He’s a first year apprentice. By the time he’s a journeyman he should have enough money to almost pay cash for a house…if he stays at home. He will be 22 years old. Nice start! He’s the one we worried about, go figure.
At what age do you kick your children out of the house?
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Were you concerned about the financial side of things?
I have a 19-year-old who goes to college near the house. For maturity issues, we want to keep him around the house. He isn't wild or anything like that. We'd just like to see him be more mature before letting him go. And he wanted to stick around here, so that is good.
Are your daughters the marrying type? The Old Testament says (of Israelites after going into captivity to increase and do not decrease and) to find wives for your sons and husbands for your daughters. It put the responsibility on parents to help match the children up. This is really counter-cultural in my culture, the US, and there may not be suitors and parents on the other end who do the finding. But it is something to consider.
I've seen English books from the 1700s or 1800s that deal with parents having a role in getting their children married. I've never actually read a Jane Austin book. I read a Charles Dickens book, but it did not deal in depth with the topic. In those books/films, parents would take their teenaged and adult children to balls or else young people would gather at someone's house on Sunday afternoon with a view of courting. A young woman's parents might host. Eligible young women would play the piano, and they would socialize. Fathers gave suitors permission to marry. Parents do not play much of a role at all in my own culture's dating scene, but I do consider those verses about finding spouses. When I lived in Korea, parents might match single adults on blind dates. But when it got to the stage of parents doing this instead of friends, things could accelerate very quickly toward marriage instead of just dating.
Lots of intense prayer on the topic may help. I found my wife after intensifying the prayer on the topic above the normal level I'd been doing.
On a nurse's salary? Really? The issue is whether you want them at home or have an obligation to keep them at home.
The plumber will probably start at a struggling wage (just thinking of union here) but at some point along the process will make okay money to live on his own, definitely with a roommate. Once he hits journeyman, as long as there is decent work in the market, he should be doing fine, getting paid probably like a low to middle level management salary. But he is kind of young.
You could focus on encouraging the oldest daughter to get married, pray for her, maybe nudge her into being open to dates with godly young men if that's an issue, setting her up on blind dates if she is into that. Discouraging her from dating young men who are not serious. Or if she is dating a Christian man who has accepted this aimless attitude of our culture about dating, that treats it as an end to itself, you could talk to him.
probably because they bought somewhere cheaper
couples require a bit more than singles do especially if they planning on having family they need more room. Also couples tend to be fussier where they live.
a lot of them dont really want to live in a broken down fixer upper that would cost more to repair than a brand new home that is child -safe...and they want to be near good schools etc.
if housing was cheap and affordable and land was available as it was post war 1950s/60/ EVERYONE would have their own house.
Some houses though, espcially nowadays are not built to last. They fall apart after ten years thanks to shoddy workmanship. In auckland, houses built in the 90s to fashion trends all got leaky, mould damp and rot because they didnt put FLASHINGS on the windows for the rain to drain away.
Some houses though, espcially nowadays are not built to last. They fall apart after ten years thanks to shoddy workmanship. In auckland, houses built in the 90s to fashion trends all got leaky, mould damp and rot because they didnt put FLASHINGS on the windows for the rain to drain away.
T
TheIndianGirl
Guest
Nowadays there are still some parents from some cultures who matchmake, however the matchmaking is done at later ages such as late20s/early30s for women and mid/late 30s for men, whereas before matchmaking started as soon as the person was considered marriageable (for girls, typically in their teens). However, now many girls are expected/encouraged to go to college, which raises the age to 22 at least without any additional school. There was also more urgency to matchmake for the girl during the olden times to shift the financial burden from the father's family to the future husband, since the girl wasn't working, and especially if the girl came from a less privileged family. There was also incentive for boys to get married, in part to get a dowry. Also, back then, marriage meant the marriage of two families as families were more intertwined; the family a person married into mattered more than now. So, the parents definitely wanted to have input. However, nowadays, the marriage is more focused on the couple and the ties to their original families are not as strong for a variety of reasons (such as distance, individuals are more "independent", etc.).
Since I am a wife?
You might ask your wife to consider what the kids will do with their lives if they are coddled to the day you both pass on.
If they don't learn now how to be responsible independent adults, what kind of life can they be expected to give their own children when that time comes?
People tend to appreciate what they have more so when they labored to afford it.
If it's always a gift, they know if something gets broken, lost, stolen, they can count on someone else replacing it and at their own expense.
Maybe that could be another thread, perhaps a whole forum. We could advertise our children to potential suitors at CC. Good idea. I will reach out to the mods.
Hind sight. When the youngest reaches 18, give the children the house, and buy a one bedroom house and move into it.
Reality. Either one of the children, or a grandchild will always move home for a period of time. Enjoy them while they are home.
Reality. Either one of the children, or a grandchild will always move home for a period of time. Enjoy them while they are home.
