SINGLE DIFFICULTIES, WHAT ARE THEY?

[GiveThanks]

Ideally none of the matters mentioned in the thread so far would be issues

Its quite ideal to have a husband who will carry the market bags.

Me not being able to lift heavy objects is ideal. Women generally struggle to lift heavy objects.

There are genuine difficulties to being single, for both men and women.

But what you mentioned as your difficulties are not genuine issues.

Come to think of it, when i mentioned in another thread about my bags being heavy, you gave me tips on how I should carry my bags, lol. And here you are in this thread mentioning having a parter to help you lift heavy objects.

Apparantly you think its quite normal for women to lift heavy objects.

Just curious, but if you saw a female friend of yours struggling to lift an heavy object would you offer to help or hand her a wheelbarrow?

 

[Lynx]

Its quite ideal to have a husband who will carry the market bags.

Me not being able to lift heavy objects is ideal. Women generally struggle to lift heavy objects.

There are genuine difficulties to being single, for both men and women.

But what you mentioned as your difficulties are not genuine issues.

Come to think of it, when i mentioned in another thread about my bags being heavy, you gave me tips on how I should carry my bags, lol. And here you are in this thread mentioning having a parter to help you lift heavy objects.

Apparantly you think its quite normal for women to lift heavy objects.

Just curious, but if you saw a female friend of yours struggling to lift an heavy object would you offer to help or hand her a wheelbarrow? View attachment 234528

I would hand her a mirror, so she could practice her fault-finding on herself for a change.

First you paint me as a mooch who is looking for a woman to pay his bills. Now you try to say I would refuse to help my lady love lift something heavy.

FYI I'm 43 years old, I don't owe anybody any money, I have a small job and I have small wants. I don't have a lot of money but I don't spend a lot on stuff. And my back is still pretty strong because I always follow what my mother taught me - lift with your knees, not your back.

Anything else you want to insinuate?

 

[cinder]

Its quite ideal to have a husband who will carry the market bags.

Me not being able to lift heavy objects is ideal. Women generally struggle to lift heavy objects.

There are genuine difficulties to being single, for both men and women.

But what you mentioned as your difficulties are not genuine issues.

Come to think of it, when i mentioned in another thread about my bags being heavy, you gave me tips on how I should carry my bags, lol. And here you are in this thread mentioning having a parter to help you lift heavy objects.

Apparantly you think its quite normal for women to lift heavy objects.

Just curious, but if you saw a female friend of yours struggling to lift an heavy object would you offer to help or hand her a wheelbarrow?

I want to know where you find husbands that carry market bags. Most women would have to persuade their husbands to even go food shopping with them ( but then most of our supermarkets have carts so there isn't a long distance to carry stuff). And when I lived in places with open air markets it was an overwhelming majority of women there alone too, there weren't husbands around carrying market bags for them ( or for single me); we all had to do that on our own. How many men do you actually see carrying market bags in your area? Maybe in your culture it's normal for men to do that, or maybe you have an unrealistic idea of what a husband would do and regardless of marital status, you're going to be carrying your own market bags.

But when we talk about heavy stuff, we're talking about furniture, appliances, and household objects that are bigger than we are; not a bag of groceries. More like oh hey I've got electrical problems and need to move a sofa out of the way to get to the problem outlet Or I'm getting a big upright freezer which seller will put it in place for me because I can't do that on my own. We wouldn't even consider a bag of groceries (or two or three) to be heavy stuff and would wonder what physical limitation someone had to do so (unless you're a little 90 year old lady and then maybe okay that 6 kilo turkey is a little heavy).

Not sure why you think what Lynx brings up aren't genuine issues. His points make a whole lot more sense to most of us than the "problem" of carrying market bags since we all are so used to doing that we don't consider it an issue. And to say that not being able to lift heavy objects is ideal makes me think you aren't all that clear on what ideal actually means.

 

[Lynx]

More like oh hey I've got electrical problems and need to move a sofa out of the way to get to the problem outlet Or I'm getting a big upright freezer which seller will put it in place for me because I can't do that on my own.

