I feel like I hate him...

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I posted a thread in the prayer forum weeks ago about my ex boyfriend. We'd been together off and on for 5 years. During one "break" he got a 16 year old pregnant & ran her off after 2 months... and like a stupid girl I went back because I'd missed him all that time. He's been calling her the b word ever since. He told her he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, but he told me from the beginning he didn't know if the baby was his or not because after he got with her her friends told him she had sex with someone else the week before... and she also spent the night with that guy after she was pregnant.
Anyways, the baby did turn out to be his and he agreed not to see the child and she agreed he wouldn't have to pay child support. Until she decided she wanted child support a couple months ago and he started seeing him.

Anyways, I'm pregnant and I left him because he started off fussing because I wouldn't have sex with him everyday after I got pregnant. (because I was cramping and felt like I was going to puke 24/7) I just came to stay with my mom for a little bit because he was getting on my nerves about it. And then I saw a chat on fb between him and the other girl where he was telling her all kinds of crap about me, some of it was lies, but it was the exact same crap that he told me about her when she left (aside from the not knowing if it's his baby). And then he was telling me lies about stuff that had happened between us and blaming everything on me and said he hated me & doesn't want to know anything about the baby. He KNOWS this one is his baby and he's being this way...

So this time I figured I'd get over him for sure. He's always blamed everything on me & I would start missing him and I'd either think everything was my fault like he said or just ignore it. Well this time I know it's not my fault and I see what a bad person he is. I just feel so betrayed and used. I had a dream last night about him where he was back with the other girl (which I honestly expect to happen if it hasn't already from the things they were saying to each other) and normally I'd feel sad from the dreams and miss him. But when I woke up... I did feel sad... but because I loved him and he just acted like he didn't give a crap about me or this baby. So now I'm really feeling like I hate him. I just wish I wouldn't think about him at all or dream about him. I don't want him back. I always wanted him to be happy before, even when he was saying all kinds of crap to me & I didn't think we'd get back together. But this time I just hope he gets back with that girl and that they make each other miserable. And this is weird for me because I never wish bad things on people...
 
shootingstars said:
I posted a thread in the prayer forum weeks ago about my ex boyfriend. We'd been together off and on for 5 years. During one "break" he got a 16 year old pregnant & ran her off after 2 months... and like a stupid girl I went back because I'd missed him all that time. He's been calling her the b word ever since. He told her he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, but he told me from the beginning he didn't know if the baby was his or not because after he got with her her friends told him she had sex with someone else the week before... and she also spent the night with that guy after she was pregnant.
Anyways, the baby did turn out to be his and he agreed not to see the child and she agreed he wouldn't have to pay child support. Until she decided she wanted child support a couple months ago and he started seeing him.

Anyways, I'm pregnant and I left him because he started off fussing because I wouldn't have sex with him everyday after I got pregnant. (because I was cramping and felt like I was going to puke 24/7) I just came to stay with my mom for a little bit because he was getting on my nerves about it. And then I saw a chat on fb between him and the other girl where he was telling her all kinds of crap about me, some of it was lies, but it was the exact same crap that he told me about her when she left (aside from the not knowing if it's his baby). And then he was telling me lies about stuff that had happened between us and blaming everything on me and said he hated me & doesn't want to know anything about the baby. He KNOWS this one is his baby and he's being this way...

So this time I figured I'd get over him for sure. He's always blamed everything on me & I would start missing him and I'd either think everything was my fault like he said or just ignore it. Well this time I know it's not my fault and I see what a bad person he is. I just feel so betrayed and used. I had a dream last night about him where he was back with the other girl (which I honestly expect to happen if it hasn't already from the things they were saying to each other) and normally I'd feel sad from the dreams and miss him. But when I woke up... I did feel sad... but because I loved him and he just acted like he didn't give a crap about me or this baby. So now I'm really feeling like I hate him. I just wish I wouldn't think about him at all or dream about him. I don't want him back. I always wanted him to be happy before, even when he was saying all kinds of crap to me & I didn't think we'd get back together. But this time I just hope he gets back with that girl and that they make each other miserable. And this is weird for me because I never wish bad things on people...
Click to expand...

You may not wish bad things on people, but it certainly seems like you are willing to take bad things on yourself even in an attempt to appease others. How is it better for you then for them? Think about what you you are giving to others and hoping to get yourself.

The guy is just a an immature predator who is going to keep on with other girls and will never get his fill.You need to take a stand for yourself and not let this guy ruin your life or that of your kid. You should quit him completely cutting of all communication and find some people who love you and will take care of just you. And don't keep settling for pathetic "I'm sorry" from people who clearly are not. Don't let it harden you , but don't be a doormat. Its a hard medium to be in I know.

And of course the greatest person being Jesus, who it really sounds like you need for some support.
 
I am so sorry that you are in this position. I know how hard it is, as a mind, heart and soul struggle. You must put God first and then yourself. Your child needs you and its not that you hate him but you hate the sin, the pain. I went through something very similar to your story, however it wasnt till after I was pregnant that he started to act out like this. And yes weird as all may see but we do miss "him" which is the nice part and times of that person. But the bad times make us angry and sick to our stomachs.
The only advise that I can give you is from what I have learned however I know from being in this position its something that you must do for yourself. But that I didnt want to be a single mom, I wanted my family together a complete mom and dad family for my child. I stuck it out the whole pregnancy while he cheated and was MIA, it was very difficult but I prayed oooo so much and kept my head on straight through all the hormone changes cause obviouly the father did not have his on straight, After my son was born...well for a whole week he was a focused amazing dad...after that... I couldnt keep him focused if I paid him. Drugs, drinking, cheating, never helped pay any bills and then... the abuse got worse everytime till it got a lot worse. Mind you he never hit me while I was preg it was all manipulation, and verbal abuse. He made me think I was crazy...but I could see that devil in his eyes... I started Therapy cause I thought maybe it is me. You get caught up in this abuse cycle and jsut being so compassionate you just want to make it work. But if you can be strong and keep away from him, even file for support or custody now...do it. I personally wish I would have left while I was preg, I could see this all exactlly the way it is, but I am the type to have NO regrets and well I call it stubborn... others call it strong. But be BE BE SAFE! Guys like this want to do what they want with NO concequense and when they get caught up will lie, and deny to their death and/or do something else. So I am praying for you and your little blessing : ) And am here if you ever need to vent or need an ear :)
 
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