Love Thy (irritating) Neighbor??

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followJesustoday

followJesustoday

Member
#1
May 28, 2020
75
33
18
Louisville, Ky
#1
I have a neighbor that lives across the hall from me who takes advantage of my kindness. In the past I have done
a LOT for him. By the way, he is 80. Me and another neighbor have given 'Tom' a microwave, my idea, so he can prepare meals easier.
I have given him many things to help him out. This man drinks a lot and has mentioned a favorite bar he goes to. He has health issues
including gout and I have suggested to him that drinking is probably not good for him, but he continues drinking. I've left him spiritual books
to help him but who knows if he reads them.
He calls to complain about the neighbors, and says Louisville is so unfriendly, which I don't agree with.
I have done so much for him that when I can't do something he plays this pity me act. I am not the only neighbor he asks to do things for him
and they complain that he bothers them a lot too.
I feel guilty now when I don't do things for him that he can do for himself and worry about the 'Love Thy Neighbor' law from Jesus?
What should I do about this? Any suggestions???
Thank you, LK
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#2
Jun 30, 2015
25,472
13,785
113
#2
followJesustoday said:
I have a neighbor that lives across the hall from me who takes advantage of my kindness. In the past I have done
a LOT for him. By the way, he is 80. Me and another neighbor have given 'Tom' a microwave, my idea, so he can prepare meals easier.
I have given him many things to help him out. This man drinks a lot and has mentioned a favorite bar he goes to. He has health issues
including gout and I have suggested to him that drinking is probably not good for him, but he continues drinking. I've left him spiritual books
to help him but who knows if he reads them.
He calls to complain about the neighbors, and says Louisville is so unfriendly, which I don't agree with.
I have done so much for him that when I can't do something he plays this pity me act. I am not the only neighbor he asks to do things for him
and they complain that he bothers them a lot too.
I feel guilty now when I don't do things for him that he can do for himself and worry about the 'Love Thy Neighbor' law from Jesus?
What should I do about this? Any suggestions???
Thank you, LK
Click to expand...
It sounds like you're enabling his bad behaviour. When you can help him with a good conscience, go ahead. When you can't, don't entertain his criticism or pity party. Just walk away. He'll eventually get the message that you won't be manipulated.
 
Pilgrimshope

Pilgrimshope

Well-known member
#3
Sep 2, 2020
14,148
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#3
Do you pray concerning him ? It sounds like the lord might be using him to help you in practicing the lords ways in the gospel.

just a thought though the things Jesus teaches will be rewarded later when we get home if we don’t lose heart. It’s a good thing to learn that what others do or how they react shouldn’t determine whether we act in the ways we have learned in our heart from the lord

I commend your efforts to help this gentleman, it’s what the lord told us to do for our enemies as well as tbose we prefer. I was just wondering if you also pray consistently as your helping , for the lord to move in his heart?

It sounds like you know the scriptures but remember this part of what you already know

“And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.

And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.

Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭6:31-33, 35-36‬ ‭KJV‬‬

it sounds to me like your being put into practice and use by your father in heaven and again I commend you greatly let it build your patience and while your doing things for him pray a lot for him

prayer from s true believer is a powerful thing especially when we are practicing the gospel in our life
 
Mem

Mem

Senior Member
#4
Sep 23, 2014
7,159
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113
#4
I learned of a Jewish medrash that teaches, "Whoever is kind to the cruel will end up being cruel to the kind," in an article Cruel to be Kind that leads with the heading, "Destroying evil is perhaps the greatest act of kindness possible." Of course, when I found this searching for another article teaching this same concept, the description specified, '(this is not about your annoying neighbor),' but still it could be of use in some smaller capacity., such as in trying to find the perfect balance between loving your neighbor (or your enemy) but not without loving yourself, nor your other neighbors.
 
