Would you date/marry someone from a different generation than you?

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Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,617
1,181
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#41
Let's break this down with even further honesty:

1. People age. Elizabeth Taylor was easily considered one of the most beautiful women of all time, with access to all of the best beauty treatments and care available. But all the money and doctors in the world couldn't stop her from aging. I agree that people can work on taking better care of themselves, but at the end of the day, the loss of physical beauty is just going to happen.

2. People's medical and life condition changes, and it's an impossible standard for women to remain "gorgeous" at all times. The woman who has cancer isn't thinking, "How can I be at my most gorgeous to appeal to men 24/7."

If I wanted to look my absolute best, it would probably take me 2 hours (my hair is very finicky and not easy to style to glam standards.) There's no way I'm using up that kind of time every day. Any guy who accepts me would hopefully understand I have other more pressing obligations.

3. People often want standards in others they don't qualify for themselves. Women want men who can provide -- but how much of an expectation are they allowed to have? Should a woman be expected to pitch in and help? Men want women who look like supermodels -- as they balance their beer on their gut, which is sticking so far out that it doubles as a shelf. But by golly, God's will is for them to have a young, beautiful wife!

One of the reasons I'm single is because I do try hard at diet and fitness, and am not interested in men who want a "thin, beautiful, fit woman" but look 9 1/2 months pregnant themselves. I'd reconsider if it wasn't for the hypocritical expectations.

4. Beauty does not always equal happiness or self-esteem. I always wonder about Sarah. Even at an advanced age, powerful men desired her -- so much so that Abraham was willing to hand her over to abusers more than once to save his own neck. I often wonder if Sarah thought her beauty was a blessing or a curse.

And there are many modern day Sarah's. I once knew a woman who has always been beautiful, and, as this can be the case with many beautiful people, she was unfortunately noticed by the wrong people throughout her live, starting as a child. Her abusers included a pastor, a policeman, and school coaches.

Later on, she won a local beauty pageant -- sweeping every category, which had never been done before -- but she did it because she felt led by God to do so, and used her platform to speak publicly to men in powerful positions against all forms of sexual abuse. She told stories of watching them shift uncomfortably in their seats throughout her presentations.

5. The Bible says that Leah had "weak eyes." For whatever reason, Leah was not seen as beautiful, but Rachel was. Would God then pat Jacob on the back for not loving Leah? I know he was tricked into marrying her, so that's not a fair comparison.

But does this mean that this is God's verdict? Leah's example shows us that for whatever reason, there are believers in Christ who will not be seen as beautiful. Does this mean God has ordained for them to be overlooked and cast aside for those who are? Perhaps part of God's answer came in the form of Leah bearing so many sons, which was so highly prized in that day.

6. Christians all stand on the verdict that "God wants whats best for them," and so they believe God's best is their definition of what's "best" is surely what God has for them. I've seen several dating profiles of women who believe God wants them to have a 6-figure husband... or men proclaiming that by God's insistence, they must have a hot wife who will never change and stay eternally young and beautiful.

But is this what God will say when we get to heaven? That we all had a God-given right to what we ourselves deemed as the best God should be giving us?

7. You wrote above, "Men also have thoughts on someone to take care of them when they are elderly, a young woman suits that perfectly: cleaning house, groceries, general errands."

Do you not think older women wouldn't need the same things? Who do you expect to take care of them? Or do men also feel it's not their worry or concern, because the priority is to have their own needs met? (And I understand that some women can be just as selfish.)

THIS is the question I bring before God, and these days, on a near-daily basis: Lord, is THIS what you planned for humanity? Young women being caretakers to elderly men, then when these men die, the women are left to fend for themselves? If a woman can no longer serve an older man's needs or purpose (even if it's just because she's not young,) do they just age out, and become useless except as free volunteers in other parts of society?

Who then takes care of the older woman when she needs someone to run errands, clean, and buy groceries?

Is this who your view of God is?

A God who believes in creating young women that are perfect for older men because they can take care of them and look good for them... but as they get older... They no longer have any purpose or reason to be desired, even though they have the same needs as the men?