Come to think of it, you probably DO know how to fix an electrical outlet.

Do you have a favorite brand of voltage tester, or do you find them all about the same?

 

[cinder]

Come to think of it, you probably DO know how to fix an electrical outlet.

Do you have a favorite brand of voltage tester, or do you find them all about the same?

My favorite brand of tools is still whatever I can borrow off of Dad for free. I just had to replace that outlet and didn't use a tester for that (did have to use the knife and pliers on my multitool as a wire stripper though). I think it was a fail safe situation since if the outlet hadn't failed and killed all the downstream outlets I think it would have started a fire.

 

[GiveThanks]

I want to know where you find husbands that carry market bags. Most women would have to persuade their husbands to even go food shopping with them ( but then most of our supermarkets have carts so there isn't a long distance to carry stuff). And when I lived in places with open air markets it was an overwhelming majority of women there alone too, there weren't husbands around carrying market bags for them ( or for single me); we all had to do that on our own. How many men do you actually see carrying market bags in your area? Maybe in your culture it's normal for men to do that, or maybe you have an unrealistic idea of what a husband would do and regardless of marital status, you're going to be carrying your own market bags.

But when we talk about heavy stuff, we're talking about furniture, appliances, and household objects that are bigger than we are; not a bag of groceries. More like oh hey I've got electrical problems and need to move a sofa out of the way to get to the problem outlet Or I'm getting a big upright freezer which seller will put it in place for me because I can't do that on my own. We wouldn't even consider a bag of groceries (or two or three) to be heavy stuff and would wonder what physical limitation someone had to do so (unless you're a little 90 year old lady and then maybe okay that 6 kilo turkey is a little heavy).

Not sure why you think what Lynx brings up aren't genuine issues. His points make a whole lot more sense to most of us than the "problem" of carrying market bags since we all are so used to doing that we don't consider it an issue. And to say that not being able to lift heavy objects is ideal makes me think you aren't all that clear on what ideal actually means.

If you can carry your bags then thats your business. I need help with mine.

What do you want me to do, dismiss the aches i feel in my shoulders from carring these bags?

What in the world would i do with a husband who wont assist me at the market??

If thats what i want in a man who are you to tell me I'm wrong? I have my own preferences. Thats my right, is it not?

 

[GiveThanks]

I have nothing further to say on this matter.

 

[cinder]

If you can carry your bags then thats your business. I need help with mine.

What do you want me to do, dismiss the aches i feel in my shoulders from carring these bags?

What in the world would i do with a husband who wont assist me at the market??

If thats what i want in a man who are you to tell me I'm wrong? I have my own preferences. Thats my right, is it not?

Well bags only came up because you seemed to confuse lifting heavy objects with market bags when the intent was more furniture and stuff the size of a small person. In what I understand of your position (which I'll admit may not be an entirely accurate picture), I would look into different ways to carry my stuff home from the market until I found one that was workable and didn't hurt my shoulders. Backpack? Something with wheels? Extra wide shoulder straps to spread out the load? Find a way to pad my shoulders so it doesn't hurt so much? Especially if I knew that what was causing me pain was something that didn't cause most people pain. And if I couldn't solve it and after talking with people knew that my pain wasn't normal, I'd start looking for a medical explanation that could give me an idea of how to treat it and end the pain.

I also wouldn't come on forums and tell everyone else that their single problems aren't legitimate or at least not as much so as my problem. I especially wouldn't do that to someone who had been nice enough to offer me advice and try to help with my bag carrying problem when I first mentioned it. Because you know, that would just make me look like a mean spirited person and drive people away when I needed help.

 

[Kireina]

I think most women nowadays are like Jack of all trades I don't know lol 🤔 they can do things or stuffs men do... I've read women who can fix their cars do some plumbing pay for her man's meal, carry heavy stuffs (I do carry heavy stuffs lol how I wish a man would do that for me) and many other things that men usually do...