G

Gideon300

Well-known member
#5
Mar 18, 2021
5,354
3,153
113
#5
followJesustoday said:
I have a neighbor that lives across the hall from me who takes advantage of my kindness. In the past I have done
a LOT for him. By the way, he is 80. Me and another neighbor have given 'Tom' a microwave, my idea, so he can prepare meals easier.
I have given him many things to help him out. This man drinks a lot and has mentioned a favorite bar he goes to. He has health issues
including gout and I have suggested to him that drinking is probably not good for him, but he continues drinking. I've left him spiritual books
to help him but who knows if he reads them.
He calls to complain about the neighbors, and says Louisville is so unfriendly, which I don't agree with.
I have done so much for him that when I can't do something he plays this pity me act. I am not the only neighbor he asks to do things for him
and they complain that he bothers them a lot too.
I feel guilty now when I don't do things for him that he can do for himself and worry about the 'Love Thy Neighbor' law from Jesus?
What should I do about this? Any suggestions???
Thank you, LK
Click to expand...
We need wisdom. Ask God for it. Recently, I met a homeless man that I'd met twice before. The first times we offered help, but he refused. This time, he was much more open. He claims to be a Christian. He has obvious issues that he needs help with.

We helped with some money and bought him a Bible, exactly what he asked for. The cover said, "Fresh start Bible!" How appropriate, I thought. I tried to catch up with him as my friend had prepared a package for him. He was too busy to talk. The next day, he phoned me back. I asked if he'd read the Bible. No. I talked briefly about Jesus dying and rising from the dead. He said that he no longer believed in the resurrection. I told him that he was not a Christian if he did not believe the resurrection. He hung up.

Now I wait for him to contact me. In one way, the decision is made for me. I don't know where he hangs out. I could phone him again, but I won't. The next move in his.

It's not easy. Some people are users and will never change. At the same time, a young man I knew decades ago came to the Lord through the ministry of Teen Challenge. He used to boast how he conned various churches into giving him money. The transformation was incredible. This is why we need wisdom. Have you witnessed to him, given him the whole gospel? I've discovered that many will shun us after we tell them the truth. Some do get saved, of course. Then it becomes a joy to help and fellowship.
 
followJesustoday

followJesustoday

Member
#6
May 28, 2020
75
33
18
Louisville, Ky
#6
Pilgrimshope said:
Do you pray concerning him ? It sounds like the lord might be using him to help you in practicing the lords ways in the gospel.

just a thought though the things Jesus teaches will be rewarded later when we get home if we don’t lose heart. It’s a good thing to learn that what others do or how they react shouldn’t determine whether we act in the ways we have learned in our heart from the lord

I commend your efforts to help this gentleman, it’s what the lord told us to do for our enemies as well as tbose we prefer. I was just wondering if you also pray consistently as your helping , for the lord to move in his heart?

It sounds like you know the scriptures but remember this part of what you already know

“And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.

And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.

Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭6:31-33, 35-36‬ ‭KJV‬‬

it sounds to me like your being put into practice and use by your father in heaven and again I commend you greatly let it build your patience and while your doing things for him pray a lot for him

prayer from s true believer is a powerful thing especially when we are practicing the gospel in our life
Click to expand...
Yes I have prayed about this and I am getting in my soul that I should not let others take advantage of me, much as Satan takes advantage of a persons weakness. thanks for your reply
 
followJesustoday

followJesustoday

Member
#7
May 28, 2020
75
33
18
Louisville, Ky
#7
Gideon300 said:
We need wisdom. Ask God for it. Recently, I met a homeless man that I'd met twice before. The first times we offered help, but he refused. This time, he was much more open. He claims to be a Christian. He has obvious issues that he needs help with.

We helped with some money and bought him a Bible, exactly what he asked for. The cover said, "Fresh start Bible!" How appropriate, I thought. I tried to catch up with him as my friend had prepared a package for him. He was too busy to talk. The next day, he phoned me back. I asked if he'd read the Bible. No. I talked briefly about Jesus dying and rising from the dead. He said that he no longer believed in the resurrection. I told him that he was not a Christian if he did not believe the resurrection. He hung up.

Now I wait for him to contact me. In one way, the decision is made for me. I don't know where he hangs out. I could phone him again, but I won't. The next move in his.

