What annoys me about people telling single Christians about dating
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@JohnB
If you do find suitable candidates for marriage that don't want to kiss before marriage... not that they don't like affection, but just have some qualms about it before marriage... don't let that deter you. If a woman has stayed sexually pure by doing that, and she's a virgin (or virtuous widow) as opposed to having fallen into fornication or adultery, that's a big plus.
If it were me, I'd just let her know up front... well not too up front but early enough in the relationship not to break her heart if we split up, but not so early as to just scare her off if I could time it right... that I would have some serious expectations in regard to sex and affection in marriage. If she's not a kisser on dates because of her faith and convictions, that doesn't mean she doesn't share those same expectations in marriage.
If you do find suitable candidates for marriage that don't want to kiss before marriage... not that they don't like affection, but just have some qualms about it before marriage... don't let that deter you. If a woman has stayed sexually pure by doing that, and she's a virgin (or virtuous widow) as opposed to having fallen into fornication or adultery, that's a big plus.
If it were me, I'd just let her know up front... well not too up front but early enough in the relationship not to break her heart if we split up, but not so early as to just scare her off if I could time it right... that I would have some serious expectations in regard to sex and affection in marriage. If she's not a kisser on dates because of her faith and convictions, that doesn't mean she doesn't share those same expectations in marriage.
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I don't know. I've heard one-off stories like this about emphasizing to girls that they can tempt men. I'd grown up being taught in church not to have sex outside of marriage or commit adultery. They didn't say it just to the girls. I thought the purity movement added a bunch of rules about dating and courtship on top of that general Biblical understanding.
I have also read that purity culture left those who had fornicated feeling worthless or something like that. Personally, I think it is positive that there is some stigma attached to premarital sex, that virginity be appreciated, that it be accepted as a norm that marrying a virgin is a positive thing, with, of course, respect for widows. And then we also acknowledge that God can redeem those who have sinned, forgive sin, etc. But if someone (especially a virgin) wants to marry a virgin, we should definitely respect that. Marrying a virgin is definitely presented in a positive light in scripture. A woman getting married off as a virgin who'd been discovered to have played the harlot in her father's house could have been executed for this crime in Old Testament times.
And of course, harlots don't have to get paid to be harlots. Some are willing to accept $0 and a nice dinner, complements or some male attention from the opposite sex as payment. 'Prostitute' originally referred to a sexually immoral person, whether money exchanged hands or not.
I have also read that purity culture left those who had fornicated feeling worthless or something like that. Personally, I think it is positive that there is some stigma attached to premarital sex, that virginity be appreciated, that it be accepted as a norm that marrying a virgin is a positive thing, with, of course, respect for widows. And then we also acknowledge that God can redeem those who have sinned, forgive sin, etc. But if someone (especially a virgin) wants to marry a virgin, we should definitely respect that. Marrying a virgin is definitely presented in a positive light in scripture. A woman getting married off as a virgin who'd been discovered to have played the harlot in her father's house could have been executed for this crime in Old Testament times.
And of course, harlots don't have to get paid to be harlots. Some are willing to accept $0 and a nice dinner, complements or some male attention from the opposite sex as payment. 'Prostitute' originally referred to a sexually immoral person, whether money exchanged hands or not.
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@JohnB
Do you want to have children? If so, that may restrict the age range you are interested in.
I hate to say it, but I hear/read that a lot of men past a certain age go to the Philippines and find a young Filipina bride. Having lived in Indonesia, I think it is similar, that with the lower economic classes, there is probably a bit of prestige associated with marrying a foreigner. I think it is similar in the Philippines, but probably with a higher economic class, marrying someone a good bit older is probably not prestigious. I'm half guessing. I used to go to a church with a lot of Filipinos, but some of this I am telling you are second-hand opinions from expats I've interacted with. I did see some older expats going around with younger Indonesian wives, but that wasn't as common, and Indonesia is not as much of a dating/wife tourism type destination.
I don't know if the older men with younger women are all with bar girls and single mothers who have few options in the Philippines, but that seems to be the case with some of the matches. I did meet a white man with an Indonesian wife who met online. As far as looks go, they weren't models. And they were both getting up there in age. He was quite hefty. I don't know about when they met.
I've spent much of my life in Asia, and part of my US time around lots of Asians, so this is what I am familiar with in my life experience. If you like Asian women and could get a job in a country that is a bit more marriage oriented where people might help match you up if you ask, and you develop a social network, that might help a bit. I don't know about men who are over 40, but I could tell a lot of marrying-aged women at church seemed to like me, made an effort to spend a few minutes talking with me before or after church. A couple of them sent presents home to my mom when I went to the US. I was trying to figure that out until an Indonesian told me they might be hoping to soften up a potential mother-in-law, just in case. This was wishful thinking, especially with one of the girls since I hadn't expressed interest.
I was picky in Indonesia, but for Indonesian Christian women, I think they generally make good wives. My wife's people-group do, I think, generally. Her people-group might be a bit outspoken with their opinions, which is unusual for that part of the world. But they tend to be diligent about the home, even if they do work in the office. And the culture is anti-divorce. Divorce rates are lower in a lot of cultures, and there is some shame and stigma attached to it, especially if she got bored or found some other guy and left. (Another place for a 'Bring back the stigma!' campaign. Let's get some t-shirts.
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Do you want to have children? If so, that may restrict the age range you are interested in.
