the marriage myth

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K

Kindbachelor47

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#41
#41
The word "hate" is a mistranslation. According too strong's it should read love less. God tells us to be fruitful and multiply. Marriage is a natural part of live in this age. What our Fathers is saying in the this verse is to put Christ first in our lives. It is always amazing for me too see so called loving Christians use the word of God to hurt others or condemn others. God is the judge, not us. God knows our hearts. Be very careful speaking for God or labeling others.
 
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imoss

Banned
#42
Feb 27, 2007
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#42
well, I've been both single and married. We as a family give the Lord dominion over our household and our business. We pray together and we love each other and we love the people who work with us and our friends as well. We are able to be a force together for Christ in ministry to those he leads in our path. We are in an industrial construction industry and 98% of the people we encounter are non-believers or believe in new age garbage. People hunger for God. We are actually more effective as a team in speaking to people about the Lord or discussing our faith. We are one. We became one the day we wed. I'm not saying our marriage is perfect, it all takes work but for those of you who are guys, if you truly LOVE your wife you will make it easy for her to TRY to be a wife of nobel charactor. Being married has not drawn me away from God, it has actually brought me to the Lord and closer to him in reliance on him with the incredible task of bringing up a Godly child in this unGodly world. Saying that loving someone as a spouse hinders your love of God is just wrong, they are two different things... The love of God is all-encompassing and eternal, the love of a spouse cant even compare to that.. (in my opinion). there is so much LOVE to give... I love God, my husband, my sons and my friends/relatives many many many different levels of love but the love of God is incomperable. I'm not saying that being single is less effective for ministry to others and growth in the Lord... I think the Lord uses us all if we allow him... regardless of our marital status. Oh, and as for being unequally yolked... I would definitely not recommend it. You can do it, but its a tough road to go on. I couldnt imagine trying to raise my children to love the Lord while dealing with someone who exhibits negativity towards the faith especially living in the same house... why create that challenge for yourself if you have a choice in the matter. Also, how would you make decisions? not prayerfully together thats for sure... you'd be a lone voice and would lack the connection that being anchored in Christ creates with two people regardless of whether they are married or not. I have 4 christian friends/relatives unequally yolked & I tell you their marriages definitely lacking as they are not in the same place spiritually. I think if you have the choice you should definitely choose someone of the same faith. If you came to the Lord after marriage then its a hard road to travel but I think the Lord still blesses the individual who comes to him... its just sooo very much harder to cope with life with an unbeliever. I celebrate 19 years with shawn this summer and I also celebrate 18 years with the Lord. Shawn decided to be unequally yolked and this resulted in my conversion, doesnt always work out that way but I praise the Lord and thank him for sending Shawn to me. & yes he did send Shawn to me but thats another post written on another day. :)
 
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Piano_hero

Banned
#43
Apr 19, 2009
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#43
the unequally yoked verse has to do with dark and light, sin and non-sin etc. there are people that arent christian that are more light than some christians . also, marriage was never a symbol of Gods relationship with man, its vice versa . men marry becuase they want a wife and to procreate according to teh first commandment .
 
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imoss

Banned
#44
Feb 27, 2007
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#44
Piano_hero said:
the unequally yoked verse has to do with dark and light, sin and non-sin etc. there are people that arent christian that are more light than some christians . also, marriage was never a symbol of Gods relationship with man, its vice versa . men marry becuase they want a wife and to procreate according to teh first commandment .
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HUH? this doesnt make any sence at all to me but maybe i'm missing something?

taken from wikianswers:

"I think to answer your question it would help to understand what an unequal yoke is. II Corinthians 6:14 tells us to not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
In the Bible days when people would plow their fields they would use an equal yoke. Which simply meant they would use two oxen, or two cows, two mules, etc... It was an equal yoke so the animals would pull a straight line. If you put an ox and a mule together it would be crooked.
Christians are not to yoke together with unbelievers. That doesn't mean that we are supposed to shut everyone out of our life that isn't a Christian, but it means that those closest to us should be of the same faith that we are. Also don't think that God is concerned about whether you marry a rich man/woman or what ever other social reason. God is not concerned about any of this and this is a misunderstanding about being unequally yoked. God is concerned about your faith first and foremost. "

Given this definition... explain to me how this does not apply to marriage? and if you are unequally yoked how do you pull the cart that carries your children? Wont it spin in circles out of control? sure its doable to raise a family with someone of another faith or no faith but from the sounds of your post... you would recommend it even if there was a choice in the matter in order to procreate? Hmmm let those who read this reflect and decide on their own lives... my point was that choosing a non believer is choosing the hard road because you are not like minded in spiritual matters & not guaranteed to believe just cause you tell them its true.
 
