Looking for input..

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Crypto

Crypto

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Nov 14, 2009
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So I have this situation...

I have a good friend who is going to work at a Christian camp for the summer. She and I have been good friends for ages and the thought of not being around her for 2 months is not a pleasant one. Last time she went and worked down there in 2009 I wrote her, when I suggested it this time, she said I would have to ask her dad's permission (which I didn't do last time). I've also been praying about God's will for her, and before this I'd been seeing positive signs so the thought of pursuing her after she finishes school has crossed my mind but I've also been asking God to show me whether or not it is His will or if He is closing the door and wants me to give her up. So now I'm at a loss as to what to do. Possibilities that have come to my mind:

1) Ask her dad for permission and get turned down and take it as God closing the door
2) Ask her dad for permission and get accepted
3) Don't write her and don't ask for permission because I believe God is closing the door
4) Don't write and don't ask for permission and trust God that He has all this figured out but run the risk of her finding other guys lol

Advice and input is appreciated!!
 
Based on what you've posted I don't see why you wouldn't go along with her request and ask her dad for permission to write?
 
Hmm...it sounds to me like maybe she is feeling something for you as well or she would not have suggested something like you asking her dad for permission.

It seems that if she did not want you to write her, then she would have said so. (esspecially since you have known each other for a long time.)
 
I guess part of me doesn't want him to get the wrong impression of the request. I don't want him to perceive that I am trying to pursue her right now because I know the timing isn't right for that.
 
grace said:
Hmm...it sounds to me like maybe she is feeling something for you as well or she would not have suggested something like you asking her dad for permission.

It seems that if she did not want you to write her, then she would have said so. (esspecially since you have known each other for a long time.)
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Well she is polite and tactful and I don't think she would have said that even if she hated me. Might it be that she doesn't care either way? idk...
 
Make your request to dad very clear.

"sir, I love my friendship with your daughter. When she went away a couple of summers ago we had a great time writing back and forth....I would enjoy doing that with her again this summer when she is away at camp, but she made the request that I ask you first.. Two months would be a long time for us to be out of communication, so would it be ok with you if she and I were to write one another?"

(that states your intentions pretty clearly, and also lets him know that it was her request to ask him...so it is not as if you are asking him to court her.)

Ask the man, and enjoy writing her and enjoy receivng her letters too! :)
 
grace said:
Make your request to dad very clear.

"sir, I love my friendship with your daughter. When she went away a couple of summers ago we had a great time writing back and forth....I would enjoy doing that with her again this summer when she is away at camp, but she made the request that I ask you first.. Two months would be a long time for us to be out of communication, so would it be ok with you if she and I were to write one another?"

(that states your intentions pretty clearly, and also lets him know that it was her request to ask him...so it is not as if you are asking him to court her.)

Ask the man, and enjoy writing her and enjoy receivng her letters too! :)
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That seems to be pretty clear, thanks. What should I do if h says no? I mean... how should I respond?
 
Well, if it were me, and the dad told me no, I am sure you would be able to see the hurt on my face....but I would *recover* long enough to respectfully ask why?

I would probably say something to the effect of, "well, sir...your daughter obviously respects your opinion and authority. Since she does, I do as well, but could you tell me why you would not like her and I to write back and forth? "

From there....unless he asks you any direct questions, I would accept his answer and thank him for his time.

IF, and I say IF...he says no. Then, may I suggest that during the time when she is gone, that you can maybe still write to her....but save the letters until she gets back and then give them to her? (I know, I know...this may sound a bit corny....but if I were her, I would love it!!) :)
 
grace said:
Well, if it were me, and the dad told me no, I am sure you would be able to see the hurt on my face....but I would *recover* long enough to respectfully ask why?

I would probably say something to the effect of, "well, sir...your daughter obviously respects your opinion and authority. Since she does, I do as well, but could you tell me why you would not like her and I to write back and forth? "

From there....unless he asks you any direct questions, I would accept his answer and thank him for his time.

