Can Men and Women Be Platonic Friends?

[TheNarrowPath]

I think there has been a lot of room for misinterpretation here. I dont think it needed to get competitive but maybe this is what men do? If there were no women on this site would there be all this jostling around for first place?

The annoying thing for me is I cant speak honestly because people get offended. I paid for one year subscription but I cant see myself lasting that long. Its hard to read tone accurately here. Its very easy for people to jump on the bandwagons of others and take up that cause. It doesnt make for good reading or even a Christian environment. I can see why most of the senior members stay out of the singles forum.

 

[Lanolin]

some people got nothing better to do than start flame wars I guess.

But we had these threads before like why do women hate men? lol

So I started one called why do women like men?

On the conspiracy forum I am sure there's just a thread called 'war' and its just pages and pages of fighting over nothing much.

Maybe a man said a woman was ugly and then woman said a man was weak and they started fighting. till they died. The end.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

some people got nothing better to do than start flame wars I guess.

But we had these threads before like why do women hate men? lol

So I started one called why do women like men?

On the conspiracy forum I am sure there's just a thread called 'war' and its just pages and pages of fighting over nothing much.

Maybe a man said a woman was ugly and then woman said a man was weak and they started fighting. till they died. The end.

I should start one called why I hate you all equally or nobody understands me

 

[Gojira]

I think there has been a lot of room for misinterpretation here. I dont think it needed to get competitive but maybe this is what men do? If there were no women on this site would there be all this jostling around for first place?

The annoying thing for me is I cant speak honestly because people get offended. I paid for one year subscription but I cant see myself lasting that long. Its hard to read tone accurately here. Its very easy for people to jump on the bandwagons of others and take up that cause. It doesnt make for good reading or even a Christian environment. I can see why most of the senior members stay out of the singles forum.

I will tell you that this is not the only Christian forum like this. When I was married, I belonged to a marriage bed site. Got into great conversations about marital sex. Unfortunately, not everyone can handle transparency with grace, and there were a few people there I wanted to knock out. Here, the same elements exist -- edifying and negative. They are needlessly sarcastic and ornery, and I have considered blocking them.

In short, you're going to get this, I believe, wherever you go, including the real world. There will always be that difficult person in church.

Try to make peace with the offenders if you can. God calls us to this. Those people I alluded to earlier I may need to do that with myself. Believe me I don't want to, but God calls us to that -- even if the people are just on a screen.

Don't get discouraged or too upset. I personally like your contributions and would prefer you stuck around. If you cannot make peace with the offenders, then block the toxic elements from your life. But, don't disappear

 

[Live4Him3]

I think there has been a lot of room for misinterpretation here. I dont think it needed to get competitive but maybe this is what men do? If there were no women on this site would there be all this jostling around for first place?

The annoying thing for me is I cant speak honestly because people get offended. I paid for one year subscription but I cant see myself lasting that long. Its hard to read tone accurately here. Its very easy for people to jump on the bandwagons of others and take up that cause. It doesnt make for good reading or even a Christian environment. I can see why most of the senior members stay out of the singles forum.

I normally don't take a break at work until later in the day, but I didn't want to wait to answer some of what you said here.

I cannot speak for anybody here but myself, and I can assure you (and others) that I'm definitely not "jostling around for first place" nor am I a member here to find a date/mate or to procure any sort of favor from any woman (or man, for that matter).

The only way that the presence of women on these types of threads has influenced my behavior at all is in that it's of my nature to PROTECT women.

You're certainly free to disagree with what I'm about to say, but this "Caleb" guy is a self-inflated, egotistical misogynistic JERK.

And, just so there's no confusion, the JERK part is totally in relation to the demeaning manner in which he speaks of women.

Am I just saying these things as a "competitive" man, or have several women here noticed and commented on the same thing?

Of course, it's the latter of the two, and not the former.

I genuinely don't know why you feel that you can't speak honestly.

Personally, I thanked you for your honesty the other day, and, although I'm not saying this in any sort of flirtatious way, honesty is by far the most attractive trait that I could ever hope to find in a woman.

That said, it is easy to misinterpret what people here are actually trying to say, and it's also easy to hear "tone" when none was genuinely intended on the writer's part.

All that I can ask of you (and others) is this:

If I've said or done something to you that has offended you, then just tell me. If I've truly done the same, then I'll quickly, humbly, and genuinely repent. If I haven't truly done the same, then I would hope that we could discuss things civilly and respectfully in order to hopefully come to a place where we better understand each other.

That's all that I have time for right now, but, seriously, if I've personally offended you somehow, then please just let me know.

Thank you.

 

[Ruby123]

I believe men and women can be friends but often one will develop feelings for the other. Things then get complicated. Often the one with the feelings will secretly hope that the other will develop feelings and if that does not happen get severely disappointed, sometimes treating that person as though they have used them. Or the one without the feelings may use that person accepting presents from them and liking the attention they are getting. Both men and women are equally guilty of this. A bit more honesty by both parties can save alot of hassles and bad feelings leading to hurts, unforgiveness or offense.