It's not easy. Some people are users and will never change. At the same time, a young man I knew decades ago came to the Lord through the ministry of Teen Challenge. He used to boast how he conned various churches into giving him money. The transformation was incredible. This is why we need wisdom. Have you witnessed to him, given him the whole gospel? I've discovered that many will shun us after we tell them the truth. Some do get saved, of course. Then it becomes a joy to help and fellowship.
Click to expand...
Thanks for replying. I have tried several times to help him with getting into a men's bible study and other things so he won't feel so lonely and have a need to bother other people. I've tried to talk to him about the ways God wants us to live because He loves us and Tom brushes me off and says he's Catholic and is not religious. He asks much of other neighbors in my apt bldg for years but has gotten too much lately. I've told him that if he has to rely on other people to care for him, he needs assisted living. Bottom line is--he takes advantage of people and they are tired of it. Thanks again for your help!---p.s.--I wish he would shun me---HA!!!
 
followJesustoday

followJesustoday

Member
#8
May 28, 2020
75
33
18
Louisville, Ky
#8
Gideon300 said:
We need wisdom. Ask God for it. Recently, I met a homeless man that I'd met twice before. The first times we offered help, but he refused. This time, he was much more open. He claims to be a Christian. He has obvious issues that he needs help with.

We helped with some money and bought him a Bible, exactly what he asked for. The cover said, "Fresh start Bible!" How appropriate, I thought. I tried to catch up with him as my friend had prepared a package for him. He was too busy to talk. The next day, he phoned me back. I asked if he'd read the Bible. No. I talked briefly about Jesus dying and rising from the dead. He said that he no longer believed in the resurrection. I told him that he was not a Christian if he did not believe the resurrection. He hung up.

Now I wait for him to contact me. In one way, the decision is made for me. I don't know where he hangs out. I could phone him again, but I won't. The next move in his.

It's not easy. Some people are users and will never change. At the same time, a young man I knew decades ago came to the Lord through the ministry of Teen Challenge. He used to boast how he conned various churches into giving him money. The transformation was incredible. This is why we need wisdom. Have you witnessed to him, given him the whole gospel? I've discovered that many will shun us after we tell them the truth. Some do get saved, of course. Then it becomes a joy to help and fellowship.
Click to expand...
Yes, I have talked about Christ several times to him. I've offered many resources to help him including men's bible studies in our area, and leaving him books and other materials to read but as I said above, who knows if he reads them. I've done many things for the man and he complains about people around here. I feel bad for him but it says in the bible that you should NOT let people take advantage of you. thanks for replying~!
 
followJesustoday

followJesustoday

Member
#9
May 28, 2020
75
33
18
Louisville, Ky
#9
Mem said:
I learned of a Jewish medrash that teaches, "Whoever is kind to the cruel will end up being cruel to the kind," in an article Cruel to be Kind that leads with the heading, "Destroying evil is perhaps the greatest act of kindness possible." Of course, when I found this searching for another article teaching this same concept, the description specified, '(this is not about your annoying neighbor),' but still it could be of use in some smaller capacity., such as in trying to find the perfect balance between loving your neighbor (or your enemy) but not without loving yourself, nor your other neighbors.
Click to expand...
Thanks for your reply!---I have decided that I need to, after helping him for years, not let him take advantage me any longer. Jesus says as much in the bible. God wants what's best for us and having a backbone is definitely best for us.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#10
Jan 16, 2021
6,219
2,523
113
#10
followJesustoday said:
I have a neighbor that lives across the hall from me who takes advantage of my kindness. In the past I have done
a LOT for him. By the way, he is 80. Me and another neighbor have given 'Tom' a microwave, my idea, so he can prepare meals easier.
I have given him many things to help him out. This man drinks a lot and has mentioned a favorite bar he goes to. He has health issues
including gout and I have suggested to him that drinking is probably not good for him, but he continues drinking. I've left him spiritual books
to help him but who knows if he reads them.
He calls to complain about the neighbors, and says Louisville is so unfriendly, which I don't agree with.
I have done so much for him that when I can't do something he plays this pity me act. I am not the only neighbor he asks to do things for him
and they complain that he bothers them a lot too.
I feel guilty now when I don't do things for him that he can do for himself and worry about the 'Love Thy Neighbor' law from Jesus?
What should I do about this? Any suggestions???
Thank you, LK
Click to expand...
You can ask him about why he only talks to you when he wants something from you.
Doesn't he simply enjoy your company?
It will put him on his heels.

