How do young divorce folks cope?

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yinkbell

yinkbell

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May 27, 2021
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Does the scripture says anything about a dirvocee getting married again taking Mathew chapter 19 and 1st Corinthians chapter 7 into consideration.
. For those that have studied along that line; married and divorced see should pls share there opinion.
. Is it a sin for a single man to marry a divorce woman who is born again?
. What does the Bible says about marrying a dirvocee?
Let's contribute, God bless you all.
 
yinkbell said:
Does the scripture says anything about a dirvocee getting married again taking Mathew chapter 19 and 1st Corinthians chapter 7 into consideration.
. For those that have studied along that line; married and divorced see should pls share there opinion.
. Is it a sin for a single man to marry a divorce woman who is born again?
. What does the Bible says about marrying a dirvocee?
Let's contribute, God bless you all.
Click to expand...
Even if it is a sin, it is not unpardonable. It very much depends on circumstances as well. I was divorced around 25 years ago. I've not remarried. I do not look down on those who do remarry. I'm 70 so it's not a big deal to me. For younger people, it is much more of an issue. The most spiritual man I ever met was married 3 times.

Anyone contemplating divorce needs to think long and hard and be sure that there is no alternative. It is emotionally draining, hurtful for the children and very expensive. But sometimes marriage does not work out. In an ideal world, and with ideal Christians, the issue should never arise. Christians are still fallible, still prone to rush into marriage and still make plenty of mistakes. As long as people learn from their experiences, divorce does not mean the end of the Christian's life or potential for ministry. Denominations that teach otherwise need to learn something about forgiveness and restoration.
 
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Thanks for this reply.
As regards to the matter of getting remarry; you said it is unpardonable sin. You concluded that those folks who re-married have lost their salvation and doomed for hell regardless of what led to the divorce? I am still not clear about this issue.
What will you say about the following circumstances;
1. A Christian woman who was divorced before she came to Christ, can such a person remarry?
2. What about a Christian woman who suffered domestic violence and left so as to preserve her health and later on married to another Christian man; is she living in adultery?
3. A man (Christian)whose wife left him for another man even though he didn't want dirvoce. If such man remarry, is he living in adultery?
All people who fall into this category and want to remarry so as not to fall into sin of fornication; don't you think the Lord is concerned with their emotional well-being? Some are single young mothers whose children desire a fatherly care and support. What do you think God's perspective should be concerning all this issues? If people in this categories desire to remarry you think they can't bcos you think God frowned at it? What about people who re-married and got the baptism of the Holy Spirit, do you think God Baptized them with Holy Spirit while still living in adultery? We can look at Mathew 19, 1cor 7 putting them together in the light of real life circumstances. The word of God prevail over all circumstances.
I still need clarification about this issue. I really appreciate you for sharing your life experience, I still want to see more life experience on this forum
Thanks alot sir for sharing your wealth of experience. God bless you sir.
 
Here are my notes and conclusions from a quick (ie maybe an hour or two, not a lifetime) study of the topic of divorce in scripture:

In response to someone saying that marrying a divorced person is equal to adultery and therefore sinful and all divorced people should remain unmarried. Since this idea is spread a lot around various forums as what the Bible says, I decided to do a quick Bible search on the word divorce and here's some of what I found posted in the hopes that those facing or who have been through a divorce can have a better idea of what the Bible teaches.

Quick Bible search on divorce reveals:

OT law: Divorce and remarriage were permitted under God's covenant (i.e. not sin) (Deuteronomy 24:1-2) except in special circumstances, usually involving the man having sexual relations with the woman before marriage and thus making her ineligible for marriage to anyone else ( see Deut 22) (In Jeremiah 3:8 God uses the same word for divorce and says he divorced Israel for faithlessness). The word for divorce used here comes from a root meaning cut off.

Ezra 10: There was a problem that the covenant people had taken pagan wives and they made a covenant with God to send them away. Some translations use divorce here though the Hebrew word is different and means more of of sending out or movement away from. Their sin in this case was not the "divorcing" but the marrying.