K

KingdomGeneration

Guest
#45
#45
Thaddaeus said:
Ok, I tried to read all the post and this answer has not been posted yet. But I am really getting sick Of Christianity and our Jesus getting a black eye because some Christians can't walk with God in every aspects of their life. If God says don't lie then don't lie, if God says don't murder then don't murder. If God says don't divorce EXCEPT Fornication, then don't divorce EXCEPT forination, and then that lead us to don't covet thy Neighbors wife then Don't do it. We do alot of things as Christians and blame God for it, Shame on us. As far as being unegually yoked I would never encourage anyone to married a non-Christian, I have seen to many woman weeping at the Altar begging God for their mates soul, do you really think you can live with the thought that The God you love so much, may have to send you spouse to hell. As far as the marriage part, Marrige is or should be a way for Christians to strengthen their love For God, no it should never be used to come between you and God. Everytime I get upset with My wife or she does something I don't thing she should do. right before I pour out my warth on her I think what has God done to me everytime I let Him down , He just loves me unconditionally and forgives me everytime. I close with this verse and a thought


1jo 4:20If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath NOT SEEN?

I say, if you can't love the one you live with, then why would you want to go live with God!
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Good stuff man!

Just think what poor Hosea (who I believe was the prophet who married the prostitute) went through..
 
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Piano_hero

Banned
#46
Apr 19, 2009
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#46
imoss said:
HUH? this doesnt make any sence at all to me but maybe i'm missing something?

taken from wikianswers:

"I think to answer your question it would help to understand what an unequal yoke is. II Corinthians 6:14 tells us to not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
In the Bible days when people would plow their fields they would use an equal yoke. Which simply meant they would use two oxen, or two cows, two mules, etc... It was an equal yoke so the animals would pull a straight line. If you put an ox and a mule together it would be crooked.
Christians are not to yoke together with unbelievers. That doesn't mean that we are supposed to shut everyone out of our life that isn't a Christian, but it means that those closest to us should be of the same faith that we are. Also don't think that God is concerned about whether you marry a rich man/woman or what ever other social reason. God is not concerned about any of this and this is a misunderstanding about being unequally yoked. God is concerned about your faith first and foremost. "

Given this definition... explain to me how this does not apply to marriage? and if you are unequally yoked how do you pull the cart that carries your children? Wont it spin in circles out of control? sure its doable to raise a family with someone of another faith or no faith but from the sounds of your post... you would recommend it even if there was a choice in the matter in order to procreate? Hmmm let those who read this reflect and decide on their own lives... my point was that choosing a non believer is choosing the hard road because you are not like minded in spiritual matters & not guaranteed to believe just cause you tell them its true.
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yes, you did miss something. By something i mean all of it. I never even mentioned if that verse had to do with marriage or not , thats irrelevant , all i said is that the verse is not about marrying someone of the same denomination as yourself, but rather marrying someone that is light if you are light or dark if you are dark . If you are a moral person with a passion about teh poor and needy, dont marry someone that thinks taht teh homeless are just lazy bums and that we shouldnt give them money becuase they will only buy drugs with it. marry someone that is like you. that has nothign to do with religion or belief since there are jews and other peoples that have compassion akin to that . it has to do wiith light and dark which represent the sin lifestyle of a person . there are peopel that are more rightoues than some christians adn thus they would be more light thant those christians and if you are light then you may marry them
 
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imoss

Banned
#47
Feb 27, 2007
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#47
Piano_hero said:
yes, you did miss something. By something i mean all of it. I never even mentioned if that verse had to do with marriage or not , thats irrelevant , all i said is that the verse is not about marrying someone of the same denomination as yourself, but rather marrying someone that is light if you are light or dark if you are dark . If you are a moral person with a passion about teh poor and needy, dont marry someone that thinks taht teh homeless are just lazy bums and that we shouldnt give them money becuase they will only buy drugs with it. marry someone that is like you. that has nothign to do with religion or belief since there are jews and other peoples that have compassion akin to that . it has to do wiith light and dark which represent the sin lifestyle of a person . there are peopel that are more rightoues than some christians adn thus they would be more light thant those christians and if you are light then you may marry them
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Still pretty much lost about the "dark Christian" thing... sorry never met a dark Christian...
 
