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Bwhaha, Emily you have posted a thread that has garnered quite a bit of attention and controversy.
I myself am gunning for the whole "dating then marrying one person" I'm 21, have always been single my whole life(although have expressed feelings of liking other girls and them to me, but they just didn't quite work out once...i got to know them more lol) and i do not like wrestling or star trek. Star wars is ok, but conventions are not for me. Lol the streotypes in this thread are rediculous.
You want something that is admirable! This whole " if you don't date then you're going to be ignorant in your first relationships which will cause problems," is a lie...kinda. Now that CAN happen, but danggit, if anyone condemns you to failure, then I would call foul on that. if experience in dating was what kept people from making mistakes and getting divorced, then i think the divorce rate would be much lower!! Seriously I flipping hate the pessimism i hear from some people. i think that those who have failed in some aspects of their life, feel like they need to pile that on others and hope that they fail as well to make themselves feel better about their own situation. Now that's cruel, and i probably shouldn't say that, bit that's the vibe i get sometimes.
Now, am i saying that dating others doesn't let people learn things that are beneficial? Absolutly not! You can learn tons of things. However, heres the scoop. I belive if you are good at observing what works and what does not work from other failed relationships, have patience, use Godly wisdom, and learn how to love others as yourself then the chances of you having problems in the one relationship you are seeking will be greatly reduced.
And what is all this crock that you have to date a person before you can REALLY get to know a person? Now, this does happen, but is it always like that? Again, absolutly not!!! i have female friends whom i know on an "intimate" level as far as deep things about them. Things that other don't know about them. Did I have to date them to do that? No, but I was a good friend who had an open ear and a loving heart and loved them as sisters. I obviously have the same with good male friends. You can be friends with someone and still get to know them intimatly information-wise and get to know their character! If anyone says differently then they should work on their communication skills and learn to listen a bit more
Sorry I'm ranting in your thread. It's just that when I see stuff in threads like these from people it just makes me a bit upset as a single myself with similar belifs as yours.
I told a younger girl(14) in my church this about finding the right person .....
"i think somewhere out there, theres a guy who is thinking " man, I am never going to find that right girl who fulfills these things that I want in a mate" And that girl that that guy is looking for could possibly be you! In other words, each unique person has a unique mate( or several people who meet their fancy) that they need. So, until God finds it in His good will to bring you two together, continute to grow and become more wise and loving!"
Something like that. Alright, i talk to much so I'm done ranting lol
I myself am gunning for the whole "dating then marrying one person" I'm 21, have always been single my whole life(although have expressed feelings of liking other girls and them to me, but they just didn't quite work out once...i got to know them more lol) and i do not like wrestling or star trek. Star wars is ok, but conventions are not for me. Lol the streotypes in this thread are rediculous.
You want something that is admirable! This whole " if you don't date then you're going to be ignorant in your first relationships which will cause problems," is a lie...kinda. Now that CAN happen, but danggit, if anyone condemns you to failure, then I would call foul on that. if experience in dating was what kept people from making mistakes and getting divorced, then i think the divorce rate would be much lower!! Seriously I flipping hate the pessimism i hear from some people. i think that those who have failed in some aspects of their life, feel like they need to pile that on others and hope that they fail as well to make themselves feel better about their own situation. Now that's cruel, and i probably shouldn't say that, bit that's the vibe i get sometimes.
Now, am i saying that dating others doesn't let people learn things that are beneficial? Absolutly not! You can learn tons of things. However, heres the scoop. I belive if you are good at observing what works and what does not work from other failed relationships, have patience, use Godly wisdom, and learn how to love others as yourself then the chances of you having problems in the one relationship you are seeking will be greatly reduced.
And what is all this crock that you have to date a person before you can REALLY get to know a person? Now, this does happen, but is it always like that? Again, absolutly not!!! i have female friends whom i know on an "intimate" level as far as deep things about them. Things that other don't know about them. Did I have to date them to do that? No, but I was a good friend who had an open ear and a loving heart and loved them as sisters. I obviously have the same with good male friends. You can be friends with someone and still get to know them intimatly information-wise and get to know their character! If anyone says differently then they should work on their communication skills and learn to listen a bit more
Sorry I'm ranting in your thread. It's just that when I see stuff in threads like these from people it just makes me a bit upset as a single myself with similar belifs as yours.
I told a younger girl(14) in my church this about finding the right person .....
"i think somewhere out there, theres a guy who is thinking " man, I am never going to find that right girl who fulfills these things that I want in a mate" And that girl that that guy is looking for could possibly be you! In other words, each unique person has a unique mate( or several people who meet their fancy) that they need. So, until God finds it in His good will to bring you two together, continute to grow and become more wise and loving!"