And when he asks for something you can ask him "Are you begging for charity again?"
 
1ofthem

1ofthem

Senior Member
#11
Mar 30, 2016
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#11
JohnDB said:
You can ask him about why he only talks to you when he wants something from you.
Doesn't he simply enjoy your company?
It will put him on his heels.

And when he asks for something you can ask him "Are you begging for charity again?"
Click to expand...
Wouldn't it be better to talk to him about the Lord?

Seems like this is a good opportunity to witness to this guy not just with acts of kindness, but also with the word of God. When he continues asking for things then he is putting himself in a position where he pretty much has to listen or just not come around anymore.

Let's face it the guy is in his 80's so he's probably not got too much time left. So he really does need to hear and be concerned about the afterlife and his soul.
 
studentoftheword

studentoftheword

Well-known member
#12
Nov 12, 2021
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596
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#12
God's Love -----Agape -----loves the unlovely ---this man has faults just like all of us -----but Agape looks past the faults and Loves anyway ----

If your a Born Again Person The Holy Spirit gives discernment ---and direction as to who we should help -----if your directed by the Holy Spirit to help someone they will not take advantage of you -----as God knows the person's heart---- so trying to help someone on our own power is risky and can blow up in our face ----

I ask the Holy Spirit to direct me in who I am to help -----and I have had great success in doing that -----

This man's problems are above your pay grade and it is just stressing you out and making you complain about helping him -----The Truth is -------you can't help him ----only God Can ---and God has to draw the man to Him to open his Heart and mind --you can't do that -----

So you have a choice to continue being stressed with guilt and complaining about the help you do give him or stop helping him and let God handle Him ------you are in control of that decision ------

Negativity can wear you down emotionally and physically and can affect your health ---we all have free choice -----you can't blame the Man for your choice to continue putting up with his needy and negative attitude -----that is my view -----
 
1ofthem

1ofthem

Senior Member
#13
Mar 30, 2016
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#13
He's 80 years old folks...

Are any of you guys picking up on the fact that he could very well be knocking on death's door? How terrible would it be to leave a microwave, pamphlet about God, and slam your door in this lost old guy's face and then find out he died?

I have people who call me and do nothing but complain...

Yeah, that can get irritating and negative if you listen to it for too long, but how easy is it to turn the conversation around and cut them off and start talking about God. Now after a while, they will start listening and thinking more about God or they will just quit calling because they know you're not going to listen to the complaining without cutting them off and changing the subject. They will know that you're going to be talking about God, and they'll have to hear about it and listen if they call.

That would still ultimately be their choice, but then at least you've done all you can do to witness to them through word and deed.

Love is patient...Love is kind...
 
Pilgrimshope

Pilgrimshope

Well-known member
#15
Sep 2, 2020
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#15
followJesustoday said:
Yes I have prayed about this and I am getting in my soul that I should not let others take advantage of me, much as Satan takes advantage of a persons weakness. thanks for your reply
Click to expand...
well your welcome. So your thinking this is weakness ?

“But I say unto you which hear,

Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,

bless them that curse you,

and pray for them which despitefully use you.

And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.

Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭6:27-30, 32-35‬ ‭KJV‬‬

it’s actually the power of God to overcome the devil and his ways in the world
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#16
Jan 16, 2021
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#16
1ofthem said:
Wouldn't it be better to talk to him about the Lord?

Seems like this is a good opportunity to witness to this guy not just with acts of kindness, but also with the word of God. When he continues asking for things then he is putting himself in a position where he pretty much has to listen or just not come around anymore.

Let's face it the guy is in his 80's so he's probably not got too much time left. So he really does need to hear and be concerned about the afterlife and his soul.
Click to expand...
Long-suffering is not one of my spiritual gifts...

Mine are sarcasm and whining.
 
Pilgrimshope

Pilgrimshope

Well-known member
#17
Sep 2, 2020
14,148
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#17
1ofthem said:
He's 80 years old folks...

