I am a sinner. That is evident to all of you, for we all are. I will be more specific. I reached my rock bottom of sin. I will spare you the details, firstly, that it is between me and God, and secondly because God does not discriminate. We are all sinners and we will all be forgiven through our accepting of the LORD and Saviour Christ Jesus, Amen.
At first I was almost bemused by my sin. I felt myself above the laws of man and God. But then I was forced to reflect upon what I might have done, and such an intensity of horror invaded every inch of my being. I was so afraid. Terrified, as if I were a soldier outnumbered before an imminent siege, I was shaking and almost physically sick. I would wipe at my nose and spot blood upon the tissue. What little sleep I had gotten was full of progressively distressing images. I wished my mother were alive to offer me some comfort, yet I was also relieved she were not able to know of my wretchedness. I wanted to die in my sleep rather than to face up to what I might have done. I spent several days in a state of despair, not eating, barely sleeping, and drinking up to a bottle of vodka everyday just to function somewhat normally.
I realised that I had spent my entire life living in cowardice. I wanted to share desperately what I might have done, yet was so disgusted and afraid that I thought of no-one I could talk to. But I remembered the person of whom I had forgotten; He had not forgotten me.
He spoke to me. He had struck terror into my heart, terror such that I was almost sick with fear. I knew that I had to promise to keep myself from sin. Freedom is cheap when mistakes are expensive.
Many accuse God of being unjust, but whereas some men will never forgive, God's forgiveness is infinite. I must endeavor to always thank Him and be grateful to Him and the world he was He has created for me and the life He has granted me.
Amen.
At first I was almost bemused by my sin. I felt myself above the laws of man and God. But then I was forced to reflect upon what I might have done, and such an intensity of horror invaded every inch of my being. I was so afraid. Terrified, as if I were a soldier outnumbered before an imminent siege, I was shaking and almost physically sick. I would wipe at my nose and spot blood upon the tissue. What little sleep I had gotten was full of progressively distressing images. I wished my mother were alive to offer me some comfort, yet I was also relieved she were not able to know of my wretchedness. I wanted to die in my sleep rather than to face up to what I might have done. I spent several days in a state of despair, not eating, barely sleeping, and drinking up to a bottle of vodka everyday just to function somewhat normally.
I realised that I had spent my entire life living in cowardice. I wanted to share desperately what I might have done, yet was so disgusted and afraid that I thought of no-one I could talk to. But I remembered the person of whom I had forgotten; He had not forgotten me.
He spoke to me. He had struck terror into my heart, terror such that I was almost sick with fear. I knew that I had to promise to keep myself from sin. Freedom is cheap when mistakes are expensive.
Many accuse God of being unjust, but whereas some men will never forgive, God's forgiveness is infinite. I must endeavor to always thank Him and be grateful to Him and the world he was He has created for me and the life He has granted me.
Amen.
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