Need some encouragement today

[bluewriter]

This would be adultery.
Serious words of unbiblical advice. You ought to repent before Him.

No-one is suggesting this man should pursue his wife at this time; only that he waits on the Lord. God is NOT telling this man to move on; since when have you been God's mouth-piece...

BillyD is right. I supposedly violated the OP 6-7 times. I don't even know what half of them are. The second and subsequent violations are class 4 felonies punishable by 1-3 years in prison. I allegedly texted my wife that I loved her and that was why they arrested me and charged me. The other charges are pending (which I assume means they're being investigated.) She really is trying to destroy my life. I thought she may have just made some rash decisions, but no, this has been well thought out. She posts stuff on her Facebook saying "Love God, love people, and love yourself" all while intentionally destroying my life for no gain and no reason. The court stated I'm to have no contact so I had to tell my pastor I wouldn't be coming back to church because she wants me to be thrown in prison. She lied to DCFS, she lied to the court, she lied to the police, she lies to the church, she lies all the time. Only this time she's lying to ruin my life for good. She must be a psychopath. She cut me off from speaking to her children (my older stepson saw me the other day and told me I wasn't his dad anymore - absolutely heartbreaking), and has completely ignored my 9 year old daughter who called her mom and doesn't speak to her.

The night in jail did it for me. God willing these charges won't be brought against me and I end up in prison.

I do thank you all for your support and prayers. Sadly, we may as well have been praying for satan to repent.

The sacrifices and love I have shown this woman and her children, I don't know what I did to deserve this.

 

[Micaiah-imla]

O if only God simply told men how to act right towards women every time, I wouldn't be in this situation.

Isaiah 3:12 KJV
[12] As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them.

The world hates us believers.

The world has given much power to women and children over a strong leading man.

Stay focused on reading the word.

 

[Kim82]

Blue when you got married to your wife, would you say it was God who told you to marry her? In the same way He told you to bring gifts to her at work? And would you say that God is now telling you to get divorced after He has told you that He would bring you and your wife back together?

 

[Kim82]

I think those of you who are encouraging him to chase after her, aren't listening to what God is telling you and him.

OK so when God spoke to you concerning Blue's marriage, did you hear a voice or was it something else? Can you say how exactly God spoke to you?

I cant say with certainty that God is talking to me, but I believe that there is a lot that can be learned from this situation.

He knew the woman and her kids had mental issues before he committed to marriage.

He works with people with mental issues, so he aught to have known what to expect. Yet he committed to that situation anyway.

And what I'm seeing is, we need to think clearly about what we are getting into. Some things we don't know but when we see certain things, we have to pause and pay attention instead of rushing ahead.

So that's a lesson for us single people.

God is telling you to move on

He said God would restore his marriage and that he should bring gifts to his wife. So why is God now saying he should move on?

 

[Butterflyyy]

I have prayed on this thread from the beginning. When I started to see the signs of stalking, I prayed harder. I even cautioned him. Today I know that my advice to him is from God.

I'm sorry that I offended you. I think those of you who are encouraging him to chase after her, aren't listening to what God is telling you and him.

I think you need to look at this relationship for what it is. He is stalking his ex. This activity usually ends up in tragedy.

She is an unbeliever. He doesn't commit adultery when she leaves.

I believe that the scripture addresses his situation as being unequally yoked. If she desires to leave him, and she has, he is to let her go.

Again I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else.

It would have to be a 100% certainty that she is an unbeliever; and she is regularly attending church.
There is stuff on this thread that shows God is dealing with this man.

N.B. I am NOT suggesting he pursues her in any way at all. I agree that he should definitely not.

 

[Butterflyyy]

BillyD is right. I supposedly violated the OP 6-7 times. I don't even know what half of them are. The second and subsequent violations are class 4 felonies punishable by 1-3 years in prison. I allegedly texted my wife that I loved her and that was why they arrested me and charged me. The other charges are pending (which I assume means they're being investigated.) She really is trying to destroy my life. I thought she may have just made some rash decisions, but no, this has been well thought out. She posts stuff on her Facebook saying "Love God, love people, and love yourself" all while intentionally destroying my life for no gain and no reason. The court stated I'm to have no contact so I had to tell my pastor I wouldn't be coming back to church because she wants me to be thrown in prison. She lied to DCFS, she lied to the court, she lied to the police, she lies to the church, she lies all the time. Only this time she's lying to ruin my life for good. She must be a psychopath. She cut me off from speaking to her children (my older stepson saw me the other day and told me I wasn't his dad anymore - absolutely heartbreaking), and has completely ignored my 9 year old daughter who called her mom and doesn't speak to her.

