"Friends"

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Jullianna

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If you care about someone and things don't work out, do you think it's a good idea to attempt to remain friends or do you think it's best to make a clean break? Why/why not?
 
Remain friends, because as the bible says "He that is not with me is against me." - Matthew 12:30

"leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." - Matthew 5:24
 
Depends on the maturity of the other person. I would never cut someone off unless I knew they would damage my walk with Christ or if they were mentally unbalanced. I have the ability remain friends but I realize most people can't do that.
 
zeroturbulence said:
Remain friends, because as the bible says "He that is not with me is against me." - Matthew 12:30

"leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." - Matthew 5:24
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Zero: I think there's a very large difference between a clean break and animosity.

I should have made a clean break with my ex. We started as friends after the relationship ended. He went on and on about how his new GF was awesome an perfect and, "you know, you'll find someone perfect someday too, but we just wouldn't have worked." I just rolled my eyes and moved on.

Then, about six months later, he proposes to the new GF. And you know, I didn't feel anything inside when he told me. I still don't, except when I wonder if anyone will love me again. His reaction was a little odd. He seemed upset that I wasn't upset.

Then, the off-handed remarks about his now-fiance began. How she's boring. How she doesn't like to go on walks anymore. How she isn't intellectually stimulating. But always said at the end of a sentence, like it's a joke.

I finally decided I was cutting him out of my life completely in April, and I haven't regretted it once. I just wish I hadn't held on so long.
 
tif said:
Zero: I think there's a very large difference between a clean break and animosity.

I should have made a clean break with my ex. We started as friends after the relationship ended. He went on and on about how his new GF was awesome an perfect and, "you know, you'll find someone perfect someday too, but we just wouldn't have worked." I just rolled my eyes and moved on.

Then, about six months later, he proposes to the new GF. And you know, I didn't feel anything inside when he told me. I still don't, except when I wonder if anyone will love me again. His reaction was a little odd. He seemed upset that I wasn't upset.

Then, the off-handed remarks about his now-fiance began. How she's boring. How she doesn't like to go on walks anymore. How she isn't intellectually stimulating. But always said at the end of a sentence, like it's a joke.

I finally decided I was cutting him out of my life completely in April, and I haven't regretted it once. I just wish I hadn't held on so long.
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I didnt know we were talking about actual relationships. I thought we were just talking about friendships. I support clean breaks after a relationship ends. I dont even think remaining good friends is really possible after a break up. Some say it is, but I wouldnt want to be there when the person u loved starts dating other people, or in your case proposed.
 
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I personally would like to remain friends....but yet at the same time, I feel like it would be hard to actually fully accept the breakup and go on with your life....the renewing of the heart and forgetting process would be painful while having your ex around.....And you could easily mistake the limits of behavior of that of a relationship you once had and the "friendship" after the breakup....Many might have made it though to remain friends...but dunno...being realistic, I find it hard to remain friends...
 
Ive never remained friends before...dont really have plans to start. Seems rather pointless actually.
 
Thanks for your input. Sometimes a relationship with a guy just doesn't work out, but that doesn't mean that they aren't someone very special. They just aren't the one for you. I've never seen any reason to cut them out of my life unless they weren't comfortable with that. Some people think that's odd. I just wondered what you all thought about it. :)
 
I think at the beginning its best to make a clean break if one of you still has feelings for the other. You will need the space for healing and room to grow without eachother. Once those feelings have subsided it will be okay to be friends again.
 
So many moons ago I had this boyfriend we were together for 2 yrs. We broke up and both thought we would get back together but we didnt for vasrious reasons. Well I left the city and we stayed in contact over the phone but thats pretty much it as I was out oof state but years later, I move back into the city and he wants to be friends and hang out sometimes thats fine and dandy but the problem is he still likes me. Dude its been like 10 years, get over it. So i can't be very good friends with him because he will bring up stuff about us dating again. So normally I just try to avoid him.
 
It has been my experience, that you can try and remain friends (and sometimes it does work), but if you have invested a whole lot of time into a relationship in which you just ended, then yes you may want to still be friends. However, it is not always easy, it can work for a while, but things can slowly start to drift apart. Perhaps clean breaks are for the best, but I have kept some friendships from like people I have dated but was not in a relationship with.
 
Jullianna said:
Thanks for your input. Sometimes a relationship with a guy just doesn't work out, but that doesn't mean that they aren't someone very special. They just aren't the one for you. I've never seen any reason to cut them out of my life unless they weren't comfortable with that. Some people think that's odd. I just wondered what you all thought about it. :)
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Well if the two parties involved are ok with the other person gloating about any new relationships and/or future marriage then I guess its ok. Problems start though when one party is still very attracted to the other. At first they might seem ok with the breakup, but soon they will start trying to win back the relationship and might start acting desperate.
 
This is what I believe: If two past lovers can remain friends, it's either they are still in love, or never were.

I know that's pretty blunt but I think it's true. I'm not sure I'd be able to remain friends with someone I was with. Maybe if the relationship wasn't... "deep" or if it was short-lived - although that would be kind of awkward. If I was truly in love with my ex, I couldn't just be his friend because there will always be something there. So either I'd have to leave our friendship behind or I'd remain glossy eyed over him.

And I agree with what zero stated. Some people do try to "win" back their exes and that can cause a strain on the reformed friendship.
 
Negative... Cause if they were causin you problems when you were dating, there gonna be causin you the same problems when your friends...
 
It really depends on the ex. I've had a lot of exes that I still hang out with on a regular basis and we managed to stay on good terms without the need to burn bridges. I've had exes on the other hand that I broke up with because they turned out to be just rotten people and there's no point in having rotten people as friends lol. Sometimes you need time apart after the breakup, if it was a good person that you really cared for, to give yourself time to heal and move on but it doesn't necessarily mean that having a friendship with them later in the future is a bad idea or impossible. It really all depends on the ex and the circumstances surrounding the breakup.
 
lightbliss said:
This is what I believe: If two past lovers can remain friends, it's either they are still in love, or never were.
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I have to disagree. I was very in love with my ex. But when I made God the center of my world, Sean no longer was. And I'd have been perfectly happy to be friends with him for the rest of my life. I even like his new fiance, and I hope they both are very happy in the end. He was really the problem (though that's kind of weird, since you'd think HE'D move on, getting engaged and all). It makes me a little sad, because he was the one friend I had who was really intellectual, so I could talk to him about a lot of very high-end mathematical and scientific topics.
 
Clean Break, less stress and possibly safe from unnecessary heartache
 
zeroturbulence said:
Remain friends, because as the bible says "He that is not with me is against me." - Matthew 12:30

"leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." - Matthew 5:24
Click to expand...

I was actually in a bitter situation with a friend whose heart was in the wrong place for some time. The part of saying "I'm sorry" is somewhat not a type of thing for them to say since that "stoic indian" is a part of who they are. Forgive and forget and move on is what they had to do... And was something I had to practice during that time. Admitting to feelings and being emotionally there is something I wish my friends and family showed a lot more. *shrugs*
 
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