Finding a good Christian girl from France to marry

[Lynx]

Asking for a friend...how does one get on the mailing list for young, innocent, beautiful Christian French girls?

"Yay! I'm single again!" And you're already jumping back into the dating pool?

 

[FrenchandChristian]

Guys you're taking my fantasies too serious... I stated I love blue eyes but that doesn't mean my future wife has to be blue-eyed, I accept any eye colour as long as she's white, what I want is a sweet, innocent, submissive devout Christian wife younger than me, willing to have lots of children, as for beauty I would prefer her to be in the 5-10 range (i.e. anywhere from average to most beautiful) but she has to look natural (without much makeup or decoration, just who she is) and dress conservatively (ok she may dress somewhat attractive but not like a ****). Girls that look & dress natural are actually prettier and more attractive than girls that use lots of makeup & dress provocatively. But that's all, I don't ask much more. In fact many of these requirements for a wife are mentioned in the Bible. I have heard many guys online & in real life stating they wanted a 8-10 beauty with big breasts & buttocks willing to have sex everyday among other stuff but I find these demands to be ridiculous (I do in fact love smaller breasts lol). So I'm not demanding unrealistic things, yes I do have requirements and preferences, but my requirements are heavily based on those appearing in the Bible so not only personal tastes, and my preferences are highly variable - if these are followed nice, if these aren't, ok too. Understand now?

 

[inukubo]

"Yay! I'm single again!" And you're already jumping back into the dating pool?

Just "redeeming the time," Lynx. Fulfilling the commands of Scripture.

 

[17Bees]

How ironic that you would write this as a reply to me today, lol.

Today is actually what would have been an extremely significant day in my formerly married life, but my then-husband left because he decided he would rather be with someone else.

So yes, French, I have had a bit of experience living as both married and then forced into singleness, and I am most certainly not forgetting the pros and cons of each way of life. I'm not an expert, but I am someone who has been on both sides of the coin.

What strikes me about your posts is that you keep speaking to your audience as if they know nothing absolutely nothing, but yet want them to indulge and encourage your fantasies.

I'm actually hoping though that you will stick around here with us for some time. I would love to see where your journey takes you in the next several years, and would be interested in hearing what happens along the way.

You have a clear vision of what you want your story to be, as many of us did at one time as well.

I would like to know someday what your actual reality becomes, and what you choose to do if it doesn't go the way you planned.

What would be even more interesting is the day you come across someone who is then telling you the same things you are saying to us right now, and what advice you would give them.

@seoulsearch If I wake up too early and go back to sleep I sometimes have a returning dream. And it's not pleasant. When I was a kid there was a dirt road where I lived that was maybe a half mile down off the road we lived on. Nothing out of the ordinary about it. It just went down a ways to a house or barn that was used for hay. The house was old and wore out, but served a purpose, I guess.

Obviously, there wasn't much traffic on that road, but I had walked down it plenty of times or rode my bike. Played around that old house plenty of times. Even pitched a few rocks at already broken windows. And in my dreams I've walked down the road again and again and again. Same old house/barn at the end. Never improved, never good enough for a house. Rotten front porch. Roof caved in. And where I'd end up was always always standing at a most uninviting closed front door.

For whatever reason, Kim, that ramshackle front door was a gateway sort of, to my house of failure. My own insolvency. My non starter, unsuccessful self just inside. My back inside the door, below the door window so no one could see me holding it shut.

As a kid I can remember walking up to that door plenty of times. Wasn't nothing in there but hay.

The reason I'm telling you this is because you sometimes seem to take your own same old road maybe a half mile down off where you live, leading to that same place that belongs to you. That your husband wanted someone else (better, says your door) and that you (weren't good enough, says your door) were forced into singleness.

And it breaks my heart. Someone so vivacious, open, smart, kind and empathetic as you and the Proverbs 31 attributes of a wife of noble character. Who can find? So, please consider how people see you next time you take a left down that road of yours. You're quite a jewel.

