Zally, Im going to say somthign EXTREAMLY improtant, please listen. this is in Love, and i HAVE been in the exact spot that you have been in.
YOu cant pray, or read the bible becasue there is a WALL up. When we sin, or have unforgiveness, there i an immidiate wall put up from us and God. An the Eil one is allowed to confuse us.
The ONE thing that breaks that wall down, is Repenting of ALL sin. ALL of it. And just truly crying out to God. Really. Last August, I had no job, stopped going to school. I had broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years, I was falling deep into drugs, i had beleived in God, but felt stuck. I couldnt read my bible I couldnt pray more then "Help" I prayed "Lord help" a few times in late august. He did. He poured out repentance and mersy on me, adn broke that wall a bit, whic hgae me the opertunity to completely Jsut cry out to God, To jsut beg Him to take over my life, I appologised for ALL the times i ignored him, adn oall of the sin i could think of, and he completely washed me again, and fixed me all up of the damage i had unconciously caused myself.
The Evil one wants to Keep us from Repentance. he wants us to live in fear, unrepentance hopelessness, adn confuson. GOD wants to make his little girl again.
Just Cry out to him. He WILL come to your recuse, repentance is the sword that cuts through the devils schemes. Jsut cry out for him, desire his help ALWAYS.
I hope that helps, I jsut Truly know what you coudl possibly be feeling, maybe not fully. But Repentance is our greatest weapon. Truly. If we continualy confess ALL, and repent(180 degree turn) from all of out past...you will see God again. GOD is right there with you, he IS guiding you, protecting you, its jsut the enimie builds a wall, to try and get your eyes off of God, Again Repentance balsts throug hthat wall like dynamite.
I hope that helped. JEsus Loves you, adn he IS right there wit hyou always. Just lean back into his arms and have HIM carry you.