the art of wooing

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girlnextdoor

Guest
#1
#1
Maybe I just don't get out enough, but it seems to me that men have lost the art of wooing women.
For example, a man might say to me be careful I might have to invite you out to coffee.......and it turns out he thinks he asked me out. In my opinion that was a comment not an invitation.
What do you guys think?
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#2
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
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#2
Hmmm...

I'm feeling really really romantique right now so, I'm definately going to say that was a comment.
 
P

persecuted

Banned
#3
Jun 15, 2011
308
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#3
I don't have a clue about specific cases that may be misunderstandings, I just had a thought about the thread title. Why is it that whenever I come across some chick that I had a thing for back when and now its all too late anyhow they all give this pretentious shocked "You wanted me?? Why didn't you say so???" when in reality I did and my wooing was going nowhere then so why are they pretending now that it was and is some sort of tragedy??? Or you get these chicks and you compliment them and they just run away or they block it like they are indifferent and the next thing you know someone is telling you you are a real bastard for leading someone on when clearly it was total rejection that they chose to not react in any positive way to a clear advance so you did the right thing and bailed.
 
Pheonix

Pheonix

Senior Member
#4
Jan 17, 2007
578
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#4
or how about the girls who sit there and say "I really like you but you are too nice" or you've just done something very thoughful without being asked and all they say is "you'll make some woman really happy one day". as if that's a compliment. all they are really saying is you are good enough for some future phantom woman but not good enough for me.

So what is the point of wooing, when these are the kind of reactions we get these days? all the time from women too stupid to see what's in front of them because they are chasing some hollywood dream of prince charming and a white flying horse.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#5
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#5
girlnextdoor said:
Maybe I just don't get out enough, but it seems to me that men have lost the art of wooing women.
For example, a man might say to me be careful I might have to invite you out to coffee.......and it turns out he thinks he asked me out. In my opinion that was a comment not an invitation.
What do you guys think?
Click to expand...
I think that guy is too afraid to ask you out, but wants you to know he's interested. Why afraid? Because you might say no and then all his dreams of having a relationship with you will come crashing down around him and he will have to run home and watch The Wedding Singer on his vcr to feel better.
 
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P

persecuted

Banned
#6
Jun 15, 2011
308
0
0
#6
"Why Afraid?" Another thing I find where I live anyways is that girls have no training in just politely saying "no". As a result I've been trained to think that asking a girl out is imposing on her and quite often I will find myself "helping" her by not doing such or making the biggest hints hoping to get a reaction while finding women still avoid giving reactions or hints on their part. Neither of which of course is conducive to advancing things in any way since it helps rejection but not any positive result. To me a culture of the guy asks and the girl says yes or no would be helpful. I personally don't need any song or dance or explanation a polite "Sorry, no, I'm not interested." would be enough. But apparently women today can't do that and would rather pretend they just got a call on their cellphone, or run away, or stand there pretending they didn't hear me, or deflect, or run some third party interference scheme than say that simple "no" that actually doesn't feel so bad if you're just at the beginning and not in deep anyhow. I don't know where the "don't ask, don't tell" policy in dating came from.
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#7
#7
Pheonix said:
or how about the girls who sit there and say "I really like you but you are too nice" or you've just done something very thoughful without being asked and all they say is "you'll make some woman really happy one day". as if that's a compliment. all they are really saying is you are good enough for some future phantom woman but not good enough for me.

So what is the point of wooing, when these are the kind of reactions we get these days? all the time from women too stupid to see what's in front of them because they are chasing some hollywood dream of prince charming and a white flying horse.
Click to expand...
I had the same guy tell me multiiple times that I "need a man" and ask "why don't you have a man?" and even once told me he thought I'd be a good girlfriend.

Really? Thats real nice. I would be a good girlfriend but you wouldn't dat me so I guess that means you want a bad girlfriend.

There is nothing worse than someone listing all of your good qualities but then rejecting you anyway.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#8
#8
girlnextdoor said:
Maybe I just don't get out enough, but it seems to me that men have lost the art of wooing women.
For example, a man might say to me be careful I might have to invite you out to coffee.......and it turns out he thinks he asked me out. In my opinion that was a comment not an invitation.
What do you guys think?
Click to expand...
There is a lot of pressure on men to perform a certain way. Every woman is different and expects different things, how are they supposed to know which woman wants which thing.

