Professing Christian, no fruit

[Willow]

Would you date (or be in a committed relationship) someone who said they were a Christian, but had no desire to talk about the things of God and the bible? They say they enjoy going to church with you, but there is no real evidence that they are growing, or that they are truly interested in pursuing God outside of the Sunday morning service?

Well my ex was holy mostly in church per say. Outside of church I wondered where the Christian in him went.If you are thinking this about someone perhaps God is telling you this person may not be the one. Believe me you don't want to be unevenly yoked with someone .It was like living with the devil at times

 

[Lynx]

Well my ex was holy mostly in church per say. Outside of church I wondered where the Christian in him went.If you are thinking this about someone perhaps God is telling you this person may not be the one. Believe me you don't want to be unevenly yoked with someone .It was like living with the devil at times

Was that one of those "Someone who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person" things? Or was it more about what time of day it was?

 

[Willow]

Was that one of those "Someone who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person" things? Or was it more about what time of day it was?

Well he could be charming in public. But joined in with whatever the world was doing . At home it was when the real crazy would happen. I would ask him to please stop being nasty and rude and he would mimic me. Later would be a whole different person. I still wonder if he had split personalities. Sadly the sweet one with us hardly ever appeared after being married.

 

[ChristianTonyB]

Would you date (or be in a committed relationship) someone who said they were a Christian, but had no desire to talk about the things of God and the bible? They say they enjoy going to church with you, but there is no real evidence that they are growing, or that they are truly interested in pursuing God outside of the Sunday morning service?

No. But I also would never date someone that frequents a church service either. I have never found suchlike to have a true vision of God and His ways, or at least be fully committed to them. That's the truth, the reality of my experience.

 

[Songbrd]

What exactly are you / we looking for as far as spiritual bona fides in a date? I don't want my dates or my marriage if I ever have one to always feel like I'm at Bible study or prayer meeting. And once we've kind of established we're on the same page spiritually, how much do we really need to talk Bible? Yes I'd be looking for committment to attending a local church and solid moral character, but I certainly don't want to be with the street preacher who thinks it's his full time 24/7 job to confront everyone who does something wrong with the Bible. So I guess I'd say, I want him to claim Christ and live like Christ, and if that leads to a life spent in ways that don't look particularly religious, I could be okay with that. If anything I'd probably welcome someone in my life who can help me see how everyday things can be more part of being committed to Christ than always doing churchy / religious things.

I am not a "street preacher", but I do enjoy bible study and am passionate about exposing false teachings, because I was once almost sucked into a false teaching. We are here to learn, serve and grow, right? He shows no real interest in it, which is why I am hesitant to continue. The reason I have stayed this long (1.5yrs), is because we do have a strong connection relationally, we have some other common interests, and he makes me laugh. And yes, I've been praying for him constantly, but I don't want to push it on him. The spiritual unity is important and it's just not there as I had hoped it would be. Some Christians are okay with just having someone to go to church with them.That's just not me. Though I am struggling with weather I should wait, pray and trust God, or just remain friends, since it sort of does feel more like a friendship. For me anyway, because I need that spiritual connection. It seems as though I am answering my own questions.

 

[Songbrd]

No. But I also would never date someone that frequents a church service either. I have never found suchlike to have a true vision of God and His ways, or at least be fully committed to them. That's the truth, the reality of my experience.

I do understand what you're saying and I agree. My fear has been that he has just been going with me to be with me. We are only able to see each other once a week, because of our differing work schedules and days off. Sunday is the only weekend day off we share. He also works much later than I do. I often wonder if this could be another downside? We are also about 20 min apart in distance. If it matters... I am 54, he is 62. We both are divorced.

 

[Lanolin]

Jesus just said chuck some manure at the tree and wait a year.

 

[Gojira]

Would you date (or be in a committed relationship) someone who said they were a Christian, but had no desire to talk about the things of God and the bible? They say they enjoy going to church with you, but there is no real evidence that they are growing, or that they are truly interested in pursuing God outside of the Sunday morning service?

I must admit, that would leave me scratching my head. Hard to say what I would do. I might try to get something out of them, maybe try to probe them a bit to get a feel for what's really underneath. If I couldn't make any headway, or if what I found was disappointing, I'd very likely move on.

 

[love_comes_softly]

No, absolutely not. I’d have no desire to be with someone that didn't want to talk and share about the Lord.

Not that I’m opposed to preaching, but you can never once preach and yet, still share what you’re learning, what the Lord has done for you and others; just share about his abounding love. If this wasn’t happening- I’d really wonder if he loved the Lord. How can you not talk about something/someone you love? I feel like it’s impossible.

For me, my personal relationship with Christ is like having a constant conversation throughout the day. I’d hope he had that same sort of relationship. If that’s the case, it just naturally overflows and there would be fruit and talk of the Lord.

 

[Songbrd]

No, absolutely not. I’d have no desire to be with someone that didn't want to talk and share about the Lord.

Not that I’m opposed to preaching, but you can never once preach and yet, still share what you’re learning, what the Lord has done for you and others; just share about his abounding love. If this wasn’t happening- I’d really wonder if he loved the Lord. How can you not talk about something/someone you love? I feel like it’s impossible.

For me, my personal relationship with Christ is like having a constant conversation throughout the day. I’d hope he had that same sort of relationship. If that’s the case, it just naturally overflows and there would be fruit and talk of the Lord.

You are absolutely right. This is exactly how I have been feeling, but I have friends, family and even a couple online Christian laywomen who advised me to wait and pray. I just don't see this as wise advice. I believe I know what I need to do. I guess I just needed to hear some other voices to make sure I was making the right decision to no longer be in a committed dating relationship with him.

