Aaaah...I completely forgot about Martin Blank!
"
Martin Q. Blank: What about you? Joined the force, huh?
Terry Rostand: Oh no, I'm not a peace officer. Yeah, this badge isn't a meaningful symbol. We don't enforce the law, we just execute company policy for homeowners.
Martin Q. Blank: Oh, right... you mind talking a little shop?
Terry Rostand: Sure.
Martin Q. Blank: When are you authorized to use deadly force?
Terry Rostand: Oh well, you know, taxes provide your basic services, you know, police and whatnot, but our customers, they need a little bit more than that, so we catch you on the property, we do what we have to do.
Martin Q. Blank: So, if I just look suspicious on your customers' property - under those, you know, "heightened circumstances" - you have the authority to shoot me?
Terry Rostand: Correct.
Martin Q. Blank: Wow, all right. How'd you get the gig?
Terry Rostand: Oh, well, they were hiring. And it was only a two-week course."
"[
practicing in a mirror before his high school reunion]
Marty: Hi. I'm, uh, I'm a pet psychiatrist. I sell couch insurance. Mm-hmm, and I - and I test-market positive thinking. I lead a weekend men's group, we specialize in ritual killings. Yeah, you look great! Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you? Hi, I'm Martin Blank, you remember me? I'm not married, I don't have any kids, but I'd blow your head off if someone paid me enough."