About rules on Christian dating

[Webers.Home]

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• Gen 3:16c . .Your desire shall be for your husband,

The Hebrew of that passage is apparently somewhat difficult; not even the
great rabbis Rashi and Ramban were in agreement how best to interpret it.
But it appears to me simply a requirement that women reserve their
passions, and their allure, for the guy they marry.

Extramarital allure is a serious problem in 2022 America. It's been quite a
few decades since red-blooded men could go to a California beach without
their minds being dragged down to the depths of Hell. Allure has gotten so
out of control that even Bratz as young as middle school are dressing
themselves like tramps.

This "desire" spoken of was apparently something new Eve's in experience:
not that she was formed minus libido, but that in the beginning her impulses
were manageable because they weren't easily stimulated before the fall.
_

 

[JohnB]

I still say GOD's only rule was no sex before marriage, but we fail even at that. If anyone pushes the ideas of only group dating or no physical contact before marriage. Ask them if they followed these rules before they got married. Very good chance they will say no. Then say, so you have rules for me, that you never followed. You could also ask them if they've been married more that once. If they say yes, say....ok, now onto the topic of adultery. LOL

 

[Webers.Home]

.
Prior to the forbidden fruit incident, Adam was comfortable with full frontal
exposure. After the incident, he threw together an apron to conceal his
pelvic area.

Something happened within Adam, causing him to develop a guilt complex
relative to sex and the human body; and I sincerely believe that very same
complex influences how men to this day interpret passages like the one
below.

• Matt 5:27-28 . . You have heard that it was said to those of old: You shall
not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust
for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Before we can even begin to apply what Christ said about adultery; we first
have to categorize the "woman" about whom he spoke. Well; she's obviously
somebody's wife because adultery is defined as voluntary carnal activity
between a married man and someone other than his wife, or between a
married woman and someone other than her husband. In other words; in
order for an incident to qualify as adultery, at least one of the participants
has to be married.

Now the thing is: Jesus didn't introduce anything new. He simply interpreted
an ancient Jewish law that says:

"You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your
neighbor’s wife, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that
belongs to your neighbor." (Ex 20:17)

Coveting, per se, isn't a sin. Paul encouraged the Corinthians to "covet
earnestly" the best spiritual gifts (1Cor 12:31) and to covet prophesy (1Cor
14:39). To "covet earnestly" means you go after something with the full
intention of possessing it.

So then; neither Jesus nor Ex 20:17 condemn erotic fantasies nor a healthy
male libido, no, they condemn scheming to make use of something
belonging to you neighbor that you have no right to make use of.

For example: in the movie "The Bridges Of Madison County", there's a
precise moment when a married Francesca Johnson makes a definite
decision to initiate an affair with free-lance photographer Robert Kincaid.
Francesca was okay with Robert up till the moment of her decision; but from
that moment on, Mrs. Johnson was an adulteress before she and Robert
even slept together because it was her full and premeditated intention to
make it happen.
_

 

[JohnB]

.
Prior to the forbidden fruit incident, Adam was comfortable with full frontal
exposure. After the incident, he threw together an apron to conceal his
pelvic area.

Something happened within Adam, causing him to develop a guilt complex
relative to sex and the human body; and I sincerely believe that very same
complex influences how men to this day interpret passages like the one
below.

• Matt 5:27-28 . . You have heard that it was said to those of old: You shall
not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust
for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Before we can even begin to apply what Christ said about adultery; we first
have to categorize the "woman" about whom he spoke. Well; she's obviously
somebody's wife because adultery is defined as voluntary carnal activity
between a married man and someone other than his wife, or between a
married woman and someone other than her husband. In other words; in
order for an incident to qualify as adultery, at least one of the participants
has to be married.

