Don’t like my son
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Sometimes it is best to let go and let him work out his own problems.
It took me almost 20 years to resolve my problems with my father. He tried many times, but my anger stayed in the way.
I spent the last week of his life with him. We forgave each other, and shared the relationship that we should have shared for 20 years. I will cherish that last week for the rest of my life. I wish that I had listened to God and forgave him the first time my father tried to mend our relationship, but the pain was too deep. Thank God for a father who was patient enough to let me go and work out my problems.
It took me almost 20 years to resolve my problems with my father. He tried many times, but my anger stayed in the way.
I spent the last week of his life with him. We forgave each other, and shared the relationship that we should have shared for 20 years. I will cherish that last week for the rest of my life. I wish that I had listened to God and forgave him the first time my father tried to mend our relationship, but the pain was too deep. Thank God for a father who was patient enough to let me go and work out my problems.
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I ask because my nephew just turned 18. He is just leaving school to go out into the world. If you asked him two years ago what he was going to do he'd say he wanted to be an officer in the military. But I had a feeling that was something his father was pushing. He took the boys, he has a younger brother, to everything to do with military. Every memorial, ever museum, every grave site. But I said to my husband " Are the boys choosing it as a career because they want it, or because dad is pushing it."? Well now the oldest is out and he doesn't want to go in that direction at all. He has a girlfriend and he is musically talented and wants to do something in that area. His father is beyond upset with him. Sometimes it take some kids a little longer to find their own way. They don't want to follow exactly what their parent did and sometimes it takes longer to find a job. It's a different world nowdays. We need to have patience with the youth. They are facing a tough world out there.
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I don't think anyone believes you actually hate your son. I think you're between a rock and a hard place. We want them to succeed and do well in life. We don't want them to go down a wrong path or make mistake that we did, or saw others do. My nephew has his first girlfriend. And the very first thing we don't want is a "mistake" that two young people have to live with for 18 yrs. So we have to let him know to be careful, but not attack the girlfriend so he draws closer to her and away from parents advice. It's a very hard beam to walk. I don't you hate your son at all, just his actions right now. The best you can do is pray, try to have patience with him and be there when he needs someone to talk to and help him figure out his life. It's a different world today and young people need all the help,love and support they can get. Some just take longer to "get it". Don't let the devil wear you down. Like I tell me sister, don't stop talking, he is listening, even if it doesn't seem like it right now! " Blessings!
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T
My brother, think about it this way. You were created by God right? And He gave you free will to choose as you want to live your life.
your son also was created by God and regardless if he is your son or not he still belongs to God. You are borrowing that child, just like your dad was borrowing you.
if you have free will to choose, so does your son. Be supportive and loving, God says to be of love right? Do not let high expectations over rule the relationship you too have.
God Bless
your son also was created by God and regardless if he is your son or not he still belongs to God. You are borrowing that child, just like your dad was borrowing you.
if you have free will to choose, so does your son. Be supportive and loving, God says to be of love right? Do not let high expectations over rule the relationship you too have.
God Bless
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T
Everyone is precious in our Father‘s eyes.
He loves us so much He wants us to express the same love to others. Jesus asked God to forgive those who knew not what they were doing.
God had shown that true love to everyone even in every step that He took on this earth even now since the very beginning.
He loves us so much He wants us to express the same love to others. Jesus asked God to forgive those who knew not what they were doing.
God had shown that true love to everyone even in every step that He took on this earth even now since the very beginning.
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Brother Steve, sounds like a user to me Steve, if you are Dum enough to keep supporting him, why would he need a job?? He has you to pay for everything!! LOVE CORRECTS as well!! You don't need prayer you need to use the brain God gave you. You know what he is doing! He is acting like a girl, and only you can do something about it! But what if I lose him?? Fear cannot rule the day! You have a life to you know! He is old enough, but he is lazy!
