Growing up I always felt like my only way to God was through Jesus because God just didn't like me--Jesus had to "talk God down" from hating me.
And after years of struggling with anger, fear and embarrassment from childhood abuse, I decided to give up on God out of anger--thinking that God didn't really care, so I deserved to do whatever I wanted without being judged. And He let me--for 2 years.
Those 2 years were so dark. I had a plan and method all put together to end my life. I told myself if things got bad enough, at least I had a way out.
Finally in July 2022 I got on my face and begged God to give me life. I wasn't ready to give up "my freedom", but I was tired of the darkness. And over the next 5 months, He slowly started sifting His truth back into my life.
And then January 14, 2023 as I was driving to work, Yeshua showed up BIG TIME. He told me, "I didn't die for you so that I could love you. I love you so much that I died for you." I had never in my life felt His love like He showed me in that moment--like my soul was absolutely overflowed with love and peace. I cried in my car for a full 30 minutes before wiping my tears and heading into work.
Before my hope was in death, but now it is in Him--who loved me and gave Himself for me--the Way, the Truth and the very Life Himself!
And after years of struggling with anger, fear and embarrassment from childhood abuse, I decided to give up on God out of anger--thinking that God didn't really care, so I deserved to do whatever I wanted without being judged. And He let me--for 2 years.
Those 2 years were so dark. I had a plan and method all put together to end my life. I told myself if things got bad enough, at least I had a way out.
Finally in July 2022 I got on my face and begged God to give me life. I wasn't ready to give up "my freedom", but I was tired of the darkness. And over the next 5 months, He slowly started sifting His truth back into my life.
And then January 14, 2023 as I was driving to work, Yeshua showed up BIG TIME. He told me, "I didn't die for you so that I could love you. I love you so much that I died for you." I had never in my life felt His love like He showed me in that moment--like my soul was absolutely overflowed with love and peace. I cried in my car for a full 30 minutes before wiping my tears and heading into work.
Before my hope was in death, but now it is in Him--who loved me and gave Himself for me--the Way, the Truth and the very Life Himself!
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