Now the thing is: Jesus didn't introduce anything new. He simply interpreted
an ancient Jewish law that says:

"You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your
neighbor’s wife, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that
belongs to your neighbor." (Ex 20:17)

Coveting, per se, isn't a sin. Paul encouraged the Corinthians to "covet
earnestly" the best spiritual gifts (1Cor 12:31) and to covet prophesy (1Cor
14:39). To "covet earnestly" means you go after something with the full
intention of possessing it.

So then; neither Jesus nor Ex 20:17 condemn erotic fantasies nor a healthy
male libido, no, they condemn scheming to make use of something
belonging to you neighbor that you have no right to make use of.

For example: in the movie "The Bridges Of Madison County", there's a
precise moment when a married Francesca Johnson makes a definite
decision to initiate an affair with free-lance photographer Robert Kincaid.
Francesca was okay with Robert up till the moment of her decision; but from
that moment on, Mrs. Johnson was an adulteress before she and Robert
even slept together because it was her full and premeditated intention to
make it happen.
_

Very good points. You have studied the scriptures and did not go by what someone sees in the english. Context is everything.

 

[Amanuensis]

Some people who followed those rules ended up divorced or in bad marriages. I have seen this happen. Following some of those strict rules denies you the experience in dating and knowing the other person. The ideas of dating only in groups or no physical contact until after marriage are rules made up by people and are not biblical.

I don't need a book or a set of Christian Singles Group rules guide to know what would grieve the Spirit of the Lord.

What kind of physical contact are you saying should be allowed? This is highly suspect.

 

[Pilgrimshope]

The only rule GOD had for singles is, no sex before marriage and we fail many times at that. I guess for some GOD rule was higher enough. They have to place their own restrictions on dating. I read an interesting comment on this. Some churches put fear into Christian singles dating. Try to stop the hurt and pain from dating. Hurt and pain is a part of life. Dating is a learning process and some Christians and churches are interfering with that process. What do you think?

“The only rule GOD had for singles is, no sex before marriage and we fail many times at that”

“Shall not God search this out? For he knoweth the secrets of the heart.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭44:21‬ ‭KJV‬‬


God is always looking at our imaginations and thoughts our plans intentions and hopes even the things we try to keep secret from people the inward things are always where God expects us to keep upright if we do it will lead us to keep our actions right also whe. Dating or anything else we need to keep our thinking and desires in check that’s where we get led into sin if we’re not careful

“For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: all these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭7:21-23‬ ‭KJV‬‬

it’s been mans issue always since the forbidden fruit

“And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.”
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭6:5‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:9

“I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:10‬ ‭

Even though this is about adultery it shows us where to pay attention and keep right in our thinking and heart our intents and desires

“but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:28‬ ‭KJV‬‬

if we keep our intent and thinking , our motives right and clean there really is no rule needed when dating because we’re not going to be led off course of the lords Will and will end up with a blessed relationship if we follow his Will

 

[JohnB]

I don't need a book or a set of Christian Singles Group rules guide to know what would grieve the Spirit of the Lord.

What kind of physical contact are you saying should be allowed? This is highly suspect.

one on one dating, holding hands, hugging, kissing.....nothing wrong with those.

 

[JohnB]

“The only rule GOD had for singles is, no sex before marriage and we fail many times at that”

“Shall not God search this out? For he knoweth the secrets of the heart.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭44:21‬ ‭KJV‬‬


God is always looking at our imaginations and thoughts our plans intentions and hopes even the things we try to keep secret from people the inward things are always where God expects us to keep upright if we do it will lead us to keep our actions right also whe. Dating or anything else we need to keep our thinking and desires in check that’s where we get led into sin if we’re not careful

“For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: all these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭7:21-23‬ ‭KJV‬‬

it’s been mans issue always since the forbidden fruit

“And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.”
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭6:5‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:9

“I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:10‬ ‭

Even though this is about adultery it shows us where to pay attention and keep right in our thinking and heart our intents and desires

“but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:28‬ ‭KJV‬‬

if we keep our intent and thinking , our motives right and clean there really is no rule needed when dating because we’re not going to be led off course of the lords Will and will end up with a blessed relationship if we follow his Will

as long as we live in sinful bodies, this will not stop. Adultery is if one person is married. Jesus was not talking about two single people.

