Stewarding money

[AbidingInHim]

Hi everyone
First time posting here. 😊

I don’t have anyone to ask this question to since it’s a sensitive matter and don’t think I can bring to anyone I know personally so I appreciate forums like this.

A little back story is I’ve been married for 11 years and my husband and I have three young children under 10. I was saved a little over a year ago and it’s been a struggle for my husband to adjust to the change he’s seen in me since becoming a born again believer. I am praying for our marriage. I understand I am supposed to be a witness of Christ and God willing, win my husband to the Lord through little words but through obedience as long as I’m not sinning.
My question is I am very worried about a very large inheritance I’m going to receive and the strain on our marriage it will potentially have based on that my husband would not understand me wanting to steward money to Gods Kingdom as is my desire. I am a stay at home mother and have not contributed financially since having the kids.
I feel he will oppose any large donation and he basically laughed at me when I proposed 10%. (I don’t believe in a tithe percentage but giving should be from the heart)
So what am I to do
I will have control over the money initially because it will be in my name. But I feel it’s wrong to go behind his back and donate without him knowing.
I feel like I’m being tested.
I know God knows my heart and he knows what I would do in this situation outside of the constraints of my marriage (being unequally yolked). I know I can contribute to his Kingdom in many ways besides giving money.

I am praying for guidance from God on this and I know I need to be patient as there may be a greater plan in the works.

I still feel an immense amount of guilt and fear that I won’t steward this properly.

Should I just submit to my husband and agree to whatever amount he agrees to set aside to donate even though I may think it’s not nearly enough. And then focus on giving back through my God given talents and my time?​

Thanks in advance for any encouragement and advice

 

[Cameron143]

Hi everyone
First time posting here. 😊

I don’t have anyone to ask this question to since it’s a sensitive matter and don’t think I can bring to anyone I know personally so I appreciate forums like this.

A little back story is I’ve been married for 11 years and my husband and I have three young children under 10. I was saved a little over a year ago and it’s been a struggle for my husband to adjust to the change he’s seen in me since becoming a born again believer. I am praying for our marriage. I understand I am supposed to be a witness of Christ and God willing, win my husband to the Lord through little words but through obedience as long as I’m not sinning.
My question is I am very worried about a very large inheritance I’m going to receive and the strain on our marriage it will potentially have based on that my husband would not understand me wanting to steward money to Gods Kingdom as is my desire. I am a stay at home mother and have not contributed financially since having the kids.
I feel he will oppose any large donation and he basically laughed at me when I proposed 10%. (I don’t believe in a tithe percentage but giving should be from the heart)
So what am I to do
I will have control over the money initially because it will be in my name. But I feel it’s wrong to go behind his back and donate without him knowing.
I feel like I’m being tested.
I know God knows my heart and he knows what I would do in this situation outside of the constraints of my marriage (being unequally yolked). I know I can contribute to his Kingdom in many ways besides giving money.

I am praying for guidance from God on this and I know I need to be patient as there may be a greater plan in the works.

I still feel an immense amount of guilt and fear that I won’t steward this properly.

Should I just submit to my husband and agree to whatever amount he agrees to set aside to donate even though I may think it’s not nearly enough. And then focus on giving back through my God given talents and my time?​

Thanks in advance for any encouragement and advice

It's always a difficult thing when we desire a good thing but cannot bring it to pass. As someone who was married to an unsaved spouse and saved after the marriage began, I understand your predicament.
There is nothing wrong with asking your husband to allow a portion to be given unto the Lord. And you might even look for other ways to save money and commit to them in exchange for his compliance. But don't go behind his back and give. It will hurt your testimony and make it less likely that you will enhance his view of Christianity. Just tell him how you feel, tell him how much you appreciate his willingness to work hard for your family, and whatever he does decide you will happily comply with.
It may be helpful to consider king David. He desired greatly to build a temple for God. But God said no. That still didn't keep him from doing all he could do to get everything ready for Solomon to do so. Do all you can and leave the rest for the Lord. In this, you will have honored your husband and, so, the Lord as well.

