Puberty in boys......

[Godsgirl83]

This Mama Bear lets out a sigh...... then takes a deep breath and thinks "well, he's pre-teen now, and little bro's not far behind....... this is one of those things in life that there is no getting around, no escaping...... and I know NOTHING about!!!!"
Dad's not ready for his boys to be approaching this stage of life either. His dad wasn't involved when he hit puberty, and doesn't sound like his mom was to helpful either (hey it's hard enough for moms to deal with these issues that we know of and have first hand experience in with daughters- MUCH harder to deal with/talk about when you haven't a clue what's REALLY going on). This Mama Bear is like "HEY HUBBY! You better be ready for this and DON'T just wait for them to come to you because is that really likely to happen?"
and the reply of "Well, my parents didn't help me with this......"
"No..... and finding magazines when you were 12 years old in your uncles bathroom didn't help you either. That's NOT what I want my boys to grow up knowing and go through."


So, my boys know that boys and girls are different (obviously) and that it's by God's design.
Other than that I really don't know what they know about the subject, except that as they grow that their body is going to change and pimples will become more common (we're starting to experience those).
Well, big sis is the oldest, but only by a year. So, when she was in public school she went through the schools beginning "sex ed" class, which (to my understanding) was just the basic "hey you're growing and body will change, these are things that will begin to happen"
Well, she talks openly to her brothers about the fact that they're getting older and their bodies are going to change.
Well, my boys never took that class in public school. We made our switch to homeschool BEFORE they reached the grade our district starts it at.
And now I'm going "oh boy. We're going to have to explain EVERYTHING.... and I don't know ANYTHING about it"
Except for dad, there's no other males around for them. (we're not in a "home church", and no male family members around (and even if they were around they're DEFINITELY NOT who I would want teaching and influencing my boys).
And at the last check up their pediatrician brought up the fact that it's around the corner and time to prepare them.


Oh, and right now my boys know that beauty is only skin deep, and actions speak louder than words. Someones true beauty is in their heart, so I often pray that those truths stick with them and help keep them from falling into lustful sins with their eyes.
*SIGH* when they were little how often I heard "oh parenting gets easier as they get older", but does it? Does it REALLY ? Especially in today's world?

So, the other day my daughter brings up the subject "He's going through puberty now too, like me!" (she has learning disabilities, and the filters of what's appropriate where, when and with who are not always on)
"He's got hair growing by his weenie!" (OKAY! NOW mom's freaking out inside for a few different reasons and trying to keep calm)
"Oh? How do you know that?" (brace yourself mama)
"He told me"
"Well, that might be true. He's at the age now that his bodies going to start changing, just the way God made it to"
I casually look over towards him to see how he's reacting....... shrugs it off like it's no big deal.

BUT, it is a big deal, and inside Mama Bear started freaking out.
I was able to find some books at the library on the subject, including a few that are faith based; just have to find the time to read and digest them.


This is a sensitive subject, and one that I can already imagine derailing. I've thrown the idea of posting this around in my head for a while for that very reason. But I'm going to ask for help from the men here, and because it is such a sensitive subject and I'm sure some have answers/advice that they may feel is to sensitive/personal to share on public forums let me just say that I am open to receiving private messages, or if you're unable to start a pm but would prefer to share that way, let me know on my profile page by clicking here and let me know, I can then message you.

So, guys HELP!!!!!
Parents who have been there, done that, made it through.... (or who ARE there, trying to get through) HELP!!!!!!

Okay, thanks everyone.

 

[tstumf]

I would say you need your man to put his best foreword. It may require him stepping into unfamiliar territory for him and getting comfortable talking about uncomfortable subjects. But the puberty talk for boys must come from a man. If I were to suggest 1 book that you could urge him to read as a Christian man it would be (stepping up a call to courageous manhood) by Dennis Rainey. It will teach your husband his duty and the role he needs to play in your sons life. If he is yet unwilling to do his duty you should seek council from your church family on where to go. But I’d absolutely urge and challenge your husband to read or participate in the video series to (stepping up). My boy is 5 and fully intend to be there for him where my father wasn’t able to talk to me about it. I wish you the best.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

There was no clear cut question asked. Or u missed it. But I'm guessing it's how to deal with this situation?

I agree with the above poster that it's better to have the father handle this. Why he hasn't already stepped forward to do so it's a bit baffling.

When I went through all this it was no big deal. Thus I often find it strange how parents make such large issues out of it.

