My mom?

[selenah]

I have alot of anger against my mom because of alot of things. I hate being angry, but I can't help it. She is a Christian, and knows ALOT of scripture. But she keeps saying things about people that are extremely judgemental. Like we'll get out of church, and she'll say something nasty about someone who was smoking outside after the service. Also, when I do something wrong, she tells everybody in the house about it. Like the other night a friend wanted to come over and have a party the next day. I asked my mom and she said yes. I asked her again if she was sure, and she still said yes. The next day she yelled at me because she didn't want them over. She said I gave her no choice but to say yes. She started to tear into me for it, and she kept going on and on in front of everyone. She told me to call them up and cancel it, but I couldn't because I was like shaky voiced and trying to keep from crying. Because I didn't call them up right away, she got more angry. It made me so so incredibly angry and hateful towards her. I hate being angry because I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. It's like she keeps doing stuff like that over and over again. I never am actually able to forgive her for stuff, but we usually just get over it. I know this is keeping me from having peace with God, but it's so hard to keep from being angry towards her. I try praying, but it doesn't help. I don't know what to do.

 

[Tobby17]

First thing is Selena, whenever your mum says something bad about somebody else, it shouldn't annoy you . Instead of being angry with her because of that, you should be worried about praying for her that she stops judging other people. Because it is a sin!.Being angry with her, will not change anything neither will it stop her from being judgemental..

About the other thing, just get over it..OK.. It's a common attitude among Moms to overreact, and We the children just have to Live With It.. The thing is it's annoying, OK. But if u keep this hatred inside you and your mum dies, Trust me you wont forgive yourself for not forgiving her!.It will hunt you like forever.. My mum has done this to me or even worse, so i know what i'm talking about..

Just don't give thought to it, forget about what she does, just remember that she is your mum and loves you no matter what. She's catered for you since you were young..

Moreover, we do worse things to God and he forgives us

Hope this helps you...

 

[selenah]

First thing is Selena, whenever your mum says something bad about somebody else, it shouldn't annoy you . Instead of being angry with her because of that, you should be worried about praying for her that she stops judging other people. Because it is a sin!.Being angry with her, will not change anything neither will it stop her from being judgemental..

About the other thing, just get over it..OK.. It's a common attitude among Moms to overreact, and We the children just have to Live With It.. The thing is it's annoying, OK. But if u keep this hatred inside you and your mum dies, Trust me you wont forgive yourself for not forgiving her!.It will hunt you like forever.. My mum has done this to me or even worse, so i know what i'm talking about..

Just don't give thought to it, forget about what she does, just remember that she is your mum and loves you no matter what. She's catered for you since you were young..

Moreover, we do worse things to God and he forgives us

Hope this helps you...

I want to just get over it, but I still have that anger/hate. She yells at me, and I can't even tell her the whole story because she keeps going on and on. Like with that thing the other day, there was one thing that if she knew it she wouldn't have been so angry and it would have resolved the whole thing, but she was so into tearing me apart that I couldn't tell her everything. I know I shouldn't be so angry towards her and that it only makes the situation worse, but every time she does things like that I still always feel angry.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I want to just get over it, but I still have that anger/hate. She yells at me, and I can't even tell her the whole story because she keeps going on and on. Like with that thing the other day, there was one thing that if she knew it she wouldn't have been so angry and it would have resolved the whole thing, but she was so into tearing me apart that I couldn't tell her everything. I know I shouldn't be so angry towards her and that it only makes the situation worse, but every time she does things like that I still always feel angry.

You cant just'' get over it'', and i understand how you feel because i grew up with the same type of mother.

My opinion on the matter is this. You should pick a time when you know isnt going to be stressful for her and when she is at her calmest, to sit her down and have a serious talk with her about this. I think you should tell her exactly how you feel, i think you should tell her how it makes you feel when she yells at you like that, and that its causing you to feel hatred towards her and that you dont want to feel that way.

She is your mother and she loves you, im sure she will respond in a positive way towards you coming to her in that way.

I'll be up front with you, i wish i had talked to someone about the same thing your talking about, because i had huge amounts of hatred towards my mom and i never talked to her about it, i just let it sit and fester and it just grew and grew and grew until i full blown couldn't stand the sight of her. I really admire you for reaching out like this and getting advice.