 

[MsMediator]

Since your husband is the sole income earner, he might be more sensitive to any financial stresses and believes your inheritance may be better used for the family. You might feel that everything is provided for, but you might not be in tune with his financial worries since he is likely handling the books. This is the case with many housewives. Especially someone who is not used to giving, this idea will be foreign to them.

Try to find out what amount he is willing to give, and perhaps point to some Bible verses. If he is still against giving, I would just say not give and pass all your burden to your husband (but pray for him as well) and to the Lord. Don't worry about this issue any longer. With this decision and other decisions in life, you need to make the choice to stop worrying. My pastor once told us, God doesn't need our money (in a form of reproaching way to those who are not giving) since everything belongs to God anyway. If you (and your husband) give, you will be blessed.

 

[AbidingInHim]

Thank you both!
I appreciate the help and advice. I will continue to bring this to the Lord and be faithful he will guide me.
I want to please the Lord in all I do and I want to be a faithful servant. My fear is the parable when the master says you wicked servant you could have at least put the money in the bank and received interest.
I feel like this is a test and I don’t want to fail.
I feel trapped because my husband doesn’t have a Christian world view.
So in a scenario that my husband says none of the money will go to “donation”
Am I to be obedient to him and just focus on serving Jesus with my time or other talents?
I would not be failing God if that’s how it turned out? That so much money came to me and I didn’t push for a good amount to go to a good cause in Jesus name.

 

[Cameron143]

Thank you both!
I appreciate the help and advice. I will continue to bring this to the Lord and be faithful he will guide me.
I want to please the Lord in all I do and I want to be a faithful servant. My fear is the parable when the master says you wicked servant you could have at least put the money in the bank and received interest.
I feel like this is a test and I don’t want to fail.
I feel trapped because my husband doesn’t have a Christian world view.
So in a scenario that my husband says none of the money will go to “donation”
Am I to be obedient to him and just focus on serving Jesus with my time or other talents?
I would not be failing God if that’s how it turned out? That so much money came to me and I didn’t push for a good amount to go to a good cause in Jesus name.

You can rest easy. God doesn't need anything you have. And the test may not be about the money. It may be whether you will submit to God by submitting to your husband.
Obedience is better than sacrifice.

 

[AbidingInHim]

I needed to hear that. 😐

 

[JohnDB]

Thank you both!
I appreciate the help and advice. I will continue to bring this to the Lord and be faithful he will guide me.
I want to please the Lord in all I do and I want to be a faithful servant. My fear is the parable when the master says you wicked servant you could have at least put the money in the bank and received interest.
I feel like this is a test and I don’t want to fail.
I feel trapped because my husband doesn’t have a Christian world view.
So in a scenario that my husband says none of the money will go to “donation”
Am I to be obedient to him and just focus on serving Jesus with my time or other talents?
I would not be failing God if that’s how it turned out? That so much money came to me and I didn’t push for a good amount to go to a good cause in Jesus name.

Okay,
Couple things....
I understand your desire....but in many ways it's coming from some misunderstanding. This is an inheritance...not from an increase from business or earnings.

Ergo it is not money that needs to be given to God. You didn't work and earn it....this money cost you nothing.

Secondly,
Money is a very dangerous thing for a lot of people....kinda like addictive narcotics. Where narcotics have a use they also have a huge amount of abuse as well. And you have to be careful with giving away from your excess....because your giving can do more harm than good.
It sounds strange to say that...but I've seen it happen on more than one occasion. Excess giving to any one charity can cause all sorts of issues to them....although they are grateful when they get the money and are greatly appreciative. They tend to be lousy at money management. Everything from embezzlement to golden wick trimmers for the candles. Churches and charitable organizations are the primary victims of most money schemes and scammers. Also church fights....

Prudence is really needed here...and some wise counsel. Setting that money aside into a trust is much better than anything else. Then money comes out of that trust to pay for needed things and a few luxuries....and Setting up trusts for the kids educations isn't a bad idea either. Even a charitable trust can be made. Retirement accounts can be fully funded this year to the maximum.

So letting your husband have access to it is generally not a good idea. Maybe buy him a new toy but that's about it. Income earning is just one aspect of a home....kids and house are others.