I am not a parent but have considered how I might handle it if I ever had kids. And it seems just being honest and direct about it is best. If you make a big deal out of it, they will follow suit. And that increases the chance it can go wrong.
If you're unruffled, that will lead them to the conclusion it's not a big deal, thus not worth a lot of thought or time given to it.
And by big deal I mean if you're clearly uncomfortable and making a big deal out of it that may make them curious to understand what has their parent so strongly affected. And dig deeper without the parent.
Presenting a calm front and not making it so dramatic is less likely to make them curious.

Ultimately it's all natural. Keep that in mind. Everyone goes through it. Some have great help walking through it, others not so much. But everyone gets through it.

 

[Runningman]

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Just be patient with them as they relearn themselves, so to speak. They're going to be experiencing a lot of raging hormones. I think it's important that they are validated and given reassurance, especially during puberty, because they may not understand what is happening to them or how to accept it. That can lead to insecurities so that's best avoided.

I agree with the other posters who said that the father would be best to help them understand this transition.

 

[surfer14]

I am a father. My wife and I went through it. We have raised two highly successful kids. A boy and a girl. I also did not see a specific question. If you have any specific questions, I would be happy to share my experience.

I will give you some quick thoughts though.

1. Congratulations on homeschooling your kids. Don't give up on it. It's one of the best decisions we ever made. One of the advantages of homeschooling is that it buys you some time in this department. You won't have your kids hanging around a bunch of little hellions and their toxic influences.

2. Regarding the whole sex thing. If you want to make things easier on yourself, I would suggest getting yourself some chickens. Make sure you get a rooster. Your kids will see stuff happen. Or maybe if you can spend some time around a farm, with livestock ... doing what they do. Basically what I'm saying is if you can get your boys around an environment where they see this part of life, then some of that mystery will be removed. It'll make discussions on the subject way easier. They'll ask some questions, and you can just tell them what the chickens are doing. And for the most part your kids will probably put two and two together. I'm telling you - chickens are your friends!

3. We had few real rules for our kids. I didn't really care if their rooms were clean. I didn't really care if they ran in the house. Didn't even care if they got in fights with other kids. But the rules we did have were enforced with an iron fist. No excuses. No leniency. No second chances. And we really took time explaining why we have these rules. One rule was to not even come close to any sort of sexual sin. Basically the goal was to avoid too many rules in the hopes that what we deemed as the most important things could really be emphasized. We thought sexual sin was among the most important to avoid. I'd recommend spending some time on one of these "nofap" sites to really get a good handle on why exactly we need to be so strict about sexual sin. Learn about the effects of dopamine on the mind. Then explain it to them. I'm convinced that knowing why a rule is in place makes it a little easier to comply.

4. Pray for your boys. Pray for their guardian angels. Pray that you'd have wisdom in raising them right. Don't bring any sort of evil into your home.

 

[Lanolin]

not a man..I have no idea what the father son talk involves obviously but if you the mum its not really your job. If their dad is too chicken to tell them....Have they got any uncles???

But in terms of books
well I have a few for girls (goes up to year 6) but in my school boys will be develop later so I dont have any specifically for boys. But I will look some up and get back to you.

You need something thats like a Haynes manual for boys, or a younger Grays anatomy or something. Just to explain the insides bits.

in terms of emotions and stuff that can be a separate book. Boys are not tending to read fiction for that, they tend to respond to music though, if its talking about emotions. (all the love songs and things like that popular with teens) but that can be something they will relate to.. the crazy feelings, the attractions, and the temptations. some of it is warning, just make sure its not any of those slap your woman up kind of music, but even if it that is what they happen listening to, talk about why its not right to have certain attitudes towards women, and about respect.

 

[Godsgirl83]

Thanks everyone for your reply's

There was no clear cut question asked. Or u missed it. But I'm guessing it's how to deal with this situation?

.

I also did not see a specific question.

You're right, after going back and re reading my op I realize I never did get around to any clear cut questions, it's mostly my rambling thoughts.
Well, at least since I've been bringing it up a little more hubs has acknowledged his awareness of the issues.

 

[OrphanedRepublican]

I remember asking my mom all kinds of awkward questions and she didn't want to tell me anything, so she always answered my question with "I don't know."

 

[mustaphadrink]

The best way to approach it is as if it is the most normal thing in the world to talk about it.

A simple question is the best way to start, one that every boy wil need to know about.

"Hey Brad, I was thinking the other day, have you ever had an erection.""

Answer "No what's that?" That is your entry into the basics.

OR

"Yes" so next question "Do you know why you get them?"