IF, and I say IF...he says no. Then, may I suggest that during the time when she is gone, that you can maybe still write to her....but save the letters until she gets back and then give them to her? (I know, I know...this may sound a bit corny....but if I were her, I would love it!!) :)
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Well he's actually really hard to get ahold of, so I was planning to email if I did ask. And part of the reason also is it would allow me to save face and would make it less humiliating (because other ppl would probably be around if I tried it in person). And I want it to be like, less formal I guess? So what would you say to that situation?
 
I would take the same approach....just in email form.

and I have to agree with you.....it will be a LOT less intimidating not having to do it face to face. lol
 
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The fact you have so many possibilities tells me you're unsure of what to do, and even more unsure of what God wants. For the simple reason of he hasn't answered you yet, but this doesn't mean he won't.

So here's what to do when unsure - nothing. You don't want to pursue something and later watch it collapse cause you attempted it out of you're own strength and even more so cause it isn't the one God wants for you. I know it may be very difficult to not make any move considering the friendship and the history and what not. But think about it; God's going to make it work if she is intended for you, regardless however bleak it may seem not writing her, and lounging around missing her.

Whenever you feel distressed and discouraged, pray. Whenever you feel the situation hopeless, pray. Whenever you miss her pray likewise. For the Lord will honour your perseverance and patients on waiting on behalf of him, and he will not let the righteous fall.

Be diligent and keep praying; fast if you feel necessary - God will move in the matter at the right time. Just be persistent in asking him for a crystal clear sign that you will know is from him so you know where to take things from there and quite simply for his will to be done over it.

I wish you well.
 
Question: How old is this girl?? I see that your 25, why would you have to ask her father to write her?

If she didnt seem enthusiastic about you writing her, then i wouldnt.

I waaay disagree with the above post. That theory is just ...... ridiculous. I agree you should pray about this for sure! However God isnt going to magically put the two of you together if you do nothing to encourage things between the two of you. You simply cannot sit around doing nothing but pray and say ohhh well if god wants us to be together he'll put us together..When nothing is being done to connect you and her.


Crypto If you like her, then do something about it. Dont just sit around and do nothing. Ask her father if you can write her. Whats the worst he can say.... no. If he does, then you get over it and move on. If he says yes, then you go foward with it. Continually praying for direction. If she likes you back... then doing nothing will look to her as though your just clearly not interested.



If you never ask, you will never know. If you never know you'll probably always wonder.
 
So I talked to her and it really did not go the way I expected and had hoped for....
 
Crypto said:
So I talked to her and it really did not go the way I expected and had hoped for....
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You never awaited upon The Lord to confirm things and sought him enough in persistent and sincere prayer. You've now witnessed first hand the consequences of that, we end up confused and lost and in a daze. Go be alone with God in prayer and meditation, ask him to shew his ways unto you and to be able to reap the teaching from this error to know better next time.

Remember, for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity. - Proverbs 24:16

You may have been knocked down, but God is ready to pull you up again. Forgiveness is right where you fell. Be lifted back up onto your feet again by pursuing the Lord for forgiveness and guidance all night if it takes, joy comes in the morning.
 
EverlastingChange said:
You never awaited upon The Lord to confirm things and sought him enough in persistent and sincere prayer. You've now witnessed first hand the consequences of that, we end up confused and lost and in a daze. Go be alone with God in prayer and meditation, ask him to shew his ways unto you and to be able to reap the teaching from this error to know better next time.

Remember, for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity. - Proverbs 24:16

You may have been knocked down, but God is ready to pull you up again. Forgiveness is right where you fell. Be lifted back up onto your feet again by pursuing the Lord for forgiveness and guidance all night if it takes, joy comes in the morning.
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Umm I did. I prayed about it heavily, and had many questions I needed to have answered. Some of the information she disclosed was really important, but I was just unprepared for it. But thanks for your closing encouragement, it is kind of you to say.
 
Stephen said:
What exactly was her response?
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She completely misunderstood my purpose in writing to her; my purpose was to keep up a friendship; she interpreted it as me pursuing her. And awkward as it was, she told me she was "99.9% sure" it was not God's will for anything to ever come of us. Which caught me totally off guard, because I wasn't even thinking that far ahead.
 
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