 

[Webers.Home]

.
Do you dream about me Baby,
When the night comes,
When you close your eyes?
Oh,

Do you dream about me,
When you dream of someone,
When you close your eyes,
Who do you see?
Do you dream about me?
Alisha Ann Itkin


There are three things that amaze me--no, four things I do not understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a
ship navigates the ocean, and how a man loves a woman.
Prov 30:18-19
Solomon ben David
_

 

[oyster67]

The bible is not a dating book,

Sure it is.

it does not concern itself with dating.

Perhaps not the kind you dream about. (I love you. I just hope you won't derail your "students" from the straight and narrow path presented by Scripture.)

If you don't think that the Bible pertains to real life, then, well..... I am not sure why you are here. (But please stay and listen.)

Too many Christians and churches take one or two verses and build a whole doctrine on them.

So true, John. You are right about that.

I was very much involved in the church, 14 years teaching a Sunday school class, going on mission trips, helping out the poor and needy. Doing exactly what GOD asks Christians to do.

That's great, John. But it is the end-game that matters. Accountability is a good thing, for such reasons as women not liking to be stalked...

I was once told by a Singles Pastor to stay away from a woman I had in interest in,

I love you John, but we must walk carefully. Abstain form even the appearance of evil. (Not my words. I have a lot of room to grow here myself.)

She did end up marrying him.

I 'm sorry, that must have really upset you, but she belongs to him now. We don't always get our own way, and we should not expect to. Trust God to pilot your life. He knows what He is doing.

 

[oyster67]

Some people who followed those rules ended up divorced or in bad marriages.

God's ways are always better that man's ways. We must not lean upon our own understanding. I hope you are not blaming God and the Bible for people getting divorces.

The ideas of dating only in groups or no physical contact until after marriage are rules made up by people and are not biblical.

Your preoccupation with physical contact before marriage is... evident.

On Matthew 5:28, what is lost is the context of lusting after a woman.

That is right John. No righteous woman of God wants to marry a lusting man with roving eyes. Love is much more than sexual desire, John. It is you who has misinterpreted the context. No SINGLE man is to lust after ANY women. Lust in this context is ALWAYS sinful. God makes it crystal clear that there is more than one way to commit adultery in one's heart.

 

[oyster67]

one on one dating, holding hands, hugging, kissing.....nothing wrong with those.

I'm sorry to have to be so frank and honest about this, but that is sexual foreplay, John. I know that will step on many toes, my own included, but that is the truth.

as long as we live in sinful bodies, this will not stop.

That does not mean that we cannot strive to be Holy. The Bible commands it. We are to walk in the light, not on the edge.

 

[JohnB]

I'm sorry to have to be so frank and honest about this, but that is sexual foreplay, John. I know that will step on many toes, my own included, but that is the truth.



That does not mean that we cannot strive to be Holy. The Bible commands it. We are to walk in the light, not on the edge.

By avoiding those you also deny them the experience of self control and growing up. I've known couples who have gone through group dating, no kissing or touching until they were married. Those marriages ended in failure. There was no physical attraction between them.

 

[JohnB]

Sure it is.



Perhaps not the kind you dream about. (I love you. I just hope you won't derail your "students" from the straight and narrow path presented by Scripture.)

If you don't think that the Bible pertains to real life, then, well..... I am not sure why you are here. (But please stay and listen.)



So true, John. You are right about that.



That's great, John. But it is the end-game that matters. Accountability is a good thing, for such reasons as women not liking to be stalked...



I love you John, but we must walk carefully. Abstain form even the appearance of evil. (Not my words. I have a lot of room to grow here myself.)



I 'm sorry, that must have really upset you, but she belongs to him now. We don't always get our own way, and we should not expect to. Trust God to pilot your life. He knows what He is doing.