If they are making good money and the house is too small, it should be a simple matter to do one of two things: (1) ask the wage-earner to rent nearby or (b) ask the wage-earner to contribute to the purchase of a larger house (if that person wants to remain with the family). You don't need to "kick" anyone out since they seem to be responsible people, but blithely unaware of what is going on.
is the fourth kid your own ? it sounds like one of them has caused problems, what ever you do try to work it out and dont abandon them, i mean kick them out. yes let them stay and work your problems out, family are more important than money
She has ended her last two relationships because they lacked any spiritual growth. She attends a seeker style church that is more focussed on catching and less on cleaning. It’s fine but not a fantastic dating pool if you want to find a Christian whose thinking we are for Jesus and not Jesus is for us. The nurse and the plumber are both super responsible with their money. If they were squandering it then I would collect rent and put it in an account to give them at a later date. There’s a huge construction boom right now where I’m at. Journeyman rate is nearly six figures at 40hrs/week+pension and benefits.
We all have good relationships. Any problems are just childishness past the point of childhood. It’s more of a societal issue. Every parent seems to be going through similar issues. Children have no desire to prove themselves. There is no longer an innate need to be the best at anything. Generation “Good Enough”.
i hope you can work it out. you wiil miss them,and they wont like you for kicking them out.
I have read a bit about US and English ages for marriage, and the early 20's seems to have been the average for quite some time. I hear stories of people marrying in their teens, and even had some of that up the family tree for a few generations. It was probably less frowned-upon in previous generations. The dowry thing you mentioned was probably the case in India in the past. I am not sure if it was really an issue with the English except for the upper class.
I read that the concept of 'the boyfriend' was invented just after 1900 and promoted by women's magazines. A woman might have had multiple suitors before then and if one were serious and she were serious about him, they may have married rather quickly. 'The boyfriend' is a man who can fulfill some of the emotional needs a husband fills, but without sexual relations. But that 'without sexual relations' part changed. In the west, it is taken for granted, on television and media, that dating couples are sexually active. Serious Christians know that it is wrong, but media presents this perspective as if it were strange and alien. And we export some of our dating practices overseas, also.
It is better for people to marry young than to be promiscuous. Dating for a lot of westerners is treated as an end unto itself, something done for recreation, rather than as a pathway to marriage.
That form of parenting is very sad to me. This Americanized idea of family where you simply get raised, tossed out, and then forgotten... So called Christians raise their children much akin to like occultists would if one ponders it in depth. Your job as parents really goes into full swing after eighteen years of age concerning spiritual teaching and directing your newly raised adults to reference the Bible for life's tough topics. As a borne again Bible believing Christian you know the "Holy Bible" states the following.
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1 Peter 5:8-9 KJV
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
9 Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.
Joshua 1:5 KJV
5 There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
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As the parents; you are the watchmen on the wall for your children even when they are adults sometimes... Do not forget this is a "lifelong pursuit" and parenting does not come with an expiration date. For those of you that think so you have the wrong sort of "heart" for parenting/teaching well. This concept needs to perish on the vine completely because there will never come a time where you are not a parent. You may see it decline, parenting however doesn't end til you get called "home" or the "child/adult" is called home.
Even if your grown children are half way across the globe and are lost in life. Wouldn't you rather think they would want to pick up the phone and call you in their most trying times versus to be cruelly devoured by this world in an hour not foreseen? All because in you're deceived "collective entitlement mindset" for the parenting job to end; they chose to not contact you in that hour and now you can't have that discussion now or ever... Just some food for thought the next time any of you want to defend this non-Christian idea called the "empty nester phase". A concept that comes straight from our failed public education systems that openly rejects the "Lord Jesus Christ" I mind you.
We are not birds... Last I checked we neither have feathers and neither do we eat worms were alot more complicated than birds. On the contrary, if you did a poor job as teachers to your kids; this time will reflect this with the numerous phone calls/text messages they will slam you with. They shall ask about everything concerning how to "properly do laundry" to "how to pay their taxes", to how to even "cook breakfast"... Just remember that the next time your answering that 100th text message question in the span of months; this is after they should leave the home. Think, gosh... Why did I never show them how to do that? The wise don't blame the circumstance they instead self-critique themselves for their probable contribution for why that situation came to be even possible.
And always remember "the devil is in the details".
Perhaps you did a much better job at raising your children than I did, or maybe you just have more space. Because I was a professional chef, cooking meals and dinners in advance to heat up on the run made sense. There was always a pot of soup, or chili and cooked chicken breasts and salads to grab. A couple times a week my wife would clean the house. The kids were constantly busy with studies and sports and when they had a few minutes my wife encouraged them to go see their friends. Chores weren’t given as regularly. Now for some reason my wife thinks after years of doing everything for them, they are going to jump in and take over all of their tasks. It’s not going fantastically. From their unmotivated “cleaning” and my wife’s menopausal rants, I’m ready to get an apartment. The boys are nearly adults and still sharing a room. We could all use a bit of space. By no means will anyone be tossed to the wolves. They are more than welcome back at any time, and every meal, but having to sort through my daughter’s clothes to determine which ones are dry flat and which ones can be thrown in the drier so I can do my own laundry is getting exhausting. So much lulu lemon! We all love each other and laugh louder than any other table at a restaurant. Any one of them could have a career in comedy. It’s just a little more independence would be nice.