Being Set Up

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W

Whyllow

Guest
#1
#1
So, my best friend and I haven't hung out in over 6 months (since she got married). After I broke up with my boyfriend she somehow got it into her head that she needs to find me a good man.... little did I know she was doing that on top of it!

So, this past Friday she begs and pleads for me to go out with her to hang out. I agree. She said "Let's wear something cute together! Make you look all smexy!" I laughed and said "Sure! When?" "Sunday!" So, Friday I went into work, and suddenly, she shows up with this random guy. I give her this. "Who the heck is that? That's not your Husband!" look and she goes, "This is____" (Let's call him Riker... just because he looks a lot like him!)

Yeah, I put 2 and 2 together as soon as Riker smiled at me.... she was attempting to set me up on Sunday. I was furious! When I confronted her she was all, "You need a good man!"

It doesn't matter if I want a "Good man"! What I NEED is a Man who follows Christ and is strong in him! Not if he makes money and if he's good looking or not! She knows that too!

And to top it off... she's been filling Rikers head with things "You'll make a great couple!" and "You two would look so cute together!" When I've hardly said 5 words to the guy...

Oh, and she gave him my number without asking....

I'm already talking to another guy, who I really like, he's strong, mature, and what I need spiritually. She knows that I like him but thinks that long distance relationships are just big epic fail waiting to happen so she's taken matters into her own hands...

Has anything like this happened to you guys and gals? How did you handle it? How should I go about handling this? I feel bad for Riker because I don't know him and he's already planning our wedding because of what my friend said! How do I go about telling him "Hey, you're sweet, but I just want to be friends right now." without hurting him?
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#2
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#2
Riker on Star Trek, or Riker on Glee?

Anyway, just do what other girls who aren't interested in a man do... Don't answer his texts/calls/emails, don't friend him on FB, etc.. He'll get the message.
 
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Whyllow

Guest
#3
#3
zeroturbulence said:
Riker on Star Trek, or Riker on Glee?

Anyway, just do what other girls who aren't interested in a man do... Don't answer his texts/calls/emails, don't friend him on FB, etc.. He'll get the message.
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Totally forgot there are two Rikers now. I meant the one on Star Trek.

As for not answering his texts/calls.... Been doing that for the past weekend.... he's not getting the picture... he called me at midnight (I was asleep...) and he left a long message saying how he wants to date me, marry me... stuff that a guy who hasn't even gone on a first date shouldn't say...
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#4
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#4
Whyllow said:
Totally forgot there are two Rikers now. I meant the one on Star Trek.

As for not answering his texts/calls.... Been doing that for the past weekend.... he's not getting the picture... he called me at midnight (I was asleep...) and he left a long message saying how he wants to date me, marry me... stuff that a guy who hasn't even gone on a first date shouldn't say...
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Well if thats what he's doing then I think a very blunt "you're a great guy, really, but you're just not my type." is in order. Or you can just say, "I really think you're a great guy, but I don't want a relationship right now." Good luck.
 
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persecuted

Banned
#5
Jun 15, 2011
308
0
0
#5
First off, if he looks like Riker and you being a trekkie and all, you'll probably fall for him in the end anyways so you might as well just pick out a nice wedding gown now and speed up the process.

As far as being set up, I personally gave up on that one years ago... I started to notice that if I guy wants to "help" me he will only help me with girls that are less attractive than the one he is dating or married to. Otherwise personal experience shows that rather than help they will run interference and then claim "she was the wrong girl for you."

As far as getting rid of a man, I disagree that hiding and avoiding someone that forward is the right thing to do. You should just tell him straight up that he's your friends boyfriend for an imaginary girl that doesn't really exist as you already have your sights set on someone else. You don't really need to be so very polite if someone is calling you at odd hours when you yourself never even gave them your number.

But like I said, trekkie, Riker, ---WOW! ---- sounds kinda inevitable to me.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#6
I ran out of editing time, but I just wanted to say that if those don't work, then tell him straight up...

"Look, you're a really nice guy and all, but I don't want a relationship with you."

Be firm about it. :)
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#7
#7
I'm blunt. I would say "I don't appreciate clingy, but thank you".
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#8
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#8
Just a question, please don't talk this the wrong way, you stated the qualities you are looking for in a good man.

From what I have read, however, your judgment of him was based on your first impression/idea that you were being set up. So, did you see if he was these things before you dismissed him?

I have no problems with being set up, but I think in a lot of cases even a friends judgment of what you find desirable in a partner might be poor.

Dunno..
 