I admit that I can't do a lot of things and I rely to somebody to do it for me...but if I can I'll do it by myself...but there is something that makes me blush it is when a man offers to carry my heavy stuffs, open the door for me etc... I don't know but i feel so special when a man thinks of me not a manly woman but instead think of me like I am a delicate woman soft and needs caring and protection. Well maybe I watched so many romantic dramas already lol but isn't it nice to be treated that way 😅

 

[Ruby123]

If you can carry your bags then thats your business. I need help with mine.

What do you want me to do, dismiss the aches i feel in my shoulders from carring these bags?

What in the world would i do with a husband who wont assist me at the market??

If thats what i want in a man who are you to tell me I'm wrong? I have my own preferences. Thats my right, is it not?

Are you able to get something like this that will lighten the load?
I am in to thinking of practical solutions rather than waiting on someone else to help. What if you are waiting a long time?



or a second hand bike with a bag carrier

 

[Lanolin]

this is weird we try and help with solutions but maybe some women think men should be treated as beasts of burden as well.

we all need to be responsible to carry our own loads. A man isnt going to hang around carrying your shopping for you all the time. Unless he bought it.

 

[Lanolin]

the thread is about single difficulties, but you can have health difficulties if you are single or married, but thats to do with health not your marital status.

If you have a health issue, then you'll need to be kind to yourself whether you are single or married. You may need support either way anyway, and a caregiver may not even be your spouse. You also need good medical advice to deal with your problem.

Husbands cannot do certain jobs like midwifry that they are ill equipped to deal with but they do need to be willing to care for children and not load it ALL on the mother. the point is to work TOGETHER not dump all your problems on someone else, but it seems some couples treat their other half as if they are just that.

When I load a box of books and ask children to carry it, I make sure its not too heavy for them or they can do it in pairs. I dont assume that just because a child is a boy they can carry more than a girl. Also how much you can lift without straining based on the correct way of lifting and your body size.

 

[Kireina]

the thread is about single difficulties, but you can have health difficulties if you are single or married, but thats to do with health not your marital status.

If you have a health issue, then you'll need to be kind to yourself whether you are single or married. You may need support either way anyway, and a caregiver may not even be your spouse. You also need good medical advice to deal with your problem.

Husbands cannot do certain jobs like midwifry that they are ill equipped to deal with but they do need to be willing to care for children and not load it ALL on the mother. the point is to work TOGETHER not dump all your problems on someone else, but it seems some couples treat their other half as if they are just that.

When I load a box of books and ask children to carry it, I make sure its not too heavy for them or they can do it in pairs. I dont assume that just because a child is a boy they can carry more than a girl. Also how much you can lift without straining based on the correct way of lifting and your body size.

The thing is someday there will come a time where you got no choice but to rely on your spouse...there will come a time where you are unable to care for yourself anymore and can't do that thing "we will work together," and your spouse is the only support you have by your side...


If you are single well, of course you might end up hiring someone to take care of you...or you will rely on your family or maybe you will take care all by yourself because no family wants to take care of you or you don't have money to hire someone to care for you...My point here is time will come where you might need someone by your side to help you... where that "we will work together" "I will carry my own load" "I won't need anyone" won't apply anymore coz you are old and sick already...
..

In marriage there is 80 percent possibility that you will going to take care of your spouse or your spouse will take care of you when you are old and sick or him old and sick already. Happy you if you will be forever healthy or him will going to be forever healthy coz caregiving won't be that easy... but when you love someone taking care of your spouse won't be that hard I guess...


taking care of the person all of the person's personal needs like bathing,combing if he can't do it already...washing his hands and feet, giving him his meds on time,feeding him if he can't feed himself anymore...brushing his teeth putting him to bed etc... If you are married this is the time to think about "in sickness and in health you will be by your spouse's side.


Your "we will work together" won't work when one is sick and you are the only one beside him/her.. This is the time where you need to give more, to offer more love to give more patience...to care more....and won't think that much about "we will work together" it will be the time to give more and give your all...