The enemy uses things like this to get a foot hold in our lives. Dont let him win this. Talk to your mother, pray for her ask her to pray for you.

 

[Tobby17]

I want to just get over it, but I still have that anger/hate. She yells at me, and I can't even tell her the whole story because she keeps going on and on. Like with that thing the other day, there was one thing that if she knew it she wouldn't have been so angry and it would have resolved the whole thing, but she was so into tearing me apart that I couldn't tell her everything. I know I shouldn't be so angry towards her and that it only makes the situation worse, but every time she does things like that I still always feel angry.

The reason you feel angry towards her is because you keep in mind the *other things* that she does.Forget about them, plz for the sake of Peace, forget about them.

Selenah, do what Nod said, talk to your mum (but when she is in a good mood.lol so it doesn't result into more fights). Explain everything to her, but it's either she understands or flames up. So before you do that, pray to God, that she understands, that he should teach you what to say.

If you don't do something fast, this anger will turn into hatred. And you will hate your mum just like i hated my dad and couldn't stand the sight of him. I just wanted to kill him..lol.. But thanks to God i've overcome that now, in my case i spoke to my mum and she spoke to my dad..

Go for it..lol... And God help you

 

[dmdave17]

Dear Selenah,

You have received some good advice from the people who posted before me but, honestly, honey, this may be too big a problem for a 15-year old girl to face alone. It sounds to me like your mom may (and I emphasize may ) need counseling which goes beyond what you are capable of.

Have you talked this situation over with any other adults? (Are there any other adults you can approach?) I would advise that you begin to consider whether your mom has more serious problems which cause her to be the way she is with you. Sometimes, it is easier to forgive someone's actions if we understand, at least partially, why they are acting the way they are.

I don't believe that you will really be able to let go of your anger and truly forgive your mom until you know why she torments you. Pray for God's guidance and trust His answers. But also, try to discuss your situation with a responsible, Christian adult to see if they have any input that might be helpful in addressing your situation.

God bless you and be with you in your time of stress.

 

[selenah]

Dear Selenah,

You have received some good advice from the people who posted before me but, honestly, honey, this may be too big a problem for a 15-year old girl to face alone. It sounds to me like your mom may (and I emphasize may ) need counseling which goes beyond what you are capable of.

Have you talked this situation over with any other adults? (Are there any other adults you can approach?) I would advise that you begin to consider whether your mom has more serious problems which cause her to be the way she is with you. Sometimes, it is easier to forgive someone's actions if we understand, at least partially, why they are acting the way they are.

I don't believe that you will really be able to let go of your anger and truly forgive your mom until you know why she torments you. Pray for God's guidance and trust His answers. But also, try to discuss your situation with a responsible, Christian adult to see if they have any input that might be helpful in addressing your situation.

God bless you and be with you in your time of stress.

No, it's not too big of a problem for me to handle alone. I've handled bigger problems. But yeah I don't think she needs counseling. I think the reason she's the way she is is because she seems to have alot anger towards her dad because he cheated on her mom and stuff. Idk I've just seen so many people who hated one of their parents, and then they themselves ended up being really angry and cold-hearted. I don't want to end up the same way.

 

[Chennae91]

I have the same thing with my mum, because we live alone together and she has no one else to project her anger onto

 

[silverwind]

I have the same thing with my mum, because we live alone together and she has no one else to project her anger onto

Hi Selenah,

I am a mom of 4 and I know that sometimes we as mom's don't want anyone over just "because"... perhaps it is because we are just plain tired and want a quiet house. I am like that sometimes, but when I promise my teen that he can have friends over on such and such a day, I don't back out, but I may forget. Sometimes it's good for moms to get a gentle reminder maybe the day before.
About the anger thing, you are allowed to be angry, being angry is not a sin, but in your anger you shouldn't sin. You could tell your mom that you are angry over what she did but that you forgive her because it's what you should do. Then let it go. If she knows you forgive her, then she may realize that what she did or said DID need forgiving. It's kind of a humbling thing when your own kid tells you "I'm angry but I forgive you".
Anger can become a health issue in a long run. (depression and anxiety are 2 major symptoms) I hope you can work this out with your mom.