The night in jail did it for me. God willing these charges won't be brought against me and I end up in prison.

I do thank you all for your support and prayers. Sadly, we may as well have been praying for satan to repent.

The sacrifices and love I have shown this woman and her children, I don't know what I did to deserve this.

Never mind what she's doing; just pray for her and then leave her to God, period.
Just make sure that you are in right standing before God in all you do. He says do not break the Law of the land.
He also says do not commit adultery, and you would have to be 100% certain she is not a believer to deem yourself free from this marriage otherwise it would be sin.
It seems to me you need to calm down and give this whole situation a lot of time, to know God's leading. Don't do anything rash.

 

[bluewriter]

Never mind what she's doing; just pray for her and then leave her to God, period.
Just make sure that you are in right standing before God in all you do. He says do not break the Law of the land.
He also says do not commit adultery, and you would have to be 100% certain she is not a believer to deem yourself free from this marriage otherwise it would be sin.
It seems to me you need to calm down and give this whole situation a lot of time, to know God's leading. Don't do anything rash.

My whole heart and attitude changed after jail. I have no desire to see her or to talk to her while she is doing these things to me and the kids. I still deeply love my wife and stepsons. I have no plans to commit adultery and I've had that conversation with God. At this point though, I feel I have to agree to a divorce in order to keep my house for mine and my daughter's sake.

Yesterday I prayed that God would bless her in every way and I wish no vengeance or ill will towards her. I even prayed that He would restore our marriage. I guess I will get a gold star in Heaven.

 

[Rosemaryx]

My whole heart and attitude changed after jail. I have no desire to see her or to talk to her while she is doing these things to me and the kids. I still deeply love my wife and stepsons. I have no plans to commit adultery and I've had that conversation with God. At this point though, I feel I have to agree to a divorce in order to keep my house for mine and my daughter's sake.

Yesterday I prayed that God would bless her in every way and I wish no vengeance or ill will towards her. I even prayed that He would restore our marriage. I guess I will get a gold star in Heaven.

I am truly sorry for what you are going through , but please remember , your emotions , your feelings are going through the roof at the moment , and this is not a good time to make any decisions , but be still before God...

We all have our own little plans in our head about how things are going to work out , and when they do not , we should look to God and say " Not my will be done O God but yours "...

You do not know the plans that God has for you , but please , do not run from God , but run to Him , He could be saving you from something bad in your future that you can not see in your head , either way , He said He will never leave you nor forsake you ...
Keep your eyes on Him , the Author and finisher of your faith...
...xox...

 

[Billyd]

My whole heart and attitude changed after jail. I have no desire to see her or to talk to her while she is doing these things to me and the kids. I still deeply love my wife and stepsons. I have no plans to commit adultery and I've had that conversation with God. At this point though, I feel I have to agree to a divorce in order to keep my house for mine and my daughter's sake.

Yesterday I prayed that God would bless her in every way and I wish no vengeance or ill will towards her. I even prayed that He would restore our marriage. I guess I will get a gold star in Heaven.

You are on the right track now. God will open the doors for you that you need to follow. Please put your future in his hands. Pray for his guidance and the wisdom to follow it.

We will pray for you as often as we think of you.

 

[bluewriter]

You are on the right track now. God will open the doors for you that you need to follow. Please put your future in his hands. Pray for his guidance and the wisdom to follow it.

We will pray for you as often as we think of you.

I appreciate your prayers and what you're saying. I just can't fathom how I'm where God wants me to be. If He didn't want me and my wife to be married, why does His word say otherwise?

 

[Billyd]

I appreciate your prayers and what you're saying. I just can't fathom how I'm where God wants me to be. If He didn't want me and my wife to be married, why does His word say otherwise?

His wor doesn't. Pray on 1 Corinthians 7:10-15. Consecrate on verse 15. Go in peace brother.

 

[bluewriter]

His wor doesn't. Pray on 1 Corinthians 7:10-15. Consecrate on verse 15. Go in peace brother.

She is a believer though. She's just...mentally ill or something. A very broken person. I think that's why I feel so compassionate towards her. I did work in mental health for 8.5 years

 

[Godsgirl83]

Warning: I am NOT going to tickle your ears and sugar coat what I have to say; However, I know when reading forums that others comments can come across in ways the writer does not intend for it to. Nothing I am about to say is in anyway meant to be condemning, and comes from a point of view/opinion of love and concern.

