Why I hate my personality.

[Seeking-Christ]

As someone who has spent most of his life friendless, and even in pain. I've been observing people, and wondering things like. If I'm trying to be a good person. A kind person. A generous person. Then why on earth do people not like me? The only reasons I could come up with is: 1) I'm not into sports. 2) I have nothing anyone values. or 3) It's my personality.

Sad thing about your personality is the fact you can't change it. Somehow it's baked deep inside of you. It might even be your very soul. So if people don't like you because of your personality, then your screwed.

While I think that salvation is available to anyone who believes on Jesus for salvation. (I'm not going to go in specific details on that) It is then up to Jesus to change your heart. But what happens if Jesus decides to not change your heart?

I got say it, there are some really weird ideas floating around. When I just got done writing this, I realize i got some weird ideas too. I got a vision of what a Christian should be in my head. And I don't even fit what that vision is... I'm not saying that true believer, will be liked by everyone. What I'm trying to say is, sometimes people don't like people, because some people are just not likable people. I think a Christian should be a likable person among other believers. But I get the impression that I am not a likable person among other believers. I hope that makes sense. That is why I say "I hate my personality". If could change it, I think I would!

 

[blueluna5]

Well what I would say is that people are looking for something THEY need in a friend in the time frame they need it. For example they have small kids and want a friend with small kids to entertain each other and so they can have adult time with the parents. Friends generally change quickly like seasons. Obviously there are life long Friendships people experience. However these are so rare.

All that to say there is probably nothing wrong with your personality, unless your shy and there's nothing actually wrong with it. Just makes having friends difficult.

Being a good person is super important, but unless you're going to volunteer with people it's not going to get you friends. In fact some people don't even like good people. Ask Jesus, he was perfect!

Are all believers easier to have as friends? Not necessarily. You may still feel used bc they're trying to volunteer you for things! I remember going to a young adult group out to eat and the goal was for us to talk about how to get more people in the church. I get that it's important, but I was looking to just relax and talk with people (who happen to be Christians). None of this was mentioned beforehand and I'm pretty sure they even sent us home with homework. 😆 FYI I never went back to the young adult small group.

There's probably nothing wrong with your personality. Afterall God made you that way. He thinks you're perfect and sees you as precious as Jesus when he looks at you. It's no different than a parent glowing about their child, except much more intense with the love.

 

[GaryA]

If could change it, I think I would!

What would you change?

What do you think needs changing?

 

[SomeDisciple]

I keep reading your posts and they remind me of when I had low self-esteem.

If your upset about some characteristic you have that God created, you might as well repent now, because thinking that "God was wrong" never works out well for people. Look at the Trannies and their high suicide rate.

If you're an introverted guy, don't try to act how the extraverts do. Just be yourself and like it. If other people don't, then that's their problem, not yours.

I once had a christian friend confess that he doesn't even like sports, but follows sports so that he can talk to people who talk about sports.... that's cool, if you want to live someone else's life. If that's not "seeking the approval of men" I don't know what is.
I have gone as far as to learn the vocabulary of a sport, just so that I can understand what is being said when someone inevitably rambles on without mercy- but I will not be checking stats and scores in order to pretend that I actually care about something I do not.

People might repay your kindness and generosity with evil because they don't understand it... just disregard whatever they say or do, and continue to be kind and generous as the Lord says.

 

[JTB]

As someone who has spent most of his life friendless, and even in pain. I've been observing people, and wondering things like. If I'm trying to be a good person. A kind person. A generous person. Then why on earth do people not like me? The only reasons I could come up with is: 1) I'm not into sports. 2) I have nothing anyone values. or 3) It's my personality.

Sad thing about your personality is the fact you can't change it. Somehow it's baked deep inside of you. It might even be your very soul. So if people don't like you because of your personality, then your screwed.

While I think that salvation is available to anyone who believes on Jesus for salvation. (I'm not going to go in specific details on that) It is then up to Jesus to change your heart. But what happens if Jesus decides to not change your heart?