I hate to say it, but I hear/read that a lot of men past a certain age go to the Philippines and find a young Filipina bride. Having lived in Indonesia, I think it is similar, that with the lower economic classes, there is probably a bit of prestige associated with marrying a foreigner. I think it is similar in the Philippines, but probably with a higher economic class, marrying someone a good bit older is probably not prestigious. I'm half guessing. I used to go to a church with a lot of Filipinos, but some of this I am telling you are second-hand opinions from expats I've interacted with. I did see some older expats going around with younger Indonesian wives, but that wasn't as common, and Indonesia is not as much of a dating/wife tourism type destination.
I don't know if the older men with younger women are all with bar girls and single mothers who have few options in the Philippines, but that seems to be the case with some of the matches. I did meet a white man with an Indonesian wife who met online. As far as looks go, they weren't models. And they were both getting up there in age. He was quite hefty. I don't know about when they met.
I've spent much of my life in Asia, and part of my US time around lots of Asians, so this is what I am familiar with in my life experience. If you like Asian women and could get a job in a country that is a bit more marriage oriented where people might help match you up if you ask, and you develop a social network, that might help a bit. I don't know about men who are over 40, but I could tell a lot of marrying-aged women at church seemed to like me, made an effort to spend a few minutes talking with me before or after church. A couple of them sent presents home to my mom when I went to the US. I was trying to figure that out until an Indonesian told me they might be hoping to soften up a potential mother-in-law, just in case. This was wishful thinking, especially with one of the girls since I hadn't expressed interest.
I was picky in Indonesia, but for Indonesian Christian women, I think they generally make good wives. My wife's people-group do, I think, generally. Her people-group might be a bit outspoken with their opinions, which is unusual for that part of the world. But they tend to be diligent about the home, even if they do work in the office. And the culture is anti-divorce. Divorce rates are lower in a lot of cultures, and there is some shame and stigma attached to it, especially if she got bored or found some other guy and left. (Another place for a 'Bring back the stigma!' campaign. Let's get some t-shirts.
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@JohnB
If you prefer a more Caucasian-looking woman, there will likely be a number of Ukrainian widows looking for spouses, maybe Russians also. I think there are Calvary Chapels in Ukraine. Maybe you could find a single girl who'd never kissed a man or a widow who'd only kissed her husband. Many of these women may go to Poland. Somewhere around there, there might be a gender imbalance, so men may be in high demand. I don't know if they are interested in looking during the war and getting resituated.
I have heard that in Japan, there are churches full of women with few men, while men work in the office all the time. The women are told to marry Christians, so they live their lives out single, wanting a Christian husband. Some are open to marrying white men. I hear that is an issue in China, also.
If you prefer a more Caucasian-looking woman, there will likely be a number of Ukrainian widows looking for spouses, maybe Russians also. I think there are Calvary Chapels in Ukraine. Maybe you could find a single girl who'd never kissed a man or a widow who'd only kissed her husband. Many of these women may go to Poland. Somewhere around there, there might be a gender imbalance, so men may be in high demand. I don't know if they are interested in looking during the war and getting resituated.
I have heard that in Japan, there are churches full of women with few men, while men work in the office all the time. The women are told to marry Christians, so they live their lives out single, wanting a Christian husband. Some are open to marrying white men. I hear that is an issue in China, also.
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Sounds like your definition of a "Christian" is different than mine as well.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say those two definitions (what constitutes a Christian and what is a God fearing level of affection towards your sister in Christ before marriage) are your main problems in your 'trying to get married' experiences.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say those two definitions (what constitutes a Christian and what is a God fearing level of affection towards your sister in Christ before marriage) are your main problems in your 'trying to get married' experiences.
There is only one faith. There is only one people of faith. They may have different personalities and different abilities but they all have 1 thing in common - they follow Christ.
They don't have to say anything because their fruit speaks volumes about their faith.
Are they perfect people? No... Certainly not - but they don't walk into situations with the express intention to sin...they walk into situations with the intent to glorify God.
Do they work jobs, hope for good wives and husbands and have personal concerns too? Of course! But always in their mind are the questions; "how would God want me to handle said situation, raise my children, treat my spouse etc?"
They are living out what they believe...
They are quite obvious in any church, because they aren't going to lie about matters that will affect another life for the remainder of it. They are trustworthy, and are quick to do what they can for others.
In a fairly short amount of time, you can decipher the difference between God's people and people who are just using the name.
You don't have to push the envelope with the physical to decipher whether someone is a liar - plenty of clues to character without going that far. If you determine a person is a liar and not trustworthy - drop them like a hot potato.
They don't have to say anything because their fruit speaks volumes about their faith.
Are they perfect people? No... Certainly not - but they don't walk into situations with the express intention to sin...they walk into situations with the intent to glorify God.
Do they work jobs, hope for good wives and husbands and have personal concerns too? Of course! But always in their mind are the questions; "how would God want me to handle said situation, raise my children, treat my spouse etc?"
They are living out what they believe...
They are quite obvious in any church, because they aren't going to lie about matters that will affect another life for the remainder of it. They are trustworthy, and are quick to do what they can for others.
In a fairly short amount of time, you can decipher the difference between God's people and people who are just using the name.
You don't have to push the envelope with the physical to decipher whether someone is a liar - plenty of clues to character without going that far. If you determine a person is a liar and not trustworthy - drop them like a hot potato.