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Piano_hero

Banned
#48
Apr 19, 2009
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#48
imoss said:
Still pretty much lost about the "dark Christian" thing... sorry never met a dark Christian...
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most people that attnd church are in teh dark, so does that mean they arent christian? i hope not because odds are it applies to you . so i dont live my life thinking that way . i believe there are christians who wlak erroneously but are still in the proceess and thus i still call them chrsitain even if they are way off
 
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BLC

Banned
#49
Feb 28, 2009
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#49
Piano_Hero,

When it comes to marriage it is always best to keep things simple because of the different situations that God finds us in. I won't go into details but for the record think on this. The prophet Hosea was told by God to marry a prostitute. He took Gomer to be His wife, who was in unbelief and lived in idolatry. She bare him a son and then left to find other lovers. God tells Hosea to find an adulterous woman and he finds Gomer redeeming her for (30) pieces of silver and asks her to not play the harlot.

How many spouses have left for another, whether they are in the light or not, and have never been redeemed or reconciled. They have played the harlot but there is only one thing on the mind of God and that's REDEMPTION. We yoke up with many things outside the will of God, but God is able to redeem every single thing with no exceptions. We were yoked up with the world and He redeemed us in that state. I am not advocating being yoked up with unbelievers in marriage, but what I am saying is that there is nothing out of reach of God's redemption. Be thankful for the outstretched arm of God's redemption (Deut 26:8).
 
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Meghanhm

Guest
#50
#50
I didn't read all of this but most of it so here are my two cents...

God set up marriage to model His relationship with us . It is also said that it is good if we remain single....

If someone is seeking Mr/Miss right, God has put the desire to marry on their heart. That is not a bad thing. It can become a bad thing if it consumes you, and you put that desire above God Himself.


While I don't think there are "perfect soul mates" (google mark driscoll of mars hill church and listen to the sermon on romanticism... it's good), I think you should, as with all things, give it over to the Lord. My very best guy friend is incredibly attractive and the feeling is mutual. For a second feelings tried to spring up, but God put a check in my heart on it. Though my friend is walking with the Lord, and a relationship with him wouldn't be sinful, it was not Gods best for either of us, and He made it pretty clear to us both. We need to discern between what is good and what is best.

Back to the marrying a non Christian- how can we model His relationship with us, with someone who doesn't know Him? Donkeys that were yoked together equally pulled weight. If one of you is a believer and the other not, you will be pulling in two different directions. Becoming one with someone who has not been made new through Christ... I think it would be pretty difficult to try to convince ourselves that that would be either good or best.

~Meghan
 
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Piano_hero

Banned
#51
Apr 19, 2009
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#51
Meghanhm said:
I didn't read all of this but most of it so here are my two cents...

God set up marriage to model His relationship with us . It is also said that it is good if we remain single....

If someone is seeking Mr/Miss right, God has put the desire to marry on their heart. That is not a bad thing. It can become a bad thing if it consumes you, and you put that desire above God Himself.


While I don't think there are "perfect soul mates" (google mark driscoll of mars hill church and listen to the sermon on romanticism... it's good), I think you should, as with all things, give it over to the Lord. My very best guy friend is incredibly attractive and the feeling is mutual. For a second feelings tried to spring up, but God put a check in my heart on it. Though my friend is walking with the Lord, and a relationship with him wouldn't be sinful, it was not Gods best for either of us, and He made it pretty clear to us both. We need to discern between what is good and what is best.

Back to the marrying a non Christian- how can we model His relationship with us, with someone who doesn't know Him? Donkeys that were yoked together equally pulled weight. If one of you is a believer and the other not, you will be pulling in two different directions. Becoming one with someone who has not been made new through Christ... I think it would be pretty difficult to try to convince ourselves that that would be either good or best.

