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Jun 17, 2025
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#1
I am a very blunt and brutally honest person, I am not into bar scenes, and most Christian singles groups I have gone to do not have any viable prospects(forgive the language). I have been spending most of my time pursuing women on the web, which is also unfruitful. I remember one pastor saying jokingly that, “women are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.”

Ironically, I think because I have not had a real relationship with any woman, I find myself often dumbfounded by the question, “what are you looking for?”

I would say that first and foremost is a woman that is a believer, but my date from hell was also a woman who professed to be that, so I know that is a slippery slope and I give people time and opportunity to reveal their true nature.

If I could select my mate:
1. Christian (a woman sound in the true faith of traditional Protestant theology, to keep me grounded.)
2. Beautiful (I do not need a model or movie star, but I couldn’t stand to settle for low hanging fruit, or a starter wife. Better for us both to remain unmarried)
3. I believe there is wisdom in the words, “Do not marry someone you think you can fix,” and this is more for her than for me, I can surprisingly tolerate a lot from growing up with six siblings and some years in the military, but I would rather have someone who gets on me for smoking or other poor hygiene than someone who is afraid to be an unruly wife or especially and apathetic wife.
4. I would like someone who gets along better with my family than I do.
5. I love children, and I want at least 3. I was considering adopting embryos, but I would prefer all mine or none mine.
6. Raising children in a hybrid church. I come from a reformed evangelical background, I was very much in love with a girl who was Roman Catholic, and I was going to fight tooth and nail to raise our children Anglican, but God made that decision for me.
7. I believe in a shared responsibility of household duties, like changing diapers, cleaning, cooking, and washing dishes, but she would have to run point on that with me in a support capacity.
8. Fire and ice, on most topics I will be ice, but I do love passionate women.

I am sure I will think of more, but is this a reasonable series of expectations?

Be honest?
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
13,811
11,283
113
#2
Well....I wonder how many gals are going to fit your idea of not being 'low hanging fruit'? Sounds like this idea could vastly limit your prospects . How beautiful are you contemplating? It also may sound to some a burden of needing to get along with a family you don't as much. I applaud you putting your preferences out there, and I hope there's gals that feel they could manage and/or qualify re your list.
I would like to think simple Christian chemistry with another person at some function would suffice as starters. Maybe adjust the list and be open to the Holy Spirit guiding you. I personally think true Christian people are beautiful bc it comes from the heart, the love of Christ in them. Also, what your Pastor said had to be a joke, there are many many fine girls desiring a family, just scroll the previous pages here and see. God bless you with the perfect gal for you, IJNA🙏✝
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
29,313
10,618
113
#3
I am a very blunt and brutally honest person, I am not into bar scenes, and most Christian singles groups I have gone to do not have any viable prospects(forgive the language). I have been spending most of my time pursuing women on the web, which is also unfruitful. I remember one pastor saying jokingly that, “women are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.”

Ironically, I think because I have not had a real relationship with any woman, I find myself often dumbfounded by the question, “what are you looking for?”

I would say that first and foremost is a woman that is a believer, but my date from hell was also a woman who professed to be that, so I know that is a slippery slope and I give people time and opportunity to reveal their true nature.

If I could select my mate:
1. Christian (a woman sound in the true faith of traditional Protestant theology, to keep me grounded.)
2. Beautiful (I do not need a model or movie star, but I couldn’t stand to settle for low hanging fruit, or a starter wife. Better for us both to remain unmarried)
3. I believe there is wisdom in the words, “Do not marry someone you think you can fix,” and this is more for her than for me, I can surprisingly tolerate a lot from growing up with six siblings and some years in the military, but I would rather have someone who gets on me for smoking or other poor hygiene than someone who is afraid to be an unruly wife or especially and apathetic wife.
4. I would like someone who gets along better with my family than I do.
5. I love children, and I want at least 3. I was considering adopting embryos, but I would prefer all mine or none mine.
6. Raising children in a hybrid church. I come from a reformed evangelical background, I was very much in love with a girl who was Roman Catholic, and I was going to fight tooth and nail to raise our children Anglican, but God made that decision for me.
7. I believe in a shared responsibility of household duties, like changing diapers, cleaning, cooking, and washing dishes, but she would have to run point on that with me in a support capacity.
8. Fire and ice, on most topics I will be ice, but I do love passionate women.

I am sure I will think of more, but is this a reasonable series of expectations?

Be honest?
About that second one...

I remember a guy talking about growing up in the 30's. He said he and his brother learned real fast to never get too attached to any particular pair of pants. If their mother decided some neighbor's boy needed them more, they would soon see the neighbor's boy wearing them.

To me, THAT is a beautiful woman.
 
Jun 17, 2025
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#5
Let me just make clear what I was saying:
A starter wife, especially among the upper crust of society is a woman you marry who is pretty average in looks, but once you make it into the elite circles you abandon that wife to pursue prettier woman.

This is unbiblical and ultimately inhumane. I was saying that I would rather stay single than marry a starter wife for these reasons. I am no Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford myself, but also do not even see the point of engaging in a romantic relationship, if I am going to jump ship at some point.

It is immoral and illogical.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
1,303
889
113
#6
The only potentially problematic thing I see is that you want a "beautiful" wife. How would you describe your beautiful woman?

If you had to rate yourself from 1 to 10 in terms of looks, what would you rate yourself? And what minimum rating would you want in a potential wife?
 
Jun 17, 2025
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#13
For instance, I am 5”10, the average woman is 5”5 (I think) but my preference is 5-5”4
 
Jun 17, 2025
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#17
No I do not, but that may be the reason I am still single.
I also believe that the rating scale isn’t fixed, I could lose some weight, gain more muscle, bleach my teeth, and change some habits to be a 8 and potentially a 9. And I am trying to improve each day anyway.
 
May 10, 2011
1,976
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#18
That tends to be women who are 7+

My metric may be different than other men,

I am saying on my scale from 1-10
Alright.... your personal metric is valid as there is nothing wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to your significant other. But you should afford her the same courtesy; women are not blind but I swear some men think we should be 🙄.

Regardless, you also need to account for spiritual, emotional, and intellectual attraction. Those can really carry the day when looks fade. If you meet the right girl you might see her as a 10 and think she's out of your league, but perhaps she would be seeing you the same way. Therefore, looks can only be taken into account to a certain extent.

Seek God and keep your eyes open, that's the best advice I can give.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
29,313
10,618
113
#19
Alright.... your personal metric is valid as there is nothing wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to your significant other. But you should afford her the same courtesy; women are not blind but I swear some men think we should be 🙄.

Regardless, you also need to account for spiritual, emotional, and intellectual attraction. Those can really carry the day when looks fade. If you meet the right girl you might see her as a 10 and think she's out of your league, but perhaps she would be seeing you the same way. Therefore, looks can only be taken into account to a certain extent.

Seek God and keep your eyes open, that's the best advice I can give.
The moment when you are reading a post without checking who posted it and swear it came from seoulsearch, then you check and it didn't come from seoulsearch.

Mind you, that's not exactly a bad thing. In fact some would see that as a compliment. But after I read the first paragraph I was certain that when I checked the nickname it would be hers.