I know I'm going on a long ramble here, but I find the subject intriguing. If women were designed to be the "fairer" sex -- creatures to be protected and to some extent, looked after by men -- at what point did God say the tables should turn and young women should look after elderly men, with no plan as to what will happen when he dies and leaves the now older woman to fend for herself?
7. of course, women want the same. be careful not to turn this around. i commented on you're "young " issue. you are fair in your responses. i believe you are a fine Christian woman. God's holy Spirit told me once: "within 4 years, you'll meet someone". that was around 2012. 4 years is 1,460 days! i met my wife on the 1,456th day! that is a true story. i know all to well what it's like to wait for someone or some thing. there are men here & there who don't care about looks in women. indeed, it's rare. i'm taking this as you are overly concerned. i think you should relax in trust more than you are. there are always ways to wait patiently. i found a super way to do this. i introduce comedy into the situation. it works super well! no, not my view. it's a fact of life that will not change. you can better understand this & all issues with an equal balance in facts. we men have to condone with issues as well. i heard of wives that won't sleep with their husbands!!!!!!!! i mean actual sleeping. to me, that's cold & selfish. heck, if you are going to be single in a relationship, you might as well be single.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#42
I think wives often don't sleep with their husbands because they snore.

I mean really bad.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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#44
He means that she dies and leaves him free to pursue a 30-year-old.
men are strange lets face it seoul

What you should do is get cryogenically frozen or just start lying about your age. You may get in trouble with the IRD or whatever, but men don't care. They just want a younger woman, despite them getting older everyday that passes. If you could just stay a girl, all good.

Its strange because you have all these teens lying about their age trying to get into bars and clubs and R movies wanting desperately to be older lol
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
1,101
740
113
#45
lets break this down with honesty. besides, women should always want to look beautiful. ask any psychiatrist or psychologist; it is a known fact women who are gorgeous feel much better about themselves. indeed, we men go for looks & women know that. so as a young woman wants to look proper for a date when she's young, do the same when older.
1. it is not a sin or bad if a man wants a younger woman.

It can be, if you seek someone based on looks,or if you have the approach of, the younger the better.

3. men also have thoughts on someone to take care of them when they are elderly. a young woman suits that perfectly; cleaning house, groceries, general errands.

This is honest but a lot of older guys marrying younger women are not upfront about this.

4. we all understand it's easier to gain weight & be out of shape when old. however, if they started early in life being in shape, the condition response would remain in their brain to continue to be in shape & desire to be in shape.

People's body shapes are different. Some people are just more thick. I think being old and out of shape is becoming less common now due to increased attention on health, nutrition, and fitness.

5. so for women, it is very important to look good & that's by God's design in the dating department, not man's.

Beauty is never mentioned once about the Proverbs 31 woman. I don't think it is high on God's/Jesus' priority how a woman looks. I think everyone should try to reasonably look good for their age. But, one cannot expect an older woman to be without wrinkles or an older guy to have a nice head of hair.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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#46
Or...find someone so boring, that they talk all the time, and then you'll fall asleep with them.

If it's an older generation, they might already have children who are closer age to you than you are to them. I find that off putting, especially for say, the daughter. Oh dad's going out with someone who's not much older than me.

I had a friend who's dad did that he was going out with someone not much older than her sister.

Also being preyed on at work by older men isn't fun...worked in retirement villages, and the older men would wolf whistle the younger women who worked and it was just...lewd.

But then being hit on by younger men is also ...inappropriate. It's like boys who fall in love with their school teachers. They have to be told no, that can't happen. That's why you have to say NO you can't marry me (if you are in that situation) Sorry.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#47
Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who loves the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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#48
Michal didn't sleep with David when he went round naked dancing.
Or maybe it was the other way round, because she disapproved of him. So what happened was David perved at Bathesheba who was naked in the bathtub and went with her despite her already being married. There was a whole drama about it in the Bible.
She fell pregnant, he tried to pass it off as her husbands who was away fighting, but then he got killed. She had the child, but it was Davids, and it was still born