I'm just an old guy....today I lost my grandmother to a stroke. She was filthy rich to the point that she had more than she would ever spend or invest anymore. (It takes real work to wisely invest)

Her kids all have trust funds because otherwise the gubbermint would have eaten it all up. (My father was the step child...so I don't know if he will get any money or not....but I got a real great dad from her parenting of him....so I don't really care)
But she will be missed....she was kind to me. I liked her. She was also very kind to my father when he needed it the most.

Just be very very cautious and prudent. The cutting nicks from a friend are more sure than the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs)

 

[Dino246]

Welcome to CC, AbidingInHim...

It sounds like you're on the right track. Thanks for sharing your journey.

 

[AbidingInHim]

Okay,
Couple things....
I understand your desire....but in many ways it's coming from some misunderstanding. This is an inheritance...not from an increase from business or earnings.

Ergo it is not money that needs to be given to God. You didn't work and earn it....this money cost you nothing.

Secondly,
Money is a very dangerous thing for a lot of people....kinda like addictive narcotics. Where narcotics have a use they also have a huge amount of abuse as well. And you have to be careful with giving away from your excess....because your giving can do more harm than good.
It sounds strange to say that...but I've seen it happen on more than one occasion. Excess giving to any one charity can cause all sorts of issues to them....although they are grateful when they get the money and are greatly appreciative. They tend to be lousy at money management. Everything from embezzlement to golden wick trimmers for the candles. Churches and charitable organizations are the primary victims of most money schemes and scammers. Also church fights....

Prudence is really needed here...and some wise counsel. Setting that money aside into a trust is much better than anything else. Then money comes out of that trust to pay for needed things and a few luxuries....and Setting up trusts for the kids educations isn't a bad idea either. Even a charitable trust can be made. Retirement accounts can be fully funded this year to the maximum.

So letting your husband have access to it is generally not a good idea. Maybe buy him a new toy but that's about it. Income earning is just one aspect of a home....kids and house are others.

I'm just an old guy....today I lost my grandmother to a stroke. She was filthy rich to the point that she had more than she would ever spend or invest anymore. (It takes real work to wisely invest)

Her kids all have trust funds because otherwise the gubbermint would have eaten it all up. (My father was the step child...so I don't know if he will get any money or not....but I got a real great dad from her parenting of him....so I don't really care)
But she will be missed....she was kind to me. I liked her. She was also very kind to my father when he needed it the most.

Just be very very cautious and prudent. The cutting nicks from a friend are more sure than the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs)

thank you for your reply
My condolences on your loss. It’s always hard to lose a loved one but it’s much easier if they were a believer and you know they have went to be with the Lord.
As for the increase of money yes I totally agree it can be more of a curse to manage money when it’s more than one is used to having access to. In our situation my husband doesn’t want anything for himself. We want to set aside most for the kid’s education (private Christian school) and then he would probably want the rest to go to our mortgage. He’s very responsible with money. He probably thinks most charities are scams. I have two organizations that are ministering buy getting the word of God out (radio) that have blessed me so much as a new Christian so I know I would want to donate to them.. if he agrees.
But it won’t be even close to how much I want to give. I guess I just have to be patient and see how we can come to an understanding. I am very full time with my kids as well so I don’t feel I am serving the Lord. I’m not very involved in a church yet and don’t volunteer. Someone told me that stewarding my children in the faith is serving the Lord. Which I agree. But I just want to do more. I suppose it will all come in time.
Thanks again.

 

[Karlon]

Hi everyone
First time posting here. 😊

I don’t have anyone to ask this question to since it’s a sensitive matter and don’t think I can bring to anyone I know personally so I appreciate forums like this.​

​

A little back story is I’ve been married for 11 years and my husband and I have three young children under 10. I was saved a little over a year ago and it’s been a struggle for my husband to adjust to the change he’s seen in me since becoming a born again believer. I am praying for our marriage. I understand I am supposed to be a witness of Christ and God willing, win my husband to the Lord through little words but through obedience as long as I’m not sinning.​

