seeking approval...why?
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the entire passage of 1 thessalonians (not just verse 12) is about living to please God. Not man. (or woman) and also refers to doing our own work, not anyone elses.
God is in quite a different category to people I think. If we are pleasing God first, then we will win the respect of outsiders, but doing this the other way round is not what the Bible is saying.
when a person is at odds with what God wants there may be indeed a conflict, and we ought to pease God rather than man. Although generally if you are around christian folk it can be much easier to be pleasant. Exceptions are when people can be overly religious and Phariseeaical.
Gods ways are higher than our ways I have learned, and His thoughts are not our thoughts.
"Winning the respect of outsiders... " That speaks to caring what others think, regardless of the motivation.
But it doesnt say about caring what others think of YOU. It is talking about caring how people regard God.
If you dont give God the glory, all you are doing is glorifying yourself which is what satan tries to do.
It actually IS about motivation. Do you read the same Bible I do? In context not just soundbites? Just wondering.
I think...when we think negatively about ourselves hearing compliments or praises make us feel uncomfortable. Maybe, Not always the case just my personal observation...
A long time ago when my self-esteem was low...I don't like compliments...when people say nice things about me I don't believe them...compliments make me feel uncomfortable.
I also find it a bit annoying because I feel like they are not sincere about it... And all the nice things they say about me are lies and not true and they only want to make me feel good about myself Or maybe they want something from me that's why they shower me with compliments
It changed when I learned to appreciate and embrace myself praise God
Now I can receive compliments with a happy heart and a thank you...I think it is nice not only it can improve your mood it can improve the other person's mood also most especially when it's sincere ☺
I think you need to stand a bit apart from your SELF and understand that the body God gave you actually belongs to Him. Then you can accept compliments and praise. You are just the caretaker or steward of that body, which is pretty amazing really.
and it is good to be sincere.
but its not really about negative or positive self esteem that this thread its more asking why people really seek that approval from others like fishing for compliments maybe.
one example that I feel is sometime strange is when a preacher might say in church turn to the person next to you and say they are awesome. I wonder if they teach that in prison ministry too.
and from criminals that are in gangs, they do seek approval from someone in power like the head honcho and do anything to belong right, so is that healthy?
and it is good to be sincere.
but its not really about negative or positive self esteem that this thread its more asking why people really seek that approval from others like fishing for compliments maybe.
one example that I feel is sometime strange is when a preacher might say in church turn to the person next to you and say they are awesome. I wonder if they teach that in prison ministry too.
and from criminals that are in gangs, they do seek approval from someone in power like the head honcho and do anything to belong right, so is that healthy?
I think most ppl feel the need for approval from those around them be it a parent a spouse a teacher, etc... because in our hearts the approval we seek is from God Himself. Unfortunately even though we may be saved many times we still have not renewed our minds or submitted our emotions the Lord. When we were separated from God via sin it really twisted our view of how we see ourselves and others. I think it's ingrained in our souls to desire that approval and love from God but we try to obtain it from ppl. I know for myself I dealt with abandonment issues and from that I would go in phases of inflicting those I was close to that shortcoming. I had to accept that God loved me for me. Period. I was/am pleasing to Him and there's nothing I can do to change that. Somehow the knowing of this has given me freedom in my relationships with others. How I see them and treat them. Now I don't care what ppl think of me. Not in a to hell with them way but more of a resilient calm. There's a big difference between encouraging someone and flattery. One is born of God and the other in our flesh. This is my opinion on this I guess and as always I get long winded but I hope it makes a little sense. LoL
In my case words of affirmation is near last in my love languages. When I hear them I feel uncomfortable not because of low self esteem, but because I have high expectations of myself. I know I need to learn to appreciate compliments better and working on it
It's not just your perception. A lot of people spout a lot of generic compliments that they don't really mean, just because... well, near as I can figure it's because they think they are supposed to say them.I think...when we think negatively about ourselves hearing compliments or praises make us feel uncomfortable. Maybe, Not always the case just my personal observation...
