M
Mommyof2
Guest
I don't really know where to start with this post. I guess I became I christian when I was 14 years old. I quickly became a member of a worship team, christian band and had an insanely amazing relationship with God. I always felt so connected with him. When I was 18 I began working as a youth consoler and i kept my relationship with God, but became consumed in my work. The more I worked (up to 90 hours of work a week with sleeping over shifts) I began to get burned out on life and fast. This is where I met my husband. He was fun energetic and most importantly was a christian. We would go rock climbing, canoeing, camping, hiking and just driving and exploring the world. about 2 years into our relationship after a few moments of weakness we were expecting parents (anyone out there dabbling in the pool and thinking your not gonna get caught news for you you will soon think twice) I almost died while pregnant I have a disease called hyperemesis gravidarum. I puked constantly i lived in a dark cool room for 8 months when I finally was induced after a blood clot, liver failure and losing 35 pounds. My husband was at the time only my fiance and he was not the most supprtive. he ditched me at the hospital to play video games with his friends, he would ignore my phone calls and if i got hospitalized (most the pregnancy) and asked him to stay by my side awhile at the hospital he complained. It was embarrassing to lay in a hospital bed pregnant and ask the nurses if it was okay to have him come finally get permission and be stood up.
a year and a half after my son was born I found out i was pregnant again. By now we were married. this wasn't planned. I was scared to death hyperemesis sufferers often times have it WORSE the second time around. Luckily though still having it I knew what i was up against and with med combos was able to just stay bed ridden. instead of support i got yelled at asked how i got pregnant (i was on mirena) he went off about all the people he was goin to sue and how this was serious. (which i totally got... i was no stupid, in fact i was crying when I told him) after this he was continually unsupportive. he'd sit and play video games while i'd try to take care of our two year old vomiting and supposed to be resting. I was admitted to the hospital 3 hours away in a larger city where I had a feeding tube put in because of my rapid weight loss. His mom came up and was cooking eggs after I asked her not to because the smell was too strong and would make me sick (hyper sensitivity to smells, noises is part of this disease) she informed me it wasn't and that i needed to take care of my husband. When i told him he told me i was exaggerating or taking it the wrong way.
after getting home from Sioux falls he would sit and play video games sometimes 20 hours in a day ignoring me if i asked him to go to the store to get me something to drink (sometimes i only had hour gaps or less that i even felt like drinking a specific thing. I would call my mom she'd get mad at him he'd get mad at me. but at that point I was told to do what i had to to try to gain weight and stay out of the hospital. I asked him to come to doctor appointments he showed up at one with a laptop and spent the whole time on the phone watching you tube videos (very distracting) when I had to be taken to the hospital from that appointment to get iv fluids he complained that he wanted to play games with his friends. Finally i made it through the pregnancy. I was induced. the day i was supposed to be induced i was suppose to be on bed rest but i had SOOO much to do i had laundry. I BEGGED him for some help he said he would I had no clothes for me to come home in because he refused to do laundry but instead played video games. We had a huge argument. I was so mad i just wanted help and we had to go to the hospital almost an hour away with nothing. I was so mad I wanted to have him removed from my hospital room. THEN we showed up at the hospital to find his mother waiting for us! I had not invited her and told her not to come til the next day in fact I had my mom come because I was gonna have to get iv's and stuff and i wanted to relax and she was gonna come and do my hair and watch a movie with me. but instead my mom had to go home and his mother who complained and told me how horrible i was the entire time was there.
If this wasn't enough to make for a bad situation when the nurse came in through the night to check me and the light was on. He even told the nurse to use a different light that he couldn't sleep.... seriously? I was up having contractions and he was gonna be like that??? in the morning I didn't hear the end of it. i had complaint after complaint and i had enough. because of hyperemesis we had already signed papers to get my tubes tied which i had surgery a few days after having my son i was in the hospital a total of 4 days. We finally went home i was on a no lift order and I had very bad bronchitis/ walking pneumonia but told them i'd sleep better at home with baby. My husbands mom came home with us... yay? to help with our 2 year old that she has back problems and couldn't lift anyways. at bed time my husband laid him down when he wouldn't go to bed he said "your turn" and i told him i couldn't lift him and would need some help he said "too bad figure it out" and his mom promptly said "yes he's very tire" I stared in aww. I had just had a baby and surgery and was taking care of the baby.... but i was supposed to go against drs orders so my husband could sit and play video games and take to weeks of fathers leave to what? after his mom left a few days later I started packing my bags I told him i was done I needed help and I was going to get it from my family. He had done nothing to help me. in fact while he was home he expected i cook and clean and take care of the kids and even took an extra week of leave to "help" me. It was more work.