I got say it, there are some really weird ideas floating around. When I just got done writing this, I realize i got some weird ideas too. I got a vision of what a Christian should be in my head. And I don't even fit what that vision is... I'm not saying that true believer, will be liked by everyone. What I'm trying to say is, sometimes people don't like people, because some people are just not likable people. I think a Christian should be a likable person among other believers. But I get the impression that I am not a likable person among other believers. I hope that makes sense. That is why I say "I hate my personality". If could change it, I think I would!

Yeah I hear you. I keep doing all the right things and getting all the wrong responses. God goes out of His way to teach me things, charges us with sharing what He gives us, but then stymies and stonewalls my every effort to do just that. I make every effort to help others, yet there is NO ONE that I won't eventually alienate thru those efforts. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the knowledge that would fail too. And if it did succeed, the only time someone would notice my absence is when the neighbors start complaining about the stench of my decaying body emanating from the house. I really have no idea why I'm here, other than to provide an easy target for the enemies arrows.

 

[JillianMarie]

As someone who has spent most of his life friendless, and even in pain. I've been observing people, and wondering things like. If I'm trying to be a good person. A kind person. A generous person. Then why on earth do people not like me? The only reasons I could come up with is: 1) I'm not into sports. 2) I have nothing anyone values. or 3) It's my personality.

Sad thing about your personality is the fact you can't change it. Somehow it's baked deep inside of you. It might even be your very soul. So if people don't like you because of your personality, then your screwed.

While I think that salvation is available to anyone who believes on Jesus for salvation. (I'm not going to go in specific details on that) It is then up to Jesus to change your heart. But what happens if Jesus decides to not change your heart?

I got say it, there are some really weird ideas floating around. When I just got done writing this, I realize i got some weird ideas too. I got a vision of what a Christian should be in my head. And I don't even fit what that vision is... I'm not saying that true believer, will be liked by everyone. What I'm trying to say is, sometimes people don't like people, because some people are just not likable people. I think a Christian should be a likable person among other believers. But I get the impression that I am not a likable person among other believers. I hope that makes sense. That is why I say "I hate my personality". If could change it, I think I would!

I feel so much of the same things, it was a blessing to read someone else saying it all so well for me.

 

[TabinRivCA]

I think a lot of this has to do with being self-conscious or in other words something you're not sure about yourself. The only reason others may not respond to anyone is if they sense a problem there they don't know how to deal with. Sooo figure out if that is the case and if so, find all the positive Scriptures that tell us who God says we are and confess them over yourself daily. God certainly did not give us an unlikeable spirit so shut that down. God bless💛

 

[Seeking-Christ]

I think a lot of this has to do with being self-conscious or in other words something you're not sure about yourself. The only reason others may not respond to anyone is if they sense a problem there they don't know how to deal with. Sooo figure out if that is the case and if so, find all the positive Scriptures that tell us who God says we are and confess them over yourself daily. God certainly did not give us an unlikeable spirit so shut that down. God bless💛

Work a little harder with scripture and then things will feel better. It is not the scriptures that cause this, it's how people react to me. I can be listening to my Bible, and the very next time a person reacts I go into depression.

 

[GaryA]

Work a little harder with scripture and then things will feel better. It is not the scriptures that cause this, it's how people react to me. I can be listening to my Bible, and the very next time a person reacts I go into depression.

Please describe "how exactly" people 'react' to you - and, "what exactly" they are reacting to...

 

[Seeking-Christ]

Please describe "how exactly" people 'react' to you - and, "what exactly" they are reacting to...

The way people react is very subtle. By watching and listening to how they talk to you, or don't talk to you, you can just tell. But describing something like this, to someone that doesn't experience it for themselves. I don't know how to do that. It isn't like bullying, where someone is very harsh to you.

 

[JillianMarie]

The way people react is very subtle. By watching and listening to how they talk to you, or don't talk to you, you can just tell. But describing something like this, to someone that doesn't experience it for themselves. I don't know how to do that. It isn't like bullying, where someone is very harsh to you.

yes deep inside you know they don't like you so it starts the sad feelings and shyness feelings even stronger

 

[Seeking-Christ]

yes deep inside you know they don't like you so it starts the sad feelings and shyness feelings even stronger

I guess the way I would describe it. You notice a pattern with the people. Is that what you notice too?

