Don’t like my son

[Magenta]

The statistics are not good .. Link

(General child abuse)

Focus on the Family was talking about this today.
I was trying to find the program for another thread...

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

Because blood children tend to bond mother and child, sure and child.

Whereas , and not always of course, adoption parents can disconnect from the adopted child for whatever reason.

How many parents do you know that don't like their child?

I think the OP is frustrated with his child and doesn't like his actions and the path he is taking. I don't think he in any way hates his child. I think he worried and doesn't know how to approach the situation. He has said as much in another post. If he really hated his child he'd walk away and leave him to his own devices and not worry about it.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

It is a remarked upon phenomena that grown children are more dependant
on their parents in this day and age than they were when I was young.
Back then, we could not wait to get out on our own and be free of restraints.

I found these questions:

• Does your child now act entitled to, and demand, things you once
  enjoyed giving—car privileges, gifts, perks at home, or rent money?
• Does it feel like you are living from crisis to crisis with your adult child?
• Do you sacrifice too much to meet your adult child’s needs?
• Are you afraid of hurting your child?
• Are you feeling burdened, used, resentful, or burnt out?

Many parents probably feel they have failed their children in some way shape or form.

I believe there is truth to that. My nephew isn't entitled but he is young for his age. He just got his licence to drive. My hubby asked me why he is just now getting his licence, he said " I couldn't wait to have that freedom. I got one as soon as I could". He lives in a small town, they walk or ride a bike wherever they go. It took a gf to motivate him to get the licence. He's still trying to make up his mind what he wants to do in life. He most likely will spend this first year living at home. Which won't go well I fear. His father wanted him to focus on good grades and wouldn't let him work. So it will be his very first job this year unless he decides for college. So he is quite a late bloomer.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

I ask because my nephew just turned 18. He is just leaving school to go out into the world. If you asked him two years ago what he was going to do he'd say he wanted to be an officer in the military. But I had a feeling that was something his father was pushing. He took the boys, he has a younger brother, to everything to do with military. Every memorial, ever museum, every grave site. But I said to my husband " Are the boys choosing it as a career because they want it, or because dad is pushing it."? Well now the oldest is out and he doesn't want to go in that direction at all. He has a girlfriend and he is musically talented and wants to do something in that area. His father is beyond upset with him. Sometimes it take some kids a little longer to find their own way. They don't want to follow exactly what their parent did and sometimes it takes longer to find a job. It's a different world nowdays. We need to have patience with the youth. They are facing a tough world out there.

The military actually has a lot of opportunities for musicians! I know quite a good number of veterans who actually got jobs as musicians in the military! There are auditions and they have to actually be really good at their instrument. But once you're in it is such an enviable and honorable position and a lot of fun!

Please have that oldest son look into it!

Army: United States Army Bands
Navy: United States Navy Bands
Marines: United States Marine Bands
Airforce: United States Airforce Bands

❧

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

The military actually has a lot of opportunities for musicians! I know quite a good number of veterans who actually got jobs as musicians in the military! There are auditions and they have to actually be really good at their instrument. But once you're in it is such an enviable and honorable position and a lot of fun!

Please have that oldest son look into it!

Army: United States Army Bands
Navy: United States Navy Bands
Marines: United States Marine Bands
Airforce: United States Airforce Bands

❧

Thank you, it will be a month before I see him, but I will have to let him know about that. He is very talented and I know he wants to do something with it while he is young.

 

[Lanolin]

scripture for you..

Luke 1:17

Have you been baptised?
Pray for your heart to be changed.

Also, I recommend reading the 5 love languages for teenagers book.
There seems to be a lot going on (why the therapist?) but maybe he really needs quality time with you. You say he's a musician have you ever considered listening to him play or going to his gigs. Even though it may not be your style of music, a son needs to know his dad loves him no matter what.

If he is successful in music he'll be on the road a lot.

 

[Grock89]

Brother Steve, sounds like a user to me Steve, if you are Dum enough to keep supporting him, why would he need a job?? He has you to pay for everything!! LOVE CORRECTS as well!! You don't need prayer you need to use the brain God gave you. You know what he is doing! He is acting like a girl, and only you can do something about it! But what if I lose him?? Fear cannot rule the day! You have a life to you know! He is old enough, but he is lazy!