My question is I am very worried about a very large inheritance I’m going to receive and the strain on our marriage it will potentially have based on that my husband would not understand me wanting to steward money to Gods Kingdom as is my desire. I am a stay at home mother and have not contributed financially since having the kids.​

I feel he will oppose any large donation and he basically laughed at me when I proposed 10%. (I don’t believe in a tithe percentage but giving should be from the heart)​

So what am I to do​

I will have control over the money initially because it will be in my name. But I feel it’s wrong to go behind his back and donate without him knowing.​

I feel like I’m being tested.​

I know God knows my heart and he knows what I would do in this situation outside of the constraints of my marriage (being unequally yolked). I know I can contribute to his Kingdom in many ways besides giving money.​

​

I am praying for guidance from God on this and I know I need to be patient as there may be a greater plan in the works.​

​

I still feel an immense amount of guilt and fear that I won’t steward this properly.​

​

Should I just submit to my husband and agree to whatever amount he agrees to set aside to donate even though I may think it’s not nearly enough. And then focus on giving back through my God given talents and my time?​

Thanks in advance for any encouragement and advice

the $ is in your name ONLY. if you are experiencing trouble in the marriage already it sounds like the decision will be more difficult. however, you ae b.a. Christian so the Holy Spirit who is the comforter & teacher as well as guide will steer you in the proper direction. Pray to Jesus for wisdom & the application of what he tells you. if you agree to a half & half situation he has no say whatsoever what you do with your half. God teaches about wise investments, present spending & future spending. definitely, don't profligate the $. by course, pray for his salvation immediately. the devil wants you to feel guilty. as long as you are a b.a. Christian, the devil has NO POWER AGAINST YOU! no, don't submit to him, he's not a b.a. Christian. the submission the Bible speaks of about a woman submitting isn't this at all. just think, would you trust a b.a. Christian's plans for the $ or an atheist (if he is 1), or other belief? i wouldn't. i also don't believe in 10% tithing, that's O.T. but believe in giving as you know is responsible in a Christian way. you have kids future to this of. the world is getting worse all the while. rising costs, dissension, unstable economy, rising crime, the "good being called & evil being called good" stage & all else. i will pray for you.

 

[AbidingInHim]

the $ is in your name ONLY. if you are experiencing trouble in the marriage already it sounds like the decision will be more difficult. however, you ae b.a. Christian so the Holy Spirit who is the comforter & teacher as well as guide will steer you in the proper direction. Pray to Jesus for wisdom & the application of what he tells you. if you agree to a half & half situation he has no say whatsoever what you do with your half. God teaches about wise investments, present spending & future spending. definitely, don't profligate the $. by course, pray for his salvation immediately. the devil wants you to feel guilty. as long as you are a b.a. Christian, the devil has NO POWER AGAINST YOU! no, don't submit to him, he's not a b.a. Christian. the submission the Bible speaks of about a woman submitting isn't this at all. just think, would you trust a b.a. Christian's plans for the $ or an atheist (if he is 1), or other belief? i wouldn't. i also don't believe in 10% tithing, that's O.T. but believe in giving as you know is responsible in a Christian way. you have kids future to this of. the world is getting worse all the while. rising costs, dissension, unstable economy, rising crime, the "good being called & evil being called good" stage & all else. i will pray for you.

I appreciate your reply. I’m not sure about the not submitting to my husband because he’s not a believer. ?? I am praying for his salvation and for him to come to the Lord if that is Gods will. I want to be a witness to him, and through my actions, hopefully lead him. No he’s not an atheist. He believes in God, raised in the church (Christian orthodox) more religiosity than a relationship with Christ. It’s never meant anything to him. He has no problem with our children being educated in a Christian school or taking them to church, but being “born again” ..he just doesn’t understand. As the Bible says it’s foolish unto the natural man.
The money would not be split in half. We don’t like separate finances and we are always very open with discussing purchases ahead of time.
I just want to please the Lord in all I do and I want to hear “well done good and faithful servant” ..when that time comes.
Thank you for praying for my circumstances

 