 

[Lanolin]

I should start one called why I hate you all equally or nobody understands me

theres one called The Banned Game (not the Blame Game) which seems to have taken on a life of its own...

some ideas

Invite to my Pity Party
Crimes against Humanity...what exactly did your ex do?
The thick accent thread
The Hate U Give...did you read the book?
Silly Questions
Let's look new words up in the dictionary
Forget that, I have a new word I made up

I think the teenage angst ones have been done to death and also they belong in the young adults forum. Besides Christians cant be Emos anymore. They need to read the Christians Secret to a Happy Life book.

 

[Lanolin]

I believe men and women can be friends but often one will develop feelings for the other. Things then get complicated. Often the one with the feelings will secretly hope that the other will develop feelings and if that does not happen get severely disappointed, sometimes treating that person as though they have used them. Or the one without the feelings may use that person accepting presents from them and liking the attention they are getting. Both men and women are equally guilty of this. A bit more honesty by both parties can save alot of hassles and bad feelings leading to hurts, unforgiveness or offense.

OR..maybe just dont have feelings and be a robot? Theres various drugs that help numb peoples feelings.

 

[Ruby123]

OR..maybe just dont have feelings and be a robot? Theres various drugs that help numb peoples feelings.

this aint going to happen, feelings are there whether we like it or not. It's how you handle it that is the maker or breaker.

 

[Lanolin]

Its a thing in some cultures to refuse all gifts...or give them to someone else.
while others its more like bribery

I think I am glad though I dont live in culture of gender apartheid like in some Islamic countries were women and men are totally separated. Because they are not even allowed to be friends.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

I like you Gojira and I like you Live4him3. I also like SonsOfCaleb. You all got something to say but come at it from different angles. You cant all be right all of the time so maybe give each other some slack here and there. i think the key is not to take it personal, to bow out of a thread before it gets personal...I only get annoyed when it looks like a group of people against one person. Im seeing people who cant humble themselves and take correction. I cant even name them cause they will get offended. And they are pointing at the other person. If we cannot take correction from our sister or brother in Christ then how can we take correction from God?

 

[Lanolin]

this aint going to happen, feelings are there whether we like it or not. It's how you handle it that is the maker or breaker.

but so many people drink or do drugs to get feelings....which may be illusory high...like ecstasy. Not that Ive ever done it, but apparently it makes you feel like you love everyone.

so maybe those that do them cant really feel when they are NOT taking drugs. Or maybe they just cant name their emotions and dont actually recognise them.

 

[Lanolin]

You could just say I dont feel the same way if someones declared their undying love, adoration and worship of you. Or you can say yea I feel that way about God.

BTW I am not God.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

I will tell you that this is not the only Christian forum like this. When I was married, I belonged to a marriage bed site. Got into great conversations about marital sex. Unfortunately, not everyone can handle transparency with grace, and there were a few people there I wanted to knock out. Here, the same elements exist -- edifying and negative. They are needlessly sarcastic and ornery, and I have considered blocking them.

In short, you're going to get this, I believe, wherever you go, including the real world. There will always be that difficult person in church.

Try to make peace with the offenders if you can. God calls us to this. Those people I alluded to earlier I may need to do that with myself. Believe me I don't want to, but God calls us to that -- even if the people are just on a screen.

Don't get discouraged or too upset. I personally like your contributions and would prefer you stuck around. If you cannot make peace with the offenders, then block the toxic elements from your life. But, don't disappear

No idea what a bed site is? Ive met Christians online before but they were on a not so Christian site. I think some of you guys have anger issues tbh. Seems to be a bit of pent up frustrations too....
I like what you said about making peace with offenders. It might also be a good idea to note that the offended part eg If you offend me, thats actually on me how I react to it..do you agree? Actually when I get my private privileges I will get real honest with you but dont blame me okay if you dont like it I just think some of what happened in this thread should have been said in the private messages.

 

[Lanolin]

ecstasy, known as the love drug releases hormone called oxytocin and makes your senses heightened so you feel everything is wonderful and apparently is used to bond with people

pregnant mothers have this hormone to bond with their child apparently.
Though I dont know if all mothers actually feel this.

so maybe its just all hormones in the end.

In this modern age everything seems to be isolated into a chemical or chemical reaction thats why people say 'oh I think we have chemistry' or 'there is no chemistry'.

I only did chemistry in high school and all I remmeber is balancing equations. and also acids and bases and also...the Periodic Table

 

[TheNarrowPath]

I normally don't take a break at work until later in the day, but I didn't want to wait to answer some of what you said here.

I cannot speak for anybody here but myself, and I can assure you (and others) that I'm definitely not "jostling around for first place" nor am I a member here to find a date/mate or to procure any sort of favor from any woman (or man, for that matter).

The only way that the presence of women on these types of threads has influenced my behavior at all is in that it's of my nature to PROTECT women.

You're certainly free to disagree with what I'm about to say, but this "Caleb" guy is a self-inflated, egotistical misogynistic JERK.

And, just so there's no confusion, the JERK part is totally in relation to the demeaning manner in which he speaks of women.

Am I just saying these things as a "competitive" man, or have several women here noticed and commented on the same thing?

Of course, it's the latter of the two, and not the former.