 

[JillianMarie]

I guess the way I would describe it. You notice a pattern with the people. Is that what you notice too?

yes but its not easy to understand about them and mostly I just try my best to be nice but they think I'm a prude because its hard for me talk with people a lot of times

 

[GaryA]

The way people react is very subtle. By watching and listening to how they talk to you, or don't talk to you, you can just tell. But describing something like this, to someone that doesn't experience it for themselves. I don't know how to do that. It isn't like bullying, where someone is very harsh to you.

What makes you think I don't know all-too-well what you are talking about?

What you say others do to you - you just did to me. (Whether you realize it or not.)

For whatever reason - others don't believe they will be able to relate to you effectively. So - they "ignore" you, don't "give you the time of day", etc. And, it is all because they are not willing to make the effort to cross whatever boundary they perceive is between you and them.

What you need to recognize is that it is not always 100% on you - sometimes the "problem" is on their end.

But, if you are "depressed" all of the time, the perception of you that others have will be enough to dissuade them from even trying to relate to you - no one wants to be around somebody like that - it is human nature.

You have to learn how to "be the better man" and overcome your tendency to allow yourself to fall into the "depression" that you speak of.

Only you can do this.

No one can do it for you.

You must do it for yourself.

(with the Lord's help, of course)

The solution is 'part you part them'.

Just do your part - which is to learn to not react negatively to their actions/reactions.

Instead, "be the person you want them to be" - see if you get better results.

Be kind, friendly, etc. with everyone - eventually, it should "take" - and, someone will respond in a way you would like to see.

If you should happen to create a "woe is me" impression in the minds of others - they will run from you.

(At least, most will.)

Since you seemed to believe and trust that you would be able to relate to @JillianMarie but not me in this regard - I waited a while before writing another post - to see how far your conversation with her might/would go.

I have a great deal more experience with some of this than you realize.

Only, I [eventually] chose to handle it much differently than you seem to be doing.

I am only trying to help you - if I can...

My previous posts in this thread are intended to get you to think about why you feel as you do - and, are saying some of the things you are.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

What makes you think I don't know all-too-well what you are talking about?

What you say others do to you - you just did to me. (Whether you realize it or not.)

For whatever reason - others don't believe they will be able to relate to you effectively. So - they "ignore" you, don't "give you the time of day", etc. And, it is all because they are not willing to make the effort to cross whatever boundary they perceive is between you and them.

What you need to recognize is that it is not always 100% on you - sometimes the "problem" is on their end.

But, if you are "depressed" all of the time, the perception of you that others have will be enough to dissuade them from even trying to relate to you - no one wants to be around somebody like that - it is human nature.

You have to learn how to "be the better man" and overcome your tendency to allow yourself to fall into the "depression" that you speak of.

Only you can do this.

No one can do it for you.

You must do it for yourself.

(with the Lord's help, of course)

The solution is 'part you part them'.

Just do your part - which is to learn to not react negatively to their actions/reactions.

Instead, "be the person you want them to be" - see if you get better results.

Be kind, friendly, etc. with everyone - eventually, it should "take" - and, someone will respond in a way you would like to see.

If you should happen to create a "woe is me" impression in the minds of others - they will run from you.

(At least, most will.)

Since you seemed to believe and trust that you would be able to relate to @JillianMarie but not me in this regard - I waited a while before writing another post - to see how far your conversation with her might/would go.

I have a great deal more experience with some of this than you realize.

Only, I [eventually] chose to handle it much differently than you seem to be doing.

I am only trying to help you - if I can...

My previous posts in this thread are intended to get you to think about why you feel as you do - and, are saying some of the things you are.

I am glad your an expert. lol Mind you, I am no spring chicken. And maybe if you felt the way I do most of the time, you may not give the same advice. It's always easy to give advice.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

What makes you think I don't know all-too-well what you are talking about?

What you say others do to you - you just did to me. (Whether you realize it or not.)

For whatever reason - others don't believe they will be able to relate to you effectively. So - they "ignore" you, don't "give you the time of day", etc. And, it is all because they are not willing to make the effort to cross whatever boundary they perceive is between you and them.