~Meghan
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it is not good to not marry .the verse about "then it is good to not marry" is about the man in that situation as stated by the "the case of the man and his wife" and it was most likely referring to "remarriage" as in "oh, if its adultery in this mans case to marry (man divorced in the story), then its good for him not to marry" . Far be it that Jesus would be teaching people to abstain from marriage . It is good not to marry and divorce , but it IS good to marry . The Bible says this more than once . If you read teh context of that verse you wil see clearly that the issue is "remarriage" for any other reason thatn being a widow or sexual immorality .
 
F

Forgiven83

Guest
#52
#52
Before we fall into legalism and start laying down the law about who you can and cannot marry, let's consider WHY God would want us to be on the same page spiritually as ur spouse....

I dont normally post on these forums unless I know something about the topic personally from experience...and in this case I know this kind of topic intimately. When I was married, I was a devout Catholic and my husband was fiercely anti God and anti religion. At the time my faith was not a big part of my life, it was more something I did on Sundays and that's about it, so me marrying someone who wasnt a catholic really didnt bother me.

But let me tell you this...on the 7th of December 2004 it became the single most troubling and distressing thing of my existence. From that moment, I knew my life had changed forever, and yet my husband was NOT on for the ride. IN fact, he actively went AGAINST my new faith, and I am convinced that while he was reluctantly supportive, he thought deep down that it was a phase I would tire of eventually.

Putting aside the legalistic view, instead consider the practical implications. I could not pray with him, share with him, go to church with him, discuss anything to do with God with him. It would be like me having a child and yet having to ignore that child while living with my husband every single day....the BIGGEST thing in my world, and I couldnt share it with the one person who I should be sharing it with. I wouldnt wish that kind of pain on ANYONE, I ACHED for him, I WEPT at night into my pillow BEGGING God to touch my husband and turn his heart. I couldn't believe how much I needed my husband to share that part of my life with me, and I was completely helpless to make that happen. Instead I had a long, agonising wait, forcing me to trust in God that He would save the love of my life.

This story does have a happy ending...my husband accepted the Lord in 2007 and has been walking with Him ever since. And the joy I feel in my heart having him by my side singing to God on a Sunday cannot be imagined.

Please, please, PLEASE....make sure that you marry the person who is spiritually ont he same page as you!!! Soemone who can lift you up and soar with you to new heights! You're not being fair to yourself if you start out as a Christian and dont choose for yourself someone who will share that incredibly big part of your life with you! You deserve more!!! I didnt have the knowledge then that I have now, and thank God too because through my salvation my husband found salvation also...but if you do have that knowledge, USE IT!
 
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Meghanhm

Guest
#53
#53
Piano_hero said:
it is not good to not marry .the verse about "then it is good to not marry" is about the man in that situation as stated by the "the case of the man and his wife" and it was most likely referring to "remarriage" as in "oh, if its adultery in this mans case to marry (man divorced in the story), then its good for him not to marry" . Far be it that Jesus would be teaching people to abstain from marriage . It is good not to marry and divorce , but it IS good to marry . The Bible says this more than once . If you read teh context of that verse you wil see clearly that the issue is "remarriage" for any other reason thatn being a widow or sexual immorality .
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That isn't the verse I was referring to actually.

1 Corinthians 7: 26- 28
"I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that."

& the same chapter, 1 Corinthians 7: 8- 11
"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."

A lot of 1 Corinthians 7 covers this, thats the chapter for more in context. My point was that it goes both ways- neither is sinful in and of itself.

I'm sorry if I came across as legalistic. If that was me that was being referred to, please let me know what I said that gave that impression, so that I can explain what I meant.


~Meghan
 
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BLC

Banned
#54
Feb 28, 2009
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#54
Meghanhm said:
That isn't the verse I was referring to actually.

1 Corinthians 7: 26- 28
"I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that."

& the same chapter, 1 Corinthians 7: 8- 11
"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."

A lot of 1 Corinthians 7 covers this, thats the chapter for more in context. My point was that it goes both ways- neither is sinful in and of itself.

I'm sorry if I came across as legalistic. If that was me that was being referred to, please let me know what I said that gave that impression, so that I can explain what I meant.


