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Husbands in charge.
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1still_waters
Guest
Below is what the Bible says..(The part that isn't in red is just my commentary.)
Husbands, lead, sacrifice and give their all for their wife.
Wives submit and respect their husband.
All this is done to mirror the relationship of Christ and the church.
This isn't about a power grab between the two as they wrestle for power. This is about the two mirroring the example set forth by Jesus.
The husband's role isn't one of dictatorial, cold and aloof military leader. The wife's role isn't one of demanding her husband give her things at all costs. Neither should use their husband/wife role as a means to make the other person a doormat or victim.
You can't take away from the fact that the husband must lead, sacrifice and give all for his wife. You can't take away from the fact that a wife must submit to and respect her husband in all things. To do such would be to demean the VERY example this relationship is mirroring. That being the one between Christ and the church.
If one tries to take away from the roles of each, you're basically saying the way Christ and the church operate isn't done right.
Of course there is always a list of 'what ifs' one can ask of the pattern given in scripture for marriage. What if the husband is abusive? What if the wife is this or that? It could go on and on. And the 'what ifs' shouldn't be ignored. But on the other hand, the 'what ifs' shouldn't be used as a means to water down the very image the married couple should mirror.
Ephesians 5
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Husbands, lead, sacrifice and give their all for their wife.
Wives submit and respect their husband.
All this is done to mirror the relationship of Christ and the church.
This isn't about a power grab between the two as they wrestle for power. This is about the two mirroring the example set forth by Jesus.
The husband's role isn't one of dictatorial, cold and aloof military leader. The wife's role isn't one of demanding her husband give her things at all costs. Neither should use their husband/wife role as a means to make the other person a doormat or victim.
You can't take away from the fact that the husband must lead, sacrifice and give all for his wife. You can't take away from the fact that a wife must submit to and respect her husband in all things. To do such would be to demean the VERY example this relationship is mirroring. That being the one between Christ and the church.
If one tries to take away from the roles of each, you're basically saying the way Christ and the church operate isn't done right.
Of course there is always a list of 'what ifs' one can ask of the pattern given in scripture for marriage. What if the husband is abusive? What if the wife is this or that? It could go on and on. And the 'what ifs' shouldn't be ignored. But on the other hand, the 'what ifs' shouldn't be used as a means to water down the very image the married couple should mirror.
Ephesians 5
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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Brandon777
Guest
We must respect what the Bible says above all other sources of opinion. I believe it's true because that's what the Word says because God foreordained the Word to exist eternally just as our own souls. John 1
Jesus is our Head, and the husband is the head of the wife! I don't think women should think about it too much. He really is in charge! It's not bad or anything. Husbands are in charge but the Bible teaches men to love their wives. I don't think a Christian marriage is a bad one. I don't think you'll be oppressed by your husband.
I'd rather have my marriage be like any of my dating relationships: working together as a team. Not one in charge and the other following.
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Brandon777
Guest
Have you considered that it's possible to have a team with a leader? Actually all organized teams have leaders. Think about it. Every sport has a coach for a leader, the Navy, Air Force, and Army have generals, commanders and all , All organizations have leaders, Countries and so on... so yes families should fit there too. I know of loving, working marriages where the decisions are made through compromise where the head is the man who will ultimately make the call. Without that authority, and headship decision making would be chaotic. Unless you roll dice or play rock, paper, scissors, but God says that man has headship, and He gives His reasons. Ephesians says this:
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. 5:24 But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything.5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; 5:26 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, 5:27 that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 5:28 Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 5:29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly; 5:30 because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. 5:31 “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh.”This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly. 5:33 Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 6:2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with a promise: 6:3 “that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
The Bible is the only thing to live by.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. 5:24 But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything.5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; 5:26 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, 5:27 that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 5:28 Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 5:29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly; 5:30 because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. 5:31 “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh.”This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly. 5:33 Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 6:2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with a promise: 6:3 “that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
The Bible is the only thing to live by.
