K
My wife
- Thread starter LoveJoy85
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Wow, you all are being pretty harsh on the OP.
I do agree that when one responds with "Don't judge" there may be some unresolved personal issues but the fact that she isn't interested in church/ministry and thinks abortion is her choice and not an agreed upon choice between the couple is disturbing. That says to me that she thinks she is not one flesh with her husband (with abortion) and that it isn't his decision at all (I think it's mutual). That's concerning.
There are obviously two sides to this story it seems clear but OP has reached out for help...the fastest way to turn someone off to advice is to lambaste them with "it's your fault".
It may be that there is some fault here on his part (judging by the O.P) but perhaps in love would go farther.
In my perspective if I think someone else is wrong and it is affecting another party, I am inclined to be delicate for the sake of the other person.
Besides, we don't even know how old he is. An early 20s couple could have these types of problems and while "slipping one in" would seem a large violation to an older person...to a younger person with a much stronger libido and less self-control it may be more minor potentially?
I'm out of my element, it just seems that the OP is younger and that there are large gaps in the relational info presented to be uncertain. Were I counseling him, this would be nowhere near enough info.
I do agree that when one responds with "Don't judge" there may be some unresolved personal issues but the fact that she isn't interested in church/ministry and thinks abortion is her choice and not an agreed upon choice between the couple is disturbing. That says to me that she thinks she is not one flesh with her husband (with abortion) and that it isn't his decision at all (I think it's mutual). That's concerning.
There are obviously two sides to this story it seems clear but OP has reached out for help...the fastest way to turn someone off to advice is to lambaste them with "it's your fault".
It may be that there is some fault here on his part (judging by the O.P) but perhaps in love would go farther.
In my perspective if I think someone else is wrong and it is affecting another party, I am inclined to be delicate for the sake of the other person.
Besides, we don't even know how old he is. An early 20s couple could have these types of problems and while "slipping one in" would seem a large violation to an older person...to a younger person with a much stronger libido and less self-control it may be more minor potentially?
I'm out of my element, it just seems that the OP is younger and that there are large gaps in the relational info presented to be uncertain. Were I counseling him, this would be nowhere near enough info.
I narcissist is someone who cares only about themselves. No I'm not narcissistic, I put others needs before myself.
K
Kim82
Guest
What did you mean that you decided to sneak one in without the use of a condom? Was this with your wife and if if were why would a condom be necessary unless it was for the purpose of birth control. Even so, there are better options than the use of a condom. I can't figure out why not using a condom would upset your wife to the point that she has not yet forgiven you. I really can't see why you would even need forgiveness for this.
By taking one for the team by getting fixed are you saying that your wife had her tubes tied or something like that?
I don't believe that you and your wife were equally yoked at the start but that is something to pray for and work on. Forget about making moves on her too as she would probably appreciate a little advance notice and not simply when you feel like it. My counsel is to put the volunteer fire department training on hold, help out less at church and more at home.
Obviously, your wife serious intimacy issues due to her past. You are right in being supportive and you can still pray with her by your side just don't pressure her to join in.
Hopefully, you will find comfort, support, and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
By taking one for the team by getting fixed are you saying that your wife had her tubes tied or something like that?
I don't believe that you and your wife were equally yoked at the start but that is something to pray for and work on. Forget about making moves on her too as she would probably appreciate a little advance notice and not simply when you feel like it. My counsel is to put the volunteer fire department training on hold, help out less at church and more at home.
Obviously, your wife serious intimacy issues due to her past. You are right in being supportive and you can still pray with her by your side just don't pressure her to join in.
Hopefully, you will find comfort, support, and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
I am having a hard time just trying to figure out his post and whether the lack of intimacy is a result of her past or his past or both.
That was one heck of a sacrifice imo .. If she's sick and you're working through it with her then I admire you ..
While we're were having intercorse I took off the condom and proceeded. I got a vasectomy. I'm doing everything at home. The eating, the maintenance, yard work, the cooking paying the bills though her income does support that. I can't even get a thank you hear and there.
Why would your wife insist that you wear a condom when having sex with her? I do commend you for all that you do at home. I am sorry that your wife doesn't appreciate your effort and hard work. It is most hard to faithfully perform vital household tasks and working to provide for your wife without any positive acknowledgement and encouragement.
Lovejoy,
Here's my advice:
Be the best man you can possibly be. Study the virtues of great men that you've known, or known of. Practice those virtues in your life. Honor. Courage. Loyalty. Respect. IMO, those are the things a man is made of. Remember that Jesus, when he was washing people's feet, and getting nails pounded into him, was doing those things from a position of strength. He wasn't doing it out of fear or weakness.
So strive after those things. If she follows you, then great. If she doesn't, then so be it. Grovel before no woman. They were made to be our helpers, not our masters.
I'll keep you in my prayers tonight, brother.
Here's my advice:
Be the best man you can possibly be. Study the virtues of great men that you've known, or known of. Practice those virtues in your life. Honor. Courage. Loyalty. Respect. IMO, those are the things a man is made of. Remember that Jesus, when he was washing people's feet, and getting nails pounded into him, was doing those things from a position of strength. He wasn't doing it out of fear or weakness.
So strive after those things. If she follows you, then great. If she doesn't, then so be it. Grovel before no woman. They were made to be our helpers, not our masters.
I'll keep you in my prayers tonight, brother.
Remember, Mr Surfer, that the Bible also explains how a husband is to lay his life down for his wife as Christ did for the Church.
The Bible tells us what a man is made of, and the greatest and most vital characteristic is love.
Oh yes she does. Takes many kinds of meds too. She was doing fine or getting better until Covid hit. I was praying for her to relieve some from of ministering and load and behold my prayers were answered when a girl from her work reached out to do Bible study once a week,, but that immediately stopped. She is a nurse and she's having to work mandatory overtime and hates itThat's why I don't mind going the extra mile at home, but still would appreciate some level of gratitude or appreciation. I know this road is going to be tuff and I plan on sticking it out. I may have to get with my pastor and get some one on one Christian counseling so I myself don't stray.
Your wife is a nurse? If so, work is probably draining. Do your best to make her feel comfortable when she gets home from work.