~Meghan
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You were in no way legalistic, but on the contrary. You have an good understanding that is practical and balanced and full of good fruit. You know when the Holy Spirit checks you and you obey from the heart. That is being filled with the Spirit because you walk in the Spirit. You keep doing that, and you will see all kinds of fruit in your life springing up everywhere.
 
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Meghanhm

Guest
#55
#55
Thank you BLC :)
 
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makerofmyheart

Guest
#56
#56
I disagree. My whole life I have been in and out of Church, raised as a Sunday Christian. However, somewhere in my teens I gave up on it because I always felt out of place. After suffering years of abuse and 3 psychological illnesses I was just about ready to give up on the 'right person' theory. However, I believe in every case that God does have the person for you, it depends on your free will though. Just because that's the person God has chosen for you, doesn't mean that's the person YOU will choose. I am a firm believer that if God does not think you are ready for a relationship or there's more inner work that needs to be done (with you) he is not going to enter that person into your life yet.

That being said, yes I am happily married and both my husband and I love God with all our hearts. In fact, it's him (more than anything else) that inspired me to go back to Church. We found a great church and through all the trials (and problems from my past) we are still going strong. I also believe God had to make him sensitive to my past problems because he deals with all of them without complaint, he also understood that I didn't want to have sex until we were married, despite the fact that we lived together for 5 years before getting married. I think God had a hand in the way things turned out and I thank him everyday.

April
 
T

thefightinglamb

Guest
#57
#57
Just wanted to say that I never meant to imply that 'marrying is bad' or anything of the sort...

I do think spiritually something changes when you marry; I'll even be bold and say that I think at least one thing that can be spiritually detrimental happens...the marrying man or woman has spiritually changed and now HAS to consider PLEASING his wife or her husband...

See if I as a single get crucified I have no spiritual fear of being the head of a physical family or being the mother of physical children...also, being single, I am less apt to favor my own children as holy and use a biased system against others, since I have no children to be biased against...but as a single I can see more clearly where peopl;e spiritually are to a certain extant...

So as Paul says if you still seek to follow the Lord fully then marriage cannot hinder you, but still your mind will seemingly be divided and you will always have to fight that spiritual side of you that is your husband or wife that may want contrarily...for example, a promotion that the Lord warns you not to take, of course your husband or wife is going to harass or persecute you for "what are you thinking?--it wasn't God you heard but the devil, why wouldn't God want you to succeed?" And coming up mwith many other clever or sincere arguments your heart may be swayed from following the Lord...

It is one thing to believe in Christ and have a job that supports a family, an entirely deeper and harder battle to walk away from a job the Lord told you to not knowing where your children's next meal will come from...I could almost say it may or does require greater faith to do this with dependents then without them, but all the same your mind spiritually I believe will be divided about what God says my responsibility to my family is and following this or like Abraham being willing to sacrifice your own son for the Lord regardless of consequence but believing in the Lord all the same.

I also do believe, as I posted earlier, that if you love the Lord enough why wouldn't you strive to attain the status of the virgins before Christ's throne...

I do not thint physical marriage to be a step in a Christian's maturity...I think it is just something that the Lord supports so long as it is holy...but rather married or not married you are to be holy...

Also, Christian love is by far the deepest love possible...marriage or sex does not and cannot take away from Christ's love...

And if marriage was essential to a Christian's journey or to man's life in general than Christ would have had to physically Mary someone, (as some books wrongly suggest with Mary Magdalene or some other--as these books do at least represent man's desire tohave a savior that became like them in all things including the physical marriage some people see as essential), and this marriage would have shown us the way...

Also, though I might have said it too strongly...a serious 'claim' against Jesus could be claimed by some that if marriage is essential and Christ didn't marry than he didn't experience being tempted in all forms as he did not experience all the temptations that come from and within a worldly marriage...being faithful to a wife, raising godly children etc...

I don't believe this, I believe that Christ being single did experience all temptations and as so I have to believe that marriage is of little importance in the journey towards Christ...all that matters is Christ and coming to know him and his love...marriage or being single matters little--all that matters is following Christ...

Jesus is holy, and may his holiness be all we seek and not anything else.

tony the lesser
 
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