Backslider, request prayer for cleansing.

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Mar 15, 2023
73
12
8
#1
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
 

Mem

Senior Member
Sep 23, 2014
7,159
2,174
113
#3
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
It seems that you've been exposed to spiritual abuse which leaves us with all of those feelings of rejection. Realize that this is just the world hating you because it hates God. Why would the world hate God? Because He doesn't hate you, He loves you and I daresay more than life evidence by sending His son to give His life for you so that you might be restored in the love of God! And it especially hates that you don't have to do anything to be good enough to accept His gift of everlasting love apart from believing He exists and is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him. So, if you find yourself believing that you are hated by God, disbelieve it! And keep throwing that lie down each time it tries to 'defend itself' and replace it with the knowledge of the love of God and persist in it until you've realized it as Truth, again and again, over and over, forever and ever, and always! Amen.
 
Feb 4, 2023
38
19
8
#4
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
Hello Dave!

Many preachings today could absolutely lead you astray. We are warned many times in the bible about it. So you have to only use the bible as your final authority. Don't trust preachers but trust only God to teach you.

1 Peter 2:2 KJV
As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:

This is the new covenant of God to us.

Jeremiah 31:34 KJV
And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord : for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord : for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.

Test every spirit by the word whether they are from God. You shall know them ny their fruits. Focus on seeking God's kingdom and his righteousness. Jesus said if we continue in his word, then we are his disciples indeed and we shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free.

Your doubt in your salvation is a blessing in disguise. I have doubted mine too and it led me to searching what is the truth and then I knew the truth. Before the disciples were sent to preach, they were first taught and trained in righteousness.

Continue reading his word because it will cleanse you and sanctify you.

John 17:17 KJV
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.

Ephesians 5:26 KJV
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
9,219
4,755
113
#5
"Let us pray to understand it is one's own self that must be willing to change and not to
be intimidated or caught up in the modern-day Christian dilemma. And this being able to
separate spiritual reality from worldly reality.


'And 'backsliding' being committed by everyone, we are all guilty. And this is merely attempting
to go alone without conducting our lives according to the teachings of Christ our Lord.
'And I have learned over the years it is spiritual discipline and self-control that has greatly helped my
life
that once was out of control and unmanageable. God consciousness being of great benefit when
put into practice with an honest desire of living a better quality of life, here in the now.

'I have shared many things on 'reflections of life' ..'here in the now' and 'I came to share'...
with God as my source of great worth...believe it.
I can only hope and pray you may find what is needed in your life...I found the Holy Spirit to
be my helper, so long as I strive to be willing to change, and thank God I have learned of a
peace and wellbeing that helps to endure this chaotic and restless world.
'I pray you come to learn of this also."
"Amen"


man-praying - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy.jpg being-spiritual - Copy - Copy (2) - Copy - Copy - Copy.jpg A MIRACLE ANY BENEFICIAL EVENT OF HOLY SPIRIT UPON TROUBLED LIVES - Copy.jpg

download.png
 
Mar 5, 2023
19
5
3
Essex
#6
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
Hi Dave, you will be in my prayers and my intention for you will be Philippians 1:6.

Whom among us has not experienced similar to you at some point in our lives?

We are 'followers' of Christ, be led by Him. Listen and follow His will not yours.

If you cannot find God in yourself, look around and see His word, love and charity in others.

Never question the wisdom of God in scripture. Don't approach the Bible as an historian or scientist, this is not about proving the past, the then. This is the living word of God ... the past, present and future! You don't think God through His word, you feel Him.

That you act selflessly on behalf of God, what more could you do? If you feel deflated, disenchanted or misunderstood do not disconnect, engage, you are probably closer to the answer than you realise. Look around you for what you seek it could be right under your nose.

Be lifted Brother.
 

cv5

Well-known member
Nov 20, 2018
23,011
8,374
113
#7
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
The rapture of the Church bro. An indisputable fact that the Bible declares in clear and compelling form.
Keep your eyes open looking to the soon coming of the Lord Jesus. Keep your garments!