I can say that for so many here, Cinder, Kireina, just many. Good hearts and can't believe they're not snatched up! With any luck at all @FrenchandChristian you'll find your little blue eyed French girl right here. Happy hunting.

 

[Kireina]

@seoulsearch @seoulsearch If I wake up too early and go back to sleep I sometimes have a returning dream. And it's not pleasant. When I was a kid there was a dirt road where I lived that was maybe a half mile down off the road we lived on. Nothing out of the ordinary about it. It just went down a ways to a house or barn that was used for hay. The house was old and wore out, but served a purpose, I guess.

Obviously, there wasn't much traffic on that road, but I had walked down it plenty of times or rode my bike. Played around that old house plenty of times. Even pitched a few rocks at already broken windows. And in my dreams I've walked down the road again and again and again. Same old house/barn at the end. Never improved, never good enough for a house. Rotten front porch. Roof caved in. And where I'd end up was always always standing at a most uninviting closed front door.
For whatever reason, Kim, that ramshackle front door was a gateway sort of, to my house of failure. My own insolvency. My non starter, unsuccessful self just inside. My back inside the door, below the door window so no one could see me holding it shut.

As a kid I can remember walking up to that door plenty of times. Wasn't nothing in there but hay.


The reason I'm telling you this is because you sometimes seem to take your own same old road maybe a half mile down off where you live, leading to that same place that belongs to you. That your husband wanted someone else (better, says your door) and that you (weren't good enough, says your door) were forced into singleness.

And it breaks my heart. Someone so vivacious, open, smart, kind and empathetic as you and the Proverbs 31 attributes of a wife of noble character. Who can find? So, please consider how people see you next time you take a left down that road of yours. You're quite a jewel


I can say that for so many here, Cinder, Kireina, just many. Good hearts and can't believe they're not snatched up! With any luck at all @FrenchandChristian you'll find your little blue eyed French girl right here. Happy hunting.

Yes! She is ❤



Beautiful❤ To read something like this makes you feel good about yourself...and give you confidence...this is such a beautiful encouragement for people like me who sometimes struggle to feel like I am worthy of someone's attention also...because honestly there are moments when a fleeting question pops up in my mind "if I am wonderful" why nobody takes me yet lol 🤔 😄


"so are you" @17Bees you seem like a wonderful and smart person...you see things with more wisdom and with a heart 😊 I don't read books but I think if you are the author I would enjoy reading your books 😄

If you are not taken yet Any girl would be blessed to have you , You are a decent catch as well 🤗



If you are taken already congratulations to your woman 🤗👏

God bless you ❤

 

[oyster67]

this is such a beautiful encouragement for people like me who sometimes struggle to feel like I am worthy of someone's attention also...because honestly there are moments when a fleeting question pops up in my mind "if I am wonderful" why nobody takes me yet lol

I would gladly take both you and SS if I could. I feel like the luckiest man in the world just to have you two as friends.

 

[posthuman]

Someone?

not sure why you think posting on a site for discussing Christianity that's mostly populated by Americans & Canadians is a good way to find a French teenager who wants to marry a stranger from the internet.

 

[posthuman]

I doubt there is anyone on this forum with that kind of knowledge of France to give you answers to your questions.

except maybe a Frenchman obsessed with teenage French girls.

o wait! i do know someone like that, having been introduced only recently..

 

[FrenchandChristian]

With any luck at all @FrenchandChristian you'll find your little blue eyed French girl right here. Happy hunting.

Thank you much! I loved this!

 

[FrenchandChristian]

not sure why you think posting on a site for discussing Christianity that's mostly populated by Americans & Canadians is a good way to find a French teenager who wants to marry a stranger from the internet.

Yes it annoys me a lot that there are barely any people from outside America over here. But I will continue to wait if I have got better luck...

And no I'm not going to search here, I only want girls in real life. Internet is a waste of time for dating.

 

[FrenchandChristian]

Hi French,

I admit I'm struggling with myself here because I really want to answer your thread, but I understand a little bit of both sides of where the posts here are coming from, and it's giving me a bit of an internal tug'o'war.