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kayem77
Guest
And we all have to remember marriage is not a battle for power...I've seen it in my home. Not working, lol. I don't think that thinking too much about who is in charge all the time is what God would want. The main purpose is to both grow with Jesus as the center and fulfill the purpose God has for us. I think the husband being the head of the family and all the biblical term of how a family should be comes naturally through the Holy Spirit. And of course that comes from reading the bible and also having a close relationship with God.
When a family has God as the center, all these things come naturally so the husband is not reminding all the time," hey im in charge". So the husband knows his role, and the wife does too, in a personal and different way for each family.
Every family works differently but God is the one that let you know if it's working correctly.
When a family has God as the center, all these things come naturally so the husband is not reminding all the time," hey im in charge". So the husband knows his role, and the wife does too, in a personal and different way for each family.
Every family works differently but God is the one that let you know if it's working correctly.
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Lad
Guest
I know im to be a leader and 'in charge' and I intend to be. But in my leading I will be a servant, I will be humble, I will be loving and most importantly I will be led by God so ultimately its Him who is 'in charge' of my family 
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Imm
Guest
1 Corinthians 11:3, "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God."
Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
Matthew 5:32, "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
1 Corinthians 7:14, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."
Ephesians 5:33, "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
Matthew 5:32, "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
1 Corinthians 7:14, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."
Ephesians 5:33, "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
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Jullianna
Guest
If BOTH husband and wife are submitting themselves to Christ as they should, the husband will have no problem being the head of the family/priest of the home/cherishing his wife as he should and the wife will have no problem with respecting her husband and submitting to him because she trusts that he has sought the heart of God concerning all matters relating to home and family. If you don't trust a man to do that, don't marry him, because that's the level of trust it takes to make a marriage work.
Marriage was never intended to be a wrestling match or battle of the wills.
Marriage was never intended to be a wrestling match or battle of the wills.
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kayem77
Guest
Well said, I was thinking about this relationship a few years ago.
The husband, in acceptig the final say, must also accept responcibuility for his word.
I began to consider how when God created us, He knew we would sin.
I thought about the scripture where it says,"I made you to be holy and pleasing in my sight."
God Our Father created us, knowing we would fail, because He also gave, out of love for us the freedom to choose or reject Him.
But God Our Father also took the responsibuility for His word.
By sending Jesus to take sin for us.
How great a love did God Our Father show, that in His great love, giving us the freedom to choose, but also taking responcibuility for His love.
Dont quote me, its just some thoughts on this.
But many say, why did God creat us knowing we would sin? He did so , but also gave us in Jesus forgivness and freedom from sin.
Seems this is what a husband does, make the dessision, but also provides for this dessision.
in Jesus, God bless.
pickles
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Lucy68
Guest
You're very wise at 16!
Honestly though, following Biblical teachings and having mutual respect and consideration for each other truly does make a marriage work.
That submit part is very hard for us women to swallow easily; but it helps to marry someone who you REALLY, REALLY respect.
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Lucy68
Guest
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rainacorn
Guest
You're very wise at 16!
Honestly though, following Biblical teachings and having mutual respect and consideration for each other truly does make a marriage work.
That submit part is very hard for us women to swallow easily; but it helps to marry someone who you REALLY, REALLY respect.
So true. I think the feminist movement has made it difficult for modern women to see the word 'submit' without becoming immediately defensive.
Men and women are equal, but we are not the same. We shouldn't get that confused. The Bible is clear that ladies rule the roost. We run the home and we run the family. Men are like our public representatives... probably because they aren't as emotionally charged. Women are ferocious defenders and protectors and have a much harder time keeping cool when emotionally provoked. We may not want to admit it, but it's true. If my kid has trouble in school, talk to my husband. I'll blame the teacher or the other students. If my neighbor has a problem with the noise we're making, they would be wise to take it up with my husband instead of me. If another parent at school has something critical to say about my child or the job I'm doing as a parent, I better not hear it.
