Kayla,
I might be right. I might be wrong. I don't know. But here's what I do know: I am seeking after the truth. I don't care where it takes me. I don't care if everyone on this planet hates me for it. I'm going to go after the truth regardless. I read my Bible, I study history, and I've travelled quite a bit. The opinions I hold are not based on nothing. I used to think pretty much exactly as you do. The opinions I hold are what I honestly believe to be true. If God shows me I'm wrong, then I'll change in a heartbeat. But I'll tell you what: It feels like everything I ever thought I knew has turned out to be a lie. The only thing I've found that's remained trustworthy is our Lord, Jesus. All I want to do is serve our Savior.
I might be right. I might be wrong. I don't know. But here's what I do know: I am seeking after the truth. I don't care where it takes me. I don't care if everyone on this planet hates me for it. I'm going to go after the truth regardless. I read my Bible, I study history, and I've travelled quite a bit. The opinions I hold are not based on nothing. I used to think pretty much exactly as you do. The opinions I hold are what I honestly believe to be true. If God shows me I'm wrong, then I'll change in a heartbeat. But I'll tell you what: It feels like everything I ever thought I knew has turned out to be a lie. The only thing I've found that's remained trustworthy is our Lord, Jesus. All I want to do is serve our Savior.
Galatians 4:16
“Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?”
You are wise to realize that you will be hated for speaking the truth. Even by other Christians. I have been vilified by other believers but I look to Christ, and Chuck Baldwin, Tim Brown, Bradlee Dean - they have all been vilified for speaking the truth. "All who would live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution..." And it does mean "suffer."
Once you find truth you know that you can't go back. And there is a cost. You may have to leave a church where you know the truth isn't being taught. You may end up losing friends. You will most likely be vilified.
I also think that you have the right mindset very little seen today: You're going to follow the truth wherever it leads and you're keeping open to where it leads - and willing to question your own self. Some of the worst I've found are legalistic so-called "Christians" who call you names: crazy, anti-semite, closet leftist, - Christians whose minds are bound by lies can be very mean, very nasty people. I was on another "Christian" forum and one man in particular was nasty. It didn't matter what I said he'd find something mean and abusive to say. I think there was also some jealousy involved. He was really weird; my husband said it sounded like something was wrong with him. But what really concerned me was the silence of other "Christians" when he became abusive. And what was even more telling was sometimes he would egg other "Christians" on to join him in his abuse.
I've spoken to others who have been abused on "Christian" forums. One forum that was abusive another believer told me was owned by two men in sin. Many have been abused in "Christian" churches. I came to see that legalistic type are the most damaging. I actually had one church where the leadership told me "God put them in their positions over us and we had to listen to them."
What an eye-opener. I was younger then but God let us experience it. It was very painful at the time. I prayed earnestly because they had hurt someone that I care about and they didn't seem to care. How naive` I was. I didn't know it at the time but we were likely considered "unimportant" as we didn't hold any "position" in the church.
Going by the book of Esther I prayed that God would take all sleep and peace from the pastors to show them what they were doing was wrong.
I should point out that I had an off feeling about that church when we first went there - it was something hard to define but I felt uncomfortable there - off; but I went because my husband wanted to go there. I now think it was the Holy Spirit warning me that there was a wrong spirit operating in that church. Some truth only comes in retrospect. We are not to "believe every spirit" but if we do exercise this very...very cautiously...I think we'll hear the "still, small voice" that warns us. It may come as a "feeling" of something not feeling quite right, although you may not be able to define it or put your finger on it.
I believe all gifts are to be exercised very carefully. Satan is very deceptive. James Dobson wrote a good book on it: "Emotions."
We went to church the following week. The pastor stood up and the first words out of his mouth were "Your pastor couldn't sleep..." I about fell off the chair. I knew God had heard my earnest prayers as I was deeply hurt because the pastors had hurt someone I care about. God saw it. I approached the pastor after it was over and told him how I had been praying.
That was when I learned how church politics worked. And was I in for a lesson.
Everyone in my home prayer group shunned me after that - except one person who joined the church later as we did. That pastor had obviously called those people in - I don't know what he told them but I knew he labeled me a heretic. There was nothing "Christian" about any of it. Nothing. It was actually scary at how people could mindlessly follow two pastors unquestioningly. I think it was to stay in the church's good graces.
It was ugly.
The pastors obviously couldn't believe that God would answer the prayer of a nobody like me. Why I didn't even hold any position in the church! It must have been some other spirit that I used to keep the pastor awake!
I don't know what was said but it couldn't have been good. The pastor never once questioned HIMSELF or questioned if God did answer an earnest, heartfelt prayer of someone deeply wounded in their church.
I was hurt beyond words. These people had been to our home. I saw just how cliquish churches can be and how they walk in lock-step. It was like Nazi Germany instead of a church. Looking back it was all pretty sick. I don't know how those people could all turn their back on another believer like that. Politics are ugly. And church politics are uglier. And church "Christians" are even uglier.
So I went online and emailed numerous pastors. I explained what had happened and got 11 responses back. I thank God for those godly ministers who spoke the truth and cared much more than the people in that church ever did. Two of them in particular explained it very well. They told me that the leadership was acting ungodly and they would not want to be in a church like that.
Being naive` I printed the responses and gave them to the pastor.
He was very dismissive of me - as if I didn't even warrant his time. I got a hefty lesson in church politics about who counts and who does not. Wow! And boy you'd better believe that there are church politics. I've read that there are demons assigned to every church and I've come to see that many demonic spirits work right through church leadership. They think they're being godly and they're being demonic. That was the most demonic church we'd ever been in. We watched as those pastors did Satan's work while puffing themselves up to think they were doing God's work.
The pastor said "Oh you just told those pastors what you wanted them to hear."
I encouraged him to email every pastor I had contacted and tell it from HIS side. I told him that every one of their emails was on the printouts and he should contact them himself.
He refused.
What does that tell you?
Think about it.