Eventually they married and Solomon their son became king, but David's other children were jealous. I am not even sure whether Bathesheba was that young or beautiful, it was just that she was naked when he saw her.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,424
9,407
113
#49
lets break this down with honesty. 1. it is not a sin or bad if a man wants a younger woman. 2. i live in America & America, for many decades, is the leader of people who don't exercise, are out of shape, eat very bad food, are lazy, etc. 3. men also have thoughts on someone to take care of them when they are elderly. a young woman suits that perfectly; cleaning house, groceries, general errands. 4. we all understand it's easier to gain weight & be out of shape when old. however, if they started early in life being in shape, the condition response would remain in their brain to continue to be in shape & desire to be in shape. 5. so for women, it is very important to look good & that's by God's design in the dating department, not man's. besides, women should always want to look beautiful. ask any psychiatrist or psychologist; it is a known fact women who are gorgeous feel much better about themselves. indeed, we men go for looks & women know that. so as a young woman wants to look proper for a date when she's young, do the same when older.
You are reading from Adstar's script.

You are also talking about women as though they are commodities or servants.

What happens if you fall in love with a woman who can provide nothing for you? If you fall in love with a disabled woman who is poor and cannot bear children, what will you do?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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#50
So yea, it's all about the nudity right? Looking good without any clothes on. Be honest.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#52
I didn't realise CC singles was such a meat market. Still.
I don't know why I even post in it. I mean I should really be posting in miscellaneous because to be a Christian and miscellaneous is meant to be more spiritual than, say, celibacy, which some christians actually practice.
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
1,872
1,215
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Oklahoma
#53
If you are a woman over 35 and God forbid, 40, you can pretty much count yourself as being a castaway at the bottom of the bargain bin at Walmart. Even men in their 70's through 90's are looking for 30-year-olds, and if they can get a 25-year-old, all the better. I've seen this repeatedly on the Christian dating sites as well. They're certainly not looking to have kids (we would hope,) so they obviously have other interests.
I read this and thought to myself, "Oh dear, I'm a castaway!" :cry:
But then I remembered that just yesterday a man was flirting with me. Well, at least I am still flirtable :LOL:

Seriously though, I am more worried about my relationship with the Lord. Also, having confidence is a great thing too. As Nayyirah Waheed said, "If someone does not want me it is not the end of the world. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings."
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,525
5,461
113
#54
I read this and thought to myself, "Oh dear, I'm a castaway!" :cry:
But then I remembered that just yesterday a man was flirting with me. Well, at least I am still flirtable :LOL:

Seriously though, I am more worried about my relationship with the Lord. Also, having confidence is a great thing too. As Nayyirah Waheed said, "If someone does not want me it is not the end of the world. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings."
You go, CarriePie!

I am more than happy to be proven wrong and you still got it!

Great point about putting God first -- I most certainly have never meant to sound like we shouldn't put God first.

It's a great reminder for all of us. :)
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
1,872
1,215
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Oklahoma
#55
You go, CarriePie!

I am more than happy to be proven wrong and you still got it!

Great point about putting God first -- I most certainly have never meant to sound like we shouldn't put God first.

It's a great reminder for all of us. :)
I don't think you are wrong! I understand where you are coming from and have seen the situations you've mentioned ...and experienced them too.
It's difficult out there!
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,235
2,530
113
#56
That's great! That's what I assumed. Good to hear it. Although you did have me worried when you started listing all your utility uses. :)
This is the internet...people make up all kinds of things in their heads and I was looking to keep false assumptions from forming.
 

Sculpt

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2021
1,138
362
83
#57
This highlights something I pray about often as a single woman who has spent many years in the dating community.

Whether secular or not, it's very evident that even Christian men, and even the most devout of Christian men, are mainly/only interested in younger women. I started out in the dating scene as part of the "acceptable" age range, but shot past 30 a long time ago!

If you are a woman over 35 and God forbid, 40, you can pretty much count yourself as being a castaway at the bottom of the bargain bin at Walmart. Even men in their 70's through 90's are looking for 30-year-olds, and if they can get a 25-year-old, all the better. I've seen this repeatedly on the Christian dating sites as well. They're certainly not looking to have kids (we would hope,) so they obviously have other interests.

