What annoys me about people telling single Christians about dating

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Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

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#21
Sep 17, 2018
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#21
An ironic statement since one of the biggest singles complaints on this site is people telling them they should just get married.
And of course the problem with this "solution" is that it's not that easy. Pushing marriage as the only solution is faulty as well as finding someone tarry isn't like going to the store and picking someone up off the shelves.
So saying "just get married" and leaving it at that is as useful as the advice being complained about.
And often times in a dating capacity, with Christians seeking a marriage partner, is when they give in to sexual temptation.

What happens when someone goes 10? 20? 30 years not able to marry? What happens when someone is rushed into marriage and ends up in a bad marriage?

At the end of the day marriage is an option, but should not he pushed as a magical solution that people need to rush into, either.
 
oyster67

oyster67

Senior Member
#22
May 24, 2014
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#22
JohnB said:
the whole time I'm watching them
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And therein lies the problem. We need to focus on keeping our own noses clean and not ogling about at all the evil perversions being carried on around us. Stop envying the wicked and consider their end.

2 Corinthians 6:17
“Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,”
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#23
Mar 13, 2014
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#23
JohnB said:
Many people pushing the rules for Christian dating, annoy me. They have lived their lives from their 20's to their 40's, having sex before marriage They've been married 2 or 3 times and now want to tell singles to be pure and holy before the LORD by setting up limits to dating, yet they never followed those rules themselves. They tell you to control your drives, drives they never controlled themselves. I've had Christians tell me if I even think of sex I have sinned.....the whole time I'm watching them with a spouse and 3 or 4 kids.
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I have not met any single that was pure and holy and that includes myself when I was single. Married 3 times. 1 divorce, 1 death of spouse, 1 wife current (and my last wife).
 
Lucy-Pevensie

Lucy-Pevensie

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#24
Dec 20, 2017
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#24
JohnB said:
My posts here are to make people aware of the fallacies of the purity movement. Delaying marriage too long is a big mistake. You don't have the same sex drive in your 30's and 40's that you had in your 20's. Once those drives are gone, they are gone. No getting them back to the same levels.
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You may need to be informed that women's sex drives don't peak as early as men's.

Also every case & circumstance is different. Finding a mate not as easy you seem to think.
I'm not aware that many people purposely delay marriage. In most cases we don't marry because we have not found a partner.
 
oyster67

oyster67

Senior Member
#25
May 24, 2014
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#25
Lucy-Pevensie said:
You may need to be informed that women's sex drives don't peak as early as men's.
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And I knows fer a fact that some really old man-oysters is still perty...... horny. o_O

Lucy-Pevensie said:
Also every case & circumstance is different. Finding a mate not as easy you seem to think.
I'm not aware that many people purposely delay marriage.
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Amen. God knows best. I will be content in the state I'm in, to the best of my ability. God gives me what I need. Glory days are coming. Just hold on a little longer, we are almost home.
 
SomeDisciple

SomeDisciple

Well-known member
#26
Jul 4, 2021
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#26
DONT CAVE TO "FEAR OF MISSING OUT"
Telling people they aren't right with God creates tension, fear and anxiety and if it isn't resolved properly with prayer leads to people doing fornication and/or drugs to artificially crash it. The "churches" that try to creepily marry people off are creating the very problem they are trying to avoid, and presenting a solution that is favorable to THEM (you married into their church, and they already controlled your spouse, and now they control you).

That message is no different than when the world says "IF YOU AREN'T HAVING SEX, YOU ARE MISSING OUT- THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU"
"oh, no- I'm missing out? There's something wrong with me? Whatever shall I do?" Anxiety increases/ person seeks the approval of men rather than god /person caves to fornication.

"IF YOU AREN'T TRYING TO GET MARRIED YOU AREN'T RIGHT WITH GOD, YOU NEED TO GET MARRIED"
"oh, no- I'm not right with God... God must hate me because I can't find someone I want to marry" Anxiety increases/ person doesn't seek God, because they believe God is doing this to them/ gets into fornication and sin to fill their emptiness.

So, once they fornicate, or start getting wasted to try to numb their low self-esteem, the "church" literally has them by the genitalia. "SEE, YOU ARE BURNING IN YOUR LUST, YOU NEED TO GET MARRIED!!!" when really all they need is someone to STOP telling them they need to get married to get right with God. (or really, they just need to squelch the person telling them, even if that means finding a new church).

IF YOU DON'T BUY THIS "SPACIOUS" TINY HOUSE NOW FOR $299,999 then it will be $500,000 TOMORROW! SIGN THIS COMPLETELY REASONABLE AND TOTALLY NOT PREDATORY LOAN PAPER THAT I PROMISE WILL NOT SUCK UP A LIFE's WORTH OF INCOME.

God deals with people that cave to iniquity rather than seek him in their suffering...

But God also does deal with people that exploit others in this way- I've seen it.

