What is Biblical marriage?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
R

Runningman

Banned
#1
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#1
It has been a curiosity to me for a long time as to why there are no specific directions for how to get married in the Bible. Marriage permeates our daily life and the fabric of our cultures and society yet the Bible is curiously silent on the topic.

Marriages are mentioned in the Bible, but are there any examples of vows, ceremony, documents, etc. Why?

Today I had a thought about this verse:

Matthew 5:28
28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

So if a man or woman looks at someone to lust after them then they have committed adultery with them in their heart.

By process of reverse engineering Matt. 5:28, the implication is that if adultery occurs in the heart then marriage occurs in the heart, too.

Does this explain why there is no clearcut criteria for marriage in the Bible? We just need to look a little deeper and read between the lines a bit.

I believe that it seems logical to me that true marriage occurs in the heart. A document and ceremony doesn't validate a marriage. As we know there are plenty of loveless sham marriages.

So what are your thoughts/opinions/debates/rebukes/etc? Thank you for taking the time to read this.
 
Lucy-Pevensie

Lucy-Pevensie

Senior Member
#2
Dec 20, 2017
9,386
5,725
113
#2
If marriage occurs in the heart, King Solomon must have had a very big heart. ;)
 
J

John146

Senior Member
#6
Jan 13, 2016
17,130
3,689
113
#6
Runningman said:
It has been a curiosity to me for a long time as to why there are no specific directions for how to get married in the Bible. Marriage permeates our daily life and the fabric of our cultures and society yet the Bible is curiously silent on the topic.

Marriages are mentioned in the Bible, but are there any examples of vows, ceremony, documents, etc. Why?

Today I had a thought about this verse:

Matthew 5:28
28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

So if a man or woman looks at someone to lust after them then they have committed adultery with them in their heart.

By process of reverse engineering Matt. 5:28, the implication is that if adultery occurs in the heart then marriage occurs in the heart, too.

Does this explain why there is no clearcut criteria for marriage in the Bible? We just need to look a little deeper and read between the lines a bit.

I believe that it seems logical to me that true marriage occurs in the heart. A document and ceremony doesn't validate a marriage. As we know there are plenty of loveless sham marriages.

So what are your thoughts/opinions/debates/rebukes/etc? Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Click to expand...
Two becoming one flesh, man and woman. A ceremony of vows does not make one married in the eyes of God.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#8
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#8
John146 said:
Two becoming one flesh, man and woman. A ceremony of vows does not make one married in the eyes of God.
Click to expand...
So, what is two becoming one flesh? Do you mean to say that only physical intimacy validates a marriage?
 
J

John146

Senior Member
#9
Jan 13, 2016
17,130
3,689
113
#9
Runningman said:
So, what is two becoming one flesh? Do you mean to say that only physical intimacy validates a marriage?
Click to expand...
Biblically speaking, yes. See the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#10
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#10
Lucy-Pevensie said:
If marriage occurs in the heart, King Solomon must have had a very big heart. ;)
Click to expand...
It seems like the first person who has someone's heart is their husband or wife or it would be impossible to commit adultery in their heart. That's how it makes sense to me.

Solomon's first love was his wife. Everyone he lusted after, thereafter, while she remained alive, was an affair. Does that make sense?
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#11
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#11
John146 said:
Biblically speaking, yes. See the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel.
Click to expand...
That makes sense, but they aren't connected as one flesh like a conjoined twin is. So is there a double meaning to "become one flesh?"
 
Lucy-Pevensie

Lucy-Pevensie

Senior Member
#12
Dec 20, 2017
9,386
5,725
113
#12
Runningman said:
It seems like the first person who has someone's heart is their husband or wife or it would be impossible to commit adultery in their heart. That's how it makes sense to me.

Solomon's first love was his wife. Everyone he lusted after, thereafter, while she remained alive, was an affair. Does that make sense?
Click to expand...
Yes it does.

Please excuse my buffoonery :geek:
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#13
Sep 17, 2016
8,862
4,513
113
#13
Runningman said:
That makes sense, but they aren't connected as one flesh like a conjoined twin is. So is there a double meaning to "become one flesh?"
Click to expand...
Of course, there is typically a physical application in Scripture and a spiritual.

The sexual act surpasses just emotion, hormones, or design, it is connected to the conscience and soul. As to why casual sex or non-monogamous relationships are a fools playground. If sex carried no higher feelings than just reproduction then rape wouldn't be so devastating.

One flesh shares the truth that now like it or not you are connected in a good or bad way to that individual in memory, feelings, or sometimes disease with STDs.

In the context of marriage one flesh means, well, one not two. Obviously now you act as one and love as one. You love each other how you would want to be loved.

Casual sex is centered in selfish desire to gain the satisfaction of sex without the commitment to oneness. That rebellion has caused broken families for millenniums.
 
SomeDisciple

SomeDisciple

Well-known member
#14
Jul 4, 2021
2,271
1,050
113
#14
Idk what you guys are on about... if make marriage vows before witnesses and before God- how is that "not marriage"? That's absolutely a binding covenant.
Once you're married, it's actually your responsibility to live as one flesh with the person you marry, but that's not how you get married.

There's been many kinds of marriage agreements, either between the Groom and father of the bride- or with the bride herself... there is no marriage without some kind of agreement and there should definitely be witnesses.

Marriage is not just "in your heart" It's completely incomparable and not likened to an adulterous fantasy in any way, shape or form.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#15
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#15
SomeDisciple said:
Idk what you guys are on about... if make marriage vows before witnesses and before God- how is that "not marriage"? That's absolutely a binding covenant.
Once you're married, it's actually your responsibility to live as one flesh with the person you marry, but that's not how you get married.