Have you ever cared for a disabled child?

Yes, (of 3 kiddos, 2 of my cubs fall into the "disabled" category) every day for over a decade, WITHOUT family (Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents/Cousins) to step in and help, or friends to babysit for a few hours.

What do you know about having a temper tantrum meltdown when asked to do simple things and it causes you to be late to everything you plan to do?

PLENTY..... because I deal with that quiet often. BUT, what seems simple to someone who is "normal" (you) can be extremely overwhelming/ detrimental to someone who has neurological differences/disturbances (your step son).

These are just the tip of the iceberg of daily life for me with my stepson - whom I love dearly. But when you're not on the same page with your spouse in how to deal with these things, it's difficult to navigate life and is the root of a thousand arguments.

She is the mother to children from a previous relationship, at least one being disabled. She has baggage (mental/emotional) that came along into this relationship with her.
Instead of sitting around asking why God allowed things to happen this way, REMEMBER: SHE HAS A FREE WILL. It isn't that God isn't doing anything about this situation, but rather she is making her choices regarding it.

I've spent years ministering to some of the most depressed, suicidal, homicidal, and mentally ill people in southern Illinois in the course of doing my job.....
I'm a mental health practitioner by trade and I'm fairly certain in saying she has mental health issues.

You have mentioned this a few times throughout this thread, so I have to wonder a few things. (I am only going on assumptions here, since I do not know the whole background story )
I can not help but wonder: What services have you reached out to for help and support with your step son? And if your wife has refused to reach out for help with him, have you reported this to proper authorities? (I'm guessing not). One of the best things you can do for both of them is ensure that they have resources they need to help get through this (mental disabilities) to not only survive in his life but to THRIVE in it. AND (with your line of work, I'm sure you know this, but I'll throw it out there any way) if she is made aware of resources but refuses to get him help, that can very easily boarder on the line of child abuse/neglect........
Also, if you have concerns about her mental health, what steps have been taken to address such?
(of course, food for thought, you don't have to answer these questions here)

One more thought. You have mentioned being a single father to a young daughter. Yes, your marriage is important, BUT you went into this marriage ALREADY having the (spiritual) RESPONSIBILITY of caring for your daughter. How is all this affecting her? I've read a lot about "me, me, me....." "I can't face going through divorce again" "I, I, I"........... What about your daughter? As a mental health practitioner you should already know that these situations are not good for her.

You've been given this counsel already, but it bears repeating: Get into the Word, grab hold of Gods word and promises, focus on your relationship with Him FIRST and above all.

 

[bluewriter]

Godsgirl83, you're kind of late to the party. My wife refused to acknowledge she did anything wrong. Ever. One time in our marriage did she ever apologize for treating me like crap and that was just to get her way. I was her emotional punching bag for three years. She lied constantly. She projected constantly. When I told her she needed help for mental illness, her retort was that I was crazy. No matter how much I complimented her or loved her or provided or did for her, it was always wrong or never enough. As for my disabled stepson, there is only so much help he can get and he had quite a bit over the course of his life. The rest comes down to consistency in parenting which was one of my biggest causes of anger. She was lazy and didn't want to help with her own children. She came home from work and hardly engaged even if I cleaned and cooked and made plans for family stuff to do. When it came to holding kids accountable, I had to do it and then when the kids complained she always sided with them instead of working with me.

Since she's left, I've been completely gutted heartbroken over the loss of my stepsons as I didn't even get to tell them goodbye. I saw my older stepson and he said (hatefully) "you're not my dad anymore." As for my daughter, my wife never one time has called or reached out to even say hi to her. She called her "mom" because she loved her.

As for me, I'm back in my house and I've been cleaning it for the past 6 days and I'm still cleaning it. They never cleaned it while we were separated. I'm hoping to be done today and have my daughter to start staying with me again. This has been very hard on her.

I decided to agree to my wife's divorce to keep my house and to hopefully help keep me out of jail. It is not at all what I want. I still pray even to this day that God will restore my marriage for His Name's sake. But that's out of my control.

As for tough love. I really don't need it. I've suffered enough. Comfort me with kind words. I've endured the loss of 3/5ths of my family without even getting to tell them goodbye. I lost my job, was homeless, and lost all my stuff and my wife and stepsons over four months. I'm drawing unemployment, going back to school to get a trade certificate starting next week, got my house back, and have my stuff back. But all these things without my family just seems empty right now.