And you know it!!Tough love is what to me is needed here. Children do not rule over Father! If this sounds mean, it isn't. In the long run he will thank you later! When I was 13, I wanted a sting Ray bike, I told my dad, and he drove me to what I thought was a bike dealer, BUT NO!!! He drove me to the Detroit News and said get a job!! LOL

After 3 months I had enough money to buy the bike I so wanted, he said son remove the tarp from behind my car, it was the bike!! Now what did you learn my son, I replied I learned that if you wish something bad enough you must work for it" he said correct grab your bike.

I think before you put the harsh treatment on someone you need to asses where they are in their mental stability. Some people are fragile( mentally) than others especially if they are going through some issues in their life and given he is seeing a therapist he clearly is going through things he feels he needs help in coping with. So sometimes asses and learn the person and know how to act accordingly to avoid messing up and instead pushing a child to the edge of destruction and despair. Whether he is a man or not he is forever his son and Gods child....open up your heart to Him and he will meet you half way.

 

[notmyown]

I don’t like my son. He’s a senior in college, his degree is one in music, no job prospects, tattoos, piercings, sees a therapist, colors his hair. He just has no direction and cannot articulate a future for himself. I cringe when he calls or texts because I don’t want to hear his latest problems. I love him, pray for him every day, but don’t want to support him forever.
What is wrong with a father who doesn’t want to hear from his son? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. Asked others to pray. What more can I do?

how are you, Steve? are you okay?
praying for you both.

 

[SteveSmith]

how are you, Steve? are you okay?
praying for you both.

hello. I’ve been absorbing everyone’s comments and praying for the Holy Spirits leading. In all things I seek Gods will for my life and pray Gods will on my sons as well.

 

[notmyown]

hello. I’ve been absorbing everyone’s comments and praying for the Holy Spirits leading. In all things I seek Gods will for my life and pray Gods will on my sons as well.

to be quite frank, i think one ought to have adult kiddos to have a right to say something to you. although God's people certainly have His word, not everybody can understand experientially what you're undergoing.

i really have prayed for you. our six kiddos range in age from 42-27. the teen/young adult years are tough for both parents and children. But God...

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

hello. I’ve been absorbing everyone’s comments and praying for the Holy Spirits leading. In all things I seek Gods will for my life and pray Gods will on my sons as well.

Here it is.

How do I know that?
It's God's will for everyone of us.
II Peter 3:9, John 3:17

I'm finally getting a chance for a lunch break so I will keep this brief .
Your title caught my attention and I won't write you a book. Please excuse my direct brevity sir.

Like most children, I can only suppose that your son was in a public or private school since kindergarten. Like anyone, he had more exposure and influence to every peer and teacher from influences you would not agree with.......than he did from you and your wife.
I understand that you were out working hard to take care of the family.
I'm not down on you for that. I'm just explaining that no amount of keyboard counselling on all the forums in the world will change that. I read your frustration.
You love your son, but he has disappointed you in many ways.

Here's where it starts.
I would watch this video below at least twice, to make sure you understand each point thoroughly.
Then sincerely pray at the end with those children.

Your son really needs to do the same thing.

If those children are raised with the influences of their loving parents and not turned over to a liberal arts college during those impressionable years, do you think they will end up with the strange worldly influences that frustrate so many parents?
They are getting an early start with a Biblical foundation.
Your son needs that too.
Only then will reconciliation with God first, then you will occur. Listen to the video, then share it with your boy.
Once he too has this gift,
God can then change his heart as he develops patterns that are preached/ taught from the Bible weekly in a good Bible believing church. (I might be able to help there.) Daily growth should occur with a daily walk with the Lord in His Word. John 17:17.
Sincerely to your reconciliation together.

 

[Lanolin]

I think you cant stop children from hearing music. Its on the radio or the tv which many christian parents actually have access to at home (a tv or radio) . Its not just school to blame. School is a place for learning and most schools do not have that distraction of tv and radio during lesson time or even break times.

Although nowadays its changing there are TVs in classrooms but they would not be tuned to just any channel. . When there is arts education it is mostly not the current forms of art being taught, but what has been done in the past. Students at many schools are STILL being forced to read Shakespeare for example. Which is over 400 years old and reflecting a society that is in many ways quite liberal (it was the Elizabethan era)

Art history is another subject that does include a lot of the famous biblical paintings from the renaissance era but the context behind them seems to be lost.