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Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,610
1,174
113
#9
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.[/QUOTE
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,610
1,174
113
#10
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
I made a mistake above. the wise choice is become a born again Christian. When you do, the Holy Spirit meters your life & lives with you forever. there's no error or confusion in God's word. Read these verses: Proverbs 16:3, 2nd Timothy 2:7, 15, John 16:13 & John 14;26. I will pray for you. Proverbs 20:30- "The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil & so do stripes the inward part of the belly". God's joy is in abundance. In fact, in the morning, joy, mercy & knowledge arrive as well as we're to thank God for His loving kindness. A warning to you: when the devil sees someone become a born again Christian, he will tempt you even more because he thinks you'e weak. But now, as a born again Christian, the devil has no power over you unless you let him. In the name of Jesus Christ, you can ask to cast out all temptations. Jesus can & will remove all hardships. Blessings to you.
 
#12
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.

May I suggest you listen to Charles Spurgeon on sermon audio. I also like Alistair Begg on YouTube.
 

cv5

Well-known member
Nov 20, 2018
23,011
8,374
113
#13
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
Let me tell you that I was also plagued with doubts many years ago.
Nevertheless I never gave up and doggedly pursued Biblical answers to my questions.

And they arrived. Every last one of them. I do not exaggerate.
But truth be told it did take quite some time. Like decades.

Moral of the story: never ever give up on the Lord. He is all there is an He is all that we've got.
".....there is none other Name under heaven given among men whereby we must be saved."
 
Oct 16, 2018
37
35
18
#14
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
Welcome Dave! I used to laugh at the Bible but something I read in a major newspaper caused me earnestly to see if there was anything to the claims that Christians were voicing. I actually went to a Christian conference and told everyone to not believe in Jesus. But a pastor( not mine-I didn't have one) showed me some evidence that the Bible was true but he said pure faith will always be needed, but that faith need not be totally blind. Don't worry about seeming contradictions,;even in physics the atom exists as both solid particles and ghost-like waves at the same time.
The human mind is, and will always be too limited to understand everything -even a little-so faith in Christ is the only way to ultimate reality, and salvation of course.
80 percent of the greatest scientists in history believed Jesus literally rose from the dead, and in him as their Savior, including 3 of the 4 greatest: James Clerk Maxwell, Michael Faraday and Newton(but Newton was non-orthodox.)Check out the links to some stuff I have written which are based on the work of top evangelical scholars and an evangelical MIT professor of engineering , Ian Hutchinson. As a pastor told me we have to love Jesus with all our strength , heart, soul and mind. Being a Christian is a truly supernatural thing so the Holy Spirit will help-if you allow Him. God bless-we love you bro!
 
Jun 10, 2020
71
62
18
#15
It happens and God understands. We all backslide. The great thing is that the Lord is always merciful & ready to welcome us back with open arms. Pray for your relationship with Him to get stronger. You got this!
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
10,288
4,333
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#16
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
Welcome Dave.

I will provide a series of videos that will address that doubt and provide brief Biblical messages for salvation. I suggest you get out a KJV Bible and follow along. Pause when needed to read the Scriptures for yourself.
" Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God."


The Foolishness of Works Salvation

Good News in 4 minutes

Gospel Confidence

Do This Right Now

Give me a holler if you have questions.
Have a great week!
🍵🙂📖
 

GRACE_ambassador

Well-known member
Feb 22, 2021
3,215
1,614
113
Midwest
#17
So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion,
Precious friend, A Very Warm Welcome To Chat.
I will pray for you.