I kick myself for not ending things sooner with him. I knew early on that he was not a born-again believer, but I had chosen to wait, pray and see if things would change. I know being in a relationship where you are hoping the other person will change, is a big no-no. I've been there before, married him, and don't want to do that again. Thankfully, I'm going to put the breaks on sooner than last time. Haha!

I know he won't want to end things completely, and would be open to just a friendship. He has shared with me he doesn't want to be alone and enjoys my company. He even eluded to the fact that he's not even sure if he wants to marry again? Of course that was a red flag for me and I told him so. He then started to recant what he said, which I believe he did for fear of losing me. Unfortunately, I need more of a connection for it to go further period. I am okay with just being friends, because I'm not emotionally attached. I know I will know if he ever were to truly become a born-again believer. I just don't see that he is right now. Like you said, when you love the lord, you love to talk about Him, and to Him on a daily/hourly basis. Yes, that would be me 100%. Mostly, asking for forgiveness. Haha!

 

[Lanolin]

you dont keep on dating someone when you chuck manure at them hun
Leave them alone. They'll learn.

 

[Lanolin]

also, they might not want to be with you cos you'll smell of manure.

 

[love_comes_softly]

You are absolutely right. This is exactly how I have been feeling, but I have friends, family and even a couple online Christian laywomen who advised me to wait and pray. I just don't see this as wise advice. I believe I know what I need to do. I guess I just needed to hear some other voices to make sure I was making the right decision to no longer be in a committed dating relationship with him.

I kick myself for not ending things sooner with him. I knew early on that he was not a born-again believer, but I had chosen to wait, pray and see if things would change. I know being in a relationship where you are hoping the other person will change, is a big no-no. I've been there before, married him, and don't want to do that again. Thankfully, I'm going to put the breaks on sooner than last time. Haha!

I know he won't want to end things completely, and would be open to just a friendship. He has shared with me he doesn't want to be alone and enjoys my company. He even eluded to the fact that he's not even sure if he wants to marry again? Of course that was a red flag for me and I told him so. He then started to recant what he said, which I believe he did for fear of losing me. Unfortunately, I need more of a connection for it to go further period. I am okay with just being friends, because I'm not emotionally attached. I know I will know if he ever were to truly become a born-again believer. I just don't see that he is right now. Like you said, when you love the lord, you love to talk about Him, and to Him on a daily/hourly basis. Yes, that would be me 100%. Mostly, asking for forgiveness. Haha!

I truly believe if we are seeking the Lord, He will answer us. His answer may not always be easy or popular, but you will have peace in it. I pray the Lord help you in whatever happens next. God bless!

 

[JohnB]

I look for mutual attraction first and than interest. Also know their personality.

 

[Lanolin]

what happens if the magnet is attracted to the fridge but the fridge isnt attracted to the magnet

 

[Lynx]

what happens if the magnet is attracted to the fridge but the fridge isnt attracted to the magnet

Then the magnet gets the cold shoulder.

 

[MsMediator]

I would only marry someone who is a Christian. For me, my relationship with God is a personal one between me and God, and I would expect the same with my spouse. I would definitely want us to pray privately to God and keep God in mind in our lives. However, I am fine if we do not pray together vocally on a regular basis. That has never really been my style to pray out loud vocally with another person, in a circle, etc. except maybe for saying a blessing before a meal.

Showing fruit to me means he has good Christ-like character (patient, not prone to anger, kind, etc.). Of course this should also be connected with action, such as helping a neighbor or other people in need. Showing fruit to me doesn't mean his schedule is filled full of church activities. However, at the same time, I think when a person spends a lot of hours volunteering in church, that is very honorable and that is a good indication of showing fruit when a person is spending his free time to do. However, not everyone has free time to volunteer in this way. Regardless, I think a person can still show fruit by praying for others, giving money, doing charity/volunteer work when available, etc.

While I expect my spouse to pray privately on a regular basis, I am fine if my spouse doesn't want to discuss God or Bible with me on a regular/scheduled basis (as I mentioned it is a personal relationship). But I realize, if a person is not put on a schedule sometimes, there is risk of him going wayward. This is essentially what pastors say, that if you stop going to church, you may fall into sin etc. So, I get that discussing God/Bible on a regular basis keeps one accountable, etc. It is fine balance. I hate to say it, but I do discuss the Bible and God with certain friends a lot, and sometimes these talks are encouraging but other times it is more of a debate/argument where I need space from them.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Would you date (or be in a committed relationship) someone who said they were a Christian, but had no desire to talk about the things of God and the bible? They say they enjoy going to church with you, but there is no real evidence that they are growing, or that they are truly interested in pursuing God outside of the Sunday morning service?

I found dating Christians challenging in that they either showed little interest in discussing God and the bible because our levels of understanding were different or they wanted the title of a Christian but they were lukewarm in pursuing God. So I will say no, it has gotten to the point in my life that Im finding it difficult to NOT talk about God. Hes my favourite topic.

 

[Lanolin]

I think it can be hard to find someone on the same path as you to walk with
You could ask them when they got saved and what their testimony is. If they got saved around the same time as you, your paths may have crossed at some point.

 

[Songbrd]

I found dating Christians challenging in that they either showed little interest in discussing God and the bible because our levels of understanding were different or they wanted the title of a Christian but they were lukewarm in pursuing God. So I will say no, it has gotten to the point in my life that Im finding it difficult to NOT talk about God. Hes my favourite topic.

So true! I tend to meet Christian men who are either so high on Christ they speak in parables and/or live at the church, or they are more like the casual/carnal Christian. I'm all in for bible study and Christian movies or documentaries, but balance is important. I would much rather move forward, not backwards.