When I was growing up, I too hated it when older people "talked down to me" when I didn't think they really understood my feelings (and often times, they just didn't.) I still get people older than me patting me on the head and basically saying, "You're just a baby," which I suppose never really stops until you suddenly find yourself being the oldest person in the group, lol. I know they have a lot of wisdom to share, so I do my best to try to listen.

But I also remember that I used to tell myself, "When I get older, I'm never going to talk down to younger people they way they do to me," and now here I sit reading your posts, wanting to answer but unsure of what to say.

I understand that you have very specific desires and inquiries, and while I can't say anything helpful about dating French women (I was only in France for a few days many years ago, but I would like to go back,) I do think it's only fair that you ask yourself a few honest life questions in this process as well.

Unfortunately, hormones, strong desires, and fantasies don't pay bills, don't put a roof over your head, and won't support the family you say you so desperately just have to have right now without waiting.

So.

If you met your "blue-eyed fairy" today and got married even next year:

1. Where would you live? You said you don't have a job. Would you expect her to move in with you and your family?

While there's nothing wrong with this, you said in your post that maybe some of us don't understand because we "gave up" due to getting older. I had to smile at this. Do you know what really happened. What really happened is that we started asking ourselves, "Do we want to live in our mama's house all our lives, or do we want to have a place, and lives, of our own?"

And then we realized that we had to go out, go to school, get jobs, take on responsibilities (groceries, utilities, rent/mortgage, insurance, medical bills, cars, etc.) so that when or if we DID meet the right person, we'd have a bit more to offer them than a room right next to the one our parents are sleeping in and a trip to the family fridge as a dinner date.

I can assure you, we "old people" have plenty of fire and passion of our own, we've just learned that this alone doesn't carry one through life, or at least, not a life that has any hint of being independent.

Actually, let's back it up to the beginning: if you met your blue-eyed fairy tomorrow, how would you take her out on a date? Do you have a car to pick her up? Would you be able to pay her way, or do you expect for her to pay for herself? And in fact, without having a job, would you be able to pay for yourself (otherwise, where would you get the money? Borrow it from relatives?)

After that, there are plenty of other questions to consider even if you did get married.

2. What if you get pregnant unexpectedly, or you decide to start this family you want so badly right away? How are you going to pay for her medical costs, the birth of the baby, and then feeding and raising both her, yourself, and your new family?

3. You've mentioned raging hormones. How are you going to cope if/when your "blue-eyed fairy" can't or won't have sex with you at various stages of the morning sickness, pregnancy, birth, and recovery? What if you suffer a miscarriage or infertility issues that you don't find out about until after marriage? How would you handle that emotionally, and would you be stable enough to be a strong emotional support for her?

4. You have your sights set on a teenage girl. What if she wants to go to college and have a career? How are you going to help her pay for that, since you seem to want to have complete say and control of her life?

I know I'm mentioning a lot of things here that require money and payments -- some will use that to accuse women of being gold diggers, but in reality, it's just a matter of realizing that this is how real life goes.

Unless you're planning for you and your beloved fairy to float on a pixie dust life of depending on your families, your first priority is to figure out how you can support the life you are wanting to live for yourself, and then expand your abilities to be able to support the entire family that you say you absolutely must have right now.

Luke 14:28-29 says, "Which of you, wishing to build a tower, does not sit down and count the cost, whether he has the resources to finish it?"

You want to build a tower (a wife and family.) What skills and resources do you have in order to start working on this? What do you have to offer someone?

Along with asking how to find and date your dream fairy, you have to be asking yourself how you are going to provide a life both for yourself and for her, let alone any children in addition to that.

So sure, it's great to be doing research into how to find the girl you think you want (or that God has put on your heart,) but it's even more important to ask what needs to be done -- what education do you need, what skills do you need to build, what job do you need to have, and what money do you have to save -- in order to prepare for the day you meet her.

