The Distraction of Singleness

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jullianna
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

Jullianna

Guest
Paul said that marriage could be a distraction, but I've found that singleness has distractions of its own.

Until about a year ago my "singleness" wasn't really an issue for me. I didn't dwell on it or even think much about it. I had an active, productive life and was very happy (still do/am). I figured that when the time was right and the person was right, God would work it all out.

BUT, for some reason, my singleness became an issue for OTHER people who kept asking me about it. Even single guys, which I think is pretty wierd. I can talk with a single guy for about 5 minutes and one of the first questions most of them ask me is, "So, hey....how come you aren't married???" What's up with that??? It's like I might have some hidden "defective" patch on me or something. :D

Over the past year, these sorts of questions and remarks had caused me to wonder whether there was, indeed, something wrong with me for being single and made me wonder whether the whole relationship thing was far more complex than I'd been viewing it. It has truly been a distraction. And it's a distraction I no longer want in my life.

I want to thank all of you other normal/happy/active single people in these forums for helping me understand that whatever "defective" patch I was supposed to have had didn't come unglued and fall off. ;) It really IS okay to be single. In my book, it's more than okay. :D

My current take on relationships: IF and when it's right, it won't be that complex. When it's right, it's just right. :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • Like
Reactions: Jilly81
Jullianna said:
Even single guys, which I think is pretty wierd. I can talk with a single guy for about 5 minutes and one of the first questions most of them ask me is, "So, hey....how come you aren't married???
Click to expand...

In this particular situation it's probably nothing to do with finding out what's wrong with you....more likely the man in question can't quite believe he's found a beautiful single woman who wants to be talking to him :)

It's part of the 'all the good ones are married' train of thought, so the disbelieving mind seeks reassurance. ;)
 
lol, its very funny what you say Julliana, because i have been searching for that "defective" patch too :D but i didnt find it, i just have found many ppl with the same goals fears feelings that are searching God too and want to be happy like me
 
Matthew said:
In this particular situation it's probably nothing to do with finding out what's wrong with you....more likely the man in question can't quite believe he's found a beautiful single woman who wants to be talking to him :)

It's part of the 'all the good ones are married' train of thought, so the disbelieving mind seeks reassurance. ;)
Click to expand...

Me thinks you is right, Mr. Matthew^^^^

I used to worry about my singleness, and wonder if I would ever find someone I liked that was willing to put up with me :o. But, I am SLOWLY learning that His ways and timing are perfect, and as long as I stay in His will, then He will look out for me, even if His plan is for me to stay single forever (besides, we aren't really "single" if we have Jesus, right? ;)). So, currently, I'm not really looking. But I'm DEFINITELY keeping my eyes open :)
 
Jullianna said:
Paul said that marriage could be a distraction, but I've found that singleness has distractions of its own.

BUT, for some reason, my singleness became an issue for OTHER people who kept asking me about it. Even single guys, which I think is pretty wierd. I can talk with a single guy for about 5 minutes and one of the first questions most of them ask me is, "So, hey....how come you aren't married???" What's up with that??? It's like I might have some hidden "defective" patch on me or something. :D
Click to expand...

Hmmm yeah I agree with you. I don't notice it very much until people start with the questions! I would like to tell them that it's none of their business :D They usually leave me alone when I say that I have high expectations and that I prefer to be alone than in bad company (this is a Spanish saying, I don't know if it has the same meaning in English :p)
 
Matthew said:
In this particular situation it's probably nothing to do with finding out what's wrong with you....more likely the man in question can't quite believe he's found a beautiful single woman who wants to be talking to him :)

It's part of the 'all the good ones are married' train of thought, so the disbelieving mind seeks reassurance. ;)
Click to expand...

LOL! Thank you, Matthew. Whenever it happens again, I'm going to assume that's what he means. ;)
 
Sarah88 said:
Hmmm yeah I agree with you. I don't notice it very much until people start with the questions! I would like to tell them that it's none of their business :D They usually leave me alone when I say that I have high expectations and that I prefer to be alone than in bad company (this is a Spanish saying, I don't know if it has the same meaning in English :p)
Click to expand...