W

Whyllow

Guest
#9
#9
persecuted said:
First off, if he looks like Riker and you being a trekkie and all, you'll probably fall for him in the end anyways so you might as well just pick out a nice wedding gown now and speed up the process.

As far as being set up, I personally gave up on that one years ago... I started to notice that if I guy wants to "help" me he will only help me with girls that are less attractive than the one he is dating or married to. Otherwise personal experience shows that rather than help they will run interference and then claim "she was the wrong girl for you."

As far as getting rid of a man, I disagree that hiding and avoiding someone that forward is the right thing to do. You should just tell him straight up that he's your friends boyfriend for an imaginary girl that doesn't really exist as you already have your sights set on someone else. You don't really need to be so very polite if someone is calling you at odd hours when you yourself never even gave them your number.

But like I said, trekkie, Riker, ---WOW! ---- sounds kinda inevitable to me.
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Looks aren't everything to me. It's more of the personality, intelligence, and spiritual side towards Christ that is what is important on my part. So far, he's proven that he has a decent personality... but his intelligence lacks what I need along with the spiritual side.

Being in the south, people believe that going to church automatically makes them a Christian. I want someone strong in the Lord, who honestly can carry the burden of a family, and look towards the Lord. Not someone who goes "Ya! I'm a Christian!" Then goes and does whatever he may please.
 
W

Whyllow

Guest
#10
#10
Stuey said:
Just a question, please don't talk this the wrong way, you stated the qualities you are looking for in a good man.

From what I have read, however, your judgment of him was based on your first impression/idea that you were being set up. So, did you see if he was these things before you dismissed him?

I have no problems with being set up, but I think in a lot of cases even a friends judgment of what you find desirable in a partner might be poor.

Dunno..
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Oh I asked her on my break if that's what she was doing... and she admitted that she wanted to find me a "good guy" and that Riker was the best choice she had for me.
 
Kathleen

Kathleen

Senior Member
#11
Oct 13, 2009
3,570
6
38
#11
Whyllow said:
I'm already talking to another guy, who I really like, he's strong, mature, and what I need spiritually. She knows that I like him but thinks that long distance relationships are just big epic fail waiting to happen so she's taken matters into her own hands...
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If you like this other dude, then just go for it. Long distance relationships do work, they just need alot of work.
No point in dating a guy your only so-so about because he lives near, go for the other one you like. It'll be worth it.
My oldest brother has a long distance relationship, he lives in England, and her in Canada. They are due to get married September 10th, 40 days from now. :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
In all honesty, he was misled by your friend as well, wasn't he? The kind thing to do would be to simply tell him that you are interested in someone else and your friend was unaware of this when she attempted to set you up. Game are...games. Don't play. People are needlessly hurt like that. Doesn't seem like he's done anything worthy of being treated unfairly.
 
W

Whyllow

Guest
#13
#13
Jullianna said:
In all honesty, he was misled by your friend as well, wasn't he? The kind thing to do would be to simply tell him that you are interested in someone else and your friend was unaware of this when she attempted to set you up. Game are...games. Don't play. People are needlessly hurt like that. Doesn't seem like he's done anything worthy of being treated unfairly.
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I agree. I haven't done anything to lead him on. I haven't said but a dozen words to the guy! My friend has been doing all the talking.

I hate playing games as much as the next person. I just don't want to be cold and say it over a text.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
Call the man :) He'll probably take it better than you think if you stay calm and are honest with him. And, even if he does overeact and get ugly, you'll know YOU did the right thing. :)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#15
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#15
Sometimes girls send "accidental" texts. For example you could write a text to your girl friend saying, "Hey I appreciate you setting me up with Riker, but there is just no chemistry between us and I don't know how to tell him I'm not interested. You got me into this so how do I get out???" Then, "accidentally" send it to him.
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#16
#16
Tell him you're more of a Jean-Luc Picard lass.
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#17
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#17
Whyllow said:
So, my best friend and I haven't hung out in over 6 months (since she got married). After I broke up with my boyfriend she somehow got it into her head that she needs to find me a good man.... little did I know she was doing that on top of it!

So, this past Friday she begs and pleads for me to go out with her to hang out. I agree. She said "Let's wear something cute together! Make you look all smexy!" I laughed and said "Sure! When?" "Sunday!" So, Friday I went into work, and suddenly, she shows up with this random guy. I give her this. "Who the heck is that? That's not your Husband!" look and she goes, "This is____" (Let's call him Riker... just because he looks a lot like him!)

Yeah, I put 2 and 2 together as soon as Riker smiled at me.... she was attempting to set me up on Sunday. I was furious! When I confronted her she was all, "You need a good man!"