 

[Rosemaryx]

Godsgirl83, you're kind of late to the party. My wife refused to acknowledge she did anything wrong. Ever. One time in our marriage did she ever apologize for treating me like crap and that was just to get her way. I was her emotional punching bag for three years. She lied constantly. She projected constantly. When I told her she needed help for mental illness, her retort was that I was crazy. No matter how much I complimented her or loved her or provided or did for her, it was always wrong or never enough. As for my disabled stepson, there is only so much help he can get and he had quite a bit over the course of his life. The rest comes down to consistency in parenting which was one of my biggest causes of anger. She was lazy and didn't want to help with her own children. She came home from work and hardly engaged even if I cleaned and cooked and made plans for family stuff to do. When it came to holding kids accountable, I had to do it and then when the kids complained she always sided with them instead of working with me.

Since she's left, I've been completely gutted heartbroken over the loss of my stepsons as I didn't even get to tell them goodbye. I saw my older stepson and he said (hatefully) "you're not my dad anymore." As for my daughter, my wife never one time has called or reached out to even say hi to her. She called her "mom" because she loved her.

As for me, I'm back in my house and I've been cleaning it for the past 6 days and I'm still cleaning it. They never cleaned it while we were separated. I'm hoping to be done today and have my daughter to start staying with me again. This has been very hard on her.

I decided to agree to my wife's divorce to keep my house and to hopefully help keep me out of jail. It is not at all what I want. I still pray even to this day that God will restore my marriage for His Name's sake. But that's out of my control.

As for tough love. I really don't need it. I've suffered enough. Comfort me with kind words. I've endured the loss of 3/5ths of my family without even getting to tell them goodbye. I lost my job, was homeless, and lost all my stuff and my wife and stepsons over four months. I'm drawing unemployment, going back to school to get a trade certificate starting next week, got my house back, and have my stuff back. But all these things without my family just seems empty right now.

Hey brother...
How God is blessing you right now...
A roof over your head , a home to clean and shine for when your daughter returns , WOW , they are beautiful blessings you are under , kind of like a ground God has given to you for the future plans He has instore for you...

This is the day the LORD has made , let us rejoice and be glad in it..

You will look back on all this hardship one day with tears of joy , when closes one door , He will open another , the part we find hard is the waiting in the hallway...

The devil is going to attack while you are weak , make sure you have your Armor suit on , his evil darts hurt and can floor us , yet Jesus our Lord said He will never blow out a dimly lit candle , nor disregard a broken reed...
...xox...

 

[bluewriter]

Hey brother...
How God is blessing you right now...
A roof over your head , a home to clean and shine for when your daughter returns , WOW , they are beautiful blessings you are under , kind of like a ground God has given to you for the future plans He has instore for you...

This is the day the LORD has made , let us rejoice and be glad in it..

You will look back on all this hardship one day with tears of joy , when closes one door , He will open another , the part we find hard is the waiting in the hallway...

The devil is going to attack while you are weak , make sure you have your Armor suit on , his evil darts hurt and can floor us , yet Jesus our Lord said He will never blow out a dimly lit candle , nor disregard a broken reed...
...xox...

"Those who sow in tears shall reap in shouts of joy." My field is definitely planted.

I'm just cruising on autopilot right now. It will be nice to have a clean house for once lol.

 

[Godsgirl83]

Godsgirl83, you're kind of late to the party.

not late to the party, just choose not to respond for the sake of responding.
I won't sugar coat things.

You have had a lot of support and encouragement throughout this thread, that's good.
I have followed this thread from right after you first started it. I've read through the replies and I've had questions of my own that I haven't raised because it's really none of my (or anyone else's) business.
But I have noticed how quick people were to attack when things were questioned......
as though to say "your a bad guy for not patting OP's back and not sugar coating things for him. "
Well heck, guess I fall into the bad guy situation now too. Oh well.
Please understand, my heart always goes out to those in hurting situations,
BUT as the mother of mentally challenged children, AND someone who has been a mandated neglect/abuse reporter, just based off what you have shared, RED FLAGS go way, way up.
Why is someone who says they have background in mental health profession allowing these things to continue?