Please Be Very RICHLY Encouraged And Edified In
The LORD JESUS CHRIST, And His Word Of Truth, Rightly
Divided
(+ I and II). ← PG Rated "Approved" * ← ↑ God solved all my
"error and confusion"

Grace, Peace, And JOY!… + RICH Blessings ♫ 😇 ↑

* PG = Perfect God / Parental Guidance:

Study to Be APPROVED Open Bible.png
 

cv5

Well-known member
Nov 20, 2018
23,011
8,374
113
#18
I backslid a while ago during covid due to many youtube videos on various topics seemingly making the bible contradict fact and truth, and have dealt with some of this for a while causing me to feel a loss of salvation, because of much confusion. From so called scholars, critics, history and more. I don't really study or read that much anymore due to a lack of credibility in my personal view of the bible from this backsliding etc. Although I believe in Jesus and salvation, having things like the coins of Darius a few hundred years before he existed, is an issue in the bible for me, etc, so I lack confidence now in the exact doctrine of OSAS and feel lost somewhat. I have also lost effort in church and am struggling to be doing what a "christian does", mainly because the evangelism and saving of others as a seemingly biblical model is not seen in any significant way, and from the beggining I feel I have been blocked by God from evangelising. Maybe i'm not good enough or maybe it is not the "plan". I have no idea or answers in or out of the bible.

So I ask that anyone will pray for me to receive the truth of the Gospel message without error, confusion or delusion, and that I will be cleansed of any evil in or around me, and that I will be restored to god, and do the will of God, without confusion, delusion or misunderstanding in any way. I ask that anyone pray that I will be blessed to receive the joy and peace of salvation and not the current emotional torments of anger, irritation, frustration, annoyance, sadness and more. Thanks and God bless all in Jesus name, amen.
Here you go. Starting with Genesis is probably the best way to go with regard to building a bedrock of faith in our God.....

https://www.sermonaudio.com/solo/cliffside/sermons/series/2035/?sb=oldest
 
Mar 15, 2023
73
12
8
#19
Hello Dave!

Many preachings today could absolutely lead you astray. We are warned many times in the bible about it. So you have to only use the bible as your final authority. Don't trust preachers but trust only God to teach you.

1 Peter 2:2 KJV
As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:

This is the new covenant of God to us.

Jeremiah 31:34 KJV
And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord : for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord : for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.

Test every spirit by the word whether they are from God. You shall know them ny their fruits. Focus on seeking God's kingdom and his righteousness. Jesus said if we continue in his word, then we are his disciples indeed and we shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free.

Your doubt in your salvation is a blessing in disguise. I have doubted mine too and it led me to searching what is the truth and then I knew the truth. Before the disciples were sent to preach, they were first taught and trained in righteousness.

Continue reading his word because it will cleanse you and sanctify you.

John 17:17 KJV
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.

Ephesians 5:26 KJV
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
i keep trying, but my seems distant from reading, though i do read, what am i reading for, other than faith. I am not "being used" for anything, and since the backsliding, nearly all motivation, all hope, all direction or reason has become meaningless. Obviously I don't have much else though.
 
Feb 4, 2023
38
19
8
#20
i keep trying, but my seems distant from reading, though i do read, what am i reading for, other than faith. I am not "being used" for anything, and since the backsliding, nearly all motivation, all hope, all direction or reason has become meaningless. Obviously I don't have much else though.
Don't try, stop trying. Trying itself is "works." It will just make you tired and to no avail. Jesus offers you rest by only casting your cares upon him and letting him do the work in you. If you believe Jesus, then you should ask him to restore you. God said, "You have destroyed yourself, in me is your help." Not in you. You "try" to help yourself to return to Jesus, no, you just turn to him and cry out to him to save you and cleanse you and restore you. The whole bible will just teach you not to trust in yourself (in me, there's no good thing) but only trust in Jesus. So when you don't have any strength, Jesus is your hope. He gives power to the powerLESS. You only need to cry out to him. Only Jesus could fight your giants (enemies, sins, yourself). The Israelites only cried out to God when they faced the giants of Canaan and he delivered them but did not let in those who did not believe that they could defeat the giants through God. It's symbolic.