Its Me Again, But Im Very Distraught

[Shoshie]

I know I have posted over and over! I know I must be driving everyone crazy. But I feel scared and desperate!!!
First, Ive posted many times re: my grief over my Mother and Stepdad's death. Then, I have posted fear over losing my salvation. Ive also posted re: guilt about my caregiving skills when my Mom was so sick.
There is an issue of which I am very embarrassed about though I am assured by the pros is not my fault. I work in a local hospital and have spotted " creepy crawlies" at work. I , now, have a bedbug infestation in my house. Im embarrassed by this, though, Ive been assured it's not my fault but they are hitch-hikers. Extetminators are coming to treat the house and get rid of bedbugs. Then, just recently, I had a procedure at the hospital (an ultrasound on my legs). It was determined I have 3 blood clots in my left leg. Im on a blood thinner..
This is my fear, and I am serious, I fear with all this, the grief, the bedbugs and being bit every night, my physical illness, being alone all the time, and numerous other things that I will walk away from my faith and oh, I dont want too. Im scared of losing my salvation!!! It's a pervasive fear!!! Not because the Lord doesn't keep His end but Im afraid Ill give up. Make that horrified!!! Maybe, Im mad at God for all that's happened but I surely dont want to be!!! I dont want tovwalj away!!@ im so scared!!!

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I know I have posted over and over! I know I must be driving everyone crazy. But I feel scared and desperate!!!
First, Ive posted many times re: my grief over my Mother and Stepdad's death. Then, I have posted fear over losing my salvation. Ive also posted re: guilt about my caregiving skills when my Mom was so sick.
There is an issue of which I am very embarrassed about though I am assured by the pros is not my fault. I work in a local hospital and have spotted " creepy crawlies" at work. I , now, have a bedbug infestation in my house. Im embarrassed by this, though, Ive been assured it's not my fault but they are hitch-hikers. Extetminators are coming to treat the house and get rid of bedbugs. Then, just recently, I had a procedure at the hospital (an ultrasound on my legs). It was determined I have 3 blood clots in my left leg. Im on a blood thinner..
This is my fear, and I am serious, I fear with all this, the grief, the bedbugs and being bit every night, my physical illness, being alone all the time, and numerous other things that I will walk away from my faith and oh, I dont want too. Im scared of losing my salvation!!! It's a pervasive fear!!! Not because the Lord doesn't keep His end but Im afraid Ill give up. Make that horrified!!! Maybe, Im mad at God for all that's happened but I surely dont want to be!!! I dont want tovwalj away!!@ im so scared!!!

I'm sorry you are going through so much fear. That must be sooo stressful.
What do you think about the video I sent on the subject of salvation?
You might want to go back and prayerfully watch it again.

This is an introductory video on bedbugs. If it's of interest, I suggest searching his channel on his DIY Extermination of bedbugs. He is a retired exterminator who helps people with these problems.

Once you make sure there's none in the bed, you put sturdy bowls of oil under the bed legs. If you don't think you have strong ones to support the weight, there are stainless steel ones in the pet section of stores that can be low cost. This drowns them and makes an impassible moat for your bed.
You can take notes from the video and it's possible.

I will pray for you. Blood clots in the legs are painful. I've had them before and many injuries. By God's grace was able to dissolve them by natural treatments.

 

[Shoshie]

I'm sorry you are going through so much fear. That must be sooo stressful.
What do you think about the video I sent on the subject of salvation?
You might want to go back and prayerfully watch it again.

This is an introductory video on bedbugs. If it's of interest, I suggest searching his channel on his DIY Extermination of bedbugs. He is a retired exterminator who helps people with these problems.

Once you make sure there's none in the bed, you put sturdy bowls of oil under the bed legs. If you don't think you have strong ones to support the weight, there are stainless steel ones in the pet section of stores that can be low cost. This drowns them and makes an impassible moat for your bed.
You can take notes from the video and it's possible.

I will pray for you. Blood clots in the legs are painful. I've had them before and many injuries. By God's grace was able to dissolve them by natural treatments.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

 

[Shoshie]

Would you also mind resending the salvation video. I watched it but sometimes I get lost trying to remind something. Not very tech savvy. Thank you!