As for my disabled stepson, there is only so much help he can get and he had quite a bit over the course of his life. The rest comes down to consistency in parenting which was one of my biggest causes of anger. She was lazy and didn't want to help with her own children. She came home from work and hardly engaged

If she is as "bad" as you are painting her out to be (and I'm in no way judging or pointing fingers or taking sides) then you, having worked in mental health professions, SHOULD know without having to be told that her behaviors toward her own children (not you, not your daughter) ARE sounding like they are boarding child abuse/neglect. I am very much aware of just how much help a disabled child can/can not receive, as well as what it takes for the parents to enforce that. ANY parenting takes consistency, but it is even more important for children with mental health disabilities. If she's not doing that, she is neglecting him. And if you love those boys as much as you say you do, I seriously question why (especially you being someone who has worked in the mental health profession) you are allowing it to continue. Having worked in mental health, you must already know that you can make anonymous reports for neglect and abuse. And based on what you have shared, it really sounds like that might be in the best interest of those boys you love so much.
from your first post:

If you want to encourage me to keep doing the right thing, I'll listen to anything you have to say.

that is my only intent with my first and now this reply.
What is the right thing for those boys?

I am truly sorry for the hell you have been through these past several months.
It truly takes someone outstanding to step up and fulfill the role of parent to another persons children.
As these boys grow and reflect back on life I hope they come to realize and appreciate that about you.


Moving forward, I pray you find renewed strength and joy again.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;

I'm drawing unemployment, going back to school to get a trade certificate starting next week, got my house back, and have my stuff back. But all these things without my family just seems empty right now.

This is a great, exciting start start. And your daughter will get to be blessed by this fresh new start too.

 

[bluewriter]

not late to the party, just choose not to respond for the sake of responding.
I won't sugar coat things.

You have had a lot of support and encouragement throughout this thread, that's good.
I have followed this thread from right after you first started it. I've read through the replies and I've had questions of my own that I haven't raised because it's really none of my (or anyone else's) business.
But I have noticed how quick people were to attack when things were questioned......
as though to say "your a bad guy for not patting OP's back and not sugar coating things for him. "
Well heck, guess I fall into the bad guy situation now too. Oh well.
Please understand, my heart always goes out to those in hurting situations,
BUT as the mother of mentally challenged children, AND someone who has been a mandated neglect/abuse reporter, just based off what you have shared, RED FLAGS go way, way up.
Why is someone who says they have background in mental health profession allowing these things to continue?




If she is as "bad" as you are painting her out to be (and I'm in no way judging or pointing fingers or taking sides) then you, having worked in mental health professions, SHOULD know without having to be told that her behaviors toward her own children (not you, not your daughter) ARE sounding like they are boarding child abuse/neglect. I am very much aware of just how much help a disabled child can/can not receive, as well as what it takes for the parents to enforce that. ANY parenting takes consistency, but it is even more important for children with mental health disabilities. If she's not doing that, she is neglecting him. And if you love those boys as much as you say you do, I seriously question why (especially you being someone who has worked in the mental health profession) you are allowing it to continue. Having worked in mental health, you must already know that you can make anonymous reports for neglect and abuse. And based on what you have shared, it really sounds like that might be in the best interest of those boys you love so much.
from your first post:

that is my only intent with my first and now this reply.
What is the right thing for those boys?

I am truly sorry for the hell you have been through these past several months.
It truly takes someone outstanding to step up and fulfill the role of parent to another persons children.
As these boys grow and reflect back on life I hope they come to realize and appreciate that about you.


Moving forward, I pray you find renewed strength and joy again.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;


This is a great, exciting start start. And your daughter will get to be blessed by this fresh new start too.

There were times in our relationship where I told her what she was doing bordered on neglect. She wasn't one to listen to me very often if you can't tell.

And as someone who worked in children's homes and doing crisis work, I know what is acceptable in a home. She rarely crossed the line that required any state involvement and it wouldn't have benefited us to get the state involved in our home. I do care about them, but at this time their mom has complete control over their lives and care. I have none. They will be worse off without me, but that's not something I can control.

 

[bluewriter]

We had divorce court the other day. Only her lawyer was present. We basically set the next court date for 60 days away to see where we are as far as figuring out our finances and my answer to the divorce papers.

As of right now, I'm looking at this as 60 more days God could use to restore and heal my marriage. I had given up the day before divorce court, but now I can't help but think God has given me 60 more days to see what He can do. Every day, I get down and worship God and every night I get down and worship God and the only thing I pray anymore is "Lord God, please restore and heal my marriage." I've given Him control of the situation and I'll wait to see what will happen. I can do nothing, but He can do the impossible.

 

[Silverwings]

FAther God you see the pain that this your child is in concerning his marriage, I pray that you will be able to change his wifes mind on this issue, melt her cold cold heart I pray, in Jesus name, amen.