Mal 2:16- the famous God hates divorce passage. Divorce in this case is yet another Hebrew word meaning to cast out or send away. Some people speculate that what was happening in this case is that the men were abandoning their wives and the responsibility to provide for them without even giving them the legal freedom of divorce to find another husband who would take care of them. And the translations vary between whether God hates this or whether a man who does this to his wife is showing her hatred. The passage is clear that breaking the marriage vows is evil, an act of treachery, but places no blame on the one who was gotten rid of.

Matt 5: 31-32 This is the famous passage on divorce equals adultery. Interestingly enough, this comes in Jesus' sermon on the mount right after the part about adultery and right before the part about vows. To be fair in this sermon Jesus also says that being angry with someone equals murder and lust equals adultery and you should chop off body parts that cause you to lust. We better enforce those things as well if we're going to be fully obedient to scripture.

Jesus has another discussion about divorce in Matt 19. He states that divorce isn't God's design, and that a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery- unless his wife had been unfaithful.


So in light of the fact that God permitted divorce among his covenant people, and the context of what Jesus said about divorce being so tightly linked to adultery, I think the most just interpretation is Jesus' meaning was that divorcing your spouse so that you can be with someone else is just as evil as if you actually committed adultery and cheated on your spouse. Just like it wouldn't be acceptable in God's sight to plan to get married, sleep together, and then divorce an hour later so that you didn't technically commit fornication. That interpretation also seems much more in line with Jesus telling the woman caught in adultery to go and sin no more and Paul's counsel in 1 Cor 7 to let unbelieving spouses leave if they wish, since believers aren't bound in such a case.

I'm sure this isn't an exhaustive study, but hopefully it can encourage some people who show up and get out of context Bible verses thrown at them.
 
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i think it can depend on who is doing the divorcing or leaving. If husband leaves or wife left and what happens with children, who is looking after them?

Or are they not casualities of the divorce?


A man came into the bookshop last night wanting me to print out divorce papers. For some strange reason, they had to be printed on yellow paper so he had to buy a packet of yellow paper to make 3 copies. He started filling the form out at the counter. There are different forms, he asked for a one-party or one person divorce form. He said to go to the ministry of justice website, they have them there.

I didnt really want to ask questions or get involved in this mans personal affairs, though this was the first time anyone had ever asked me to print out divorce papers. (usually people want copies of passports, drivers licences, CVs, job applications, references etc) I guess he wanted to start a new life. I dont judge people for divorcing. There are quite a number of divorcees who attend church and have been born again. Both men and women. I think people are human and make mistakes, though I do think it can be really hard on their children to understand.
 
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The woman at the well conversation with Jesus comes to mind, who had five husbands and was now living with someone who wasnt her husband.
scripture doesnt tell us if this woman subsequently married again for the sixth time, but she was born again and met her Messiah. Jesus didnt judge her, he gave her grace.
 
yinkbell said:
Does the scripture says anything about a dirvocee getting married again taking Mathew chapter 19 and 1st Corinthians chapter 7 into consideration.
. For those that have studied along that line; married and divorced see should pls share there opinion.
. Is it a sin for a single man to marry a divorce woman who is born again?
. What does the Bible says about marrying a dirvocee?
Let's contribute, God bless you all.
Click to expand...

Yes, I had some limited time as a counselor, and have spent many years studying Scriptures and experiencing my own kind of traumas. And I'm exasperated at all of the wannabe pseudo-theologians who tell Christians who have divorced that they need to not marry anybody else, not serve in the church, etc.

This is purely condemnatory, and not Christ, I feel. Christ forgives *all* sin! There are consequences to our sin, and worse consequences for worse sins. But *all* sin is forgivable. The restoration process is not, however, always satisfying because it can be time-consuming, and less than a full sense of healing.

I have a *lot* I could say on this subject. But I'll await further questions.

Let me just say one thing here. God did not mean to sanction all marriages as good. God honors *promises,* or *vows.* When we vow something that is not wise, we will suffer the condemnation of someone who has broken a pledge. But if the pledge was not good to start with, I believe God may even *want* us to break the pledge.