 

[Daisy2]

I know I have posted over and over! I know I must be driving everyone crazy. But I feel scared and desperate!!!
First, Ive posted many times re: my grief over my Mother and Stepdad's death. Then, I have posted fear over losing my salvation. Ive also posted re: guilt about my caregiving skills when my Mom was so sick.
There is an issue of which I am very embarrassed about though I am assured by the pros is not my fault. I work in a local hospital and have spotted " creepy crawlies" at work. I , now, have a bedbug infestation in my house. Im embarrassed by this, though, Ive been assured it's not my fault but they are hitch-hikers. Extetminators are coming to treat the house and get rid of bedbugs. Then, just recently, I had a procedure at the hospital (an ultrasound on my legs). It was determined I have 3 blood clots in my left leg. Im on a blood thinner..
This is my fear, and I am serious, I fear with all this, the grief, the bedbugs and being bit every night, my physical illness, being alone all the time, and numerous other things that I will walk away from my faith and oh, I dont want too. Im scared of losing my salvation!!! It's a pervasive fear!!! Not because the Lord doesn't keep His end but Im afraid Ill give up. Make that horrified!!! Maybe, Im mad at God for all that's happened but I surely dont want to be!!! I dont want tovwalj away!!@ im so scared!!!

Shoshie, sorry you're going through that. We had a similar experience. First, go around the house and wash all the sheets in vinegar wash and dry them on hot. Then, vacuum your bed, wash it, and dry it in the sun afterwards, especially if it's in a plastic cover. After that, vacuum thoroughly in each room, take the dust and bugs, and seal them in a plastic bag with vinegar before disposing of them in the garbage. Next, spray vinegar everywhere, and I even spray it on myself before bed.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Would you also mind resending the salvation video. I watched it but sometimes I get lost trying to remind something. Not very tech savvy. Thank you!

Yes, Happy to.

How God Deals with Sins Before and After Salvation <

Simply Good News<

I'm available anytime I'm here to answer questions.

 

[Shoshie]

Yes, Happy to.

How God Deals with Sins Before and After Salvation <

Simply Good News<

I'm available anytime I'm here to answer questions.

Before I listen to the video, could you tell me (and it may be in the video) I know God doesn't leave us but is it possible a true believer could walk away. This is my fear!!! I dont ever want to, but Ive been hit with so much Im horrified I could!!!

 

[Shoshie]

Before I listen to the video, could you tell me (and it may be in the video) I know God doesn't leave us but is it possible a true believer could walk away. This is my fear!!! I dont ever want to, but Ive been hit with so much Im horrified I could!!!

 

[Shoshie]

I just listened to the video. Thanks. If you wouldn't mind addressing my question..I need some peace desperately!!!

 

[Branch]

Dear Shoshie,


First, let me assure you that your fears and your repeated cries for help do not weary either God or those who love you in His name. If I may borrow a phrase from the Psalms, “He remembers that we are but dust” (Psalm 103:14). Your honesty about your struggles—your grief, your guilt, your shame, your physical pain—is not a burden to those who care, but a sign of your courage and your longing for the light.


You ask whether a true believer might walk away from God. I think that you are asking the wrong question. The real question is not whether you might let go of God, but whether He will ever let go of you. The answer, as all the saints and Scriptures testify, is a resounding “No.” We are not saved by the strength of our grip upon Him, but by the strength of His hold upon us (John 10:28–29: “No one will snatch them out of my hand.”).


You say you are afraid you will walk away. But you also say, that you do not want to. This is not the language of one who has abandoned faith, but of one who is clinging to it in the dark. Remember, faith is not a feeling of certainty or a constant sense of God’s presence. It is, quite simply, the decision to turn to Him—even if only with a sigh or a groan—when all else seems lost. “Lord, I believe; help Thou my unbelief” (Mark 9:24).


You mention being angry with God. If I may speak plainly, He is not offended by your anger. He is not a petty tyrant, but a loving Father. He knows your pain, and He welcomes your honesty. Even Christ, in His agony, cried out, “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46, quoting Psalm 22:1). If the Son of God Himself could voice such anguish, surely you may as well.


