I'm shy...

[The_boy]

I'm 23, 6'4 and 250-ish pounds. From middle school up until this January I had never had a girlfriend, and so far the ones I've had this year have all used and taken advantage of me. I have trouble gathering the courage to ask women out, partially because I got rejected so often, and the remainder being I've been hurt. It's been a little while now since I made any effort and, frankly, I'm beginning to believe that it's simply not worth the trouble. To be quite honest, I really don't know why I'm even saying this. Looking for encouragement, advise, or what-have-you... I just don't know. I will also say that I was diagnosed as ADHD and Bipolar and between the two I've got some "curious" habits and interests, and social awkwardness to boot. So, say whatever you feel is appropriate, I suppose. Thank you.

 

[allforfun]

We ALL have our quirks, social awkwardness and habits. Some are more honest about them then others.

It takes a lot of courage to do some self discovery and find out who you are and to be confident in that. But when you do? Women find that attractive. And all the other sideline "quirks" don't matter because you have the confidence to walk through life.

We have all been hurt, put through the ringer and hung out to dry. Unless we live in a shack in the forest and frankly I'd take being hurt then never living at all. I'm sorry you have gone through that, but take what knowledge from it you can. What would you like to do differently, what about that person do you realize isn't your "type"? Go from there.

And finally, love happens when we aren't looking for it. When we step on someones toes at the used book store and say "sorry", you may find yourself looking into a woman's eyes that knocks you off your feet and she feels the same way. So take heart, you are young and life is just beginning

 

[Liamson]

Take it or leave it but if you really want to change your life. (should you fail or cheat in the time allotted this is how much time it resets to)

Stop Masturbating and looking at porn (2 weeks).

Stop taking stimulants, Caffeine & Nicotine especially. (30 days)

Make a Habit of Praying on your knees & out loud (unless people are listening to you) before you go to bed. (40 days)

Do 20 minutes of Exercise every day. (90 days) Fast walking, Pushups, Jogging, etc. enough to sweat.

Keep a journal by your bed at night, write down as best you can every dream that you have, as soon as you wake up. the longer you wait the harder it becomes to remember. PAY ATTENTION to your journal, its going to highlight what your conscience and your sub-conscious mind are struggling with.

I don't care if you drink but do not do it to get drunk.

Get plenty of Sunlight. Live deliberately.

Do all of this and you will find yourself a different person. Consider this a request and a challenge.

 

[RamforChrist]

If you ever get the chance, pick up the book When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Completely transformed my mind where dating is concerned. Have faith that God will provide you with someone who suits you one day, even if you have to wait.

 

[persecuted]

The important thing to remember is that women are all crazy anyhow and to just go with it.

 

[Ramujosh]

Hi folks,
The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!

 

[zeroturbulence]

I'm 23, 6'4 and 250-ish pounds. From middle school up until this January I had never had a girlfriend, and so far the ones I've had this year have all used and taken advantage of me. I have trouble gathering the courage to ask women out, partially because I got rejected so often, and the remainder being I've been hurt. It's been a little while now since I made any effort and, frankly, I'm beginning to believe that it's simply not worth the trouble. To be quite honest, I really don't know why I'm even saying this. Looking for encouragement, advise, or what-have-you... I just don't know. I will also say that I was diagnosed as ADHD and Bipolar and between the two I've got some "curious" habits and interests, and social awkwardness to boot. So, say whatever you feel is appropriate, I suppose. Thank you.

You need a break. My advice is to just take it easy for awhile and forget about girls for now.

 

[Jasper10]

Telling a guy not to think about girls is like telling someone not to think about red frogs!!! the minute you tell them not to, engages their brain with "have to" I think Liamson's advise is great. Straight to the point and realistic. Worth taking a second look at, whilst not trying to think about girls!!!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Telling a guy not to think about girls is like telling someone not to think about red frogs!!! the minute you tell them not to, engages their brain with "have to" I think Liamson's advise is great. Straight to the point and realistic. Worth taking a second look at, whilst not trying to think about girls!!!

I meant to forget about finding a girlfriend. Sheesh.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Telling a guy not to think about girls is like telling someone not to think about red frogs!!! the minute you tell them not to, engages their brain with "have to" I think Liamson's advise is great. Straight to the point and realistic. Worth taking a second look at, whilst not trying to think about girls!!!

Why would I give 2 cents about what Liamson or anyone else's advice is??? I couldn't care less whose advice you like or don't like. Do me a HUGE favor and don't try to tell me how I should think. Who in the world are you to try to tell me how I should think? Do I know you? Because I know you don't know me.

 

[The_boy]

Thanks for the advice all. And Liamson I'm half-way there on challenge. I Ride my bike to college every day (30 minutes) and the only class I have on campus right now is a fitness class. My other classes are XML and Javascript and proofreading 120 lines of coding that contains upwards of 5000 characters takes me a while so I tend to be up until 1 or so which makes caffeine almost mandatory. Prayer and the Journal will honestly be the biggest problem my roommate is a nosy bugger (prayer) and my dreams are so off the wall and confusing i often times am not sure whether they are dreams or nightmares. RamforChrist, I'll look into that book but as a full-time college student who spends most every night doing at least 6 hours worth of assignments, I'm not likely going to find time to read it, let alone at a pace that I'll be able to comprehend. Thank you everyone.