I know you see those of us who are answering as old and past our prime, but the thing is, many of us went through times of fantasy and thinking we just had to find our beloved prince or princess right away as well. But it didn't happen right away, and so we used that time to start making down payments on land and carriages and horses, so that now, if we do meet our own "fairy prince or princess," we have a lot more to offer than clouds of glittery dreams, such as life skills on which to build real goals and dreams, not just puffs of passionate words with nothing to back them.

Ok, I will answer your questions.

1. I live in Luxembourg now but I'm considering moving to France because there are not many options here. I will likely move to the Grand Est region (probably Alsace) and get my job & meet my future wife there. I would expect her to move to my new home in France.

I would take her to a park or a library or somewhere she liked, maybe visit her family or invite her to a humble restaurant, and such things. I don't have a car now but will have it. I will pay everything for her. I have planned to first get a job and then proceed.

2. I can't get pregnant lol but we would not have sex till marriage so I couldn't impregnate her before the wedding and in the case I found her pregnant without having had sex with her I would know she had cheated on me & throw her away from my sight. And what's the latter question? If I did impregnate her I would pay everything you said.

3. I want first to learn to control myself while single so that I could do the same later as I will not have sex of any kind till marriage and know I will not have it everytime I want when married. In the case of a miscarriage we would try again. I know I'm fertile because I have ej*culated (though I haven't had sex with anyone) & have had nocturnal emissions. I think yes, I would support and comfort her everytime she wanted and I would lie with her to please her, if she had a miscarriage.

4. I think I would not let her go to college because of the social environment she will find there. I don't want her to have many contacts with people outside my sight, and definitely not with guys. College guys are known for their hookup & promiscuous lifestyle and having sex with all the student girls, even the involved ones. While not all are the same, even a few may be problematic. And I don't necessarily mean she will cheat on me with another boy, or that she will leave me for someone else. She may resist and keep with me, but one day be unconsciously drugged & raped by the horny guys, they may do threesomes and other horrific things to her without her being able to flee, she may even end up in a coma or in the hospital with serious injuries & the guys be unnoticed. This is very dangerous for her so I can't let her in. I could tell her she's already a very educated & intelligent girl and that she doesn't need further education to be talented.

 

[seoulsearch]

I would take her to a park or a library or somewhere she liked, maybe visit her family or invite her to a humble restaurant, and such things. I don't have a car now but will have it. I will pay everything for her. I have planned to first get a job and then proceed.

Thank you for taking the time to answer! It's great that you're planning to get a job first. I do find it interesting though that you seem confident that you will always have the money to pay for everything, but I admire your ambition to provide. Maybe things are different where you live, but with all that has gone on in the world the past few years, finding one job that provides for an entire family and all their needs is rather elusive, but it would be great if you do find one.

2. I can't get pregnant lol but we would not have sex till marriage so I couldn't impregnate her before the wedding and in the case I found her pregnant without having had sex with her I would know she had cheated on me & throw her away from my sight. And what's the latter question? If I did impregnate her I would pay everything you said.

Yes, I know you alone can't get pregnant. When I said, "What if you get pregnant?" I was referring to "you" as a married couple, as the Bible says that two become one in a marriage.

3. I want first to learn to control myself while single so that I could do the same later as I will not have sex of any kind till marriage and know I will not have it everytime I want when married. In the case of a miscarriage we would try again. I know I'm fertile because I have ej*culated (though I haven't had sex with anyone) & have had nocturnal emissions. I think yes, I would support and comfort her everytime she wanted and I would lie with her to please her, if she had a miscarriage.

The things you are describing do not guarantee fertility (Have you ever heard of the term, "shooting blanks?") but it's awesome that you see being single as a valuable time for learning to do what God asks of us.

4. I think I would not let her go to college because of the social environment she will find there. I don't want her to have many contacts with people outside my sight, and definitely not with guys. College guys are known for their hookup & promiscuous lifestyle and having sex with all the student girls, even the involved ones. While not all are the same, even a few may be problematic. And I don't necessarily mean she will cheat on me with another boy, or that she will leave me for someone else. She may resist and keep with me, but one day be unconsciously drugged & raped by the horny guys, they may do threesomes and other horrific things to her without her being able to flee, she may even end up in a coma or in the hospital with serious injuries & the guys be unnoticed. This is very dangerous for her so I can't let her in. I could tell her she's already a very educated & intelligent girl and that she doesn't need further education to be talented.