For example, Jews in Ezra/Nehmiah period married foreign, pagan wives. And they were told to divorce them. All marriage in the NT is assumed to be *Christian marriage.* If it is a mixed Christian-pagan marriage, then it is not a wise marriaage.

Paul advised those who found themselves in that situation, after conversion, to give the pagan partner a little time to decide about conversion for himself/herself. Otherwise, a Christian-pagan marriage often will not work. Unequal yoking *does not work!* Divorce is almost inevitable. In unusual cases, they do work.
 
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Yeah that's a good point to make too. Vows are serious business that lock you into something. Do your due dilligence to make sure that your vows are wise. ( ie don't be like Jephthah in Judges 11:31 )
 
how young divorcees cope well a lot of them move back with their parents as they cant afford to live anywhere else, or find a cheap apartment or unit to rent, some even live out of house truck or something.

I think if a marriage is that horrible that you have to leave then you have to find aomehwre to go thats why womens refuges are set up, and they are anonymous, so that the spouse cant track them down and seek revenge or some stupid thing like that. I cant imagine a worse thing to happen but it does.

if they divorce and its done properly the offending party will compensate the other I am supposing its costly but the judge can order them to pay alimony, child support or whatever and have restraining orders so that they are not left high and dry, or living in fear. divorced Women often sell their wedding rings I think.
 
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Thanks for this reply.
As regards to the matter of getting remarry; you said it is unpardonable sin. You concluded that those folks who re-married have lost their salvation and doomed for hell regardless of what led to the divorce? I am still not clear about this issue.
What will you say about the following circumstances;
1. A Christian woman who was divorced before she came to Christ, can such a person remarry?
2. What about a Christian woman who suffered domestic violence and left so as to preserve her health and later on married to another Christian man; is she living in adultery?
3. A man (christian)whose wife left him for another man even though he didn't want dirvoce. If such man remarry, is he living in adultery?
All people who fall into this category and want to remarry so as not to fall into sin of fornication; don't you think the Lord is concerned with their emotional well-being? Some are single young mothers whose children desire a fatherly care and support. What do you think God's perspective should be concerning all this issues? If people in this categories desire to remarry you think they can't bcos you think God frowned at it? What about people who re-married and got the baptism of the Holy Spirit, do you think God Baptized them with Holy Spirit while still living in adultery? We can look at Mathew 19, 1cor 7 putting them together in the light of real life circumstances. The word of God prevail over all circumstances.
I still need clarification about this issue. I really appreciate you for sharing your life experience, I still want to see more life experience on this forum
Thanks alot sir for sharing your wealth of experience. God bless you sir.
 
I am divorced. 2 b clear most divorces in america are frivolous. Well im not happy is not listed as pardonable and i would steer clear of anybody who tells you about their divorce and doesnt have clear biblical reasons. Cheating and abandonment. I sat my ex down and told her i know your cheating on me can u stop and we move forward we have a great kid together and she stared at me colder than a shark.

A lot of people put more effort into divorcing that they ever did in marriage. If your spouse is a pain in the butt they are your life long project unless they do those 2 things.
 
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Treeboy said:
I am divorced. 2 b clear most divorces in america are frivolous. Well im not happy is not listed as pardonable and i would steer clear of anybody who tells you about their divorce and doesnt have clear biblical reasons. Cheating and abandonment. I sat my ex down and told her i know your cheating on me can u stop and we move forward we have a great kid together and she stared at me colder than a shark.

A lot of people put more effort into divorcing that they ever did in marriage. If your spouse is a pain in the butt they are your life long project unless they do those 2 things.
Click to expand...

I think we need to add abuse into the list of good reasons to divorce. No one should be required to stay with a person who poses a physical danger to them or a serious threat to their mental and emotional health.
 
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I see too many young folks these days get married for better or for worse (until something better comes along) :oops:
 
if they cant make up their mind why dont they marry them both. oh wait, is that unbiblical. Can you not have more than one husband.

For sure in the OT lots of husbands had more than one wife. King Solomon, anyone? Jacob?
 
