It's been a very long while since I've posted on this forum. I can say I go to church regularly now and have made a few new friends, I am working full time, and in school. I also have an apartment.
However, I am majorly unhappy still. Still living paycheck to paycheck, still dealing with anxiety and panic attacks, I'm still single, and still watching everyone around me get blessed. I still genuinely believe God just either doesn't like me as much as everyone else or His plan for my life really just sucks.
Right after I started wanting to be in the faith more, I started having issues at my old job. My cousin's child-s father passed away abruptly, which still bothers me to this day, and it really bothered me watching her and her kids suffer. He didn't have any health problems or anything. I suffered financially most of the year last year. I met a guy I really liked, and it fell through the cracks, like every other relationship I've seemingly had. I've grown increasingly tired of hearing about innocent people dying or being hurt meanwhile, jerks are living life just fine. I've been there for people who just left me in the dirt.
I've prayed and asked for God's will for my life, pray or talk to him in some form literally every day, prayed for others, stopped having sex, tried trusting Him, you name it...just to keep tasting DIRT. Meanwhile, someone else prays and BAM, things are great for them. I am at a point where I genuinely am starting to dislike Him as a whole. I only trust Him to a fault at this point because I feel like all He's done is let me down. My family has been on a couple of vacations, but I've missed them all because I can only afford to send my daughter. I am very lonely. What was His point of creating me?? I keep hearing people say He has good plans for my life. I've been hearing this for years and I'm 31 now. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired and sick of hearing the same things but not seeing anything different, no matter how hard I try.
However, I am majorly unhappy still. Still living paycheck to paycheck, still dealing with anxiety and panic attacks, I'm still single, and still watching everyone around me get blessed. I still genuinely believe God just either doesn't like me as much as everyone else or His plan for my life really just sucks.
Right after I started wanting to be in the faith more, I started having issues at my old job. My cousin's child-s father passed away abruptly, which still bothers me to this day, and it really bothered me watching her and her kids suffer. He didn't have any health problems or anything. I suffered financially most of the year last year. I met a guy I really liked, and it fell through the cracks, like every other relationship I've seemingly had. I've grown increasingly tired of hearing about innocent people dying or being hurt meanwhile, jerks are living life just fine. I've been there for people who just left me in the dirt.
I've prayed and asked for God's will for my life, pray or talk to him in some form literally every day, prayed for others, stopped having sex, tried trusting Him, you name it...just to keep tasting DIRT. Meanwhile, someone else prays and BAM, things are great for them. I am at a point where I genuinely am starting to dislike Him as a whole. I only trust Him to a fault at this point because I feel like all He's done is let me down. My family has been on a couple of vacations, but I've missed them all because I can only afford to send my daughter. I am very lonely. What was His point of creating me?? I keep hearing people say He has good plans for my life. I've been hearing this for years and I'm 31 now. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired and sick of hearing the same things but not seeing anything different, no matter how hard I try.
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