After i packed my bags he apologized begged me to stay. I agreed to give him another chance. he got way better for awhile. didn't play games for months as they were a big problem. Though this was all in the past it still hurts me. I've forgiven him and don't bring this up in arguments and we don't talk about it anymore we worked through it, but he doesn't understand how much hurt all that caused. I tried to explain to him you can forgive someone and still be hurt by them. Espeicailly when they start the same cycle over again.
Most recently was fathers day. Yesterday i was amazing. I took him out for lunch made him steak for supper we spent the day at the park with the kids he got 2 presents beer from med and something for a game he likes to play from the boys. and I put a card with it. I was chewed out for 30 minutes and told me he "I don't know if your stupid or what you obviously don't know how to give someone a card" because I didn't sign it. We just thought it was cute and never really planed to put a card with it....but it wasn't good enough. After the kids went to bed he got mad because I didn't want to go with him immediately and be intimate. I didn't say i wasn't going to i simply said I was really tired after putting the kids down (late) because i took them to the park so he could work on school work. and he then informed me of how horrible i am and how i don't ever sleep with him or do what he wants... Recently this has been the norm. nothing is good enough, everything is complained about and I can do nothing just right.
Saturday we bought a new car and I did all the footwork but got yelled at because instead of waiting til monday to do licensing (literally no difference in what we were paying, its not a matter of when we will have the money, because we had it it was simply a difference in i got it done early) and he was mad because that was not the way he wanted it done.
as much as i love him its very hard to live with him, I am miserable ALL the time. He talks down to me, treats me poorly and is not the person he used to be. I tried to start a diet with him because we both said we needed to lose weight. he complains about food I make orders out and refuses to go for even walks with the kids with me. now i'm down almost 30 pounds and he's gained and is mad at me because I should be making better food for him. I don't know what to do at this point. i don't want to be treated this way. And i know ther is always two sides to every story. I just wish i knew his without him blaming me for everything (for example he talks down to me because I don't listen, he doesn't help me with housework because I don't do a good enough job else) i need advice I don't believe in divorce and we have tried counseling he just lies and makes it out to be that i want to leave him and he is the innocent victim that supports the family
a year and a half after my son was born I found out i was pregnant again. By now we were married. this wasn't planned. I was scared to death hyperemesis sufferers often times have it WORSE the second time around. Luckily though still having it I knew what i was up against and with med combos was able to just stay bed ridden. instead of support i got yelled at asked how i got pregnant (i was on mirena) he went off about all the people he was goin to sue and how this was serious. (which i totally got... i was no stupid, in fact i was crying when I told him) after this he was continually unsupportive. he'd sit and play video games while i'd try to take care of our two year old vomiting and supposed to be resting. I was admitted to the hospital 3 hours away in a larger city where I had a feeding tube put in because of my rapid weight loss. His mom came up and was cooking eggs after I asked her not to because the smell was too strong and would make me sick (hyper sensitivity to smells, noises is part of this disease) she informed me it wasn't and that i needed to take care of my husband. When i told him he told me i was exaggerating or taking it the wrong way.
after getting home from Sioux falls he would sit and play video games sometimes 20 hours in a day ignoring me if i asked him to go to the store to get me something to drink (sometimes i only had hour gaps or less that i even felt like drinking a specific thing. I would call my mom she'd get mad at him he'd get mad at me. but at that point I was told to do what i had to to try to gain weight and stay out of the hospital. I asked him to come to doctor appointments he showed up at one with a laptop and spent the whole time on the phone watching you tube videos (very distracting) when I had to be taken to the hospital from that appointment to get iv fluids he complained that he wanted to play games with his friends. Finally i made it through the pregnancy. I was induced. the day i was supposed to be induced i was suppose to be on bed rest but i had SOOO much to do i had laundry. I BEGGED him for some help he said he would I had no clothes for me to come home in because he refused to do laundry but instead played video games. We had a huge argument. I was so mad i just wanted help and we had to go to the hospital almost an hour away with nothing. I was so mad I wanted to have him removed from my hospital room. THEN we showed up at the hospital to find his mother waiting for us! I had not invited her and told her not to come til the next day in fact I had my mom come because I was gonna have to get iv's and stuff and i wanted to relax and she was gonna come and do my hair and watch a movie with me. but instead my mom had to go home and his mother who complained and told me how horrible i was the entire time was there.