Another door opens.

 

[Lanolin]

there was a book that I was comsider buying for library but probably more for intermediate (middle school) than primary called

what I cant even remember the name of it now.

No hold it, it was called Tell Me.

I didnt end up buying it because it was a bit thick. I wanted something shorter and easier. You dont want to hit them with a brick.

 

[Lanolin]

well. it seems even the book 'who made me?' (its a christian book) some 11 year old girls think is inappropriate, because the 11 year old boys cant handle it. The girls think it should not be on the shelves of the library, because the boys laugh at it.

I also had one nativity picture book that had a naked baby Jesus in it, and one girl objected to it.

Girls seem to have a natural prudence, they dont like being naked and know that nakedness is unseemly. Boys fascination with bodies turns to the gross out factor.

Some young children are equally horrified by the picture book called 'How did I begin'.

 

[soberxp]

why not teach your kids about where you come from and why, as genesis told us, that is why leave father and mom then meet wife and husband and became one flesh.

 

[pottersclay]

Proverbs tells us to train up a child in the way they should go.
I believe it's the duty of the hubby on the boys side.
Chemical imbalances, emotional urges, physical stimulation and a underdeveloped mind what a loaded gun.
The best thing you can do is to open up communications that are comfortable yet informative.
Puberty is a defining moment in a child's life. Self control and discipline needs to be addressed.
Understanding what is happening with the body and why is key to over coming the awkward speech.

 

[Mii]

Well...I'm not a parent and this IS awkward to talk about but SO WHAT?

If I could impress on someone how important it really is to have an open conversation regardless of it being "uncomfortable" then I'll share my story...but I really don't want to because it's pretty personal.


I will say that there was a rule about Nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) in the Old Testament (deuteronomy I think) that required going outside the camp for basically the whole day and then washing and rejoining the assembly. Females had a longer separation period for well...periods but that at least wasn't because of sin but just uncleanliness. From my understanding, NE weren't sin either but someone may disagree. It happens.

Idk about Nocturnal emissions but how would they know to do when it happened if no one ever talked about what one was? Think about that for a bit. Do you think every child after having a sexual dream (sometimes not remembered) would ask their parents and elders what that was and would then be told to go outside the camp?
Probably not in my mind. Or if the Lord impressed that on them privately then why would he not do so today? His stance hasn't changed on sexuality at all as far as I'm concerned. I certainly wasn't in doubt as to the implications at the time. Fortunately I wrote my first dream like that down and somehow my parents were nosy (when normally they weren't)...

I think there are ways to speak vaguely that would go over a child's head that it wasn't a thing yet and at the same time connect with the one that it is.



You see this all the time in scripture and in sermons.


Part of the reason we have a sexual epidemic in churches (Mt 5:28) is because parents find it too awkward to talk to their children about this stuff and leave it up to someone else.

and btw..."my body changing" wasn't frightening or even necessary to talk about (what they do in schools)...duh! of course it's changing and much like a LOT of things in my life, the information filled in when it was time for it to do so. Losing a tooth was pretty odd though to be fair...I was however given FAR too much privacy and had access to a PC. Even though I feel like the Holy Spirit moved in other people to be impressively in tune with my struggle starting out it still could have been avoided I think by a strict "no internet" rule for any reason outside supervised internet time and probably not having a door for my room and not being on a different level. I wasn't supposed to be using a PC in the middle of the night but I "could" that's the problem.

Had my parents known it came on that early for me, there may have been adjustments made idk. At least they didn't anticipate too much privacy being a problem I don't think.

There are plenty of ways to navigate no internet until proper controls can be satisfied since a lot of home school programs can be self contained without the internet. If they could in 2005 then they can now and probably just require some research. Not saying you do use it or not but to me it's like driving a car...an 11 or 12 year old is NOT ready for the keys to the World wide web. They can be a passenger with their parent but anything more than that is just asking for trouble.


A bit longer than I anticipated and I didn't expect to stumble onto CC tonight but it is a wonderful opportunity to maintain purity throughout puberty and teach children not to masturbate or watch porn. The latter is almost entirely avoidable with sacrifices but the former is a much bigger challenge. Exercise is one way...Dreams though are expected at some point and again, I don't think that's a sin but natural...and eventually I learned to say no to sex in dreams sometimes even though my dad told me you couldn't. They still happened though...I won't go too deep into it but the Holy Spirit does make a way to be appropriate and also direct in very personal situations...certainly it should be handled delicately but not so delicately that the issue is entirely skirted.