We talked about this BEFORE she was married to him. She had already decided on him and I was fine with that. I was mad at the singles pastor for sticking his nose into my business. Telling me he was saving her for one of his friend's is not what a pastor does. The husband recently passed away. I am friends with her online. I have no interest in her, no attraction, just friends. Stalking? We were friends.

 

[gb9]

By avoiding those you also deny them the experience of self control and growing up. I've known couples who have gone through group dating, no kissing or touching until they were married. Those marriages ended in failure. There was no physical attraction between them.

it depends on the situation.

a guy and girl sitting on a couch, holding hands off and on, and maybe a occasional quick kiss, o.k.

a guy and a girl laying on bed, and doing those things more intimately is sexual foreplay.

 

[JohnB]

Not only is there nothing in the Bible specifically about dating, but the concept of dating didn’t even exist in biblical times. Even today in many areas of the Middle East, dating is a relatively new concept and couples can’t even be seen together in public unless they are officially “engaged” to be married.
In biblical times, the process of meeting a spouse had very little to do with compatibility and personality traits, and everything to do with family lineage and economic status. Finding a mate functioned a lot more like a bartering system than dinner and a movie.

 

[JohnB]

Being alone on a couch watching a movie, holding hands, making out and not have sex. Have done that a few times. It's called self-control. You learn where to draw the line. It's a part of life. You also gain experience of what each of you likes with affection.

 

[oyster67]

By avoiding those you also deny them the experience of self control and growing up. I've known couples who have gone through group dating, no kissing or touching until they were married. Those marriages ended in failure. There was no physical attraction between them.

What you seem to be advocating really frightens me, John.

1 Peter 2:11
“Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;”

1 Thessalonians 5:22
“Abstain from all appearance of evil.”

By avoiding those you also deny them the experience of self control and growing up.

I am completely aware of this secular sociology theory about what the world considers to be "normal human behavior". This comes from the same folks that are telling our children that they are merely advanced forms of the monkeys that swing from the trees with everything exposed to the breeze. What you espouse is fine for monkeys, but not for our children. Please leave them alone until you get things ironed out with God. Remember our prime objective for this short time we have on earth...

Luke 9:23
“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

.

 

[JohnB]

What you seem to be advocating really frightens me, John.

1 Peter 2:11
“Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;”

1 Thessalonians 5:22
“Abstain from all appearance of evil.”



I am completely aware of this secular sociology theory about what the world considers to be "normal human behavior". This comes from the same folks that are telling our children that they are merely advanced forms of the monkeys that swing from the trees with everything exposed to the breeze. What you espouse is fine for monkeys, but not for our children. Please leave them alone until you get things ironed out with God. Remember our prime objective for this short time we have on earth...

Luke 9:23
“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

.

I've known couples who followed your way and the marriages did not last.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Rules on christian dating....
🤔

This is to the men.
It varies from dad to dad and woman to woman. I'll explain...
Some dad's won't let their daughters work outside the home, while others are encouraged to pursue the highest paying career they can achieve. I'm talking about young adults mainly there. I only had one gf who was a physician and never considered another because I thought that she would likely put her career before her husband and family. It doesn't have to be that way as there are exceptions, but that was one of my standards.

A maid who worked for the retiring zoo director of the job that I was offered told me something very interesting. She said that a woman who works outside the home will lead to a higher divorce rate. This wasn't a preacher. This was a wise woman who just brought it up while chatting after the interview. Very interesting.

Regardless of who I dated, I was the one who set the standard, Not the girl. The preaching/ teaching that I heard provided the motivation that I learned while a young man listening to Baptist preachers after getting saved. The Word provided power and what Jesus prayed in John 17:17.
We can't expect the ladies to hold to standards that we don't set, however they need the protection of their parents until marriage. Then it's the husband's responsibility. If you can get to know the parents, you'll know more about the gal.