Comparing current marriage and divorce to Biblical marriage and divorce isn’t exactly apples to apples. Infidelity is still infidelity but if a man had a sexless marriage in the OT he could get a concubine or another wife. Women weren’t able to get a good lawyer and take all of his possessions and garnish his wages for child support. Also women in the OT were very family based. They prided themselves on the successes of their husbands and children not her own ambitions and career. Not to mention, it wasn’t women who could divorce their husbands, even for infidelity. If she left, she got nothing. Instead of attempting to put new wine in old wine skins, we move to something Christ said that transcends time and tradition. We as Christians are to love (agape). This doesn’t mean emotionally inject affinity into relationships. It means bless, do good unto others, and carry their burdens. Sometimes people are just broken and don’t want to be fixed. Sometimes they are taking down the whole family with addictions (alcohol, sex, even work and volunteering). As humans we all want to feel alive. Many of us for reasons beyond our control feel dead inside. Often it is the modern burdens of work and family and trying to be a good person. Then something creates a spark and generates passion and causes us feel valuable and energized. Unfortunately, it’s not always God, our wife/husband and kids. This is the flesh, more basically the endocrine system, and serotonin/dopamine response. The point is we are to love God and our neighbours more than ourselves. Christ didn’t say that whoever loves their lives will keep it. It’s the opposite. Someone hates their life because they put themselves and their desires last. If your husband or wife is crazy, and abusive, by all means cut them loose. It is better to be alone. It doesn’t free you up for another try at happiness. Maybe you were the problem. Perhaps instead of showing your wife love you kept pointing out scripture telling your wife that God gives you all of the authority, then lording it over her, pushing her away. Ladies, maybe instead of being a cheerleader for your husband you constantly reminded him of how he’s not measuring up. Maybe you added to his insecurities causing him to cope via addictions. Maybe you are just a loser magnet and you can’t trust your selection skills. Regardless, all divorce is fixing a problem, not freedom to create more problems.

Legalistically, if a wife leaves her husband, the Bible doesn’t say he can’t remarry. Legally he could have married multiple wives. He just couldn’t divorce her leaving her “cut off” unless she was unfaithful. Also he couldn’t marry someone else’s ex. The reason is because you would have what we have today. Two separately married people fall in love then she leaves her husband and goes to the other dude. Then he takes her in and marries her. Women, there was no grounds to leave your husband. If you left there was no settlement, no child support and quite possibly no child.

Divorce is painful and expensive. Do you know what else are painful and expensive? Punishments and stupid mistakes! Loneliness and thinking a spouse will satisfy causes people to overlook obvious character flaws. If you did it once, you can do it again. Stay single. What God designed for two becoming one, is far from what today’s marriage has become.
 
It is a sin, one that cuts deep and i can not press hard enough upon anyone thinking about it, that it is nothing to be entered into lightly. We can share the pains here and yet due to the head strongness of man? You don't get the pain until you actually go there yourself. And yet why did Jesus endure the cross? To forgive us our sins. Just don't take that as a get out of jail free card in this situtation, for as a true christian and not one who has just experienced some emotional experience? It is gonna hurt and hurt many around you, possibly irriversibly for the innocent. Marriage is to teach us long suffering, as is living alone witout a spouce to share with....there are no easy answers here, but for placing your face deep into the breast of Christ for the strength and understanding to go on, as there is a good chance that either way? It will not make sence where you find yourself!-)
 
Jesus said people divorce cos their hearts were hard.

imagine never forgiving you spouse, it being so bad that you cant stand to even be in the same room as them. Thats how bad it has to get before you consider divorce. Most of the young divorcees I know divorced because of infidelity or abuse or both.

its worse on the children because if they are very young and abandoned then they somehow assume they are the cause. Many end up suicidal because of being left by their own parent. (check out borderline personality disorder...its a thing that happens primarily because of parental abandonment)

with men taking a mistress or concubine, unless they are very rich most women will not tolerate this. Leah could not or would not leave Jacob because its not likely she would gain anything by leaving, even though that marriage lacked love (lack of sex doesnt necessarily mean lack of love! they had heaps of sex! )
 
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