There's been many kinds of marriage agreements, either between the Groom and father of the bride- or with the bride herself... there is no marriage without some kind of agreement and there should definitely be witnesses.

Marriage is not just "in your heart" It's completely incomparable and not likened to an adulterous fantasy in any way, shape or form.
Click to expand...
I don't think it's as simple as that though. Does God actually recognize vows and oaths as valid? Jesus said to just say "yes" or "no" and that anything more than a simple yes or no comes from evil. Where in the New Testament is there any teaching to make wedding vows?
 
J

John146

Senior Member
#16
Jan 13, 2016
17,130
3,689
113
#16
SomeDisciple said:
Idk what you guys are on about... if make marriage vows before witnesses and before God- how is that "not marriage"? That's absolutely a binding covenant.
Click to expand...
It's just that, marriage vows. It's not actually the marriage itself. Biblically, the marriage takes place when two become one flesh.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#17
Mar 13, 2014
42,598
17,062
113
69
Tennessee
#17
Runningman said:
So, what is two becoming one flesh? Do you mean to say that only physical intimacy validates a marriage?
Click to expand...
Seems to be the case, the marriage is not really official until it is consummated in an act of physical intimacy. In most states, if there is no consummation there are grounds for an annulment.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#18
Mar 13, 2014
42,598
17,062
113
69
Tennessee
#18
Runningman said:
I don't think it's as simple as that though. Does God actually recognize vows and oaths as valid? Jesus said to just say "yes" or "no" and that anything more than a simple yes or no comes from evil. Where in the New Testament is there any teaching to make wedding vows?
Click to expand...
I believe that God only recognizes that which He has joined together with mutual consent of the man and the woman. Vows are binding too so it is best to give serious consideration before entering into an actual vow. The way that I look at it, I would not enter into marriage with a woman who is tentative about the marriage in the first place. It is called lack of commitment.
 
SomeDisciple

SomeDisciple

Well-known member
#19
Jul 4, 2021
2,271
1,050
113
#19
Runningman said:
I don't think it's as simple as that though. Does God actually recognize vows and oaths as valid? Jesus said to just say "yes" or "no" and that anything more than a simple yes or no comes from evil.
Click to expand...
So, Jesus' teaching on oaths is more complicated than what it looks like. I'm not a language expert, but from my understanding it's a translation issue- Jesus is talking about not using oaths in informal speech. Jesus himself answers when put under oath by the High Priest, and Paul saying stuff like "I speak the truth in Christ. I am not lying. My conscience testifies for me in the Holy Spirit" - He could have gotten his point across without saying all those words- but this is a formal church epistle, so it's not inappropriate. If Paul was discussing something less meaningful (I saw a fox chasing a squirrel this morning- I am not lying, my conscience testifies for me in the Holy spirit), it would be inappropriate to bring the Holy Ghost into the affirmation of that statement.

Runningman said:
Where in the New Testament is there any teaching to make wedding vows?
Click to expand...
When asked about principles of marriage, Jesus answes "have you not read...?" and says "from the beginning". Marriage was going on before the Law, so, really, the advent of the NT doesn't have much impact. (The most impact is against polygamy, and divorce, but even then Jesus explained that those things were not what marriage was intended to be from the beginning.)
"wedding vows" is essentially a man and woman agreeing to marriage terms, because these days men don't have the power to give their daughters in marriage anymore- although Christians, if they are trying to marry a Christian woman with a Christian family- are much better off marrying with the approval of the father of the bride... If he is in the picture.

What the State has to say about marriage is irrelevant if it is contradictory to the word of God, and these days, you can pretty much ignore what the State thinks about marriage. At least in the United States.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#20
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#20
SomeDisciple said:
So, Jesus' teaching on oaths is more complicated than what it looks like. I'm not a language expert, but from my understanding it's a translation issue- Jesus is talking about not using oaths in informal speech. Jesus himself answers when put under oath by the High Priest, and Paul saying stuff like "I speak the truth in Christ. I am not lying. My conscience testifies for me in the Holy Spirit" - He could have gotten his point across without saying all those words- but this is a formal church epistle, so it's not inappropriate. If Paul was discussing something less meaningful (I saw a fox chasing a squirrel this morning- I am not lying, my conscience testifies for me in the Holy spirit), it would be inappropriate to bring the Holy Ghost into the affirmation of that statement.
Click to expand...
I can't agree with that interpretation because the Bible doesn't define what constitutes informal or formal speech. That would leave it up to the individual to create their own standard of what is formal or informal. That essentially means there is no right or wrong speech because it's an opinion. I don't want to be disagreeable, but it's an opinion that it isn't necessary to bring the Holy Ghost into mundane topics about squirrels.

My view is simply hang your hat on Matthew 5:34 But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne:

When asked about principles of marriage, Jesus answers "have you not read...?" and says "from the beginning". Marriage was going on before the Law, so, really, the advent of the NT doesn't have much impact. (The most impact is against polygamy, and divorce, but even then Jesus explained that those things were not what marriage was intended to be from the beginning.)
"wedding vows" is essentially a man and woman agreeing to marriage terms, because these days men don't have the power to give their daughters in marriage anymore- although Christians, if they are trying to marry a Christian woman with a Christian family- are much better off marrying with the approval of the father of the bride... If he is in the picture.

What the State has to say about marriage is irrelevant if it is contradictory to the word of God, and these days, you can pretty much ignore what the State thinks about marriage. At least in the United States.
Click to expand...
Amen. I pretty much agree with all of this part.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.