It makes me very sad that you seem to have this intense goal of finding a teenage girl and then locking her into a cage, telling her what she can and cannot do, and whom she can and cannot talk to (I certainly understand with other guys, but you said that you "don't want her to have many contacts outside my sight." And you expect her to adore you for it.

What if she said the same of you? How would you go to work everyday if she told you she didn't want you talking to people outside of her sight?

I understand that total and complete possession of someone is some people's idea of love but it will eventually backfire when both people can't take the choking feeling of being emotionally suffocated any longer.

I do admire you for wanting to keep her safe, but telling her she's intelligent, talented, and educated won't help her get a job unless she actually does have a certifiable education (though perhaps that's not required in France to get a good job -- maybe it's more of a cultural difference?)

However, I'm guessing that you would never let her hold a job either, as that means she would be talking to other people you couldn't control.

I wish you the best, French.

I know you have your mind set only on what you want and will only accept exactly what you want to hear, as many of us did at one time.

My only wish is that you would please give us updates on how it's going. If your story turns out to be the exception with everything going the way you envision it, I always eager to know the secret of one's success.

And if by some chance, it doesn't go the way you want, I'm very interested in hearing how you adapt and move on. You're obviously a very passionate and determined person, so I have no doubts that either way, you're going to make it through.

 

[cinder]

Ok, I will answer your questions.

4. I think I would not let her go to college because of the social environment she will find there. I don't want her to have many contacts with people outside my sight, and definitely not with guys. College guys are known for their hookup & promiscuous lifestyle and having sex with all the student girls, even the involved ones. While not all are the same, even a few may be problematic. And I don't necessarily mean she will cheat on me with another boy, or that she will leave me for someone else. She may resist and keep with me, but one day be unconsciously drugged & raped by the horny guys, they may do threesomes and other horrific things to her without her being able to flee, she may even end up in a coma or in the hospital with serious injuries & the guys be unnoticed. This is very dangerous for her so I can't let her in. I could tell her she's already a very educated & intelligent girl and that she doesn't need further education to be talented.

Two thoughts. You would not let? Little to no contact with people outside of your sight? Girl reads / hears something like that it should be setting off red flags in her head. If you think you get to make decisions for your partner and her social interactions, that sounds a whole lot more like ownership than partnership. This is how abusive partners talk.

Also where are you getting your information about people who attend college because it sounds more like something out of Animal House or the plotline for the latest porn flick or something than reality. Sure there's plenty of ungodly sex going on between college students but most of it is drunk or consensual. To be concerned that all the guys are going to be so taken with her they'll go to all the trouble of finding a way to drug a woman who (if she's with or married to you) isn't interested in going on dates with them or to their parties or giving them any encouragement in their pursuit when they are surrounded by more willing and available women is pretty out there. Her chances of suffering any sort of sexual impropriety go way down if she's not going to parties or dating the kind of guys who live hedonistic party lifestyles.

 

[seoulsearch]

@seoulsearch If I wake up too early and go back to sleep I sometimes have a returning dream. And it's not pleasant. When I was a kid there was a dirt road where I lived that was maybe a half mile down off the road we lived on. Nothing out of the ordinary about it. It just went down a ways to a house or barn that was used for hay. The house was old and wore out, but served a purpose, I guess.

Obviously, there wasn't much traffic on that road, but I had walked down it plenty of times or rode my bike. Played around that old house plenty of times. Even pitched a few rocks at already broken windows. And in my dreams I've walked down the road again and again and again. Same old house/barn at the end. Never improved, never good enough for a house. Rotten front porch. Roof caved in. And where I'd end up was always always standing at a most uninviting closed front door.

For whatever reason, Kim, that ramshackle front door was a gateway sort of, to my house of failure. My own insolvency. My non starter, unsuccessful self just inside. My back inside the door, below the door window so no one could see me holding it shut.