A long time ago when my self-esteem was low...I don't like compliments...when people say nice things about me I don't believe them...compliments make me feel uncomfortable.
I also find it a bit annoying because I feel like they are not sincere about it... And all the nice things they say about me are lies and not true and they only want to make me feel good about myself Or maybe they want something from me that's why they shower me with compliments
It changed when I learned to appreciate and embrace myself praise God
That is the reason... well, one of the multiple reasons... I try to name something specific when I want to tell somebody I approve of something - so they will know I really mean it.
yes I dont mean to say to to hell with everyone else if thats what people have interpreted it as.
I am meaning living to please God first is priority over everyone else. Hes the first I talk to in the morning and the last at night and Hes on my mind with every breath and fibre of my being.
(i suppose unbelievers dont understand this) and the thing with God is, He loves me unconditionally so even when I stuff up Hes not there with a bit stick or a harsh word, He will gently admonish me...and forgive me for things just cos Im human. And if I ask for wisdom He will give it not withhold it.
Now some people may think thats stupid to be forgiven for everything I mean they are harder on themselves and everyone around them so I wonder whos slave are they trying to be.
I am meaning living to please God first is priority over everyone else. Hes the first I talk to in the morning and the last at night and Hes on my mind with every breath and fibre of my being.
(i suppose unbelievers dont understand this) and the thing with God is, He loves me unconditionally so even when I stuff up Hes not there with a bit stick or a harsh word, He will gently admonish me...and forgive me for things just cos Im human. And if I ask for wisdom He will give it not withhold it.
Now some people may think thats stupid to be forgiven for everything I mean they are harder on themselves and everyone around them so I wonder whos slave are they trying to be.
I don't need it, but i do realize that no matter what i do there will always be spectators looking, commenting, judging and giving opinions. I remember not too long ago i set out to do something to better myself and i told a friend about what i was going to do, and he replied "pshhh you can't do that". I had to realize that he was just judging what i could do by his own limitations and projecting it on me. I can't really get mad if that is his perspectives, but i have my own, so i don't have to live within the realm of others approval that way if that makes any kind of sense.
People can only give and produce what they have anyways. He has nothing but doubt, negativity, lack of motivation, no dreams, no ambition and he is extremely judgmental and criticizes most people. It took me a long time to understand that he was just projecting. He judges because he is judged, he criticizes because he criticizes himself and sees others criticizing him, and so forth and so on.
I grew up in a household where my mother was extremely critical, stressful and judgmental. As a parent that's all she had to pass on as a mindset to her kids. As kids your just taught to do as your told and to follow directions, but you don't get to see what kind of mindset and inner thoughts they might they have about themselves. All you get is what is projected on you. So yea, i had to change my way of thinking and stop being so reliant on others opinions and approval. Instead i spend more time being accepting and transparent by reasoning with positivity and greater things within myself.
People can only give and produce what they have anyways. He has nothing but doubt, negativity, lack of motivation, no dreams, no ambition and he is extremely judgmental and criticizes most people. It took me a long time to understand that he was just projecting. He judges because he is judged, he criticizes because he criticizes himself and sees others criticizing him, and so forth and so on.
I grew up in a household where my mother was extremely critical, stressful and judgmental. As a parent that's all she had to pass on as a mindset to her kids. As kids your just taught to do as your told and to follow directions, but you don't get to see what kind of mindset and inner thoughts they might they have about themselves. All you get is what is projected on you. So yea, i had to change my way of thinking and stop being so reliant on others opinions and approval. Instead i spend more time being accepting and transparent by reasoning with positivity and greater things within myself.