As for your fear of losing your salvation, let me remind you: The Shepherd does not abandon His sheep because they are frightened or lost. He goes after them (Luke 15:4–7). Even now, in your fear and loneliness, He is nearer than you suppose. You are not holding onto Him by your own strength—He is holding onto you (Isaiah 41:13: “For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’”).


Do not be ashamed of your weakness. It is in our weakness that we most clearly see our need for grace (2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”). And grace, thank God, is what He gives.

The fact that you fear walking away is itself a sign that you have not. The longing to remain with God, even when you feel unable, is itself a gift from Him. Trust, not in your own steadfastness, but in His.


You are not alone, my dear friend, and you are not lost. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

 

[Marston]

Im scared of losing my salvation!!!

God's love for you will NEVER change. You will be in God's Kingdom after your time here is finished.

Romans 8:38-39
English Standard Version
38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[Shoshie]

Dear Shoshie,


First, let me assure you that your fears and your repeated cries for help do not weary either God or those who love you in His name. If I may borrow a phrase from the Psalms, “He remembers that we are but dust” (Psalm 103:14). Your honesty about your struggles—your grief, your guilt, your shame, your physical pain—is not a burden to those who care, but a sign of your courage and your longing for the light.


You ask whether a true believer might walk away from God. I think that you are asking the wrong question. The real question is not whether you might let go of God, but whether He will ever let go of you. The answer, as all the saints and Scriptures testify, is a resounding “No.” We are not saved by the strength of our grip upon Him, but by the strength of His hold upon us (John 10:28–29: “No one will snatch them out of my hand.”).


You say you are afraid you will walk away. But you also say, that you do not want to. This is not the language of one who has abandoned faith, but of one who is clinging to it in the dark. Remember, faith is not a feeling of certainty or a constant sense of God’s presence. It is, quite simply, the decision to turn to Him—even if only with a sigh or a groan—when all else seems lost. “Lord, I believe; help Thou my unbelief” (Mark 9:24).


You mention being angry with God. If I may speak plainly, He is not offended by your anger. He is not a petty tyrant, but a loving Father. He knows your pain, and He welcomes your honesty. Even Christ, in His agony, cried out, “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46, quoting Psalm 22:1). If the Son of God Himself could voice such anguish, surely you may as well.


As for your fear of losing your salvation, let me remind you: The Shepherd does not abandon His sheep because they are frightened or lost. He goes after them (Luke 15:4–7). Even now, in your fear and loneliness, He is nearer than you suppose. You are not holding onto Him by your own strength—He is holding onto you (Isaiah 41:13: “For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’”).


Do not be ashamed of your weakness. It is in our weakness that we most clearly see our need for grace (2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”). And grace, thank God, is what He gives.

The fact that you fear walking away is itself a sign that you have not. The longing to remain with God, even when you feel unable, is itself a gift from Him. Trust, not in your own steadfastness, but in His.


You are not alone, my dear friend, and you are not lost. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

I just came from church, pulled in my driveway, and decided to check any messages posted. I needed to hear what you wrote!!! I could never thank you, or the Lord for using you, to encourage me. Since the death of my parents and all that has transcended, I have never felt so alone and in such spiritual battles some of my own creating. I have at times felt so hopeless and helpless and forgotten so I thank you for being a vessel of honor to show me God' s heart toward me and that of the Precious Son and Precious Holy Spirit.

 

[Shoshie]

God's love for you will NEVER change. You will be in God's Kingdom after your time here is finished.

Romans 8:38-39
English Standard Version
38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank you, Marston, I needed to hear that!

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Before I listen to the video, could you tell me (and it may be in the video) I know God doesn't leave us but is it possible a true believer could walk away. This is my fear!!! I dont ever want to, but Ive been hit with so much Im horrified I could!!!

I understand how you might feel considering that so many pastors teach that the word gospel, which means GOOD news/ message has a lot of conditions that none of us live up to absolutely. That's not good news.
That's a scary thought to dwell upon.

The very first thing I would suggest is to pray and ask God for clear understanding. Then get a Bible and turn to the passages that both men quote. Read for yourself and I will gladly help with the rest. There is a key to understanding this simple, yet profound message. It's summed up in the word "Grace."

God bless you and will connect after a good night sleep. It will be easier then.