I figured this would be an appropriate place to post this: “Midnight Confessions” -- those thoughts that are always in your head but you never dare voice them! I find if I don't find some sort of outlet for expression, I might just go mad (that is a confession in itself right there!!)
The irony is I told myself I was ‘done’ on the forums. Yet here I am back again… still searching, still seeking.
And with that, here is my confession, my confusion, my plight.
Read it – judge it if you will –
but these are the confessions of one “TimothyGirl”…
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Someone once sent me a meme of a bunch of kindergarteners on Halloween; the caption read: “in a world full of princesses, dare to be batman!”
Ever feel like you’re the batman? I must confess that I would love to be the princess in this story, but I definitely feel more like batman! In more ways than one. I sometimes wish I knew if there were more “batmans” out there – those that are prepared to break away from the status quo. My whole life I have always felt like I’m the ‘odd one out’ – from the way I think to the choices I make. I suppose being home-schooled has a lot to do with it! (Shout out to all of you homeschoolers who can relate!!
)
But it’s more than that. It has to do with calling. It has to do with being a Christian; it has to do with choosing to bear the reproach of Christ over “fitting in.” Sometimes I wish the road were easier… sometimes I wish it weren’t so lonely. But then, if it were, it wouldn’t build the same sort of character, would it?
I think what I would love to know is:
is there anyone out there who can relate?! I often think of Elijah when he was having a fat whinge to the Lord. He also felt like he was the ‘only one’. The Lord assured him that He had reserved 7,000 others like him who had not bowed the knee to Baal. I’d certainly like to meet up with some of them!! Guess that’s why I decided to join the forums in the first place.
Perhaps lockdown is getting to my head. But maybe its more than that. See, where I come from everyone will tell you they’re a Christian, but not many can
relate with the walk of the Cross: with denying yourself and your flesh in favour of pursuing Christ.
I was talking to my “ex” Youth Pastor the other day whom I haven’t seen in years; it was my turn to have a bit of a whinge. I was… expressing myself… as to how I had just moved towns and am really struggling to find Christian friends here where I am. I commented to him that because of lockdown, I can’t even go to church and find friends there! He laughed rather dejectedly and said to me, “Don’t waste your time looking for [like-minded Christian] friends in church; you won’t find them there.” That’s really sad. But unfortunately, it’s true; especially here where I’m from, and especially amongst my culture. I have actually started wondering to myself where the Christians are hiding and why it’s so difficult to find them?!
So this is my confession, my confusion, my plight:
There is something I am searching for, something in which my soul would delight,
and that is to find like-minded people who serve the Lord with all their might.
This, dear brothers, dear sisters, is what often haunts me in the night.
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