Does it matter anymore?

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A

Austar

Guest
#1
#1
As a modern Christian in the dating world, is it still man makes the first move?...Or....?


I have read a few different points of view from male Christian commentators and it is confusing....

Derek Prince's outlook was the woman is "brought" to the man and Paul Washer says it's the man's place to move first...

...so.....hmmm
 
V

Vinifera

Guest
#2
#2
Hi Austar, I love reading Derek Prince's books. God brought his first and second wife to him but he was the one who made the first move if I am not mistaken.
 
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A

Austar

Guest
#3
#3
So in his thinking God brought the women into his "orbit" but he then made the "move"..?

Technically that sounds like the man making the move first ..so maybe it still is man makes first move while the woman waits paitiently...

or...maybe not...(I'm still confused..)
 
L

lexy15

Guest
#4
#4
guys are such wimps , if u dont make the first move then you will stay single
 
V

Vinifera

Guest
#5
#5
He didn't make the first move until he was sure that the woman was the one God had provided him.
 
A

Austar

Guest
#6
#6
I like that!
 
M

mit

Guest
#8
#8
It depends on how you look at it. In the bible there are instances where you can say that it was purely the man who sent all the vibe and approached the lady, in other scenario a go between did it (for the likes of Isaac), still in others the lady had the hand or was the one sending all the vibe or working behind the scenes/scheming (no offense to the females).

Nevertheless, wherever you are/whatever point in life, you will definitely feel a/the flow. If it doesn't work for you you reject on the other hand if you are OK with things you go with it. Of course this is simply there are many factors put constant in those previous statements e.g. how your friends/family respond their opinions/advice may count -of course they don't decide for us).

That, I think, is the general way to look at life. It may get easier when we are good Christians.
Amen.
 
A

Austar

Guest
#9
#9
It may get easier when we are good Christians..


Can you expand on that please?
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#10
#10
i asked my husband out on our first date, didn't really think it was a date we were just hanging out.

however it was a mutual thing for our to exclusively date each other

. lol we take turn pretending to be in charge because we both know that the only one in complete control is God. :)

I think its most important to be honest with yourself and the guy you are dating. Honesty and Trust are just as important as Love and loyalty. :)
 
A

Austar

Guest
#11
#11
AnandaHya said:
i asked my husband out on our first date, didn't really think it was a date we were just hanging out.

however it was a mutual thing for our to exclusively date each other

. lol we take turn pretending to be in charge because we both know that the only one in complete control is God. :)

I think its most important to be honest with yourself and the guy you are dating. Honesty and Trust are just as important as Love and loyalty. :)
Click to expand...


I am in favour of honesty and trust for sure : )
 
M

mit

Guest
#12
#12
Austar said:
It may get easier when we are good Christians..


Can you expand on that please?
Click to expand...

Interesting that you ask me to expand. I had expanded it then on reviewing I thought otherwise. I was thinking of things like praying, reading the bible, in constant fellowship (like even here on c.c. as we are doing), bible studies, testifying, (the basic/foundational Christian things).
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#13
#13
I think the ability to love as God loves: unconditionally and to forgive as He does, because no matter what we are human and will make mistakes.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
New King James Version (NKJV)
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails.
 
A

Austar

Guest
#14
#14
mit said:
Interesting that you ask me to expand. I had expanded it then on reviewing I thought otherwise. I was thinking of things like praying, reading the bible, in constant fellowship (like even here on c.c. as we are doing), bible studies, testifying, (the basic/foundational Christian things).
Click to expand...

Ok, I see what you mean - thanks Mit.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#15
#15
If we look at the scriptures, we can see where men chose a wife, were married out of a family obligation/other arranged marriages, and even bold moves like Ruth's (at the suggestion of another - Ruth Chapter 3), but I'm not sure how I feel about sleeping on some guy's stinky feet. :)

I did invite a guy to a Christmas party at my church once and have asked a couple over for dinner, but that's about as bold as I get. It's important to me that the man take the leadership role in a relationship initially, as many times it sets the tone for the relationship as a whole. But, I do realize that some guys are shy or unsure of themselves, so it's helpful to confirm your interest in them in a ladylike way.
 
A

Austar

Guest
#16
#16
Thanks Julianna...


I listened to a recording of Elizabeth Elliot speaking at an American Bible College about dating and eventhough the advice was good I found it to be somewhat 'confined"...the female is not to show any outward interest....

If a guy is shy and you ARE interested, some outward acknowledgement IS necessary...eyes can say alot : )
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#17
#17
I am too extroverted to not show that I am interested. Not to say I am going to attack the guy just with my eyes, but I think with my body language and eyes it is going to be apparent.

I also believe life is too short. If we are interested in a guy, what is wrong with just saying, would you like a cup of coffee? No pressure, nothing fancy. But someone has to break the ice and I'm not a wallflower by any means.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#18
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#18
Jullianna said:
If we look at the scriptures, we can see where men chose a wife, were married out of a family obligation/other arranged marriages, and even bold moves like Ruth's (at the suggestion of another - Ruth Chapter 3), but I'm not sure how I feel about sleeping on some guy's stinky feet. :)

I did invite a guy to a Christmas party at my church once and have asked a couple over for dinner, but that's about as bold as I get. It's important to me that the man take the leadership role in a relationship initially, as many times it sets the tone for the relationship as a whole. But, I do realize that some guys are shy or unsure of themselves, so it's helpful to confirm your interest in them in a ladylike way.
Click to expand...
I agree, to a degree.

There has been a time or two where I was interested in a woman. I have spent all the time in the world trying to make her happy and yet, nothing ever clicks. There is no reciprocity; no spark. Everything gets sort of the poo poo treatment. Think Pigs and Pearls.

Lately I've been studying love languages trying to figure out of there is something I'm missing or if there is some new variable to be on the lookout for. Because people respond differently to different things. I know I do.

Here, where I live now, there is a lot of losers. Pot and Meth is everywhere and no one has any real aspirations in life. The scary part is that no one seems to care. And the people that do aspire to do something, just want to get as far away from here as possible.

So all in all, I might just be on a dating hiatus.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#19
#19
Given that environment, I can't say that I blame you. I can't imagine not wanting more than that. Seems like getting involved with someone like that would only hold you back...or even worse...drag you down with them.
 
A

Austar

Guest
#20
#20
Well reading some of these responses, it seems like the old cliche of "you will know when you meet the right one" could have some credibility to it...

when it's right it all clicks...when it doesn't the spark just won't light....from experience, you can't force someone to respond...
 
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