 

[Liamson]

Thanks for the advice all. And Liamson I'm half-way there on challenge. I Ride my bike to college every day (30 minutes) and the only class I have on campus right now is a fitness class. My other classes are XML and Javascript and proofreading 120 lines of coding that contains upwards of 5000 characters takes me a while so I tend to be up until 1 or so which makes caffeine almost mandatory. Prayer and the Journal will honestly be the biggest problem my roommate is a nosy bugger (prayer) and my dreams are so off the wall and confusing i often times am not sure whether they are dreams or nightmares. RamforChrist, I'll look into that book but as a full-time college student who spends most every night doing at least 6 hours worth of assignments, I'm not likely going to find time to read it, let alone at a pace that I'll be able to comprehend. Thank you everyone.

Overall That is good to hear =) Rome was not built in a day =D God Bless you and Keep up the good fight!

 

[J0Y]

Hi
I am a 37 year old who is unmarried and has had only 2 relationships in her life. I too have suffered much rejection and hurt. I have suffered from depression. I have come to the point of despair. I have wondered if I have been left on the shelf with the expiry date about to tick over. A huge majority of my friends have not only walked down the isle by now, but are on to their 1st, 2nd and some even more - child.

Why am I telling you this? Well....

Through the above struggles I have learnt one thing. My Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ remains constant. Through it all I must learn to trust in his love, his timing and his guidance. Whenever I have tried to arrange things myself - especially in the relationship dept, I have only suffered rejection and hurt. Now, with the wisdom of hindsight, I can see that only having 2 relationships to date is a good thing. The Lord has saved me from much more heartache. Now I pray into and await the right man. If he comes he comes, if not, well, I choose to take hold of life and live it anyway. I am not defined by having/not having a man/husband. I am defined by who I am in Jesus Christ - loved, valued, precious and able to be used by God.

I am not saying it is easy to let go of the dream of a fulfilling relationship. My heart has ached over the years. Though the Lord in his provision has placed many passions in me. Plans that if I was married I would find difficult to fulfil. I have served him in overseas mission. I have been working with youth for over 15 years. I have had the freedom to live wherever I wanted and have taken advantage of that!

I am reminded of a scripture which says: "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well." Does that mean that if I seek God he will bring me a boyfriend/girlfriend? Possibly not. BUT, it will mean that you will find a more rich and fulfilling life with or without that. Start asking God to use you, to bring opportunities to serve, to be his hands and feet. I found that was a key in helping me. It brought about richness to my life. It made me fall deeper in love with a Saviour who desires good things for us. He is not a mean God. I fully believe that in keeping him at the centre of my life and focusing on my walk with him first and foremost, that the things/relationships of this earth will dim as I seek to be all I can be in Christ.

I hope this rambling has made some sense. I also hope it has been of some help. I pray you will find confidence and strength in who you are in Jesus Christ. He loves you completely and understands your struggles unlike anyone else can. Pour out your heart to him, he is listening!

God bless

 

[The_boy]

Thank you very much Joy. I'm one of those who did not live a pleasant life, one who knows far more about pain than about pleasure and I also know that I've taught myself to (prior to being saved) to hold back the my tears. To "bull up" so to speak and act tougher than I feel. I'm much softer than I used to be but some habits die hard and I still find it hard to allow people to see my tears, but I wanted to tell you that your encouragement brought a tear to my eye. This is also one of those continuing pains for me and I get hung up on it a lot so you'll likely see me with similar posts in the future.

I've been trying to look at it through the perspective that as of right now it's a good thing because I'm busy with college and wouldn't have time for the relationship. I barely scratch by as it is so I wouldn't be able to take her to dinner or anything of the sort to make her feel special NOR would I be able to take care of her (i say this because I want a permanent relationship).

I suppose that if it takes me another decade to get actually find someone it will mean that I've completed college, and be making roughly 72k annually so i will be able to afford a home, car, and all that, as well as donate money back into some of the places that have helped me along the way.

 

[J0Y]

I would encourage you to seek some good Counselling. Christian where possible, but if that is not possible even a non-Christian counsellor God will work through!

I have been to a few counsellors over the years, some not so great ones, a Christian one and also a really good non-Christian one. I prayed before every visit that God would speak through these people and usually he did. The counselling I have had has unlocked some past pain from a traumatic childhood and has helped me to let go of the things that held me back. The process made me feel worse before I felt better, but it was soooo worth it! It has taken a lot of years but thank God I will not be taking most of those insecurities and pains into a potential marriage relationship because I have chosen to work on these things with the help of the Holy Spirit.

It is not easy and a lot of people, especially males, find counselling to be a very difficult step. Having known from experience though, if you stick with it, if you are open and honest, God can use counselling to free you. It certainly isn't a short process either, but one that I have found valuable. Now, if I were to meet a potential husband, I know I am in a much better place because of it.

Blessings to you my bro in Christ! Jesus wants to heal you, he will use ALL ways to do so if we let him. ;-)

 

[Ugly]

I'd also suggest to worry more about your education. That way you can be assured of your ability to provide for your future wife, & without having a current girlfriend your time is less divided between her & school.
Another thing, rather than worrying about searching out a woman, spend that time focusing on what kind of husband you will be. So many people who want to be married are so busy making their 'she/he must be.....' list, when the real priority is not a list of what you want in someone, but in making sure You are ready. Once you learn what i truly means to be a spouse, & are willing to take on the challenge, perhaps God will then bring you the right person, & you won't need some long list of demands, she will be the best thing for you, humanly possible. I'd suggest starting with the realization that marriage is all about self sacrifice, & what you can do... not what you can get, or have done for you. I have had to learn the hard way in relationships that the more you view a relationship as a way to get something out of it for yourself, the worse it will be.