It doesn't matter if I want a "Good man"! What I NEED is a Man who follows Christ and is strong in him! Not if he makes money and if he's good looking or not! She knows that too!

And to top it off... she's been filling Rikers head with things "You'll make a great couple!" and "You two would look so cute together!" When I've hardly said 5 words to the guy...

Oh, and she gave him my number without asking....

I'm already talking to another guy, who I really like, he's strong, mature, and what I need spiritually. She knows that I like him but thinks that long distance relationships are just big epic fail waiting to happen so she's taken matters into her own hands...

Has anything like this happened to you guys and gals? How did you handle it? How should I go about handling this? I feel bad for Riker because I don't know him and he's already planning our wedding because of what my friend said! How do I go about telling him "Hey, you're sweet, but I just want to be friends right now." without hurting him?
Click to expand...

She meant well I am sure, but sometimes our friends thinks they know more about what we need than we do...I jjsut LOVE that..ughhh

Years ago (when the PAssion of the Christ) was on at the movie theaters my sister tells me about this guy friend that was coming to see her and she asked if I would hang out with him...Well I was kinda wondering why a guy was driving from another state to see her bc she already had a boyfriend at the time, but to prevent argument I agreed to "hang out"

Well, well, well,...looks like big sis had a motive. The guys name was Jeremy. Nice guy. As soon as he saw me he was very polite but kept staring at me and that was creeping me out. I KNEW she SET ME UP. So what do I do? I try to disgust him.

We go to dinner...I was fuzzy leaopard print house slippers.....I complimented me on my style. :/
I refuse to make eye contact with him....he gets up in my face.
I try to dress tacky while we went to the movies(changed my shoes at this point)....he said I was lovely and beautiful and unique.

So we are sitting at the movie(Passion of the Christ) and he is trying to hold my hand...so i start licking my fingers to the point of licking my whole hand trying to prevent the act from happening(butter form the popcorn). Didnt seem to bother him.

I pretendto get choked on popcorn to where i am HACKING...wasnt grossed out.

Thennnnnnnnnnnnnn the next day when he is about to leave he spends 45 minutes in my driveway whining to my sister about how upset he is that I would not kiss him. I could not leave my house bc he was in my drive. At that point i was scared of this dude.

My sister was so mad at me.....I consider myself a legend....
 
P

princessbella

Guest
#18
#18
Elizabeth619 said:
She meant well I am sure, but sometimes our friends thinks they know more about what we need than we do...I jjsut LOVE that..ughhh

Years ago (when the PAssion of the Christ) was on at the movie theaters my sister tells me about this guy friend that was coming to see her and she asked if I would hang out with him...Well I was kinda wondering why a guy was driving from another state to see her bc she already had a boyfriend at the time, but to prevent argument I agreed to "hang out"

Well, well, well,...looks like big sis had a motive. The guys name was Jeremy. Nice guy. As soon as he saw me he was very polite but kept staring at me and that was creeping me out. I KNEW she SET ME UP. So what do I do? I try to disgust him.

We go to dinner...I was fuzzy leaopard print house slippers.....I complimented me on my style. :/
I refuse to make eye contact with him....he gets up in my face.
I try to dress tacky while we went to the movies(changed my shoes at this point)....he said I was lovely and beautiful and unique.

So we are sitting at the movie(Passion of the Christ) and he is trying to hold my hand...so i start licking my fingers to the point of licking my whole hand trying to prevent the act from happening(butter form the popcorn). Didnt seem to bother him.

I pretendto get choked on popcorn to where i am HACKING...wasnt grossed out.

Thennnnnnnnnnnnnn the next day when he is about to leave he spends 45 minutes in my driveway whining to my sister about how upset he is that I would not kiss him. I could not leave my house bc he was in my drive. At that point i was scared of this dude.

My sister was so mad at me.....I consider myself a legend....
Click to expand...
Why not just tell the guy strait out your not interested ? If someone of the opposite sex told we strait out in a decent say he wasnt intersted thats cool by be , maybe it was the extra gross out quirkiness that intrigued him.. :) , maybe he just needed some strait talking...
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#19
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#19
I actually did try the striaght talk with him, that did not work either.
I dont know what his deal was, but i do wonder if my sister was behind that too...like she promised him there would be a hook up
 
P

princessbella

Guest
#20
#20
Elizabeth619 said:
I actually did try the striaght talk with him, that did not work either.
I dont know what his deal was, but i do wonder if my sister was behind that too...like she promised him there would be a hook up
Click to expand...
well if she did m whatever she was trying to do didnt work :)
 
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