As a kid I can remember walking up to that door plenty of times. Wasn't nothing in there but hay.

The reason I'm telling you this is because you sometimes seem to take your own same old road maybe a half mile down off where you live, leading to that same place that belongs to you. That your husband wanted someone else (better, says your door) and that you (weren't good enough, says your door) were forced into singleness.

And it breaks my heart. Someone so vivacious, open, smart, kind and empathetic as you and the Proverbs 31 attributes of a wife of noble character. Who can find? So, please consider how people see you next time you take a left down that road of yours. You're quite a jewel.

I can say that for so many here, Cinder, Kireina, just many. Good hearts and can't believe they're not snatched up! With any luck at all @FrenchandChristian you'll find your little blue eyed French girl right here. Happy hunting.

Thank you so much for your kind words, Bees.

I am bookmarking your post in the hopes of reminding myself to not go back to old doors all too often. Things are better now, but certain things -- and particular days -- find my heart in places we all have a version of in our lives that we know we should leave behind, but something keeps pulling us back.

We all have detrimental things we believe about ourselves, and for myself, rejection from birth parents and then a husband has forever given me the self-branding of "Unwanted" and, most importantly, "Replaceable." I often feel like I am just waiting for people to find the replacement they're either purposely looking for or accidentally come across, but find they like this new option a whole lot better. (Usually because it's much less difficult!)

But I guess this is the ultimate inner struggle we all go through as Christians -- trying to learn to replace the things we see about ourselves, and to replace them with what God says He sees about us instead.

The amazing thing about you, Bees, is that despite the things you yourself have struggled with and the losses you've suffered, you always manage to put the focus on others, lifting them up, rather than ever worrying much about yourself. I often wish you'd let us focus on you just a bit more.

Much love to you, @17Bees, @Kireina, and @oyster67 for your very sweet words during a particularly difficult time. (Hug hugs!!)

 

[cinder]

I can say that for so many here, Cinder, Kireina, just many. Good hearts and can't believe they're not snatched up!

It's possible some of us aren't snatched up because we just don't respond well to the usual types of bait (if we even notice that it's meant to be bait) and / or we just have high standards for a worthy snatcher.

 

[seoulsearch]

It's possible some of us aren't snatched up because we just don't respond well to the usual types of bait (if we even notice that it's meant to be bait) and / or we just have high standards for a worthy snatcher.

Hey now.

My rusty old lures are starting to feel insulted!!

 

[seoulsearch]

Two thoughts. You would not let? Little to no contact with people outside of your sight? Girl reads / hears something like that it should be setting off red flags in her head. If you think you get to make decisions for your partner and her social interactions, that sounds a whole lot more like ownership than partnership. This is how abusive partners talk.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

French, I'm sure you're not an abuser, but this is definitely not how a loving relationship starts.

Because once it's based on strict rules of "allowing" and "permission," it only snowballs from there.

I've known a few people who had to get restraining orders against others, and it all started with a partner who said the same kinds of things you are saying now. Eventually, it escalates into total and complete control. Their partner had to know where they were, what they were doing, and who they were talking to at all times, and the consequences for not doing so became more severe over time.

But it all started out with their partner telling them how much they loved them and that they were only doing their job as a man to "keep them safe." Or a man who is trying to get away from a woman who can't stand the thought of him not being under their total control and doing anything or talking to anyone she doesn't "approve" of.

I know this is going to sound cold, but even if I did know a teenage French girl (or any girl) to introduce you to, I would not do so because I would be concerned that you would try to completely take control of her and her life.

The things you are talking about are exactly what I try to warn my younger sisters in Christ to avoid.

 

[seoulsearch]

I want to clarify something.

The reason I encourage young women to go out into the world, get an education, develop a skill, and learn how to support themselves is most certainly not because I am trying to endorse rebellion against men or something ridiculous like that.

I know we all have our own backgrounds and ways of thinking, but for me, it's just common sense.

