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RaceBoy

Guest
#21
RaceBoy, the worst thing you can do as a young man is to put women on a pedestal and worship them. It will do nothing but bring problems and strife to your life. I know it's hard now, but what you seem to be experiencing is similar to what I call "oneitis."

At 19 I wish I would have gone to the gym regularly in addition to attending school, church, and studying scripture. Your physical fitness and personal presentation are some of the most important things you can do for yourself as a young man looking to attract a woman. As much as you likely have been taught by gynocentric pastors, the reality is women and men both want to be with people they find attractive. Pining over a female puts you in a submissive and non-masculine light.

A good resource: https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/
I think you hit it on point. i just looked it up (oneitis) and it matches almost exactly how i feel.
 

Mark_L

New member
Jan 30, 2021
14
15
3
#22
Still think about this girl. Can't get her off my mind, and am feeling unhappy?frustrated that she's dating someone else, suggestions ?

First, I just want to say a few things. Rabid introspection can be a dangerous thing, but good ole fashioned examining ourselves is recommended in scripture, 2 Corinthians 13:5, "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith." I bring this up for two reasons, and two reasons only. First, you talked of being worried about going to Hell if you commit suicide because God dislikes it. Suicide is sinful, but our hope is in Jesus Christ, not our own merits. That being said, suicide is a selfish thing that dishonors God. Even so, go to Christ. Whether you are lost or saved, remember what Jesus faulted the Pharisees for, "you refuse to come to me that you may have life.(John 5:40)"

Second, you stated that you had been lusting after this girl for a long time. It sounds like you idolized this girl, but that length is a little concerning. That being said, idols do creep into our lives. Idolizing a particular girl is a dangerous thing for us, and I would have to admit that I have done the same. Even so, God disciplines his children. Hebrews 12:8 "If you do not experience discipline like everyone else, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons." Just make sure, are you devoted to this girl, or Christ? It's an important question to answer, and our souls rest on it.

I'm a dude who has been going through a season of loneliness too. It is super easy to pity ourselves. I have to say, however, that Christ is faithful even when we are lonely. I tell you this because it has been the most remarkable blessing to me recently: Go to Christ. When you are lonely, seek to commune with him. When you are in despair, tell him. I wish I had learned this lesson earlier than I have. Loneliness can be an awful trial, but it is also a gift. In 1 Corinthians 7:7 Paul says about his own singleness, "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." If God is our Father, then singleness isn't a curse. We actually have more time than married people to seek Christ. Psalm 56:8 says, "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" Go to the one who knows all of your tears.

Just a word to encourage, I found myself in despair because of my loneliness last week. Eventually, I discovered that I had been spending way too much time with others before in my life, and that my busyness had left my relationship with Christ to decay. So, I fasted and sought the Lord. I can't say my prayers were anything special, but I can say that he heard me. It took a few days, but eventually he started pouring out his lovingkindness again. There is a reason that Christ taught in Matthew 7:7, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.."

Well, I hope something in there helps. Hopefully none of it came off as hypocritical or useless.
 

Mark_L

New member
Jan 30, 2021
14
15
3
#23
First, I just want to say a few things. Rabid introspection can be a dangerous thing, but good ole fashioned examining ourselves is recommended in scripture, 2 Corinthians 13:5, "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith." I bring this up for two reasons, and two reasons only. First, you talked of being worried about going to Hell if you commit suicide because God dislikes it. Suicide is sinful, but our hope is in Jesus Christ, not our own merits. That being said, suicide is a selfish thing that dishonors God. Even so, go to Christ. Whether you are lost or saved, remember what Jesus faulted the Pharisees for, "you refuse to come to me that you may have life.(John 5:40)"

Second, you stated that you had been lusting after this girl for a long time. It sounds like you idolized this girl, but that length is a little concerning. That being said, idols do creep into our lives. Idolizing a particular girl is a dangerous thing for us, and I would have to admit that I have done the same. Even so, God disciplines his children. Hebrews 12:8 "If you do not experience discipline like everyone else, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons." Just make sure, are you devoted to this girl, or Christ? It's an important question to answer, and our souls rest on it.

I'm a dude who has been going through a season of loneliness too. It is super easy to pity ourselves. I have to say, however, that Christ is faithful even when we are lonely. I tell you this because it has been the most remarkable blessing to me recently: Go to Christ. When you are lonely, seek to commune with him. When you are in despair, tell him. I wish I had learned this lesson earlier than I have. Loneliness can be an awful trial, but it is also a gift. In 1 Corinthians 7:7 Paul says about his own singleness, "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." If God is our Father, then singleness isn't a curse. We actually have more time than married people to seek Christ. Psalm 56:8 says, "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" Go to the one who knows all of your tears.

Just a word to encourage, I found myself in despair because of my loneliness last week. Eventually, I discovered that I had been spending way too much time with others before in my life, and that my busyness had left my relationship with Christ to decay. So, I fasted and sought the Lord. I can't say my prayers were anything special, but I can say that he heard me. It took a few days, but eventually he started pouring out his lovingkindness again. There is a reason that Christ taught in Matthew 7:7, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.."

Well, I hope something in there helps. Hopefully none of it came off as hypocritical or useless.
I feel a burden to confess something about this response. I wrote it and gave a great deal of thought to it. However, looking back, I realize that I didn't go to the Lord before posting it. Reading through the book of Job today, I realized that I was being like Job's friends. They accused Job of great sin and blasphemy of God, yet they couldn't know the true reason of his suffering. I am just a man, and I don't know you personally. I believe that what I wrote was scriptural, but I can't say it was the right situation. Plus, it was hypocritical to say go to Christ when I was writing something without going to him. That being said, I still think it is the right thing to do, and I will be doing so after posting this. So, if you would, please forgive me for being to hasty with my response, and please read anything I wrote prayerfully. I trust that the Lord will help you separate the good from the bad.
 
R

RaceBoy

Guest
#24
I feel a burden to confess something about this response. I wrote it and gave a great deal of thought to it. However, looking back, I realize that I didn't go to the Lord before posting it. Reading through the book of Job today, I realized that I was being like Job's friends. They accused Job of great sin and blasphemy of God, yet they couldn't know the true reason of his suffering. I am just a man, and I don't know you personally. I believe that what I wrote was scriptural, but I can't say it was the right situation. Plus, it was hypocritical to say go to Christ when I was writing something without going to him. That being said, I still think it is the right thing to do, and I will be doing so after posting this. So, if you would, please forgive me for being to hasty with my response, and please read anything I wrote prayerfully. I trust that the Lord will help you separate the good from the bad.
It's ok mate I understand what you meant, and I'm a little bit better now. I guess I saw this girl years ago because she was good looking and a Christian, and because now one in my family had a good wife/husband including my mom (no disrespect). And knowing how hard it is to find a good Christian wife, I saw her as my only opportunity and saw her age as a hindrance.
 
S

SigP226

Guest
#25
Still think about this girl. Can't get her off my mind, and am feeling unhappy?frustrated that she's dating someone else, suggestions ?
Get involved with a Christian guys group, or find a group of guys with similar interests. You've got to keep yourself busy and involved in positive things if you ever want to move on.
 
R

RaceBoy

Guest
#26
Get involved with a Christian guys group, or find a group of guys with similar interests. You've got to keep yourself busy and involved in positive things if you ever want to move on.
Honestly i'am a lot better now, and although i still wish i could have her (which i can't) i'm willing to find other girls. Just gotta find the right one.
 
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RaceBoy

Guest
#27
If any moderators see this, can you delete this thread please ? Thank you.