If this wasn't enough to make for a bad situation when the nurse came in through the night to check me and the light was on. He even told the nurse to use a different light that he couldn't sleep.... seriously? I was up having contractions and he was gonna be like that??? in the morning I didn't hear the end of it. i had complaint after complaint and i had enough. because of hyperemesis we had already signed papers to get my tubes tied which i had surgery a few days after having my son i was in the hospital a total of 4 days. We finally went home i was on a no lift order and I had very bad bronchitis/ walking pneumonia but told them i'd sleep better at home with baby. My husbands mom came home with us... yay? to help with our 2 year old that she has back problems and couldn't lift anyways. at bed time my husband laid him down when he wouldn't go to bed he said "your turn" and i told him i couldn't lift him and would need some help he said "too bad figure it out" and his mom promptly said "yes he's very tire" I stared in aww. I had just had a baby and surgery and was taking care of the baby.... but i was supposed to go against drs orders so my husband could sit and play video games and take to weeks of fathers leave to what? after his mom left a few days later I started packing my bags I told him i was done I needed help and I was going to get it from my family. He had done nothing to help me. in fact while he was home he expected i cook and clean and take care of the kids and even took an extra week of leave to "help" me. It was more work.
After i packed my bags he apologized begged me to stay. I agreed to give him another chance. he got way better for awhile. didn't play games for months as they were a big problem. Though this was all in the past it still hurts me. I've forgiven him and don't bring this up in arguments and we don't talk about it anymore we worked through it, but he doesn't understand how much hurt all that caused. I tried to explain to him you can forgive someone and still be hurt by them. Espeicailly when they start the same cycle over again.
Most recently was fathers day. Yesterday i was amazing. I took him out for lunch made him steak for supper we spent the day at the park with the kids he got 2 presents beer from med and something for a game he likes to play from the boys. and I put a card with it. I was chewed out for 30 minutes and told me he "I don't know if your stupid or what you obviously don't know how to give someone a card" because I didn't sign it. We just thought it was cute and never really planed to put a card with it....but it wasn't good enough. After the kids went to bed he got mad because I didn't want to go with him immediately and be intimate. I didn't say i wasn't going to i simply said I was really tired after putting the kids down (late) because i took them to the park so he could work on school work. and he then informed me of how horrible i am and how i don't ever sleep with him or do what he wants... Recently this has been the norm. nothing is good enough, everything is complained about and I can do nothing just right.
Saturday we bought a new car and I did all the footwork but got yelled at because instead of waiting til monday to do licensing (literally no difference in what we were paying, its not a matter of when we will have the money, because we had it it was simply a difference in i got it done early) and he was mad because that was not the way he wanted it done.
as much as i love him its very hard to live with him, I am miserable ALL the time. He talks down to me, treats me poorly and is not the person he used to be. I tried to start a diet with him because we both said we needed to lose weight. he complains about food I make orders out and refuses to go for even walks with the kids with me. now i'm down almost 30 pounds and he's gained and is mad at me because I should be making better food for him. I don't know what to do at this point. i don't want to be treated this way. And i know ther is always two sides to every story. I just wish i knew his without him blaming me for everything (for example he talks down to me because I don't listen, he doesn't help me with housework because I don't do a good enough job else) i need advice I don't believe in divorce and we have tried counseling he just lies and makes it out to be that i want to leave him and he is the innocent victim that supports the family
. Lean Cuisine makes some good low calorie meals that you can zap in the microwave for yourself. The hard part will be having yummy stuff in the kitchen that you have to resist. One thing that helps me is to count calories. To lose weight I've had to restrict my daily calorie intake to 1200 calories. I list everything I eat and keep track of how many calories I take in everyday. It's not exact but it helps a lot. The internet can help find calorie contents of foods.