For myself, i wouldn't ever want to be asked out for coffee. I like coffee, but to me that would feel awkward.
I hate flowers, i dont like cards and for the love of everything NOOOO candy. Im very particular about what kind of candy i like and if he were to buy me the wrong kind, i cant pretend i like something. You can clearly see it on my face when theres something im not happy with.

NOW if he were to say, you wanna come over and watch the history channel with me. Ooooor do you want to go to a museum with me or something like that... oh my gosh that would be like AWESOME!

So i dont think men have lost any art of anything, i just think women are to picky and expect to much sometimes.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#9
#9
zeroturbulence said:
I think that guy is too afraid to ask you out, but wants you to know he's interested. Why afraid? Because you might say no and then all his dreams of having a relationship with you will come crashing down around him and he will have to run home and watch The Wedding Singer on his vcr to feel better.
Click to expand...
I agree. A comment like that is safe, neutral territory. If she takes the bait, he'll step it up. If not, no harm done. Walk it off.

Proper response if I was interested would be..."Coffee, no. Tea? You're on.."
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#10
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#10
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
There is a lot of pressure on men to perform a certain way. Every woman is different and expects different things, how are they supposed to know which woman wants which thing.

For myself, i wouldn't ever want to be asked out for coffee. I like coffee, but to me that would feel awkward.
I hate flowers, i dont like cards and for the love of everything NOOOO candy. Im very particular about what kind of candy i like and if he were to buy me the wrong kind, i cant pretend i like something. You can clearly see it on my face when theres something im not happy with.

NOW if he were to say, you wanna come over and watch the history channel with me. Ooooor do you want to go to a museum with me or something like that... oh my gosh that would be like AWESOME!

So i dont think men have lost any art of anything, i just think women are to picky and expect to much sometimes.
Click to expand...
WOW..... finally someone else who understands the concept of not trying to stuff a relationship into a mold.
 
phil36

phil36

Senior Member
#11
Feb 12, 2009
8,345
2,159
113
United Kingdom
#11
This is for the guys:

"Sex,Romance and the Glory of God - What every Christian husband needs to know" C.J.Mahaney (With a word to wives) from Carolyn Mahaney.

A must read!!!!
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#12
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#12
I just recommend listening to a Lot of ABBA.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#13
#13
Read a little Lord Byron...and leave a few passages on her voicemail. :) *melt*
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#14
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#14
I like having deep conversations late into the evening. Then going on crazy adventures to cash in on the promises that we made each to each other. :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#15
#15
I’ve never felt that it was completely the guy’s responsibility to bring romance to a relationship. I’m one of those silly leave a romantic CD in your car, mail you a poem, stick a love note in your pocket when you aren’t looking, leave a bottle of your favorite cologne by the sink with a ribbon tied around it, have a bouquet of balloons, candy or cashews delivered to a guy types once I know there’s actually a relationship. It takes two to tango. But I usually won’t do it before the relationship is defined because I have concerns that it might seem stalkeresque. :)
 
S

See_KING_Truth

Guest
#17
#17
girlnextdoor said:
Maybe I just don't get out enough, but it seems to me that men have lost the art of wooing women.
For example, a man might say to me be careful I might have to invite you out to coffee.......and it turns out he thinks he asked me out. In my opinion that was a comment not an invitation.
What do you guys think?
Click to expand...
I am not one to throw out hints without a follow-up question. Sounds like after that he could have at least come up with a clever follow up or something...It was definately a comment.
 
V

violakat

Guest
#18
#18
Not big on listening to poetry on my phone. Sorry. Nope.

However, a man that is confident, and OPENS THE DOORS for will make me just melt all inside. I so love it when men do that.
 
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girlnextdoor

Guest
#19
#19
okay so the main consensus I'm getting here is that men are too afraid to step up and actually ask women out anymore. Because women have been rude or hurtful to them in the past. Got it. I know I speak only for myself, but I want a man to make his intentions known. I don't have enough time or energy to sit around and analyze every syllable a man utters, not to mention if he's leaaaaaaaning you know leeeeeaaaaaning? like in while you where sleeping.
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#20
#20
girlnextdoor said:
okay so the main consensus I'm getting here is that men are too afraid to step up and actually ask women out anymore. Because women have been rude or hurtful to them in the past. Got it. I know I speak only for myself, but I want a man to make his intentions known. I don't have enough time or energy to sit around and analyze every syllable a man utters, not to mention if he's leaaaaaaaning you know leeeeeaaaaaning? like in while you where sleeping.
Click to expand...
u speak for me too, sister.
 
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