 

[JesusLives]

I had to wear a pink cummerbund and tie to my high school prom 🙄

You must have really liked that girl. Guys wearing pink don't bother me but I have heard it can bother them at least some of them.

 

[JesusLives]

this is weird we try and help with solutions but maybe some women think men should be treated as beasts of burden as well.

we all need to be responsible to carry our own loads. A man isnt going to hang around carrying your shopping for you all the time. Unless he bought it.

In my younger days I was that one who thought you should bring in everything in one trip...talk about beast of burden...lol

 

[Lanolin]

but if you are not married or widowed then you wont have a spouse.
many married people do not look after each other when they are old they go to hospitals or rest homes because they just dont have the nursing ability. If you spouse has a stroke you just might not have the expertise or even facitlities to care for them.

I think its difficult whether you are married or not but you just do what you can.
same goes for parents, parenting is difficult, single parenting obviously more so, but parenting even when married however...thats when you can work together. This is where grandparents and godparents are a Godsend.

When you are older you may call on your adult children to help out or brothers and sisters. Not JUST your spouse. I am just pointing this out because I see a lot of married couples do the best they can when one is older and sick but they STILL need outside help.

 

[Lanolin]

In my younger days I was that one who thought you should bring in everything in one trip...talk about beast of burden...lol

you may not have heard the phrase, possibly old fashioned now

inch by inch everything is a cinch

Or

Rome wasnt built in a day


meaning dont try and do EVERYTHING at once and exhaust yourself.

 

[JesusLives]

Let's see the single problem is in the winter it's cold and no one to warm up to. Those sheets are chilly when you first get into bed and takes a little time to warm up alone...

Someone was talking about not understanding taking a shower every day and believe me I was one of those people and washed my hair every day too. I couldn't understand why old people stunk some times. Well now that I have hit 67 and I would say probably started as soon as 63 or 64. I don't move like I used to and I can't stand for as long a period as I used to and In the last year getting in and out of the tall bath tub has started to become a problem and I don't feel very stable standing in the same tall tub. So the squeaky clean person I used to be has gone to not being able to take that daily bath and it was like a big light bulb that went off as to understanding why older people don't always smell as fresh. I don't like it cause I want to be like my younger self and that's the reason we are putting in a second bathroom in the new home in TN with a walk in shower and a bench so I can be more like my younger self and it won't get done soon enough for me.

Must write a note to my builder cause it was supposed to be finished before the First of the year and it's not done yet. Sorry I went off on a tangent that's not a single person problem that's a getting older person problem...

 

[JesusLives]

you may not have heard the phrase, possibly old fashioned now

inch by inch everything is a cinch

Or

Rome wasnt built in a day


meaning dont try and do EVERYTHING at once and exhaust yourself.

I wish I had videos of some of those trips in the house now... I'd probably really be laughing at myself... One trip and done... You should have seen some of the marks left on my wrists from the weight of all those bags....lol

 

[Lanolin]

inch by inch everythings a cinch, by the yard it's hard.

(I suppose people familiar with imperial measurements might get this one)


I think when you are single, you need to learn to be resourceful. You may already have what you need at your disposal but you just might have overlooked it.

Talking to God helps. In fact it is easier because you are less distracted by other peoples opinions on what you should or shouldnt be doing.

I think the difficulty though is when people expect too much of you, or you dont learn to say NO, because you want to please others. You might overschedule yourself. Its important to rest and relax and eat.

Some people seem to have this idea that singles are just waiting around, unemployed with nothing useful to do and no family obligations. Though I dont know what planet these people are on who always ask huge favours of singles. Some things you really need to ask God first.


Not everyone can have children or give birth, (even if you are married) but even if you are single doesnt mean you cant love others the way Jesus showed love. You dont need to be married to love and care for others. There is no law against love.
so when people have this idea that singles dont have any love in their lives is rather wrong. If we are believers we do have love...its from God and I dont think its should be dismissed just because it isnt marital love.