Lucy-Pevensie said:
Also every case & circumstance is different.
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Amen, there is no cookie cutter answer. The Jews had a rule that men should only delay marriage until 24- iirc it was Rabbi Gameliel II taught that rule and then broke it because he was "in love with the Torah" and he ended up becoming a teacher before he was married. In the church, marriage is by permission and not commandment.

Lucy-Pevensie said:
I'm not aware that many people purposely delay marriage. In most cases we don't marry because we have not found a partner.
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Or in many cases a "suitable partner". I suppose one might consider not marrying the first or hottest willing person you meet in a church building to be "delaying marriage", in such cases it is appropriate to "delay".
 
posthuman

posthuman

Senior Member
#27
Jul 31, 2013
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#27
As we get older we look back at our lives and mistakes we made, things we could have done better - with regrets.
We want to be consoled in such things sometimes, in some ways to believe that good came from those things, that God can use them for our benefit.

An obvious way is that we're taught repentance by suffering in our sin, and I think it's very common for us to also say, well at least having been through those things God may use me to counsel others who are in them now and warn others who may fall in the same way.

I'm sure there are wrong ways and at least one right way to do such things
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#28
Jul 31, 2022
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#28
Lucy-Pevensie said:
You may need to be informed that women's sex drives don't peak as early as men's.

Also every case & circumstance is different. Finding a mate not as easy you seem to think.
I'm not aware that many people purposely delay marriage. In most cases we don't marry because we have not found a partner.
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Many people delay marriage because of school, work or career. Tell them there's a trade off. You will lose some of your sex drive by delaying marriage....or you can fornicate. People today are not taught how to find a mate to match themselves.
 
Lucy-Pevensie

Lucy-Pevensie

Senior Member
#29
Dec 20, 2017
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#29
JohnB said:
Many people delay marriage because of school, work or career. Tell them there's a trade off. You will lose some of your sex drive by delaying marriage....or you can fornicate. People today are not taught how to find a mate to match themselves.
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Working to pay rent is not a choice, it's a necessary fact of life. I think people are taught how to find mates.
There isn't a magic spouse tree. You can't force someone to love you.

If you lost your sex drive, you wouldn't miss it. :cool:
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#30
Jul 31, 2022
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#30
Lucy-Pevensie said:
Working to pay rent is not a choice, it's a necessary fact of life. I think people are taught how to find mates.
There isn't a magic spouse tree. You can't force someone to love you.

If you lost your sex drive, you wouldn't miss it. :cool:
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Yes you do miss the time you didn't use it. If you lost your eyesight, I think you would miss it. Where are people taught to find a mate?
 
oyster67

oyster67

Senior Member
#32
May 24, 2014
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#32
JohnB said:
Yes you do miss the time you didn't use it.
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No, I don't.

I was an idiot (still am). I still don't feel like I am responsible enough to be a proper husband. I want to be in the center of Gods will, and I am more than content with that.
 
D

Dirtman

Well-known member
#33
Jul 19, 2022
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#33
JohnB said:
Many people pushing the rules for Christian dating, annoy me. They have lived their lives from their 20's to their 40's, having sex before marriage They've been married 2 or 3 times and now want to tell singles to be pure and holy before the LORD by setting up limits to dating, yet they never followed those rules themselves. They tell you to control your drives, drives they never controlled themselves. I've had Christians tell me if I even think of sex I have sinned.....the whole time I'm watching them with a spouse and 3 or 4 kids.
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So ya dont think it good to learn from the mistakes of others?

Sex is for marriage not dating and it will work out better if its kept that way. Ask those who didnt and are on their third divorce it didnt work out very well for them.
 
D

Dirtman

Well-known member
#34
Jul 19, 2022
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#34
JohnB said:
Many people delay marriage because of school, work or career. Tell them there's a trade off. You will lose some of your sex drive by delaying marriage....or you can fornicate. People today are not taught how to find a mate to match themselves.
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Agreed and its bad. Marry young and work through life together.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#35
Jul 31, 2022
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#35
Dirtman said:
So ya dont think it good to learn from the mistakes of others?

Sex is for marriage not dating and it will work out better if its kept that way. Ask those who didnt and are on their third divorce it didnt work out very well for them.
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Many people get divorced and it has nothing to do with having sex before marriage. Paul told people who were fornicating to get married. Nothing about any marriage ending in divorce if they did have sex before marriage.
 
D

Dirtman

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#36
Jul 19, 2022
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#36
Find a person opposite sex with the same convictions and faith marry them. Have it in mind that you will live a biblical marriage and get in the trenches of life and duke it out with the enemies of you life and marriage and faith.
 
D

Dirtman

Well-known member
#37
Jul 19, 2022
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#37
JohnB said:
Many people get divorced and it has nothing to do with having sex before marriage. Paul told people who were fornicating to get married. Nothing about any marriage ending in divorce if they did have sex before marriage.
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You can look those statistics up for yourself. Its just a straight fact. Those who wait for sex until they are married tend to have long lasting marriages. Those who whore monger and whore around tend to get divorced at a greater rate.
So find someone and marry young and then do it long and often.
 
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