if he's saying he's been busy, is that just an excuse? I guess I don't get why he would bother making an excuse at all if he's no longer interested.
K
"The chase" is stupid and anyone who thinks chasing and being chased is biblical is messed up.
There shouldnt be any chasing. A person (preferably the guy) should just WALK calmly with a smile and ask a girl on a date to get to know them better.The only thing couples should be chasing/persuing is marriage not the short time high that chasing gives but then leaves one or both people confused over the relationship.
There shouldnt be any chasing. A person (preferably the guy) should just WALK calmly with a smile and ask a girl on a date to get to know them better.The only thing couples should be chasing/persuing is marriage not the short time high that chasing gives but then leaves one or both people confused over the relationship.