I genuinely don't know why you feel that you can't speak honestly.

Personally, I thanked you for your honesty the other day, and, although I'm not saying this in any sort of flirtatious way, honesty is by far the most attractive trait that I could ever hope to find in a woman.

That said, it is easy to misinterpret what people here are actually trying to say, and it's also easy to hear "tone" when none was genuinely intended on the writer's part.

All that I can ask of you (and others) is this:

If I've said or done something to you that has offended you, then just tell me. If I've truly done the same, then I'll quickly, humbly, and genuinely repent. If I haven't truly done the same, then I would hope that we could discuss things civilly and respectfully in order to hopefully come to a place where we better understand each other.

That's all that I have time for right now, but, seriously, if I've personally offended you somehow, then please just let me know.

Thank you.

Hey thanks for that I read all of it. You have a listening flaw. There I said it. Let me explain, earlier today I said to you that you are attractive when you dont talk about your ex or others. It was a compliment a true compliment to encourage you to do more of the same. Now you have inserted another insult about Caleb. Now you guys want honesty right?
You have to be able to receive that honesty. It is not attractive for men and women to talk about their exes or others in a negative light. So I dont understand why you chose to take another stab at him? To get your point across you didnt have to.
This is what happens when you ask for honesty. So now I leave myself open to your reply. All in the name of understanding each other. Again these comments are better suited for a private setting so that the thread is not derailed.

 

[Lanolin]

yea im kinda picking up some anger vibes here and personal issues
maybe the guys just need to express how they feel but actually dont get the opportunity because in guy world thats just not cool
Like guys arent supposed to cry...why not?

I'll just say that for women its like we are not allowed to get angry...but we actually do feel anger and rage and things just like men do. However it seems its no culturally acceptable to express that.

in the end both men and women are HUMAN. We are made of flesh and blood. So of course we gonna hurt and bleed.

 

[Live4Him3]

So now I leave myself open to your reply. All in the name of understanding each other.

I'm still at work, but I have a quick sincere question...

What did you mean by leaving yourself open to my reply?

That could mean two totally different things, and that is why I'm asking.

Thanks.

 

[EternalFire]

Not a chance. But you have to grab what you can and do what you must.

A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; But the simple pass on, and are punished (Proverbs 27:12).

 

[PennEd]

Your comments bore me. Some people have such low self-esteem that sometimes just the presence of another person makes them feel like the person is bragging. You run around with a wounded heart, thinking a woman will give you a chance because she feels sorry for you. You're chasing a woman's love and saying and doing all the things that turn women off. But you're too self-righteous to see that the problem is you, not all those 'worldly women' out there.

Remember this: no one dislikes another person for thinking they're special; whoever dislikes someone for that, the real issue isn't that the other person thinks they're special; the real issue is that the person doing the disliking thinks the other person is special. And they hate themselves for it. Because you can't hate other people for their own personal thoughts about themselves. Human Psychology 202.

I'm like a city on a hill. I have to purposely hide the qualities about myself that people (especially women) are drawn to because a.) people's evaluation of me is not my evaluation of myself, and b.) I don't want to be a stumbling block to anyone. You think you're having a bad life now; you should hear some of the compliments I've gotten from women. Let's list a few reasons you should be angry.

Things Women Like About Caleb:

1.) I'm handsome.

2.) I have a nice body.

3.) I'm confident.

4.) I'm very ambitious.

5.) I know what I want.

6.) I'm unapologetic.

7.) I'm honest.

8.) I don't take myself too seriously.

9.) I'm mysterious.

10.) I'm outgoing.

11.) I love people.

12.) I have integrity.

13.) I respect everyone no matter their status in life.

14.) I'm authentic.

15.) I'm witty, sometimes sarcastic.

16.) I love humor.

17.) I love being active.

18.) I'm versatile and adaptable to different people and environments and circumstances.

19.) I enjoy everything (sports, singing, every type of music, dancing, drawing, camping, museums, travel, art galleries, fashion, orchestras, fishing, mixed martial arts, eating out, shopping, movies, serious things, fun things, and everything in between).

20.) I speak several languages.

21.) I care about the weak, fragile, and vulnerable.

22.) I'm intelligent.

23.) I genuinely love myself and enjoy my own company.

24.) I'm courageous.

25.) I value people for themselves rather than what I can get from them.

Things Women Like About Live4Him3:

1.) He can be used as a listening ear.

2.) He can be used and then discarded.

Am I not magnificent? Am I not a gift from angels above to womenfolk below? SMH. You can't be saved. Western nations as a whole create weak, beta men who think it's normal to cater to women. And the churches are even worse, making men so weak that they often become useless to God and His purposes-- men who are eager to go to war and fight 'the bad guys' so we can feel strong and dutiful, but unable to stand up or fight for justice here in our homeland. Am I not magnificent? You don't have to follow my threads anymore. You're on ignore now where I put not people who disagree with me, but people who are disagreeable.

Nothing wrong and everything good on your list of 25.

The problem is, you need a #26. Compassion.
No one gets how necessary it feels to lash back at the person that insults you more than me. But…
If what you say about the other guy is true, then all those other great qualities, without compassion, don’t really mean much.