I recall I was training to teach english, and one of my fellow classmates who already WAS a teacher told me 'you cant be a teacher' and I wondered why she said that as she wasnt MY teacher, nor was I seeking her approval on anything. I would let my STUDENTS decide if I was a good teacher or not. The proof is in the pudding if someone has actually learned something in a lesson not what another teacher has judged you on. I remember we did have teacher evaluations that sat in on our classes as we taught but she wasnt actually in mine. I think it was because I didnt teach the way she taught. It had more to do with what she thought of herself than what she thought of me...cos no other classmates said that of me.
Im not teaching nowadays but I am observing different teachers in different classes. You will always have some very bright students that are easy to teach and then some difficult ones that make it hard, but I dont think anyone can claim the credit for a bright student or feel bad because of a student has lower level of ability, as long as all made progress.
so I think yes some people are projecting because if a whole class failed they take it personally and feel they themslves are a failure, but if so then Jesus would have been a failed teacher because a lot of his lessons were lost on many of the disciples, they didnt get it. well not the first time!
tips for anyone wanting to be a classroom teacher, you cant teach until everyone is listening. and if you dont give clear instructions, nothing works. But the way the holy spirit teaches that no man can teach is through inside of yourself. The best way Ive learned to teach is through reading and books. once you know how to read and use that skill then you're away and you dont even need a teacher with you or someone with a big stick or carrot as youve learne things 'by heart'
Im not teaching nowadays but I am observing different teachers in different classes. You will always have some very bright students that are easy to teach and then some difficult ones that make it hard, but I dont think anyone can claim the credit for a bright student or feel bad because of a student has lower level of ability, as long as all made progress.
so I think yes some people are projecting because if a whole class failed they take it personally and feel they themslves are a failure, but if so then Jesus would have been a failed teacher because a lot of his lessons were lost on many of the disciples, they didnt get it. well not the first time!
tips for anyone wanting to be a classroom teacher, you cant teach until everyone is listening. and if you dont give clear instructions, nothing works. But the way the holy spirit teaches that no man can teach is through inside of yourself. The best way Ive learned to teach is through reading and books. once you know how to read and use that skill then you're away and you dont even need a teacher with you or someone with a big stick or carrot as youve learne things 'by heart'
Had some further thoughts
its a big thing to feel responsible for someone elses happiness and that burden shouldnt be placed on anyone all the time.
many people do try to place the blame on others...just as people might say 'you make me happy' or 'you make me angry' when in reality, each person needs to take responsibility for their own feelings, and also to realise, feelings and emotions dont last, emotions can be fluid as weather.
of course, nobody likes to around a dark cloud or in a fog all the time, but underneath all that emotional weather, the sun is actually constantly shining, its just been obscured.
in this singles are not confused about who they are to please than marrieds couples are. I think the scary thing about marriage is that if I do something thats pleasing to the other person I will get praise and compliments but if I do something thats NOT pleasing I will get the blame. Imagine having a judge and jury constantly living by your side all the time, that's what it would feel like to me, and then to be dependent on this person ALL the time.
would I then do a tit for tat and be the judge and jury back, well, I would personally find that exhausting! I dont have the energy for that, to grade someone elses performance depending on how pleasing they are to me, and if they didnt measure up, to complain to them about how they arent pleasing me!
See God isnt like this He already has forgiven me and loves unconditionally. Hes the ancient of Days and so has seen the whole of human behaviour before and is not actually surprised at whatever we do, because He KNOWS our hearts motives.
its a big thing to feel responsible for someone elses happiness and that burden shouldnt be placed on anyone all the time.
many people do try to place the blame on others...just as people might say 'you make me happy' or 'you make me angry' when in reality, each person needs to take responsibility for their own feelings, and also to realise, feelings and emotions dont last, emotions can be fluid as weather.
of course, nobody likes to around a dark cloud or in a fog all the time, but underneath all that emotional weather, the sun is actually constantly shining, its just been obscured.
in this singles are not confused about who they are to please than marrieds couples are. I think the scary thing about marriage is that if I do something thats pleasing to the other person I will get praise and compliments but if I do something thats NOT pleasing I will get the blame. Imagine having a judge and jury constantly living by your side all the time, that's what it would feel like to me, and then to be dependent on this person ALL the time.
would I then do a tit for tat and be the judge and jury back, well, I would personally find that exhausting! I dont have the energy for that, to grade someone elses performance depending on how pleasing they are to me, and if they didnt measure up, to complain to them about how they arent pleasing me!