[JohnDB]

thank you for your reply
My condolences on your loss. It’s always hard to lose a loved one but it’s much easier if they were a believer and you know they have went to be with the Lord.
As for the increase of money yes I totally agree it can be more of a curse to manage money when it’s more than one is used to having access to. In our situation my husband doesn’t want anything for himself. We want to set aside most for the kid’s education (private Christian school) and then he would probably want the rest to go to our mortgage. He’s very responsible with money. He probably thinks most charities are scams. I have two organizations that are ministering buy getting the word of God out (radio) that have blessed me so much as a new Christian so I know I would want to donate to them.. if he agrees.
But it won’t be even close to how much I want to give. I guess I just have to be patient and see how we can come to an understanding. I am very full time with my kids as well so I don’t feel I am serving the Lord. I’m not very involved in a church yet and don’t volunteer. Someone told me that stewarding my children in the faith is serving the Lord. Which I agree. But I just want to do more. I suppose it will all come in time.
Thanks again.

Ok...
We are definitely getting somewhere.

Being a Christian is not about having holy thoughts and feelings....it's more about how we interact with other people and God. IOW a group activity.

People on the radio are playing a role...that voice you hear on the radio is no where really reflective of who that person really is. I've known way too many radio personalities to think otherwise...and some of the people you think are the nicest are the worst jerks you would ever meet off the radio.

So...let's refrain from donating to radio programs. They are a "for profit" operation...iow they broadcast in your area because of the donations. The radio stations charge the programs. The programs fundraise and pay the station out of that. Then there's the advertising on top of all that....

As far as church goes...it's not a bad idea whatsoever. They have children's programs and adult small group classes. Not to mention that getting kids in the habit of having fun at church isn't a bad thing. They usually have community projects as well.

And your husband setting aside for the kids educations is good...instead of mortgage payments suggest retirement plan funding to him. The more money the earlier you fund them the better they pay off in retirement.

 

[AbidingInHim]

Yeah I hear you, many are forsure.
I’ve been listening to thru the Bible program (app) by the late dr Vernon McGee. I really like his “preaching”

And Steve Gregg (The Narrow Path)
I know forsure that Steve Gregg is not for profit
His Bible teaching ministry is amazing his website is full of lectures and verse by serve teaching I’ve learned so much from him.
Anyways I thought I’d share that ☺️

 

[JohnDB]

Yeah I hear you, many are forsure.
I’ve been listening to thru the Bible program (app) by the late dr Vernon McGee. I really like his “preaching”

And Steve Gregg (The Narrow Path)
I know forsure that Steve Gregg is not for profit
His Bible teaching ministry is amazing his website is full of lectures and verse by serve teaching I’ve learned so much from him.
Anyways I thought I’d share that ☺️

I am familiar with Dr McGee...very knowledgeable man when it comes to translating from original languages. Some of his conclusions are somewhat suspect though. I do tend to agree with him on the whole "Purpose Driven" lesson series.
And I do love his dissertation on John 1:12. Dead nuts right on the money. His King James Only stance though is really misguided.

Which brings up the point...many people who teach have their talents...but none are perfect. Most all teach some portion of truth. Most all have some errors in their understanding as well for various reasons. Not that it makes them evil or bad...just misguided.
So even if I don't agree with a pastor on everything I usually can find enough common ground to get along and even work with them to further God's kingdom in projects they might felt needing done. I have my set of talents that can assist the group in many ways.
And the friends I make while doing so are extremely valuable to me...those relationships last a lifetime. Because being a Christian is about relationships...I need them and so do you. These relationships are more valuable than money...
How you handle money and make decisions concerning it is usually indicative of your relationships with other people. That's why Jesus talked about it so often. Preachers tend to overpreach on giving and tithing because they want fat treasuries and salaries. *sigh* Always wanting "more".

If you have a relationship with Jesus you are a natural giver...it just goes hand in hand. But it's just a minor aspect of the whole relationship and how you approach relationships with others. There's the golden ring right there. Grab ahold and don't let go...it's the more difficult ring to pull out while riding by.