What you need to recognize is that it is not always 100% on you - sometimes the "problem" is on their end.

But, if you are "depressed" all of the time, the perception of you that others have will be enough to dissuade them from even trying to relate to you - no one wants to be around somebody like that - it is human nature.

You have to learn how to "be the better man" and overcome your tendency to allow yourself to fall into the "depression" that you speak of.

Only you can do this.

No one can do it for you.

You must do it for yourself.

(with the Lord's help, of course)

The solution is 'part you part them'.

Just do your part - which is to learn to not react negatively to their actions/reactions.

Instead, "be the person you want them to be" - see if you get better results.

Be kind, friendly, etc. with everyone - eventually, it should "take" - and, someone will respond in a way you would like to see.

If you should happen to create a "woe is me" impression in the minds of others - they will run from you.

(At least, most will.)

Since you seemed to believe and trust that you would be able to relate to @JillianMarie but not me in this regard - I waited a while before writing another post - to see how far your conversation with her might/would go.

I have a great deal more experience with some of this than you realize.

Only, I [eventually] chose to handle it much differently than you seem to be doing.

I am only trying to help you - if I can...

My previous posts in this thread are intended to get you to think about why you feel as you do - and, are saying some of the things you are.

I sense fighting words in this post. The way you started this out put me on edge and made me feel defensive. I'm afraid that you can no longer help me. I think your one of those who believes in the tough guy approach. The more I see it, and experience the less I'm able to give it grace. The more I believe it is the wrong approach.

You may call this helping if you want, but I got to be honest. Even if everything you just said, is true. It only hurts my feelings. It won't make me better. I probably do send a woe is me vibe. It isn't my fault. It is just the way I am. Lots of bad things happened to me, and it probably got sunk deep into my body and soul. Once that has happened. YOU CAN'T JUST DIG IT OUT. Will God dig it out? All one can do is ask. And if the answer is no, the answer is no. Maybe the way I am is the way He wants me to be.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

yes but its not easy to understand about them and mostly I just try my best to be nice but they think I'm a prude because its hard for me talk with people a lot of times

That could be true. I don't know the answer to the how to change the vibes that we give off. I have given it a lot of thought, but I always come up empty.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

I think the reason why I hate my personality is because I know that there is something repelling embedded in it. I don't blame myself for this. Nobody chooses his or her personality. It is somehow given by God and built by the things that happen to us in the world. Most of that stuff, I don't think is our fault. Yet some people seem to believe that they can mold themselves into anything they want. I've always tried to make myself better, within reason. But when life is going hard, your feet are hurting you all the time, your having trouble remembering things, your having trouble learning things, and having trouble being efficient. I think it's hard not to have a "woe is me" vibe. In fact the only way of hiding it, is to learn how to lie to others. But that kind of deception comes from Satan, and not from God. So it's probably not likely that true believing Christian can pull this off.

 

[Seeking-Christ]

Yeah I hear you. I keep doing all the right things and getting all the wrong responses. God goes out of His way to teach me things, charges us with sharing what He gives us, but then stymies and stonewalls my every effort to do just that. I make every effort to help others, yet there is NO ONE that I won't eventually alienate thru those efforts. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the knowledge that would fail too. And if it did succeed, the only time someone would notice my absence is when the neighbors start complaining about the stench of my decaying body emanating from the house. I really have no idea why I'm here, other than to provide an easy target for the enemies arrows.

I'm not sure what I can say to this. I think life is a journey and everyone's journey is a little different. We don't all face the exact same trials. I'm still trying to figure things out. I like having people like you in my threads, because I can relate to how you feel.

 

[shittim]

After salvation many or most stop. We are required to renew our minds to see the as He sees it, as our mind becomes renewed the "personality" changes. One evidence is no longer do the words, I, me, mine, shown up in our regular speech.
Jesus said "I only do what I see the Father do", and "I only say what I hear the Father say", and we know that He modeled how we are each to live. He only did for others, He did not seek His own in any area of His life.
That is how you, I , each of us is to live to find the joy of living that He desires for us.
If we incorrectly focus on ourselves we will always be unhappy, depressed, and miss the mark .
There is nothing new under the sun.
best wishes