And you know it!!Tough love is what to me is needed here. Children do not rule over Father! If this sounds mean, it isn't. In the long run he will thank you later! When I was 13, I wanted a sting Ray bike, I told my dad, and he drove me to what I thought was a bike dealer, BUT NO!!! He drove me to the Detroit News and said get a job!! LOL
After 3 months I had enough money to buy the bike I so wanted, he said son remove the tarp from behind my car, it was the bike!! Now what did you learn my son, I replied I learned that if you wish something bad enough you must work for it" he said correct grab your bike.
And you know it!!Tough love is what to me is needed here. Children do not rule over Father! If this sounds mean, it isn't. In the long run he will thank you later! When I was 13, I wanted a sting Ray bike, I told my dad, and he drove me to what I thought was a bike dealer, BUT NO!!! He drove me to the Detroit News and said get a job!! LOL
After 3 months I had enough money to buy the bike I so wanted, he said son remove the tarp from behind my car, it was the bike!! Now what did you learn my son, I replied I learned that if you wish something bad enough you must work for it" he said correct grab your bike.
I think the question here is, is your son treating you poorly in a disrespectful manner? I think if someone is treating you poorly, it is fine to distance yourself from this person including relatives. If anyone is treating you poorly, it may be time to reflect on yourself. There may be a grain of truth on why they are treating you this way or maybe not. In any event if you tried to reconcile and there is not much else you can do, I think it is fine to distance yourself and they may eventually come around/forgive.
However, if he is not treating you poorly, but just because he became a disappointment of a child (if that is what you think), I don't think this is enough reason to distance yourself from your child or dislike him. If he is unloading his burden on you, well that is part of being family but if you think it is too much, let him know that you cannot handle this stress. I think if stress is too much to handle you can distance yourself, but that should not impact whether you like him or not. If he is irresponsible with money, I don't think you are obligated to help him. However, if it is a matter of need, I think you are obligated to do so but there are ways to help him without spending too much of your own money, such as letting him stay at your home until he finds a job, cutting out nonessentials, etc.
However, if he is not treating you poorly, but just because he became a disappointment of a child (if that is what you think), I don't think this is enough reason to distance yourself from your child or dislike him. If he is unloading his burden on you, well that is part of being family but if you think it is too much, let him know that you cannot handle this stress. I think if stress is too much to handle you can distance yourself, but that should not impact whether you like him or not. If he is irresponsible with money, I don't think you are obligated to help him. However, if it is a matter of need, I think you are obligated to do so but there are ways to help him without spending too much of your own money, such as letting him stay at your home until he finds a job, cutting out nonessentials, etc.
It is a remarked upon phenomena that grown children are more dependant
on their parents in this day and age than they were when I was young.
Back then, we could not wait to get out on our own and be free of restraints.
I found these questions:
on their parents in this day and age than they were when I was young.
Back then, we could not wait to get out on our own and be free of restraints.
I found these questions:
- Does your child now act entitled to, and demand, things you once
enjoyed giving—car privileges, gifts, perks at home, or rent money? - Does it feel like you are living from crisis to crisis with your adult child?
- Do you sacrifice too much to meet your adult child’s needs?
- Are you afraid of hurting your child?
- Are you feeling burdened, used, resentful, or burnt out?
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Within my own extended family (where there is blood bond), there are examples of parents or children not liking each other, fed up with each other, estrangement, manipulation, etc.
With blood bond, I admit there is probably an increased chance of a good/strong bond between parent and child when compared to alternatives (adoption or stepchildren) but it is not full proof. For example, studies show that there is more abuse shown towards nonbiological children when compared to biological children, but there are still plenty of cases where parents commit abuse on biological children and don't show love. I would not focus too much on statistics.
With blood bond, I admit there is probably an increased chance of a good/strong bond between parent and child when compared to alternatives (adoption or stepchildren) but it is not full proof. For example, studies show that there is more abuse shown towards nonbiological children when compared to biological children, but there are still plenty of cases where parents commit abuse on biological children and don't show love. I would not focus too much on statistics.
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