Something like that. Alright, i talk to much so I'm done ranting lol
M
I may have a biased opinion, cuz I'm 20 and I've dated quite a few guys, both Christian and non-Christian, thinking if God put them in my life for a reason, I'd just go with the flow and see what that reason was. Definitely wasn't for marriage lol but also I have a lack of disernment and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would advise anyone to learn from my mistakes because I've been quite hurt for doing so, but at the same time you do learn, grow and mature through having relationships. You gain experience which only makes you wiser. Having baggage from past relationships only is resulted from not dealing with the problems that occured in your last relationships. I wouldn't call my experiences "baggage" because I have learned a tremendous amount, about myself and others. I thought I knew everything and anything about relationships before I had a boyfriend. Now I have a VAST understanding about how men are and what they need, and what I can and can't expect from them. I have kept my relationship with God as #1 as well as my virginity through my experiences so I don't see it as loss.
I guess I just wanted to share my view, incase a guy comes along and you date him for a while - thinking youre gunna get married - and then it ends, don't be hard on yourself. God loves you soo much and will pick you up incase you do fall. He's got an unlimited supply of mercy! (no, Im not saying take advantage of it - seeing some people are reading these posts wrong.. lol)
As for sticking to your guns, you go girl!! Youre standing strong and I admire that! Let me tell you, it wont be an easy road finding a guy that values your beliefs, but when that one guy comes along it will be all worth while!
Also, my best friend of 5 years who was still with her first bf, was supposed to get married this summer. Just after New Years, something happened and she felt the need to end the relationship. They're still confused and hurt by it, but it's so much better that it ended this way than them making the commitment of marriage and getting stuck. My point is, from now til when you find your future husband, even after that, youre going to continue to grow and change! So keep praying your prayer, and pray for your future husband, but instead of putting limitations on him, pray for a pure and clean heart.
I guess I just wanted to share my view, incase a guy comes along and you date him for a while - thinking youre gunna get married - and then it ends, don't be hard on yourself. God loves you soo much and will pick you up incase you do fall. He's got an unlimited supply of mercy! (no, Im not saying take advantage of it - seeing some people are reading these posts wrong.. lol)
As for sticking to your guns, you go girl!! Youre standing strong and I admire that! Let me tell you, it wont be an easy road finding a guy that values your beliefs, but when that one guy comes along it will be all worth while!
Also, my best friend of 5 years who was still with her first bf, was supposed to get married this summer. Just after New Years, something happened and she felt the need to end the relationship. They're still confused and hurt by it, but it's so much better that it ended this way than them making the commitment of marriage and getting stuck. My point is, from now til when you find your future husband, even after that, youre going to continue to grow and change! So keep praying your prayer, and pray for your future husband, but instead of putting limitations on him, pray for a pure and clean heart.
E
Well in reply to all of this I have a guy friend at the oment that is a really wonderful Christian. We both love classical music, we both love to take pictures, and we have so many other things in common it's amazing.I've met his parents and they are so nice and they love the Lord. We have both hung out like every day this week and honestly, I can't really find anything about him I don't like.I know that this is kind of sudden and it might not be true, but I honestly think that he's the one I'm going to marry. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I'm thankful to the Lord for his friendship and his kind, gentle way about him.
Well I just thought I'd update all of you on that
Well I just thought I'd update all of you on that
M
I don't know about the "not being sure if he's not the one so don't date him", only if that means to cut him off completely - personally, I think any normal guy would run away from a girl that asks after the few months of getting to know each other "Are we gunna get married? Cuz I kinda need to know..."
if I misunderstood, forgive me. lol
if I misunderstood, forgive me. lol
R
Too many Christians think that wisdom and experience comes through making "mistakes". The experience you get by making "mistakes", is the experience of making "mistakes". You can learn from your "mistakes", but you can learn without them. The wise thing to do is to learn without "mistakes".
How can you know that you have learned from your "mistakes"? By realizing that they are "mistakes" and not making them again.
We as Christians should be experienced in walking the way God wants us to walk, not in making "mistakes". We are not the example of the way others should walk, Jesus is. We should follow in his footsteps and in this way become examples to others. Let us be experienced in obedience, not in disobedience.
How can you know that you have learned from your "mistakes"? By realizing that they are "mistakes" and not making them again.
We as Christians should be experienced in walking the way God wants us to walk, not in making "mistakes". We are not the example of the way others should walk, Jesus is. We should follow in his footsteps and in this way become examples to others. Let us be experienced in obedience, not in disobedience.
I belive he's saying that as a Christian thatyou can minimalise your mistakes by learning how not to make mistakes rather than making mistakes to learn not to make your mistakes. We can learn from the Word to use wisdom to not make certain mistakes and avoid a lot of pain. Which is very possible.
You can be practical without having to have experience. I know a gun shooting a bullet at me would hurt, yet I don't have to stand in front of one to find out if that is actually true lol
B
I can tell you how to drive a car, and you can read a book about driving a car, but unless you get behind the wheel, you're not gonna know how to drive. You can learn from others mistakes definitely, but not everything is spelled out that clear. There are just some things you will never learn unless you go through it.
Well, that may be true to an extent. But I don't think it's anyone's place other than that person to know if they can learn by going through it or not. Some people are adapt drivers from the get go. I, however, was not and had to learn the hard way. BUT I didn't have to get in huge crashes to know how to avoid them. My dad taught me to drive defensively. i did however have to deal with insurance by trial and error when I got on one crash very recently because I had never been told how. So, I'll definitely agree with you that some things you have to go through to learn, but not all of them. Everybody's different ya?