 

[AbidingInHim]

Yeah I like listening to McGee. He is like a Grandpa who just goes off on tangents I find it amusing.
I can learn from McGee and Gregg even though they differ on some theology like premillennialism/amillenialism
But both are conservative and I believe preach the truth as best they know and just getting the Word of God out. These two haven’t emphasized giving to their ministry only that when you give you should give to things only that glorify God and that get the gospel out. The (secular) charities that feed the hungry or poor in third world nations are not where we should ideally give. But giving in Jesus name. So wherever we decide to give to help the poor make sure it’s done alongside the gospel. I thought that was a good thing to remember. There’s been times I’ve given money to homeless on the side of the road but it’s just money to prob support bad habits. So giving to a church for example that has a ministry for single mothers/widows/homeless that brings them in to have support but also exposes them to Jesus then that’s probably more in line with what we should be doing as Christians. Jesus said we will always have the poor.
This is my understanding of Christian giving.

Steve Gregg’s very dedicated Bible teacher for over 50 years he is an expert on exegeting scripture and that is why he changed his position to amellenialism over the years just from reading/teaching the bible so many times. So yeah I can appreciate different perspectives in certain areas of theology without getting hung up that it may be different from what I hold. Those things don’t really matter in the end. As Christian’s we should just be focused on following Christ and being ready for his return as his Bride.

 

[Billyd]

I find it fascinating the extent that Christians? will go to justify not giving to the church. I'll let you off the hook. If you have to find a reason to not give, keep your money. God don't want it. He'll still be here when you are long gone.

 

[AbidingInHim]

I find it fascinating the extent that Christians? will go to justify not giving to the church. I'll let you off the hook. If you have to find a reason to not give, keep your money. God don't want it. He'll still be here when you are long gone.

I’m confused why you think I am justifying NOT giving to the church. ??

I said I agree with giving to the church over secular charities. Giving in Jesus name.

 

[JohnDB]

I find it fascinating the extent that Christians? will go to justify not giving to the church. I'll let you off the hook. If you have to find a reason to not give, keep your money. God don't want it. He'll still be here when you are long gone.

We were discussing giving to local churches instead of radio ministries....

Might want to read a bit more carefully and thoughtfully.

We all live in communities...these communities can be a wonderful blessing if they have a relationship with Jesus. And demonstrating generosity is one way to do just that. What page is it that you are on?

 

[AbidingInHim]

Maybe my original “dilemma”
what is a Christian woman to do with inheritance in “her” name when she wants to give back to Gods Kingdom
But her unbelieving spouse (sole income earner) does not necessarily agree with the amount to donate. (little to none)
Is she to submit to him (not give any of the money away) and serve the Lord in other ways or..??
I was never trying to get out of donating to a church or anything
I just feel limited that I can’t have freedom to do what my heart wants to because of my circumstances.

 

[Lanolin]

Nobody has yet posted any scripture pertaining to this apart from the parable

Have you talked to God about your dilemma? What wisdom does He give you? When does He expect you to give this money, and to whom?

Even if it was to accumulate interest in the bank until you are clear where He wants it to go, your intention is that He can use it. Which is good.

God loves a cheerful giver. He also applauds giving in secret so the right hand doesnt know what the left is doing. . But there is also the case of the couple Anais and Sapphira who pledged money but kept some back. If you say you are going to do something you keep your word which is also Christian.

As mothers naturally want to give everything to their children, and trust funds can be good to set them up in life, as is paying for a mortgage as being in debt for years can be a killer. But this also may mean children arent motivated to work for a living ...although on the other hand, they may be motivated to GOOD works.

This isnt just. any money that you earned its an inheritance. You may spend it any way you wish.

Where the Bible says to 'submit to your husband in the Lord' . Is your husband ....in the Lord? No? Will you wait until hes 'in the Lord' ?

What else will you do to serve the Lord. Giving money can be relatively easy. I also understand that you would rather it off your hands as managing it can be a big burden.

When I donate (time, money or goods) to things I tend to do it in secret and not let anyone else know that I was the one who gave it because it was mine to give. As far as I know an inheritance doesnt need to be shared with a husband.

I also know many family sets up trusts when they have excess to use to grant benefactors , beneficiaries are not usually anyone who already has money. Your husband doesnt need your money he has his own income, so why does he actually need to have any say on where it goes? . I dont quite understand this.