 

[TDWP22]

uhggg i hate people like that...

 

[Lucy68]

Sounds like your mom has some real anger issues. Do you think she'd go to counseling?

I don't think you can just 'get over it' or ignore it or whatever. Living with someone like this is VERY unsettling....especially for a 15 year old. For one thing it makes you feel like it's your fault. It can be very hurtful.

Try to view her over-reactions as HER problem and not YOUR problem. If you know she's just being completely unreasonable (like the example in your first post) try to distance yourself from her behavior and not take it personally.

It might be better for you to go over to your friend's house rather than have people over to yours.

Some people just exhibit a very negative attitude about everything.

 

[selenah]

I know I have to let it go, but I can't. I pray about it and tell God I've forgiven her, and feel like a huge burden has been lifted off but then an hour later she does something that makes me hateful towards her again. I can't keep doing this because I know the Bible says that if we don't forgive God won't forgive us. I don't want to go to hell because I can't forgive her. I feel like I keep going in a circle.

 

[Ugly]

Dear Selenah,

You have received some good advice from the people who posted before me but, honestly, honey, this may be too big a problem for a 15-year old girl to face alone. It sounds to me like your mom may (and I emphasize may ) need counseling which goes beyond what you are capable of.

Have you talked this situation over with any other adults? (Are there any other adults you can approach?) I would advise that you begin to consider whether your mom has more serious problems which cause her to be the way she is with you. Sometimes, it is easier to forgive someone's actions if we understand, at least partially, why they are acting the way they are.

I don't believe that you will really be able to let go of your anger and truly forgive your mom until you know why she torments you. Pray for God's guidance and trust His answers. But also, try to discuss your situation with a responsible, Christian adult to see if they have any input that might be helpful in addressing your situation.

God bless you and be with you in your time of stress.

I'm with this advice. Your moms issues sound like they may be bigger than you as a child are qualified, or in a position to help her with. I think she needs some counseling as well. Just because you've handled 'big' problems before doesn't mean you're now suddenly qualified to handle every problem. Each is different and needs to be handled individually, not with an attitude of 'i can handle everything', because you can't. no one can.

 

[violakat]

I have alot of anger against my mom because of alot of things. I hate being angry, but I can't help it. She is a Christian, and knows ALOT of scripture. But she keeps saying things about people that are extremely judgemental. Like we'll get out of church, and she'll say something nasty about someone who was smoking outside after the service. Also, when I do something wrong, she tells everybody in the house about it. Like the other night a friend wanted to come over and have a party the next day. I asked my mom and she said yes. I asked her again if she was sure, and she still said yes. The next day she yelled at me because she didn't want them over. She said I gave her no choice but to say yes. She started to tear into me for it, and she kept going on and on in front of everyone. She told me to call them up and cancel it, but I couldn't because I was like shaky voiced and trying to keep from crying. Because I didn't call them up right away, she got more angry. It made me so so incredibly angry and hateful towards her. I hate being angry because I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. It's like she keeps doing stuff like that over and over again. I never am actually able to forgive her for stuff, but we usually just get over it. I know this is keeping me from having peace with God, but it's so hard to keep from being angry towards her. I try praying, but it doesn't help. I don't know what to do.

Selenah, based on what you said here, I think you should go and talk with your pastor about the situation. I think there is more going on than you realize. Just note, that if goes and talks with her, she may become very defensive, but I don't think you are the one who should approach her in regards to her anger, simply for you sanity and safety.

Also, if your mom is feeling like she can't say no to you about things, think about how you are approaching her, and you are approaching her. This is not to say the way she is reacting is your fault at all, it's not. She is a grown adult and should know how to control what she says and how she says it. What I'm saying is, if you are going in front of a lot of people, or when she's stressed, she may feel like she has no option at the time but to say yes. However, if you approach her privately, and with a sweet spirit, she may feel like she has some say in the matter. I'm not sure if this approach will help or not, or if you are doing this or not.

Anyway, keep praying for her, and I will pray for you and her both as well.

 

[selenah]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I know I can forgive her if I rely on God and not myself.