Are any of you guys picking up on the fact that he could very well be knocking on death's door? How terrible would it be to leave a microwave, pamphlet about God, and slam your door in this lost old guy's face and then find out he died?

I have people who call me and do nothing but complain...

Yeah, that can get irritating and negative if you listen to it for too long, but how easy is it to turn the conversation around and cut them off and start talking about God. Now after a while, they will start listening and thinking more about God or they will just quit calling because they know you're not going to listen to the complaining without cutting them off and changing the subject. They will know that you're going to be talking about God, and they'll have to hear about it and listen if they call.

That would still ultimately be their choice, but then at least you've done all you can do to witness to them through word and deed.

Love is patient...Love is kind...
Click to expand...
amen also when you do focus the conversation on the lord it tends to drive some away and others it draws near sort of solving the issue either way
 
olivetree32

olivetree32

Senior Member
#18
Jan 4, 2009
226
36
28
#18
followJesustoday said:
I have a neighbor that lives across the hall from me who takes advantage of my kindness. In the past I have done
a LOT for him. By the way, he is 80. Me and another neighbor have given 'Tom' a microwave, my idea, so he can prepare meals easier.
I have given him many things to help him out. This man drinks a lot and has mentioned a favorite bar he goes to. He has health issues
including gout and I have suggested to him that drinking is probably not good for him, but he continues drinking. I've left him spiritual books
to help him but who knows if he reads them.
He calls to complain about the neighbors, and says Louisville is so unfriendly, which I don't agree with.
I have done so much for him that when I can't do something he plays this pity me act. I am not the only neighbor he asks to do things for him
and they complain that he bothers them a lot too.
I feel guilty now when I don't do things for him that he can do for himself and worry about the 'Love Thy Neighbor' law from Jesus?
What should I do about this? Any suggestions???
Thank you, LK
Click to expand...
It’s really hard to give advise. Because it’s sounds like there is more. It’s not your job to fix him. Loving your neighbor does not mean you have to do all kinds of things. Just do what you can and leave it at that. Your not responsible for his well being. Does he have family?? He probably needs someone who can get paid to take care of him. If he wants to drink maybe explain if he wants to live that life, then you can’t help out any longer.
 
oyster67

oyster67

Senior Member
#19
May 24, 2014
11,887
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113
#19
followJesustoday said:
I have a neighbor that lives across the hall from me who takes advantage of my kindness. In the past I have done
a LOT for him. By the way, he is 80. Me and another neighbor have given 'Tom' a microwave, my idea, so he can prepare meals easier.
I have given him many things to help him out. This man drinks a lot and has mentioned a favorite bar he goes to. He has health issues
including gout and I have suggested to him that drinking is probably not good for him, but he continues drinking. I've left him spiritual books
to help him but who knows if he reads them.
He calls to complain about the neighbors, and says Louisville is so unfriendly, which I don't agree with.
I have done so much for him that when I can't do something he plays this pity me act. I am not the only neighbor he asks to do things for him
and they complain that he bothers them a lot too.
I feel guilty now when I don't do things for him that he can do for himself and worry about the 'Love Thy Neighbor' law from Jesus?
What should I do about this? Any suggestions???
Thank you, LK
Click to expand...
Even if he never thanks you, you are still laying up treasure in Heaven. Faint not, my dear, for great is thy recompence of reward.

Hebrews
10:35 Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.
10:36 For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.
10:37 For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.
 
2ndTimothyGroup

2ndTimothyGroup

Well-known member
#20
Feb 20, 2021
5,883
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#20
Mem said:
I learned of a Jewish medrash that teaches, "Whoever is kind to the cruel will end up being cruel to the kind,"
Click to expand...
You just blew me away. I have failed in this way all throughout my life. I used to be kind to literally everyone (something that stems from being psychologically abused by parents) so that I would gain their favor. But when these people would turn against me, I would instantly think of all the things that I bought them; all the things that I did for them. Each and every time, I turned into a vindictive, resentful person . . . and of course, I would become the "bad guy."

Nowadays I try to just keep to myself, but I will definitely add this concept to my "arsenal" of being at peace with everyone, as much as it depends on me.
 
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