Sarah, we have a similar saying:

It's better to want something you don't have than have something you don't want. ;)
 
I have half expected to wake up one day and find this written on my arm somewhere:

Widow - expiration date: 5 years

:D
 
Matthew said:
In this particular situation it's probably nothing to do with finding out what's wrong with you....more likely the man in question can't quite believe he's found a beautiful single woman who wants to be talking to him :)

It's part of the 'all the good ones are married' train of thought, so the disbelieving mind seeks reassurance. ;)
Click to expand...

Yeah I think I agree with you here Matthew - some people you meet and you are like and it seems impossible for you to not have found a great spouse. Aka their personality is fine.

In all likelihood there is nothing wrong with you and that is the reason why said person is asking the question.

I think singleness is massively distracting sometimes... you do have a lot of extra time but I know I spend a lot of that time inadvertently looking, or perhaps more my thoughts and actions directed towards it in subtle ways... dunno.
 
Last edited:
Singleness is good... but sometimes I wonder if I enjoy it because I can look and get to know people who I may be married to eventually. I guess the freedom is nice also.
 
Jullianna you always know what's going on in my mind ^.^ You're one of my favorite people to read things on here.
 
So...the obvious question in my mind now becomes: Are single guys asked by women just as quickly why they aren't married? Or are women more subtle about it? Or is it just more acceptable for a guy to be single than a women? What's the deal?
 
Jullianna said:
So...the obvious question in my mind now becomes: Are single guys asked by women just as quickly why they aren't married? Or are women more subtle about it? Or is it just more acceptable for a guy to be single than a women? What's the deal?
Click to expand...

I've found the question never comes, instead I get the look that implies assumption.
 
Jullianna said:
So...the obvious question in my mind now becomes: Are single guys asked by women just as quickly why they aren't married? Or are women more subtle about it? Or is it just more acceptable for a guy to be single than a women? What's the deal?
Click to expand...

I think the expectation is that the good girls get proposed to quickly. You don't find many women proposing to men, so I'd say it's probably a one way street.

I've certainly never been asked directly (or subtly) how I'm not married yet.
 
Matthew said:
In this particular situation it's probably nothing to do with finding out what's wrong with you....more likely the man in question can't quite believe he's found a beautiful single woman who wants to be talking to him :)

It's part of the 'all the good ones are married' train of thought, so the disbelieving mind seeks reassurance. ;)
Click to expand...
Yep. That is often the case it seems. It's a compliment...At the same time, I think some guys would use that line/question just as a flirt then see how the woman reacts.

Jullianna said:
So...the obvious question in my mind now becomes: Are single guys asked by women just as quickly why they aren't married? Or are women more subtle about it? Or is it just more acceptable for a guy to be single than a women? What's the deal?
Click to expand...
I have been asked directly, but some are more subtle. ha. It depends completely on the person.

Hm. I guess in our society (at least here in the USA, I'm not sure about elsewhere) it is more often the man who is the one who doesn't want to commit and marry. It plays out like that in real life, movies, TV, etc. So I can see why that stereotype would be there. Of course not all men are like that, and I'd hope Christian men in particular aren't like that. We shouldn't be out there trying to "play the field" yadda yadda.
On the flipside women are often seen as the one who is ready to settle down and get married before the man want that.
Regardless, you are free to do as you please. Anyone who thinks it odd or whatever is the one with the problem, not you. :)
 
Stuey said:
Singleness is good... but sometimes I wonder if I enjoy it because I can look and get to know people who I may be married to eventually. I guess the freedom is nice also.
Click to expand...

I agree, Stuey...actually, I think I've either agreed with or smiled at all the posts on this thread...people in the world (and, sadly, many of the Christians also) don't understand how having a relationship with Jesus Christ, Hero of the Universe is so much more important and better than being attached to a spouse. I also love knowing that if He has someone for me, it'll be in his time, not because I desperately tried to hunt a man down. Haha, that looks funny written down! :)
 
I know how you feel about being singleness. People have ask me the same question. I just tell them i have not meet the right person yet. I know being alone is no fun, but i know God has that right person for me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back