Hi! I've already posted this on Christianforums, but I wanted as much advice as I could get and hear different voices on what I should do: so, I’m a mother of 3 and I have a 16 (turning 17 in a few weeks time) year old daughter. I’ve always taught my kids and brought them up with strong Christian values: teaching them between wrong and right and important lessons from the Bible. My husband, two kids, I go to church every day but my daughter hasn’t been going neither has she been going to youth group (I found out she had been lying to me about youth group). I recently found out she’s been seeing a boy, a Muslim Algerian Arab boy for that matter. She’s been sneaking off to be with him and lying about being at sleepovers and after school activities to spend time with him. I found out from certain people that they’ve been seeing each other of a while and they’ve even been having a sexual relationship. This made me furious since we taught all my kids about remaining chaste, the dangers of temptation, and basic Sex Ed. After find this out I did a sweep of her room and found birth control pills hidden and a condom wrapper shoved in her period case!!!! I’m fuming even writing this, I don’t think I can look at my little girl the same way. I’m worried she’s frequenting a Muslim in an intimate and emotional way. I’m worried she’ll lose what’s left of her Christian faith, what if she converts to Islam or even gets pregnant with a child who would grow up in a non-Christian environment. I’m scared this Muslim boy is going to give her ideas that throw her fathers and I’s values out of the window. What should I do? I can’t believe this is happening, I feel so lost, my husband thinks we should send her away so she can be far from that boy but there’s always communication through social media. What should I do, I’m worried for my daughter.
First off breath in and out very slowly. Anger if uncontrolled can lead to bad decisions.
She is 16 and not an adult so you can tell her that if she is still seeing this boy then she will be grounded from all devices. Or I know they have apps that track your kids location and every text/call.
I would meet with this kids parents and tell them very respectfully that you do not want your daughter dating at 16.
Obviously, if you haven't already then not only speak on abstinence but speak on why God calls it a sin. Speak on statistically why sex before marriage can be dangerous and make it really hard on young women. She needs to know the dangers to sex even if you don't want to touch the subject. She still needs your wisdom and protection. She still needs to know that condoms and birth control are not 100% proof at preventing pregnany and STDs.
She needs to know what type of husband she should be looking for. (Biblical role of a husband). I tell my kids to date with life long marriage in mind. If she/he isn't someone you see as a lifelong mate then don't bother dating.
She needs a safe environment to talk to you with your anger in submission. She obviously has fallen into rebellion from the morals you have planted but remember that is a common phase among teens.
They need to know you always will love them even if you do not affirm their choices but you understand eventually they will have to learn from those choices.
Explain the reason why you believe a Biblical husband is best because you love her and want what's best for her. You want a man who will live out the will of God, who will be selfless, who will treat her like she is special in the eyes of God.
If verbal communication has failed, try writing a letter.
I wrote this a few days ago to encourage parents. Maybe it will help you too.
https://christianchat.com/christian-family-forum/the-refining-pressures-of-life.206446/
I'll stop here for now but remember you have not failed as a parent. She is becoming an adult who is making their own decisions while knowing it is against your will.
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