He's/She's Just Not That Into You

[Jullianna]

My housecleaning was just interrupted by a gf who said that a guy she thought might "turn into something" was flirting around with someone else, but she was "going to fight for him".

How do you all feel about that "fighting for someone" thing?

To me, someone either wants to be with you or they don't. Seems like if you have to "fight for them" it's because:

1. They are just not as into you as you might think;
2. You're probably on their "just friends" list;
3. They might be a player;
4. They will need you to "fight for them" throughout whatever relationship you might have with them because they are insecure and will need that sort of constant emotional re-enforcement, which can get VERY old, VERY quickly.

If I like someone and they give me the idea that they like me too, and I see them leading someone else on, game over. You're either in or out.

I don't think she cared much for my thoughts on the topic.

What say you?

 

[allforfun]

I will never ever "fight" for someone to want to be with me. They either want me, or they don't.

It is the same as changing the personality/body/clothing/etc for someone else. It will never last.

 

[Boanerges]

If I need to fight for someone cuz that person is insecure or just other person is flirting her. I wont fight, that person don't worth the fight.

 

[Jullianna]

Whew! Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.

 

[Whyllow]

I think in marriage though it's different. If you know someone is trying to persuade your partner away from you, wouldn't you do anything and everything to make sure that they wouldn't go?

I know someone is going to post "Well if they really loved you they wouldn't look at the other person!" Yes, that is true, but people do make mistakes in the heat of an argument, if there are troubling times. It happens.

 

[princessbella]

i made the mistake of trying to fight for someone who could probably be any of the four you described and it ended in tears so no now i wouldnt fight i ended up looking like a fool

 

[See_KING_Truth]

All I have to say is that most of the time it is a fight you will never win....

 

[jen717]

Yeah if someone wants to be with you they would not flirt with someone else. I tried to fight for someone once but of course in the end it didn't work out. It was a blessing though but I wouldn't do it again. Either someone wants you or they don't...it's that simple.

 

[allforfun]

Even if I did win the fight, which is unlikely as history isn't on my side, my self esteem isn't strong enough to think he would stay with me forever. Win now, loose later. I'd rather just walk away in the beginning and have no fight to begin with.

 

[See_KING_Truth]

It seems to me that if a man had to fight to get his woman in the first place, then he would end up fighting to keep her from that point on.....

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

It seems to me that if a man had to fight to get his woman in the first place, then he would end up fighting to keep her from that point on.....

and the problem with this is????????????????????

 

[allforfun]

and the problem with this is????????????????????

If a relationship is a fight the whole time....with the threat of someone leaving?

No thanks.

 

[See_KING_Truth]

and the problem with this is????????????????????

I wouldn't want a relationship where I felt like there was a constant struggle going on to keep my girlfriend, in my opinion that wouldn't even be a relationship. I would want a girlfriend that I can see as my best friend first overall. Do you have to fight to keep your friends? If you do then they aren't really friends. Does that clear it up at all?

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I wouldn't want a relationship where I felt like there was a constant struggle going on to keep my girlfriend, in my opinion that wouldn't even be a relationship. I would want a girlfriend that I can see as my best friend first overall. Do you have to fight to keep your friends? If you do then they aren't really friends. Does that clear it up at all?

mmmhhhmm it does.

 

[Sooner28]

I wouldn't want a relationship where I felt like there was a constant struggle going on to keep my girlfriend, in my opinion that wouldn't even be a relationship. I would want a girlfriend that I can see as my best friend first overall. Do you have to fight to keep your friends? If you do then they aren't really friends. Does that clear it up at all?

You know I agree with you but a lot of people actually want this! It's weird...

 

[Jullianna]

I think in marriage though it's different. If you know someone is trying to persuade your partner away from you, wouldn't you do anything and everything to make sure that they wouldn't go?

I know someone is going to post "Well if they really loved you they wouldn't look at the other person!" Yes, that is true, but people do make mistakes in the heat of an argument, if there are troubling times. It happens.

Marriage would be a whooooooooooole other thing. If children were in the picture, I might try again if he cheated; but if no kids...sorry...I'm GONE. But that's not really what I mean by my question. Just talking about dating here.

 

[Jullianna]

It seems to me that if a man had to fight to get his woman in the first place, then he would end up fighting to keep her from that point on.....

Exactly. People who need us to prove our love to them have issues that we can't fix.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

You know, i tried the whole ''fight for someone'' thing once. He was very insecure and always needed to be reassured, but its just like you said it gets old VERY VERY fast! I'd never do it again thats for sure.

Your girlfriend should let that guy go! Why in the world would you fight to save something that isnt worth being saved.

 

[See_KING_Truth]

You know I agree with you but a lot of people actually want this! It's weird...

I have noticed that Sooner and I don't quite get it. I can understand how it may be fun in a sense, but thats just not me. Thats not to say what I wouldn't want to keep a spark in the relationship to keep things interesting and keep the attention of my girlfriend or whatever, but there are much better ways of doing it in my opinion.

I mean I don't personally want to constantly be thinking about a woman I am dating leaving me for another man. If she wants me to feel like every other man she comes across is a threat to our relationship then I made the mistake of getting mixed up with her in the first place.

 

[Hommer]

My housecleaning was just interrupted by a gf who said that a guy she thought might "turn into something" was flirting around with someone else, but she was "going to fight for him".

How do you all feel about that "fighting for someone" thing?

To me, someone either wants to be with you or they don't. Seems like if you have to "fight for them" it's because:

1. They are just not as into you as you might think;
2. You're probably on their "just friends" list;
3. They might be a player;
4. They will need you to "fight for them" throughout whatever relationship you might have with them because they are insecure and will need that sort of constant emotional re-enforcement, which can get VERY old, VERY quickly.

If I like someone and they give me the idea that they like me too, and I see them leading someone else on, game over. You're either in or out.

I don't think she cared much for my thoughts on the topic.

What say you?

\\

Here is were I differ from most people I guess.........

First let me say this I dont tend to fight for people either, what ever is meant to be is meant to be, BUT

I dont count them out if they flirt with other people........here is why

We all are searching for the same thing and you only have one shot at being happy in this ole life here on earth soooooooooo..................if a girl flirts with me and I am thinking maybe she is interested...........

And then next day I see her flirt with some one else I dont take offense to it..........maybe she is just finding out who we are and letting the chips fall were they may......I mean I have talked to girls and gone out before and I knew they were talking to other guys and maybe even going out on some exploratory dates...that doesnt bother me.........what ever is meant to be will be................if her and I are meant to be together than it will work out if her and the other guy are meant to be together then it will work out for them........I hold no malice or grudges....just glad two people found what they are looking for...........

I realize this probably doesnt make sense but I dont get to worked up over much.......and I think sometimes we close a door way to fast.....................

Just my two sense