Now of course, I also understand men's frustrations with women going after men with money (but it's ironic, because many women under 30 aren't financially established yet either.)

But I once read a quote from an older woman who'd also been in the dating scene a while and said, "Honey, after a certain age, men are looking for a nurse, or a purse -- or both."

So that's the question that's always on my mind. If even the most Christian of older Christian men don't want older Christian women, what does God want for them? I'm not sure, as I'm navigating that in my own life. I'd like to think that older women are valuable to SOMEONE, and if not to Christian men who don't have any interest in marrying women after a certain age, what is their worth to God?

One thing I CAN say is that ladies, if you want to find yourself a younger man, take up personal finance as an interest and then go and join personal finance chat groups. If you are working on financial independence and can hold your own in a conversation about stocks, REIT'S, BDC's, calls, and puts, (and I consider myself to be just a moderate beginner,) you'll have a roomful of guys talking about wanting to marry you or ask you to adopt them. And I've never even posted a picture! (And never will.)

I never joined these groups looking for this kind of reaction and just politely decline any "offers" (lol.) I have to admit, it's rather amusing, but I brush off the comments and continue on my quest for better financial stewardship.
Very well said!

I know you go by what you see around you primarily, and maybe some stats, and there's no reason to doubt conclusions from that. But I can tell you for a fact there are christian men who don't care if the love of their life is not younger than them.

My ideal woman would be my age. It makes things so much easier and enjoyable. You're more likely to have the same maturity. You have the same challenges, experiences and understandings. It makes communication and joking around so much easier cause you know the same pop-culture references. You're more likely to enjoy the same activities.

Some people's knowledge of culture goes well beyond just their own. And empathy goes a long way. So, age is just a good marker there. Facing the same age challenges certainly covers at least 5 years older or younger, increasing the older you get.

Of course, what trumps age is the love interest being a real christian, mature and not insane lol! Attraction would still be a factor, whatever that looks like for someone, internal, external, chemistry. Without a doubt I find women my age, older and younger attractive. Is there not hope in humankind through the Lord? ;)
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,235
2,530
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#58
Beauty is never mentioned once about the Proverbs 31 woman. I don't think it is high on God's/Jesus' priority how a woman looks
The woman in Proverbs 31 is a metaphorical representation of what the church should be. Not an actual single individual. A single individual woman would die of exhaustion trying to do all and be all of that.

Just saying.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,525
5,461
113
#60
Very well said!

I know you go by what you see around you primarily, and maybe some stats, and there's no reason to doubt conclusions from that. But I can tell you for a fact there are christian men who don't care if the love of their life is not younger than them.

My ideal woman would be my age. It makes things so much easier and enjoyable. You're more likely to have the same maturity. You have the same challenges, experiences and understandings. It makes communication and joking around so much easier cause you know the same pop-culture references. You're more likely to enjoy the same activities.

Some people's knowledge of culture goes well beyond just their own. And empathy goes a long way. So, age is just a good marker there. Facing the same age challenges certainly covers at least 5 years older or younger, increasing the older you get.

Of course, what trumps age is the love interest being a real christian, mature and not insane lol! Attraction would still be a factor, whatever that looks like for someone, internal, external, chemistry. Without a doubt I find women my age, older and younger attractive. Is there not hope in humankind through the Lord? ;)
Thanks very much for your input, Sculpt!

Thank you for reminding me not every guy is looking for someone younger. :)

I've talked at length about how I grew up as one of about 4 (that I knew of) adopted Asians in a small area. I was a bit of a curiosity object and always hit on by much older men. As I grew up, I was only attracted to guys right around my age or younger because of this.

As I've gotten older, I think it's shifted a bit, as I've come to really value life experience. I think you said it well when you said that 5 years seems to cover it... with room for exceptions of course.

People from all walks of life are interesting and I guess lately I've been more into people as a whole rather than looking for "love"... but who knows, right? God just might have someone in mind, even for someone as ornery as me! :ROFL:

Thank you again for your post! :)