Aside from that...the Bible shows us that a loving father does the best for his sons, the ones that stay at home AND the ones who are prodigals he welcomes back with loving arms.

 

[Lanolin]

False teachers are not just in schools but many also are in church. The Bible warns about them. Parents need to be vigilant but they also cannot always be the sole teacher for their child. We have many many teachers through the course of our lives and some may be influential but many are not, its more students peer groups who are more the influencers! Not to mention DRUGS. If your child can learn for themselves, i,e READ, then they would not be blindly copying what others do all the time just to 'fit in'

 

[Katkw]

I can re

I don’t like my son. He’s a senior in college, his degree is one in music, no job prospects, tattoos, piercings, sees a therapist, colors his hair. He just has no direction and cannot articulate a future for himself. I cringe when he calls or texts because I don’t want to hear his latest problems. I love him, pray for him every day, but don’t want to support him forever.
What is wrong with a father who doesn’t want to hear from his son? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. Asked others to pray. What more can I do?

I can relate. I love my son but he put his dad and me through hell. We raised his son, bailed him.out of jail gave him a car, you name it. His daddy passed away with cancer a yr and a half ago. In Feb he got arrested I bailed him out. He is an alcoholic and I'm afraid he always will be. It's in God's hands he cussed me out in my home again. I can.not do it anymore.

 

[Deuteronomy]

Hello @Katkw and @SteveSmith, I am praying for you both, and for your boys, of course (as a Christian who most definitely understands your pain, frustration and sadness).

God bless you both!!

~Deuteronomy

 

[SteveSmith]

Thank you all for prayers

 

[Truth01]

There is a verse in the Bible where God says, " I am the one that teaches you to profit". If you can, try help him to start a walk with God. Once he is in Gods hands much of the work would be done.

 

[Truth01]

Isiah 48:17 Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, The Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way you should go.

A person with a degree tha you might think of great value may not manage to get a job while a person with a simple degree may become well off. Other than a relationship with God, one of the things that makes the difference between whether a child will succeed or not in life is their confidence. A confident person may even try get a job they aren't qualified for and find that they excel at it even more than those that have the respective qualification. When the bell rings and a boxer returns to his corner, no matter how badly beaten up he is and looks those in his corner wont mention a word about it. Instead they will be saying things like, "you're looking great", " you're putting up an amazing fight", "youre gonna win this", and other such comments. Simple comments like these have pushed boxers to win fights they never would have dreamt they could win. Help your son to gain his confidence from you. Speak positive and encouraging words to him always and you'll see just what sort of an amazing man he can become and what massive hidden and untold potential has been lying untapped in him all along.

 

[Karlon]

Isiah 48:17 Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, The Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way you should go.

A person with a degree tha you might think of great value may not manage to get a job while a person with a simple degree may become well off. Other than a relationship with God, one of the things that makes the difference between whether a child will succeed or not in life is their confidence. A confident person may even try get a job they aren't qualified for and find that they excel at it even more than those that have the respective qualification. When the bell rings and a boxer returns to his corner, no matter how badly beaten up he is and looks those in his corner wont mention a word about it. Instead they will be saying things like, "you're looking great", " you're putting up an amazing fight", "youre gonna win this", and other such comments. Simple comments like these have pushed boxers to win fights they never would have dreamt they could win. Help your son to gain his confidence from you. Speak positive and encouraging words to him always and you'll see just what sort of an amazing man he can become and what massive hidden and untold potential has been lying untapped in him all along.

wonderfully & beautifully said! such a great response delivered on the ability of listening & knowledge. positive & upbeat also.

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

I don’t like my son. He’s a senior in college, his degree is one in music, no job prospects, tattoos, piercings, sees a therapist, colors his hair. He just has no direction and cannot articulate a future for himself. I cringe when he calls or texts because I don’t want to hear his latest problems. I love him, pray for him every day, but don’t want to support him forever.
What is wrong with a father who doesn’t want to hear from his son? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. Asked others to pray. What more can I do?

All I can say is that I personally know parents whose children have basically disowned them, and they would give anything to be contacted by their children. Be thankful that your son is still talking to you. The alternative is devastating.