How To Find a Spiritual Mentor in Your Church
Have you been looking for a spiritual mentor but hit a brick wall? This is how it finally happened for me. Hopefully, my experience will guide you to finding a mentor much quicker.
Don't Let It Take So Long!
It took me six years and lots of prayer, but I finally found a spiritual mentor to come alongside me to help me grow.
I was walking out of the sanctuary one Sunday morning, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of an older gentleman whom I recognized. He happened to be a longtime client of mine before the COVID lockdowns. Since my business was destroyed by the government, I had not seen him since.
Let the Holy Spirit Lead You
The Holy Spirit prompted me to start a conversation. At first, I didn't want to, but I finally gave in to the Lord's gentle nudging.
After a few pleasantries, the talk immediately turned to discipleship. He explained how he was active with a small group of men on Sunday mornings before service. The aim was to help individuals realize their true potential and, ultimately, fill leadership gaps in the church.
I knew this man was a Christian, but I didn't know he was so active in discipleship and mentoring. I was ecstatic! I asked if I could sit in, and he said yes.
Look In the Right Places
Surprisingly, he was not an elder. The reason for that, he explained, was his desire to avoid distractions. In other words, he simply wanted to make disciples without all the church politics standing in the way. I can certainly respect that.
The Biggest Mistake When Searching for a Mentor
Who's the one person everyone thinks of when looking for a spiritual mentor? The pastor, right?
Unfortunately, this notion is naive at best. The Hollywood persona of the pastor being this pious figure in a robe, studying in some candle-lit office, waiting for someone to enter their chambers with a spiritual problem is pure fantasy. Sure, maybe 100 years ago, but not in 2023.
The role of the senior pastor today is that of administrator. Even if only in charge of a small space in a strip mall – and a congregation of 50 or less – his role remains the same. He was taught at seminary not to exceed those boundaries. He was taught to delegate the responsibility of discipleship, no matter how small his church. He could have only 12 to mentor, and it will still be the same.
What About the Associate Pastor?
In most cases, associate and assistant pastors are assigned specific ministries, for example:
This last one is worth mentioning. You may have to search hundreds of churches before finding a discipleship program, but they are out there.
However, even if you're fortunate enough to find one, it may be in a church where you have doctrinal differences. For example, let's suppose you're a longtime Baptist and find a discipleship program in a Pentecostal church. Asking yourself to completely change the way you worship and pray could cause some difficulties, as it did for me.
Still, you could be blessed to have an associate pastor in your church teach a discipleship class. But unfortunately, these often end up as group bible studies, and when there is less than a headcount of about 15, they tend to fall away "due to lack of interest."
What About the Elders?
The elders in most churches are similar to associate pastors, except they don't get paid. They do a lot of the heavy lifting already and are often too busy with their regular jobs. Besides, just as with associate and assistant pastors, any discipleship programs are really group bible studies with not much one-on-one interaction.
So, How Can You Find a Mentor?
Again, most people start at the top of the church's hierarchal pyramid. But the problem there is that everyone is so busy. For this reason, it's best to work your way up from the bottom of the pyramid.
Start With the Older Folks
Start with the oldest person you know in your local church who is not an elder. Introduce yourself to them and ask if they know of anyone who is doing any mentoring. Chances are, they have been with the church long enough to know who is willing and who is not.
Unfortunately, you will have to reach out to older people since the younger ones may not even know what you're talking about. It also may take several attempts while talking to several people.
But keep at it. There is bound to be at least one person in your local church willing to come alongside you. If not, it may be time to move on.
If you have other secrets to finding a spiritual mentor – other than converting to Buddhism, JW, or paganism – please let us know!
Have you been looking for a spiritual mentor but hit a brick wall? This is how it finally happened for me. Hopefully, my experience will guide you to finding a mentor much quicker.
Don't Let It Take So Long!
It took me six years and lots of prayer, but I finally found a spiritual mentor to come alongside me to help me grow.
I was walking out of the sanctuary one Sunday morning, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of an older gentleman whom I recognized. He happened to be a longtime client of mine before the COVID lockdowns. Since my business was destroyed by the government, I had not seen him since.
Let the Holy Spirit Lead You
The Holy Spirit prompted me to start a conversation. At first, I didn't want to, but I finally gave in to the Lord's gentle nudging.
After a few pleasantries, the talk immediately turned to discipleship. He explained how he was active with a small group of men on Sunday mornings before service. The aim was to help individuals realize their true potential and, ultimately, fill leadership gaps in the church.
I knew this man was a Christian, but I didn't know he was so active in discipleship and mentoring. I was ecstatic! I asked if I could sit in, and he said yes.
Look In the Right Places
Surprisingly, he was not an elder. The reason for that, he explained, was his desire to avoid distractions. In other words, he simply wanted to make disciples without all the church politics standing in the way. I can certainly respect that.
The Biggest Mistake When Searching for a Mentor
Who's the one person everyone thinks of when looking for a spiritual mentor? The pastor, right?
Unfortunately, this notion is naive at best. The Hollywood persona of the pastor being this pious figure in a robe, studying in some candle-lit office, waiting for someone to enter their chambers with a spiritual problem is pure fantasy. Sure, maybe 100 years ago, but not in 2023.
The role of the senior pastor today is that of administrator. Even if only in charge of a small space in a strip mall – and a congregation of 50 or less – his role remains the same. He was taught at seminary not to exceed those boundaries. He was taught to delegate the responsibility of discipleship, no matter how small his church. He could have only 12 to mentor, and it will still be the same.
What About the Associate Pastor?
In most cases, associate and assistant pastors are assigned specific ministries, for example:
- Music and sound
- Kids ministries
- Young adult ministries
- Overseas ministries
- Discipleship ministries
This last one is worth mentioning. You may have to search hundreds of churches before finding a discipleship program, but they are out there.
However, even if you're fortunate enough to find one, it may be in a church where you have doctrinal differences. For example, let's suppose you're a longtime Baptist and find a discipleship program in a Pentecostal church. Asking yourself to completely change the way you worship and pray could cause some difficulties, as it did for me.
Still, you could be blessed to have an associate pastor in your church teach a discipleship class. But unfortunately, these often end up as group bible studies, and when there is less than a headcount of about 15, they tend to fall away "due to lack of interest."
What About the Elders?
The elders in most churches are similar to associate pastors, except they don't get paid. They do a lot of the heavy lifting already and are often too busy with their regular jobs. Besides, just as with associate and assistant pastors, any discipleship programs are really group bible studies with not much one-on-one interaction.
So, How Can You Find a Mentor?
Again, most people start at the top of the church's hierarchal pyramid. But the problem there is that everyone is so busy. For this reason, it's best to work your way up from the bottom of the pyramid.
Start With the Older Folks
Start with the oldest person you know in your local church who is not an elder. Introduce yourself to them and ask if they know of anyone who is doing any mentoring. Chances are, they have been with the church long enough to know who is willing and who is not.
Unfortunately, you will have to reach out to older people since the younger ones may not even know what you're talking about. It also may take several attempts while talking to several people.
But keep at it. There is bound to be at least one person in your local church willing to come alongside you. If not, it may be time to move on.
If you have other secrets to finding a spiritual mentor – other than converting to Buddhism, JW, or paganism – please let us know!