A good wife knows when to take a step back. It's not about making yourself less than your husband, simply recognizing that we each have different...um...talents. lol
Yes, recognizing different talents and playing to the strengths of every individual is great. However you can't assume that all women have the same talents and all men have the same talents. There are women who are better at certain things that men are traditionally/typically better at, and men who are better than women at certain things that women are traditionally/typically better at. Some women are better leaders than men! What if it's the husband that would blame the teacher or the other students, whereas the wife would approach the situation better? Should the wife not be the one to deal with this? I like to think that as someone who is studying to become and will be a professional educator working in the school system and versed in child psychology, I would most likely be better at dealing with this issue than my hypothetical husband.
I say a good partner knows when to take a step back, whether they be husband or wife. It's about doing what works best for the individual couple, not about doing what traditionally/typically each gender is supposed to do. If it turns out that you are indeed best at the more traditional role of a wife and you enjoy it, more power to you, I'm sure it will work very well for you. However, a different couple shouldn't be expected to do the same. Given the right combination of people, career mom and stay at home dad can and does work!
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rainacorn
Guest
Yes, recognizing different talents and playing to the strengths of every individual is great. However you can't assume that all women have the same talents and all men have the same talents. There are women who are better at certain things that men are traditionally/typically better at, and men who are better than women at certain things that women are traditionally/typically better at. Some women are better leaders than men! What if it's the husband that would blame the teacher or the other students, whereas the wife would approach the situation better? Should the wife not be the one to deal with this? I like to think that as someone who is studying to become and will be a professional educator working in the school system and versed in child psychology, I would most likely be better at dealing with this issue than my hypothetical husband.
I say a good partner knows when to take a step back, whether they be husband or wife. It's about doing what works best for the individual couple, not about doing what traditionally/typically each gender is supposed to do. If it turns out that you are indeed best at the more traditional role of a wife and you enjoy it, more power to you, I'm sure it will work very well for you. However, a different couple shouldn't be expected to do the same. Given the right combination of people, career mom and stay at home dad can and does work!
NO ALL WOMEN ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AND ALL MEN ARE EXACTLY THE SAME! EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS IDENTICAL.
I figure it doesn't matter what I actually reply, that's what you'll see.
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dmdave17
Guest
In winding my way through this thread, I was struck by how these two quotes bring the argument full circle. The former is from someone who is thirty; the latter from someone who is nineteen. Modern feminism has convinced many women that they are "just the same as any man". The fact remains that men and women are fundamentally different. There are numerous scientific studies, in multiple disciplines, which prove this point. We are simply wired differently; our brains, emotions and bodies are not mirror images of each other. And since God made us all, He must have a purpose for the differences. Psalm 139, verses 13 & 14 say, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
With respect to the "submission" issue, whenever this subject comes up, I always point out that husbands have a pretty heavy responsibility to earn that submission. The Scripture is quoted above, so I won't repeat it here, but husbands are ordered to love, cherish and protect their wives. I have always believed that this aspect comes first; before "submission". As the saying goes, "respect cannot be demanded; it must be commanded."
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rainacorn
Guest
Good point, dmdave. I think ladies get off somewhat easy in this situation. Husbands have to be the Christ of the Christ-Church relationship. That seems to be a much heavier burden and a much harder thing to live up to.
My husband doesn't act like Jesus all the time, but he's generally a pretty good dude that's trying pretty hard. When he's waaaay off the mark, I think it would be silly to continue treating him like he's Christ! hahahaha This church has to close its doors from time to time lol
My husband doesn't act like Jesus all the time, but he's generally a pretty good dude that's trying pretty hard. When he's waaaay off the mark, I think it would be silly to continue treating him like he's Christ! hahahaha This church has to close its doors from time to time lol
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NoahsMom
Guest
With respect to the "submission" issue, whenever this subject comes up, I always point out that husbands have a pretty heavy responsibility to earn that submission. The Scripture is quoted above, so I won't repeat it here, but husbands are ordered to love, cherish and protect their wives. I have always believed that this aspect comes first; before "submission". As the saying goes, "respect cannot be demanded; it must be commanded." I like this. It is a huge responsibility to be the head of the home, the cool part is, when Scott has to make what he thinks is a important decision, he always asks what I think and how Id feel. I do like-wise, It is give and take and respect is earned.