French,

While I think it's perfectly noble to want to protect your wife from the intense array of scenarios you've detailed here, there is a myriad of other much more plausible things that could happen, such as you losing your job, being unable to work or support the whole family on one income (because you said you want a big family,) or dying unexpectedly (such as in a car crash,) leaving her and your children behind to fend for themselves.

Because life is so uncertain, I truly think that one of the best things we can do as singles (whether man or woman) is to try our best to be able to support ourselves, to give us at least a foundation to stand on against whatever life may throw at us.

It's awesome to know there are great guys out there who want to provide for wives and families, but there is no guarantee that they will always be there or that they will able to do everything on their own. If a family can afford to live on one income, that's wonderful, but it seems less likely these days, so I've always seen part of a woman's role in being a "helper" as contributing to the family income, if necessary.

If you have so many concerns about her not going to college because you're afraid of her being drugged by men, wouldn't you want her to be prepared to be able to live independently and take care of your family, rather than leaving her and your children vulnerable to whomever tried to take advantage of their tragic situation?

 

[FrenchandChristian]

Thank you for taking the time to answer! It's great that you're planning to get a job first. I do find it interesting though that you seem confident that you will always have the money to pay for everything, but I admire your ambition to provide. Maybe things are different where you live, but with all that has gone on in the world the past few years, finding one job that provides for an entire family and all their needs is rather elusive, but it would be great if you do find one.



Yes, I know you alone can't get pregnant. When I said, "What if you get pregnant?" I was referring to "you" as a married couple, as the Bible says that two become one in a marriage.



The things you are describing do not guarantee fertility (Have you ever heard of the term, "shooting blanks?") but it's awesome that you see being single as a valuable time for learning to do what God asks of us.



It makes me very sad that you seem to have this intense goal of finding a teenage girl and then locking her into a cage, telling her what she can and cannot do, and whom she can and cannot talk to (I certainly understand with other guys, but you said that you "don't want her to have many contacts outside my sight." And you expect her to adore you for it.

What if she said the same of you? How would you go to work everyday if she told you she didn't want you talking to people outside of her sight?

I understand that total and complete possession of someone is some people's idea of love but it will eventually backfire when both people can't take the choking feeling of being emotionally suffocated any longer.

I do admire you for wanting to keep her safe, but telling her she's intelligent, talented, and educated won't help her get a job unless she actually does have a certifiable education (though perhaps that's not required in France to get a good job -- maybe it's more of a cultural difference?)

However, I'm guessing that you would never let her hold a job either, as that means she would be talking to other people you couldn't control.

I wish you the best, French.

I know you have your mind set only on what you want and will only accept exactly what you want to hear, as many of us did at one time.

My only wish is that you would please give us updates on how it's going. If your story turns out to be the exception with everything going the way you envision it, I always eager to know the secret of one's success.

And if by some chance, it doesn't go the way you want, I'm very interested in hearing how you adapt and move on. You're obviously a very passionate and determined person, so I have no doubts that either way, you're going to make it through.

Thank you for your encouragements!

With contacts I referred mostly to male contacts, I added the latter thing to specify. I mean, I can allow her to talk to people outside my sight, but I will not allow her to spend entire evenings without me. She can have a few friends as long as I also know them. And no I'm not one of those guys who will selfishly control their wives while partying hard & paying for prostitutes every weekend. I'm willing to give her my contacts everytime she asks & will not keep secrets to her as well, but I expect the same in return. And I never said I want her to be my slave or property, no I don't want a mindless doll as wife. I want her to be a woman with a brain and a heart that truly loves me, whose loyalty is sincere and comes from her inside, not from fear of being shunned or hated. I don't want her to stick to the rules simply because it's the rules, I want her to stick to the rules understanding and knowing these are set for her good & safety and that if she disobeys them her husband will lose but she will lose even more. What if she suddenly gets pregnant from her 'friend'? The vast majority of women who cheat repent it afterwards for good reasons. That's, among others, the reason why I want to always know where she is & what's she doing. The world is sadly full of ungodly people that will have no problem in destroying marriages and relationships, more than ever. The younger men are now starting to sleep even with older married women, something which was almost unheard of in the past where nearly all the adultery involved an older man & a younger woman. Netfling & Unholywood are literally promoting adultery & polyamory (especially female one) all the f**king day at all the f**king hours and Fakebook, WhatsFap & feminism-LGBTIQXYZBDSM are not helping couples either. I'm even considering not having TV at my future home, not to say social media. But don't confuse things, I'm doing all this for protecting her more than for anything else. I wish the best things existing in this world and above for her. I want her to be the happiest & most satisfied person in the world. But the world wants to kill her joy and anxiety to serve God so I want to protect her from it like my life treasure. And when I protect my wife, I'm honouring God! As for her job, I would prefer her to stay home and be a housewife, so she doesn't need further education. At my eyes she's more educated than all the girls (and boys) who think of themselves as better for having college.

