I recall reading "The Adversary" years back when I endured bad attacks and he said something similar: to keep strong in faith even when circumstances don't seem to line up. I lent the book out and now don't know where it is but I'd like to re-read it.
The verse from Psalms that keeps coming to me is "indeed He seemed intent to aggravate my woe..."
Even Job's wife told him to "curse God and die."
I know we're told that we'll endure 'fiery trials' - and I've come to see that they mean just that: FIERY, UNRELENTING, NEVER-ENDING, EXCRUCIATING.
But even Job's troubles ended after awhile. Now in the midst of physical suffering I'm seeing evil sons of satan cheat us out of multi-thousands of hard labor of paying for medical care we should have never been forced to pay for. I was forced back to work in bad shape while thousands sat on Inspire health forum shooting the breeze, going to the beach, ball games, etc. and then whined because Republicans were cutting back some of their freebies. My sister told me immigrant women would come to her store with hair and nails done and pay for everything - even prescriptions - with an EBT card. I've never had my hair or nails done. While my husband was working two jobs and falling asleep at the wheel while our paychecks were stolen and 'redistributed.' One day after work I cried the entire way home. It boggles the mind. We never got a break.
The stress is unrelenting. I run around shutting lights out, and pinch pennies in every way. We worked HARD - and this is what we get??? I went to urgent care due to the nonstop medical fallout and it was packed with immigrants all with a slew of kids. Each was called up and handed over their Medicaid card. When I was called she said "You owe a $75 copay." I had to leave.
And you want to know additional insanity? Doctors are scared to death of the DEA and refuse to prescribe adequate pain medication. I understand why - many doctors have been fired for humanely treating patients. The globalists are trying to depopulate and are doing a decent job of it: a number of people denied pain medication have committed suicide.
Years back I tried to help animals who were operated on in experiments - called "vivisection" without anesthesia. I never knew that some day I would face it. I was operated on - literally cut open with a large incision - and the doctor prescribed me about 8 weak NORCO - after MAJOR SURGERY. I used them in the first hours as I was in agony. You don't know agony until you're trapped laying in bed with nothing but hours and unrelenting pain stretching out ahead of you with no means of relief, alone.
We were struggling to pay the bills and my husband had to keep working and left me in a place to recuperate while he flew home 6 hours away. Anyone who knows anything knows that Norco is at best used for a minor dental procedure - NOT after major surgery. I lay in that bed, cut open, with no painkillers, rolling back and forth, screaming at times, without relief. I cursed everybody. What really puzzled me was why no one in that complex called authorities. I guess it was a Kitty Genovese thing. I lay there planning my suicide. The only reason I didn't carry it out was I didn't want to leave that legacy.
That was when I saw how sick society had gotten. We are no different than the Germans sitting idly by while the Jews were raped, tortured, experimented on, worked to death, starved, and murdered. Lazy, uninvolved Americans sit watching Netflix while the country burns down around them. Or in the case of the disability fakers: go sit at the beach all day.
My husband flew back and when he saw what state I was in the color drained from his face. He was going to go buy me illegal drugs on the street. I was so afraid of him getting caught and losing his job or worse that I wouldn't let him. This is what they're pushing people to do.
Never in my life did I think that a doctor would perform major surgery and then leave someone to suffer like that. And for those who may question: no I never did illegal drugs in my life and don't have a record. I was a goody two shoes.
My husband took me to the ER in the hopes of them treating the pain. It was packed with illegals. I could barely stand and I'll never forget looking at a sea of foreign faces and not one of them offered me a seat. I had to go lay in the vehicle. Then a guard banged on the window and told me we had to move the vehicle. What a joke. Like I looked like I could move anything. When I finally got in the nurse said "we don't dispense pain medication." They let me wait for hours and then told me they wouldn't treat me. It's insanity. That lousy hospital sent me bill after bill. I just learned because I didn't pay it - because I was never treated - they put a claim against me. I was livid and called them and told them I would have them charged with fraud. They did remove it - but those greedy sleazes would have stolen money if I hadn't fought back.
There is so much more but I'll stop here.
I expected help from God and none came. But I learned about suffering. Deep suffering that cuts into the core of your being and your faith.
I recall talking to a receptionist who declared herself to be a Christian and went on to gush about how God had provided a puppy for their family. I remember reeling as if in a world of unreality: God provided a puppy??? And He was letting me go through the fire and tortures of hell? My goodness what a joke.
Even the apostles despaired of life. I guess as Stephen was being stoned these questions must have reverberated through his mind.
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