See God isnt like this He already has forgiven me and loves unconditionally. Hes the ancient of Days and so has seen the whole of human behaviour before and is not actually surprised at whatever we do, because He KNOWS our hearts motives.
F
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You can’t please them all so please God.
I might dig into this later then with a simple one liner.
I might dig into this later then with a simple one liner.
It is a kindness to others to allow them to love on you. As the body of Christ we work best when we are in right relationship with each other and work in harmony. For people who have gifts of encouragement, affirming others is part of how they are wired. We are told to lift each other up, to help each other on the journey. Allowing ourselves to be helped and supported is difficult and oh so humbling, but it helps the body to function well.In my case words of affirmation is near last in my love languages. When I hear them I feel uncomfortable not because of low self esteem, but because I have high expectations of myself. I know I need to learn to appreciate compliments better and working on it
Your expectations of yourself may need to be tempered with the same mercy and kindness you give to others.Caring for someone shouldn't be based on their performance. It is just because you are you. Hugs to you my brother.
I always find Christian answers to such questions dubious. Everyone has the same answer and there is very little openness, honesty or anything personal when Christians speak on such matters.
Everyone is quick to hit the "i don't have this problem" button. And previously I always believed peoples answers. And as a Christian that struggled a lot constantly seeing all these people answering such questions and proclaiming they don't struggle intimidated me and made my struggles worse.
Eventually I learned to stop taking people, especially on social media, and especially especially Christians, at face value. Half the people on this site act as if they're essentially sinless or lacking in any way. And yet I've learned people who talk the biggest hide the most struggles.
A perfect example is a user that used to be on this site. They seemed to have it all together. I found them to be very intimidating to me due to my own struggles. I got to know them only to find out they were a bit of a mess. They had simply become an expert at hiding all that was wrong and coming across as very personally and spiritually mature.
And that's often what Christian culture teaches. Don't show struggles. Don't show flaws. Appear perfect no matter how much it hurts.
And commonly when I make such posts there is a flurry of people desperate to argue to prove how true what they said was. Thereby calling themselves out.
If you're reading this and intimated by all those who have transcended their struggles, don't be. It's not true. Lots of people struggle with all kinds of things, few will admit it.
And I admit it myself I can struggle with the issue presented in this thread. So if you do too, don't feel bad, you aren't alone.
Everyone is quick to hit the "i don't have this problem" button. And previously I always believed peoples answers. And as a Christian that struggled a lot constantly seeing all these people answering such questions and proclaiming they don't struggle intimidated me and made my struggles worse.
Eventually I learned to stop taking people, especially on social media, and especially especially Christians, at face value. Half the people on this site act as if they're essentially sinless or lacking in any way. And yet I've learned people who talk the biggest hide the most struggles.
A perfect example is a user that used to be on this site. They seemed to have it all together. I found them to be very intimidating to me due to my own struggles. I got to know them only to find out they were a bit of a mess. They had simply become an expert at hiding all that was wrong and coming across as very personally and spiritually mature.
And that's often what Christian culture teaches. Don't show struggles. Don't show flaws. Appear perfect no matter how much it hurts.
And commonly when I make such posts there is a flurry of people desperate to argue to prove how true what they said was. Thereby calling themselves out.
If you're reading this and intimated by all those who have transcended their struggles, don't be. It's not true. Lots of people struggle with all kinds of things, few will admit it.
And I admit it myself I can struggle with the issue presented in this thread. So if you do too, don't feel bad, you aren't alone.