 

[cinder]

Thank you for your encouragements!

With contacts I referred mostly to male contacts, I added the latter thing to specify. I mean, I can allow her to talk to people outside my sight, but I will not allow her to spend entire evenings without me. She can have a few friends as long as I also know them. And no I'm not one of those guys who will selfishly control their wives while partying hard & paying for prostitutes every weekend. I'm willing to give her my contacts everytime she asks & will not keep secrets to her as well, but I expect the same in return. And I never said I want her to be my slave or property, no I don't want a mindless doll as wife. I want her to be a woman with a brain and a heart that truly loves me, whose loyalty is sincere and comes from her inside, not from fear of being shunned or hated. I don't want her to stick to the rules simply because it's the rules, I want her to stick to the rules understanding and knowing these are set for her good & safety and that if she disobeys them her husband will lose but she will lose even more. What if she suddenly gets pregnant from her 'friend'? The vast majority of women who cheat repent it afterwards for good reasons. That's, among others, the reason why I want to always know where she is & what's she doing. The world is sadly full of ungodly people that will have no problem in destroying marriages and relationships, more than ever. The younger men are now starting to sleep even with older married women, something which was almost unheard of in the past where nearly all the adultery involved an older man & a younger woman. Netfling & Unholywood are literally promoting adultery & polyamory (especially female one) all the f**king day at all the f**king hours and Fakebook, WhatsFap & feminism-LGBTIQXYZBDSM are not helping couples either. I'm even considering not having TV at my future home, not to say social media. But don't confuse things, I'm doing all this for protecting her more than for anything else. I wish the best things existing in this world and above for her. I want her to be the happiest & most satisfied person in the world. But the world wants to kill her joy and anxiety to serve God so I want to protect her from it like my life treasure. And when I protect my wife, I'm honouring God! As for her job, I would prefer her to stay home and be a housewife, so she doesn't need further education. At my eyes she's more educated than all the girls (and boys) who think of themselves as better for having college.

It goes like this. There are plenty more people than just you who are rather disgusted by the way lack of love and commitment in relationships is portrayed in American entertainment. We're also appalled that so many people treat sex as a casual recreational activity. But we have also decided that we're not going to conduct ourselves like that and would only be interested in people who have made a similar decision. So we don't need rules set by someone outside of us to keep us doing the right thing; we're already governed by internal rules stronger than just about any than can be imposed on us.

Bottom line is, if this hypothetical woman is as pure and loyal and all these other things you hope her to be, then she doesn't need your rules to protect her from ever being challenged by the world; she's already decided how she's going to live and behave. If she isn't that way, then she probably isn't a woman you want to marry. But all your talk about protecting her from danger and other men sounds a lot like the arguments most conservative middle eastern cultures use to force their women to be covered head to toe whenever they leave the house, deny them education, and generally restrict their rights to participate out in the broader society. And nothing will make people miserable and anxious faster than thinking the world is an evil dangerous place.

So assuming you do get married with these attitudes still pretty much intact..... what will you do when she decides your rules are too restrictive and starts breaking them (getting that far is a bad situation, but think about how you would handle being in that bad situation anyway)?